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Self Mutilation
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2017-07-04 at 3:06 PM UTCI started mutilating myself when I was like 10-11 or so. I can break into a disposable shaving razor quick as shit to extract the 1-4 razors, depending on brand from the plastic shell. I preferred to use legit razors, when available though, just they dull out so quick. My face and neck are probably the only place on my body that doesn't have scars over scars, though I do have a few minor scars on my face, not very noticeable though.
I used to take these long needles and drive them through my forearms, out the other side-sometimes I'd need to get pliers to pull them through all the way so they wouldn't get stuck half-in, half out. Lighters were another favorite of mine, zippos, especially. They work nice for heating up metal items to which I'd burn my flesh with.
I stopped doing this regularly around 17 or so. It's a bitch having to explain to some faggot why you do this to yourself, and deal with the "Don't do that" shit. I grew up in FL, but wore long sleeves most the time. Now I'm an adult, I don't do this regularly, I still have to deal with some idiots when I wear more exposing clothing.
I remember doing this and being in extreme emotional distress and sinking a razor into my arm, thigh, or side, and it would be like cool water putting out a fire. It created this calm within me. I could sit and do this for hours. I'd focus on how deep, or wide I could open myself up, how much blood I could get to pour. I did once try to kill myself by slitting my wrists- just got one, blood went everywhere, and then I clotted up. Fucking one hell of mess to clean up, I'll tell ya what. I won't be trying that one again... jut one the pain to numb out some.
I have done it from time to time since my teens while under great stress. I usually pick less conspicuous locations, like my inner thighs, stomach, sides and such to do it when I feel the need to bleed than I used to, but meh... I don't give a fuck about scars, just what nigger-faggots who don't know how to mind their own business have to say, or shit they start.
Anyone else prone to self harm? Why do you do it? -
2017-07-04 at 3:15 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone It's a bitch having to explain to some faggot why you do this to yourself
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Anyone else prone to self harm? Why do you do it?
Seriously though I burn myself sometimes. It helps. The pain takes my mind off of whatever's driving me crazy at the time. The pain overrides whatever shitty thing I'm thinking about and then subsides hella quickly. Usually put cigarettes out on myself, or piece of metal that I've heated up. My right forearm, on the underside, is pretty gnarly looking up close. There's one big puffy scar with like no sensation. Fried the nerves I guess.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-04 at 3:56 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone I stopped doing this regularly around 17 or so. It's a bitch having to explain to some faggot why you do this to yourself, and deal with the "Don't do that" shit.
No one can help you with this mentality and these two sentences alone prove your nothing more than an attention whore...oh yeah /thread.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-04 at 4:42 PM UTCnow do a triangle the other way, you beta jedi.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-04 at 5:27 PM UTCPlease do drugs to dull the pain, like a normal person. You too HTS. Thank you.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-04 at 5:29 PM UTC
Originally posted by RestStop No one can help you with this mentality and these two sentences alone prove your nothing more than an attention whore…oh yeah /thread.
When I was younger I was really stupid and didn't realize that it would draw so much attention. This is why when I have anymore, I keep them concealed from normal view while I'm out in public.
I didn't so much "quit" as I just tapered off doing it over time... my coping skills manifested into different things, I believe. I lost my shit a few times, and came around to realizing that I pretty much had next to no hair. Had clumps, locks of my hair ripped out around me, and don't even remember doing it, just having one hell of a headache for a couple days, with my scalp being very sensitive for a long time after.
I'm not a very social person, though some people would disagree with me. I isolate myself a lot when I get in that mood, and have a hard time coming back around from it with the same people. I went to a book store a few days ago. Go out for a smoke while the old guy is still inside looking, and while there, this old guy comes up to me and starts chatting about guitars, because I drug my guitar with me because I couldn't wind the window of the car up, and I'm not leaving my 100 year old guitar there to cook in the heat/humidity and get any more fucked than she already is, along with the fact this guitar means a lot to me and I'd fucking die if it got stolen/hurt. Anyway, as we are chatting, we go onto other shit, farming, animals, python language... Come to find out, back in the 1980's this dude, with another guy, was the first one to compile spellcheck. He also holds the patent on those digital signature collectors that a lot of doctor's offices/any place they need your signature/DMV... everywhere just about, from when he'd worked at IBM. Guy was very, very smart, and very, very knowledgeable, but clearly a "nut" since he approached me and carried on an hour conversation (only interrupted because I had to leave) and was very interested in seeing me again. I don't approach these people, I just talk because I'm nervous and have anxiety and can put on one hell of a show that I'm not an anti-social, crazy cunt (not entirely sure about the "crazy cunt" part though). This is 98% of all encounters/interactions/people I know and/or befriend. I swear I am a magnet for crazy and do as much as I can to avoid everyone, just with bullshit, I'm forced to go out and interact with more people than I ideally would want to (that number is" 0. I want to deal with 0 people for the rest of my life in an ideal world.)
