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My new profession

  1. #1
    Joe Kane Tuskegee Airman
    Sticky fingers scronaldo got a new job. Thats right folks I'm the CANDY MAN. I hit up like 10 stores a day and take ROBITUSSIN Zough and Zold gels ($10.99) I fit two bottles in one sell for $10. BENADRYL 100 count 25mg box ($15) i sell for $10

    like 5 cans of redbull/rockstar, monster

    THE ENTIRE FUCKING RACK of swedish fish, $4 DARK CHOCOLATE 90% sea salt chili orange peel I sell $2 each.

    Made $10 last night. Gonna hit up a few more stores but the funny thing is.. I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT I CANT TAKE ANY MORE

    IM OVERBURDENED LOL

    gotta sell but I am bad at selling.. I need a fence to offload these 10 chocolate bars.. two bags of sour patch kids. I might dump some shit. Also I don't like carrying chocolate cuz it melts.

    Wish me luck, go with god, triangles.



    http://valentemike.blogspot.ca/2014/

    Post last edited by Joe Kane at 2017-09-13T17:46:13.862277+00:00
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  2. #2
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
    I hope you get arrested.
  3. #3
    Joe Kane Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery I hope you get arrested.

    THats the thing though I AM TOO FAST I have a totally clean record and im stealth as fuck. its lulzy how bad I am at stealing too every time I shove shit in my coat theres some old lady staring at me or some dude in a suit.

    Also my face is covered in bruises and cuts but nobody stops me??? nobody even loooks at me.. its like they AVOID me just let me do my thing.

    I set off an alarm and nobody even cared.
  4. #4
    vaporwave Yung Blood
    Start stealing shit people actually want. From walmart preferabbly, i managed to steal actual car steroeos in boxes by bringing my own walmart bags. I dont get who would buy candy from someone rather than a store unless I guess if your in junior high r something
  5. #5
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by vaporwave Start stealing shit people actually want. From walmart preferabbly, i managed to steal actual car steroeos in boxes by bringing my own walmart bags. I dont get who would buy candy from someone rather than a store unless I guess if your in junior high r something

    Yea the Walmart bags is the way to go. They are literally prepared stealing bags. Bring them in, put stuff in, leave.

    As far as candy I bet if you were a Jr high JANITOR you could add at least $4-5 dollars an hour on to your wage by selling gum and treats to kids, push bulk amounts and tell them how cool it'll make them when they have 20 packs of watermelon Bubblicious at their disposal. Get the kids addicted to the candy lyfe- they start stealing out mom's purse to buy a 20 sack of assorted treats you prepare specially, mom's losing out, the stores are losing out, but you and the children run deep, developing a bond and a system, branching out to other schools, building a Jr high school candy distributing empire.
  6. #6
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Happen to have any licorice Twizzler sticks??
  7. #7
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by -SpectraL Happen to have any licorice Twizzler sticks??

    Oh boy is today ever your lucky day kiddo!
  8. #8
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Somebody should report him to the authorities
  9. #9
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by mashlehash Somebody should report him to the authorities

    Don't be a Rattox enabler.
  10. #10
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by mmQ Don't be a Rattox enabler.

    He should huff raid and die

    I can't believe he was a enabler of homosexuality towards Sean and I feel like you made a bunch of compliments towards Sean and he shouldn't have because Sean should not feel happiness
  11. #11
    Originally posted by mmQ Yea the Walmart bags is the way to go. They are literally prepared stealing bags. Bring them in, put stuff in, leave.

    As far as candy I bet if you were a Jr high JANITOR you could add at least $4-5 dollars an hour on to your wage by selling gum and treats to kids, push bulk amounts and tell them how cool it'll make them when they have 20 packs of watermelon Bubblicious at their disposal. Get the kids addicted to the candy lyfe- they start stealing out mom's purse to buy a 20 sack of assorted treats you prepare specially, mom's losing out, the stores are losing out, but you and the children run deep, developing a bond and a system, branching out to other schools, building a Jr high school candy distributing empire.

    In high school for a while I used to go to the store and buy the candy bars that were on sale for 33 cents each and bring them to school and sell them for $1 each. I would sell 10-30 per day in classes easily and make like 10 or 20 bucks a day then go spend it on WEED LOL
  12. #12
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    I worked loss prevention at K-mart for almost 10 years. Made over 9,000 arrests. I've seen every trick in the book, and then some.
  13. #13
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    LOL "arrests"
  14. #14
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Originally posted by mmQ LOL "arrests"

    Loss prevention use physical force and handcuffs to detain, and you need to tell them they are under arrest for shoplifting, so yes, they are arrests, son.
  15. #15
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Maybe in your neck of the woods. 'Round here ain't no LP gonna strap on handcuffs or tell you you're under arrest. That's the piglet's job.

    In some instances if you don't cooperate they can detain you with physical force, but ain't never no handcuffs or arrests. Most of the time if you walk away they literally just keep yelling 'sir! SIR you need to come back here!" All while standing there watching you walk off with their goods.
  16. #16
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Not true. Most major retailer's LP will pin you to the ground and cuff you if you so much as twitch wrong.
  17. #17
    infinityshock Black Hole
    Originally posted by mmQ Maybe in your neck of the woods. 'Round here ain't no LP gonna strap on handcuffs or tell you you're under arrest. That's the piglet's job.

    In some instances if you don't cooperate they can detain you with physical force, but ain't never no handcuffs or arrests. Most of the time if you walk away they literally just keep yelling 'sir! SIR you need to come back here!" All while standing there watching you walk off with their goods.

    regardless of the laws...a shoplifter could make $1 shoplifting but if he's hurt while a store employee tried to aprehend them they could make millions in a lawsuit.
  18. #18
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
    Originally posted by -SpectraL Not true. Most major retailer's LP will pin you to the ground and cuff you if you so much as twitch wrong.

    Not true. Major corporations get the money back for their shit stolen products from insurance, so it's not worth the potential for a lawsuit. I never saw LP at Walmart get hands-on with anyone, though they did detain people until the cops came. Usually people are dumb enough to cooperate. Smaller businesses are more likely to get physical. As regular staff, we weren't allowed to even imply someone had been stealing. Just tell a manager or LP. Some retail employees don't understand that for some reason.

    When I was still a junkie, I was trying to steal from CVS, but I got the feeling they were onto me, so I put the stuff back and played like I was browsing and shit before leaving, and this dumbass cashier goes, "Looking for something else to steal?!" on my way out. I got loud and told that dumb nigger off that at my old job she'd be fired on the spot for that shit. Went on for a minute or two before I just left. I knew I had put everything back, so fuck it. Pretty sure she got fired for that. Like seriously, is it worth your <$10/hr job to get indignant over someone stealing from a major corporation you work at when it doesn't affect your pay at all? Some people are so stupid.
  19. #19
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
    I have seen a video of K-Mart LP beating the fuck out of some dude, though, and I think I read that they're different in that regard. More likely to get physical than Walmart.
  20. #20
    HampTheToker African Astronaut
    Originally posted by -SpectraL Loss prevention use physical force and handcuffs to detain, and you need to tell them they are under arrest for shoplifting, so yes, they are arrests, son.

    Tell us about the time you chased a shoplifter 10 miles on foot and dragged him back kicking and screaming.
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