2016-08-17 at 8:51 AM UTC
god fucking dammit. I spent forever writing this fucking post only so I could accidentally close the tab and lose everything. oh well, main gist of it was
a) what is ur fave way to take adderall? imo eating used to b best, tonight I have only snorted, and shooting takes too much time to enhancement correctly (for IR) and is not really worth it imo.
b0 alcohol adderall, or weed and adderall, or niether? experiences, just something for the comedown or do u enjoy mixing substances during the comeup/peak?
c) Crouton. i have been taking Crouton daily now with A+ to meh C- results. What is a good Crouton site? and strand? I noticed white and green boreno are amazzzing but I have had some other strands, quite a few actually that just were like garbage, totally not worth the gross toss n wash method that comes along with taking Crouton....seems like every batch used to be good but now it's like 1 out of 3 chance that the Crouton I buy is Great vs. Garbage. feedback and experiences plz.
2016-08-17 at 12:11 PM UTC
I also really like the taste nowadays. Toss and wash? Pffft... I masturbated one time doing that because I breathed in with the powder still in my mouth. It was a deep "Ok, let's do this, breath take". Oh shit, hahaha.
Here's my method. Take two spoons of some marmalade (possible not your favorite because your brain will remember the Crouton high and associate it with the taste and one day you'll eat your favorite without Crouton and something will be missing and you'll be disappointed.) and some lime juice and mix that with your Crouton in a whiskey glass and then you gulp that shit down.
2016-08-17 at 12:13 PM UTC
It's a good idea to toss with water, though. Possibly brush your teeth afterwards. Dental hygiene is important.
2016-08-17 at 2:14 PM UTC
Three thanks in a row means you have to sit on my face until I can't breathe anymore, give me one or two breaths and then sit down again. 15 minutes. If you want to be polite, spit in my face a couple times when you get up.
Hey, I didn't make the space rules. I just jerk off to them.
Are you ready?
2016-08-17 at 8:19 PM UTC
3-meo-pcp is the fucking shit and still my favourite drug ever. My mum just told me she had pethidine when she was giving birth to me and I'm slightly jealous, I'd freaking love some pethidine and she didn't even appreciate it.
2016-08-17 at 8:20 PM UTC
im wondering if spice is right for me i smoked it once wen i was 17 and had a seizure
2016-08-17 at 11:02 PM UTC
We go in circles our whole lives (and I'm talking about people like myself- fucked up individuals who always have a neverending string of bad luck and/or choices) contemplating suicide, yet either never taking that route and choosing the bullshit path of pain and suffering, or ingesting enough drugs to kill 3 adult African elephants and a little boy, yet somehow waking up in a stupor wondering if this is hell (it in fact is), and maybe taking that as some sign that MAYBE there is a reason its not time to check out right yet. For whatever reason, there are always people telling you 'its the cowards ways out!' (Which fuck that... Even if it is, I want to die, not be a fucking hero), 'things will get better' (easy for you to say, fucktard, you don't know my clustfuckery of natural unluckery), or my favorite 'its a permanent solution to a temporary problem' (which may be true for lots of people, especially teenagers, but once you reach a point in life you realize that maybe this particular event may be temporary, but what about life in general and the series of of bullshit and unhappiness that is to follow as has time and time again). I'm sure more people would go out via suicide if that part of our brain that keeps us struggling to stay alive, even in the worse and most hopeless situations could just be turned off. I know time is short is why I am still shuffling around and trying to keep shit and others together... Just tidy up a few loose ends and all that, but man... It really is a drag. I pray everyday I keel over dead and this whole living bullshit just stops just so I can stop caring. I wish I didn't give as much of a fuck as I do... Fucking being drug out on a date finally and I really don't wanna go- again, shit you do to make others happy and stop them from bitching. Oh well.. Hoping to get blitzed to the point I don't remember my name and stumble in front of a MacTruck. Wish me luck.