Posting here is 95% of my true social interactions. It entertains me, makes me think. Even the shit posting... it's a huge time sink. That's why I'm here, to waste my time, to fill a void. I find it funny though that I've become very close friend's with some niggers on here though, and feel genuine familial bonds with them, but it's not so weird once you see that I have no family aside from my son.
I'm currently dying from the heat. I woke up this morning around 7am drenched in sweat. My mind is fucking melting. Maybe I am an attention whore, maybe I'm not. I don't really give a fuck. I just wanted to discuss why people do this to themselves. I'd also like to know why society sees things like piercings/tattoos/professional branding as acceptable, but my own disfigurement is somehow wrong.
I am very apathetic today. Yesterday I gave so much of a shit about the world, people I care about, my son, Piles of Crack, everything... it just zapped me of everything, and now I feel nothing- I don't give a good, goddamned fuck about anything or anyone.
HTS: How old are you? I'm curious. Thanks. -
2017-07-04 at 5:38 PM UTCCrazy people tend to attract each other. It's true.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-04 at 5:45 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone When I was younger I was really stupid and didn't realize that it would draw so much attention. This is why when I have anymore, I keep them concealed from normal view while I'm out in public.
I didn't so much "quit" as I just tapered off doing it over time… my coping skills manifested into different things, I believe. I lost my shit a few times, and came around to realizing that I pretty much had next to no hair. Had clumps, locks of my hair ripped out around me, and don't even remember doing it, just having one hell of a headache for a couple days, with my scalp being very sensitive for a long time after.
I'm not a very social person, though some people would disagree with me. I isolate myself a lot when I get in that mood, and have a hard time coming back around from it with the same people. I went to a book store a few days ago. Go out for a smoke while the old guy is still inside looking, and while there, this old guy comes up to me and starts chatting about guitars, because I drug my guitar with me because I couldn't wind the window of the car up, and I'm not leaving my 100 year old guitar there to cook in the heat/humidity and get any more fucked than she already is, along with the fact this guitar means a lot to me and I'd fucking die if it got stolen/hurt. Anyway, as we are chatting, we go onto other shit, farming, animals, python language… Come to find out, back in the 1980's this dude, with another guy, was the first one to compile spellcheck. He also holds the patent on those digital signature collectors that a lot of doctor's offices/any place they need your signature/DMV… everywhere just about, from when he'd worked at IBM. Guy was very, very smart, and very, very knowledgeable, but clearly a "nut" since he approached me and carried on an hour conversation (only interrupted because I had to leave) and was very interested in seeing me again. I don't approach these people, I just talk because I'm nervous and have anxiety and can put on one hell of a show that I'm not an anti-social, crazy cunt (not entirely sure about the "crazy cunt" part though). This is 98% of all encounters/interactions/people I know and/or befriend. I swear I am a magnet for crazy and do as much as I can to avoid everyone, just with bullshit, I'm forced to go out and interact with more people than I ideally would want to (that number is" 0. I want to deal with 0 people for the rest of my life in an ideal world.)
Posting here is 95% of my true social interactions. It entertains me, makes me think. Even the shit posting… it's a huge time sink. That's why I'm here, to waste my time, to fill a void. I find it funny though that I've become very close friend's with some niggers on here though, and feel genuine familial bonds with them, but it's not so weird once you see that I have no family aside from my son.
I'm currently dying from the heat. I woke up this morning around 7am drenched in sweat. My mind is fucking melting. Maybe I am an attention whore, maybe I'm not. I don't really give a fuck. I just wanted to discuss why people do this to themselves. I'd also like to know why society sees things like piercings/tattoos/professional branding as acceptable, but my own disfigurement is somehow wrong.
I am very apathetic today. Yesterday I gave so much of a shit about the world, people I care about, my son, Piles of Crack, everything… it just zapped me of everything, and now I feel nothing- I don't give a good, goddamned fuck about anything or anyone.
HTS: How old are you? I'm curious. Thanks.
I love when some random old timer comes up and starts talking all kinds of crazy shit about their life. Had some neat conversations like that over the years. The many, many years. I'm 26. 27 in November.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-04 at 6:09 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone I am very apathetic today. Yesterday I gave so much of a shit about the world, people I care about, my son, Piles of Crack, everything… it just zapped me of everything, and now I feel nothing- I don't give a good, goddamned fuck about anything or anyone.
You probably shouldn't be a motherThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-04 at 6:11 PM UTCwho are we to judge how other people deal with emotions? it fucking works
maybe it freaks people out because if you can do that to yourself, what could you do to other people?
idgaf i have scars too and just eventually found less harmful ways to deal with overwhelming emotions
stop isolating yourself hunny bunny go for a nice swim in a pond or some shitThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-04 at 6:55 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie Please do drugs to dull the pain, like a normal person. You too HTS. Thank you.
Yeah, well, I think that's what I started doing more and more as I got older, but sometimes, for old times sake, I return back to this easy, and cheap method.
