User Controls
My life has really been horrible, but...
-
2017-05-22 at 9:06 PM UTCI feel like I've been given another chance for shit to get better.
There was this friend I'd had many, many years ago who was a true-blue friend. He'd helped me in so many ways and had been there for me in my darkest hours. This fucker even saved my life- he doesn't think so, but I know he did. He saved my life when no fucking body else gave two shits or even saw the pain I was in. He was the only person who didn't ignore my cries for help.
I was a dick after that though. I got very scared and had everyone around me whispering in my ears and jumping and had me frightened to maintain cotact- it didn't help I was going through benzo withdrawals either at the time. I thought about this person for fucking years, literally everyday. I knew they were a lot like me, and shared very similar problems and similar ways of reacting. I fucking worried and at times even cried thinking that they probably killed themselves and while thinking that I felt a great deal of guilt. It took me years to finally find them again and get the courage to talk to them once more.
Even talking to them over the years and having this sporadic contact- mostly they pushing me away and being very guarded, a lot of things I wish I'd have said went unsaid. I see more and more now since being in contact again how much we mirror image each other, especially how we feel about ourselves, our self consciousness, and our problems and depression- if anxiety and depression were a flavor of ice cream then we share the same flavor of choco-chronic depression anxious moose-shit Supreme. We have some minor differences, but where it really matters we our one in the same,so much so that it's crazy to think two people could have so much in common.
It took a really screwed up time, where shit really got bad and he almost threw it away permanently, but some good seemed to have come from it and I've gotten to say the things I left unsaid for so many years. I don't expect things to be peaches n' creme from here on out, but I really do see things getting better because I think we have a lot better idea how to help each other through all this shit,but we're too fucked to be able to actually use that sense on ourselves alone.
I've always had so many doubts and worries when I'd see things start to get better or look liked they'd be better, but for the first time I don't have that. It's like something lining up inside of me and I "know" over time it's only going to get better and this is the path I should have been on all along... -
2017-05-22 at 9:13 PM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-22 at 9:21 PM UTCSeriously though that is a good outlook. You've posted some depressing stuff before so I'm glad to see things are turning around for you.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
-
2017-05-22 at 10:36 PM UTCI really appreciate the kind words and yeah... I know I have. I've been in really bad, and dark places before. I can't say I'm out of the woods yet, but I can see the direction to get out and have a wonderful friend who can relate to being lost in this shittiness for so long too. I really believe with all my heart that together we are going to find our way out and make something really, really wonderful once we finally do get out of this mess we both our in. Also, it's going to be a lot easier to handle the hard times and shit along the way together rather than alone. That really is what gives me so much hope- not that it'll be easy, but that at least I have someone as loyal, caring and understanding of my shit and how my mind works when shit does get bad and appreciates and cares about me and I too can be there to help with their hardships and bullshit that comes up and I appreciate and care about them.
I know in my heart, a year from now, things will be miles better. Sure, maybe not every little thing will be resolved, problems crop up, shit happens... But I know it'll be better having that friend by my side through it all- a friend who won't give up or abandon me when Shit is bad, nor will I abandon them and will always have their back.
I've had way too many bad things happen. I've been defeated and self-defeating a lot in my life. I've had the worst luck of almost anybody here. I've done some dumb things and made awful mistakes...but I made this thread here so I can come back in a year and see just how much it has changed and Mark the day this fucked up shitty pattern in my life finally was broken.
I feel so much happier and have far less anxiety than I've had in a long time. I've also felt a lot less alone than I've felt in a long time. -
2017-05-22 at 10:52 PM UTCThings will get better, then worse than ever then better again. Then slightly worse.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
-
2017-05-22 at 10:53 PM UTCThen you die. And things are suddenly better.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
-
2017-05-22 at 10:56 PM UTCnice blog
-
2017-05-22 at 10:58 PM UTC
-
2017-05-23 at 12:27 AM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone words words words word words words words words word words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words words words word words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words words words words word words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words more words words word words word words more words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words words more words word word words word words more words words words word words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words words words word words words more words words word words word words more words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words words words words word words words words words word words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words word words more words word word words word words more words words word words words more words words word words word words more words
you literally need to stfu unless youre posting tit pics. youve exceeded your allowed quota of nonsensical and pointless gibberings. -
2017-05-23 at 12:37 AM UTCmaybe you should quit being an addict.
-
2017-05-23 at 3:58 AM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone I feel like I've been given another chance for shit to get better.
There was this friend I'd had many, many years ago who was a true-blue friend. He'd helped me in so many ways and had been there for me in my darkest hours. This fucker even saved my life- he doesn't think so, but I know he did. He saved my life when no fucking body else gave two shits or even saw the pain I was in. He was the only person who didn't ignore my cries for help.
