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teh retraded thred herppppp slober fuk glum editshin
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2017-02-08 at 1:48 AM UTC
Originally posted by bling bling so coowl how malice had slepness same time as me
I had it yesterday too. Same stuff, cold sweating, indeterminate anxiety/fear (I'm sure it's a norepinephrine and gaba dysfunction, possibly being driven largely by alcohol (shit drug)), 8+ in bed without a wink of sleep.
To make it even worse I only had about 4-5 hours of sleep yesterday, then for some reason it kicked into overdrive and not even weed + alcohol + melatonin could fix it. I finally managed to fall asleep around 11AM then for some goddamn reason woke up around 1-2PM.
Oddly, I feel surprisingly refresh and actually better than I did yesterday.
I've been noticing some odd changes in behavior, quirks that very likely have a neurological basis. Hopefully my brain isn't finally self-destructing. -
2017-02-08 at 2:41 AM UTCI've been having trouble sleeping recently too, not getting to sleep til gone 6am and only getting 4 or 5 hours max, of which I'd wake up a few times during that.
I put it down to the lack of downers in my body. I've also noticed I've started to get what I assume is low level anxiety, heart seems to be beating slightly faster and a general, well, anxious feeling. But I've never had anxiety before in my life so I don't see why it'd start now.
I also haven't eaten a proper meal for quite a few days. Not since, dunno, probably last Thursday or so -
2017-02-08 at 3:21 AM UTCAnxiety can just suddenly hit you and may never leave, or at the very least may take years of effort to rescind. Same is true for many mental illnesses, actually. I thought my anxiety had become much better, than in the last 2 years it became worse than ever before in many ways.
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2017-02-08 at 3:56 AM UTCSomewhat tempted to tackle some idiotic market like penis enlargement or hair loss, plastic surgery, superficial matters of that nature, and take out a patent. Well, not like I really give a shit about saving lives or alleviating suffering, although the enormous capital infusion would undoubtedly make a world of difference if I decided to utilize it to pursue higher goals.
Aww man, I swear I may have discovered a highly plausible MOA/procedure that could effectively treat something in this sector, but forgot about it in a drug induced haze. Oh well. -
2017-02-08 at 4:32 AM UTCOh, and once r/ancap hits 30K subscribers I want to use the Milo-UCBerkeley incident to propose a strategy for greatly increasing the support/awareness of ancapism. Make them aware that the two prominent (in terms of victims of the incident) were ancaps/voluntaryists, then suggest that we organize to defend businesses and fight back against antifa at future events.
God, I think I my hands, or at least knuckles, may genuinely still be growing. Had the idea that as an alternative to SAP gloves (lead shot in knuckles) I could just wrap them around the knuckles and wear my wool fingerless gloves/hand socks/hobo gloves (love them) and probably KO nearly every one of them in a single punch. The overwhelming majority of them are literally skinny white kids from fairly well off families who are in their teens or early twenties at most. Oh, SAP gloves are actually banned in CA and may be a felony thanks to that fucking fraud Reagan (He signed the law when he was governor), along with it being unnervingly/unacceptably easy to kill someone, so this is a far superior alternative.
Not entirely serious about this, and I'm referring specifically to my intentions, I just want to start a lulz/shitstorm.
The aforementioned event did generate massive backlash against antifa, related far-left groups, a general negative perception of leftist kulture, along with a massive raise in awareness and support for Milo (Can't really argue against literally rocketing up to #1 in book sales on Amazon and having extensive interviews on major television shows) so it actually isn't unreasonable that if this actually occurred we would get considerable support. Even if we got our asses beat due to sheer numbers.