I'm currently out of drugs. Donate drugs to hydro should be a gofundme campaign.
Originally posted by Sophie Crazy people tend to attract each other. It's true.
Yes... Imagine that. That's why I like talking to you, Sophie. Same with 1337, Malice and PoC... and many others over the years in the community.
Originally posted by Phoenix I love when some random old timer comes up and starts talking all kinds of crazy shit about their life. Had some neat conversations like that over the years. The many, many years. I'm 26. 27 in November.
Join the club... this is literally the story of my life... for 4 years I somewhat adopted this alziemers/dementia bitch and would take her places and just treated her like a relative... good times keeping a mentally ill, storytelling grandma company though.
Originally posted by 10 Ft. Ganja Plant who are we to judge how other people deal with emotions? it fucking works
maybe it freaks people out because if you can do that to yourself, what could you do to other people?
idgaf i have scars too and just eventually found less harmful ways to deal with overwhelming emotions
stop isolating yourself hunny bunny go for a nice swim in a pond or some shit
hahaha, "hunny bunny", brings back some memories.
I used to go to the springs in FL and have a great time in the cool water of the blazing Florida summer heat... was wonderful. Can't do that where I am at now... might go to the beach soon though, IDK... I'm fucking really apathetic today. I feel like total shit, hurt, and drained as fuck.
I wish I could stop isolating myself. It's not something I consciously do, just at a point, I can't deal with people any longer and withdrawal and have anxiety when I go to contact them. This is worse when I ask someone for help and then they blow me off. It's then impossible for me to deal with them again... I just shut down and I can't help it. I am way too empathetic for my own good, and it really, really ends up hurting me and is a huge problem with my mental illness... -
2017-07-04 at 6:56 PM UTC
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2017-07-04 at 7:01 PM UTCThis thread is missing pictures.
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2017-07-04 at 7:02 PM UTCtry fisting your shitter til you piss out of your ass
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2017-07-04 at 7:04 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone I started mutilating myself when I was like 10-11 or so. I can break into a disposable shaving razor quick as shit to extract the 1-4 razors, depending on brand from the plastic shell. I preferred to use legit razors, when available though, just they dull out so quick. My face and neck are probably the only place on my body that doesn't have scars over scars, though I do have a few minor scars on my face, not very noticeable though.
I used to take these long needles and drive them through my forearms, out the other side-sometimes I'd need to get pliers to pull them through all the way so they wouldn't get stuck half-in, half out. Lighters were another favorite of mine, zippos, especially. They work nice for heating up metal items to which I'd burn my flesh with.
I stopped doing this regularly around 17 or so. It's a bitch having to explain to some faggot why you do this to yourself, and deal with the "Don't do that" shit. I grew up in FL, but wore long sleeves most the time. Now I'm an adult, I don't do this regularly, I still have to deal with some idiots when I wear more exposing clothing.
I remember doing this and being in extreme emotional distress and sinking a razor into my arm, thigh, or side, and it would be like cool water putting out a fire. It created this calm within me. I could sit and do this for hours. I'd focus on how deep, or wide I could open myself up, how much blood I could get to pour. I did once try to kill myself by slitting my wrists- just got one, blood went everywhere, and then I clotted up. Fucking one hell of mess to clean up, I'll tell ya what. I won't be trying that one again… jut one the pain to numb out some.
I have done it from time to time since my teens while under great stress. I usually pick less conspicuous locations, like my inner thighs, stomach, sides and such to do it when I feel the need to bleed than I used to, but meh… I don't give a fuck about scars, just what nigger-faggots who don't know how to mind their own business have to say, or shit they start.
Anyone else prone to self harm? Why do you do it?
you should consider inserting oversized foreign objects into your orifices. that would be much more rewarding and less visible to others -
2017-07-04 at 7:04 PM UTC
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2017-07-04 at 7:05 PM UTCmake yourself go out anyways dont let your self-damaging emotions control you
even if u have a shitty time at the beach its something different than sitting at home and feelin sorry for yoself -
2017-07-04 at 7:08 PM UTC
Originally posted by Bill Krozby according to §m£ÂgØL she's not a mother anymore, cps took away her kid.
Just because you no longer have custody of your child does not void your parental ties to them and absolve you of any parental responsibility. You are forever a parent, even if you're a shitty one. Figures you don't understand that. -
2017-07-04 at 7:23 PM UTC
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2017-07-04 at 9:03 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone Yes… Imagine that. That's why I like talking to you, Sophie. Same with 1337, Malice and PoC… and many others over the years in the community.
The fucked up thing is, i know a disproportionate amount of people who have been molested as children. Once they know, it's not like they recoil in anger/fear/whatever it's almost as if they are more interested in me. Like moths to a flame. Even though by the time i get to know these people they are adults. It's kind of an unhealthy situation. But the good thing is i am generally a nice person so.
Imagine that.
Haha, unrelated but every time someone says "imagine that" i am reminded of this video.
Wait until the end.