I was a dick after that though. I got very scared and had everyone around me whispering in my ears and jumping and had me frightened to maintain cotact- it didn't help I was going through benzo withdrawals either at the time. I thought about this person for fucking years, literally everyday. I knew they were a lot like me, and shared very similar problems and similar ways of reacting. I fucking worried and at times even cried thinking that they probably killed themselves and while thinking that I felt a great deal of guilt. It took me years to finally find them again and get the courage to talk to them once more.
Even talking to them over the years and having this sporadic contact- mostly they pushing me away and being very guarded, a lot of things I wish I'd have said went unsaid. I see more and more now since being in contact again how much we mirror image each other, especially how we feel about ourselves, our self consciousness, and our problems and depression- if anxiety and depression were a flavor of ice cream then we share the same flavor of choco-chronic depression anxious moose-shit Supreme. We have some minor differences, but where it really matters we our one in the same,so much so that it's crazy to think two people could have so much in common.
It took a really screwed up time, where shit really got bad and he almost threw it away permanently, but some good seemed to have come from it and I've gotten to say the things I left unsaid for so many years. I don't expect things to be peaches n' creme from here on out, but I really do see things getting better because I think we have a lot better idea how to help each other through all this shit,but we're too fucked to be able to actually use that sense on ourselves alone.
I've always had so many doubts and worries when I'd see things start to get better or look liked they'd be better, but for the first time I don't have that. It's like something lining up inside of me and I "know" over time it's only going to get better and this is the path I should have been on all along…
I'm happy for you I guess. I've heard some gnarly things about you but I've also heard some really sweet things. Don't be batshit crazy and I'm sure life will work out for you.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-23 at 4:01 AM UTCYou seem like a good person. I tried to reach out to you once but you thought I was working for the enemy so to speak. Genuinely glad you're doing more okay though.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
-
2017-05-23 at 5:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by Phoenix You seem like a good person. I tried to reach out to you once but you thought I was working for the enemy so to speak. Genuinely glad you're doing more okay though.
Check you PMs, dude.
Idk- I try to be a good person but it doesn't always work out how I hope it will.
I appreciate you for reaching out to me then. I knew you weren't the enemy... I was pushing everyone away then. I wanted to die badly. It wasn't anything personal towards you.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-23 at 7:09 PM UTCShout out to Killa cam
-
2017-05-23 at 7:33 PM UTC
If you had to live even a few hours of scrawny brand pain and suffering you would scream in terror so loud it would damage your voicebox and end your life as quickly and brutally as possible just so you could get the fuck out of that dimension.
Cheer up champ, you have tits and a child.
Nothing with tits even wants to look at me/talk to me and any children I have are forcibly removed from my life in every possible way so their origins can never be traced back to my DNA, its better to just lie. Them knowing the truth would only confuse and frighten them.
You guys rip on Bill Krozby so much but he is in the court system and people discuss his offspring (even if it is in a negative light), I think you people are pathetic, there are multiple families and basically an entire population of people that spends way more every than any of you keeping me out of their lives, out of sight and mind and spending lots of time and energy ignoring, forgetting and making up lies. Nobody talks about the things I'm involved in, even thinking about them is too bad, they would not dare think about such things. There is a beautiful baby girls life at stake if they do.
A lot of time and energy went into making sure nobody finds out what horrible things I have done, people have been covering up my mistakes ever since I was born, my entire life is chaos and destruction, God blessed even, or perhaps demonic blessings, the true nature of triangles created me to destroy, I am a child of Shiva.
Without destruction you humans would never have anything to improve or defend against.
Post last edited by SCronaldo_J_Trump at 2017-05-23T19:35:21.889343+00:00 -
2017-05-23 at 7:38 PM UTClife really is one big learning curve. the longer you stick with it, the more you figure shit out.
.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-23 at 7:42 PM UTCPeople at my work joke around that I am probably a virgin and never even had sex before and I am just a super thirsty desperate porn addict.. lol I wish..
I probably have an STD from the last time I had sex. Nobody can believe I have a kid, I think even everyone involved(including the girl) just could not believe it.. People were making up all kinds of math skip logic and counting months loosely in a desperate attempt to find any way they can to prove that my DNA is not spreading throughout the world right now.
It was like everyone knew this non virgin whore of babylon had the spawn of the antichrist growing inside her every time she showed off her pregnancy in public, people were not happy or excited about the future of this child they awkwardly smiled and nervously tried to get the fuck out of there while this wretch wore herself out trying to make people happy about this new event going on in her life, but she was just another proud unmarried slut way too happy to be pregnant, and not only that, but the father is Public Enemy #1, enemy of the people, state and machine gods alike.
Everyone tells me to just forget it ever happened, its the best thing I can do. Yup. -
2017-05-23 at 7:43 PM UTC
-
2017-05-23 at 7:43 PM UTCnice automerge lanny
-
2017-05-24 at 1:25 AM UTCYou're making me wanna take some PTO and get a gram of meth and listen to Kodak Black and type pages of bullshit on here with porn blasting on my TV.