Come to think of it, I actually stood in front of a McDonald's, the only person to do so, while a black bloc was moving past, and they knew damn well what I was doing. I recall doing a silly thing where I blew kisses at McDonald's and said it was my life, but this time, and I had this thought some time after that event, I would prefer a sign that said "Show some respect! McDonald's is the largest employer of anarchists!" just to ruffle them. Probably prevented them from fucking it up worse than they did, although one guy did throw something to shatter a window, which could have seriously injured someone, causing everyone inside the restaurant to duck under the tables. I should have dive tackled that motherfucker, I remember him coming up to me beforehand and telling me, "You may not look like a cop, but you sure act like one." ("Oh, thank you. I take that as a compliment, police officers are American heroes.")
I'm getting platinum mad just thinking about this again. God I wanted to destroy them at the time, but then it completely died out. Grrr! May be tipsy, but I'm yearning for anarchist watch 2.0. I swear I'm going to get back on steroids this year, a far stronger stack than the basic test I was using for TRT, and begin an accelerated training program. Or at least take SARMs and see what effects they have on my baseline. Planet Fitness tends to be super shitty for serious lifters, but it is fairly close by, cheap, and may be acceptable to get me back to my old strength, which can occur surprisingly quickly (Hard gainer, but seem to be a surprisingly hard loser as well). -
2017-02-08 at 4:53 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice >wake up in a panic completely soaked in a cold sweat after bout of extensive insomnia
>reach over to grab bucket and dry heave
>do some some dabs for the antiemetic effect and other benefits in order to keep anything down, dry heave from the smoke/vapor
>scramble for a drink and anti-depressants
Man, the sad thing is that is 100% accurate. It shouldn't even be hard to believe. Well, at least I'm not The Duke, if he's still alive. Never drank iso/went blind from it for multiple days is a pretty good standard for rock bottom. I'm drunk right now. -
2017-02-08 at 4:55 AM UTC^ and I quit drinking, lol.
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2017-02-08 at 5:03 AM UTCI set the goal of not drinking during the week and cutting down on some of my other time sinks to get more done. I can't sleep for shit now though, bleh. It's like the magical season of insomnia or something.
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2017-02-08 at 5:35 AM UTCWhat does getting more done accomplish? Ultimately, with regard to this and various other factors, we're all just passing the time. There's really surprisingly little to occupy yourself with beyond the optimization of the self. Altruism holds no appeal to me, unsurprisingly. I could have been you, but the cold reality is that I am not and as far as I am aware everything relevant I have encountered suggests to me that there is nothing beyond death, no satisfactory reason to devote yourself to what occurs to others beyond it, unless involves the attempt to ensure than no life arises beyond it (AGI could feasibly,in actuality, practically guaranteed, to be a "being" beyond suffering (aspects that are unwanted can be removed, of course) or to even evolve beyond the need for consciousness).
The more you ascertain about the nature of reality, the more knowledge you attain, the worse it will likely become. The answers you find may not be the ones you would have hoped for, and in your case I very much doubt you will be able to, able to rationalize or delude, distract yourself (with isn't something I'm necessarily against, I simply refuse to look away or give in to illusion).
Every man of character should have at least one proper severe mental breakdown in your life. When do you estimate yours will be, Lan-lan? Every year novelty drips down (reminds of your drug stack for preserving this effect with regard to anime), you already understand the implications of this, don't you? At your core you're already filled with self hatred and resentment, how long is it sustainable. Of course I don't commit the foolish assumption that you will always be at the same company/position or subjugating your labor, but ultimately what I want to state is that you may find that the horrors of reality contain no real exit if you are unwilling to compromise on and abandon the aspects that you consider to most closely comprise the "core" of yourself, the fundamental attributes you desire to comprise the ideological foundation of you consider yourself to be, something ideally immutable, free from the continuous cycle of death and rebirth.
One day you may just find out what it's like to have a nuclear bomb go off in your psyche. -
2017-02-08 at 5:37 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny I set the goal of not drinking during the week and cutting down on some of my other time sinks to get more done. I can't sleep for shit now though, bleh. It's like the magical season of insomnia or something.
Random note, you should record when the insomnia began and when it abates, if it ever does. The reason I suggest this is because if it doesn't you may have a genuine neurological sub-optimality, which shouldn't be hard to believe. -
2017-02-08 at 5:52 AM UTCWeed and drink cures insomnia
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2017-02-08 at 6:10 AM UTC
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2017-02-08 at 6:11 AM UTCI think I've posted about the epicurean taxonomy of pleasures before, right? The notion of static and kinetic pleasures. I enjoy drinking and drugs a lot but I've realized it's ultimately something that gets less fun the more you do it. Bender day 1 is great, the last day fucking sucks now matter how much you drink. But not all pleasures are like that, some get better the more you partake, the humanities, sciences, mathematics, they're something that's initially quite dry, unpalatable, but with time and effort you can cultivate the ability to appreciate them more and more. Some things don't lose their novelty, or at least taking in material in the same category doesn't diminish it's newness (contrast like anime, which you brought up, it doesn't take that long for cliche to set in and every series to feel like a rehash of something prior, the most enjoyable ones being those that do something unexpected).
Which is not to say static and kinetic pleasures are mutually exclusive, I believe getting fucked up is good for the soul, but I can't say the same for alcoholism, at least not for me. It's too easy to replace meaningful psychologically fulfilling experience with blunt chemical reward. I know you like to revel in your own sense of reductionism but those are distinct things if you know it or not. Maybe fulfillment is reducible to a chemical brain state but drug abuse doesn't cultivate that state, not long term. -
2017-02-08 at 6:12 AM UTC
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2017-02-08 at 6:53 AM UTCYou can't run away from who you truly are forever (concern trolling).
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2017-02-08 at 8:46 AM UTCMalice would you be willing to do an interview for a project of mine?
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2017-02-08 at 8:50 AM UTCyah but my reason wos i ate like .7 speed paste mixd wif kno3 trying to crash owt but i fukd up tryn to midslam on the crash nd just ended up tweakin in bed until 8 i took dog owt and passt out on setee ontill mail man came than went to bed but noods kept ringing my fone buyt i got the midzlamdown right tonite an passt out from 1 till 6
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2017-02-08 at 8:51 AM UTCbuyt it happen always always everday in this wired world wif screens
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2017-02-08 at 9:24 AM UTC
Originally posted by Discount Whore Malice would you be willing to do an interview for a project of mine?
Warning: Nearing one eye closed tipsy/cross faded for now. Not sure if I'll be able to maintain it. Edit: Oh, and what's the project?
Agh, makes it kind of a pain to respond. I've genuinely seriously considered it for myself. I really shouldn't drink to this level and I damn well know it, I keep having to go back and correct misstrokes. At least the pleasant sound of rain evens our rgw oddness of life.
Genuinely (I'm aware of my habit) I've considered it and would be willing to. But what you have to understand is that I genuinely have (hesitate to fully state somewhat out of a sense of dishonesty) a speech impediment to to literally having have averaged less than 10 words spoken a day throughout my life and have gone 2 years without a real conversation recently. You don't go through such an inhuman (out of alignment) experience without having it partially be responsible for how fucked up you are. Aww fuck, the point where you wonder, how did I get drunk enough to make typing without typos this much of a pain. At the very least, I need quite a hefty dose of drugs, primarily benzos, to even consider it. Maybe with a pre-approval of questions so I won't panic on the spot, possibly with one mystery/no-holds-barred question for fanservice. Generally I am in a completely non-communicative state where I have no desire to share the overwhelming majority of my thoughts with other human beings. When you've had literally almost 0 social interaction for almost a decade you really don't have much more to do but ruminate.
Lanny, what does it say about the nature of existence that the most enjoyable point is when you forget who you ate, the burden of i.d.entity, of limitations, and are truly divorced from ordinary reality? What monstrosity would want to cast life into this? Mediate on ati-natalism while you're unable to sleep and ask yourself why you're unable to commit to a vasectomy, you unrighteous monstrosity. Compared to you I am a vision of divine purity.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-02-08 at 9:26 AM UTCweres the best place 2 hit urself in the head