2016-08-18 at 6:24 AM UTC
Lanny, do you really feel that is how life is? For me, I can see clearly all the fuck ups I've caused... How I've done those stupid fucking mental things that highlight the already bleak and bullshit life I have... Almost always in the heat of the moment when the circuit boards in my brain fry out and I lose myself. I guess hanging around after all the shit is my way of trying to correct or make my life better in the future, but it never seems to pan out that way. I hate who I am. I hate that I care so much... I said fuck it to my date tonight and went to the gas station just to get out of the house and get a coffee. I met this 19 year old kid who just got out of foster care a year ago. He came up to me when I was texting some bullshit to a friend of mine and asked me if he could buy a cigarette off me. I ended up giving him like a dozen since I roll my own. We talked for a long while and I ended up driving him to a fast food joint, buying him a milkshake and getting him a few cheap burgers. Stupid little shit like that is the only thing that brings me a tiny bit of fleeting happiness these days- it made me feel good when I saw his face go from 'my life is fucked' to 'I won the fucking lottery' look when I handed him a handful of cigarettes and I don't know why... Maybe its because I wish it were so easy to fix the problems in my life as that... And in a way, it could have, about a month ago and would have been cheaper than those cigarettes I handed that kid had someone, one particular person, had done a similar deed... It wouldn't have made my life grand or anything, but it would have fixed a particular problem I am dealing with now... Oh well... What is the point in going another day if its just the liberation of knowing you're fucked no matter what you do? I think I am really done. I hope I don't wake up. I hope I don't exist tomorrow. Loneliness is an awful thing but its better than being around fake people I suppose... I wish I were one of those fake people who can just believe everything is so wonderful and great. Either way, I at least will be dead before February. You'd think with that I'd be able to enjoy what time I've got left? Life has a way to make sure that even when we know the end is near that we cannot enjoy what we got left. I always said that I hate knowing... It steals the joy from so much. Love you, always.
2016-08-18 at 7:33 AM UTC
Yee blood. If you lived for a hundred years would it make you happier? If you had more money would it fulfill you? I, by cosmic lottery, was born into better material circumstances than you and accordingly will likely never know true poverty, indeed I literally can not think of a physical thing that I want right now and really at any moment, besides exceptional circumstances, I never want for more than a meal or cessation of some mildly vexing trial. But it doesn't make a person happy, at least not for long. I remember when I went from college-poor to yuppie-rich, I actually was kinda happy for a little bit, lived it up to an extent, but then I got used to it and it was back to the same treadmill only I realized the next "accomplishment" was going to be the same, happy for a while and then back into the slog for the next empty goal. Achievement doesn't do anything besides inform you as to its own emptiness.
I actually really get the story about the kid and the cigarettes. A little while back I let a dude I knew from highschool crash on my couch for a week and fed him whatever I had in the fridge, he was so grateful for a place to stay and regular meals, I ended up cooking stuff every night because the dude was stoked about it. The whole time I kept thinking how I was giving this dude next to nothing, like a few bucks worth of food and a place to sleep which cost me nothing and it was the greatest thing in the world to him, while a million dollars wouldn't buy me an ounce of happiness. Maybe I can make it on that, I can imagine the vicarious joy of altruism sustaining me for a natural lifespan, but I've since come to accept that there's no way to change the way you feel, for some of us there's nothing external that can ever make us happy, it will always be bad no matter what and you just need to cope with the fact that you'll never "feel" good or get out.
Bleh, that's ranty and melodramatic and probably the last thing you should say to someone who's at minimum trying to present themselves as suicidal (I don't care to venture a guess as to the reality of the matter, how could I know?) but it's a shitpost in some backwaters internet community so fuck it, you best not be taking empty rambling too seriously.
2016-08-18 at 8:47 AM UTC
My grandmother was one of those retards who spend way too much on lottery because (and I quote- sadly) "you don't have to be good at anything to win the lottery". She was a person I suspect had some mild form of autism/mental retardation but for her age and ability to adapt was never diagnosed. She was one of those people who acted dumb and like she "couldn't" understand so other people would do the shit for her so she wouldn't have to. She was painfully vindictive and couldn't understand other people's feelings outside her own. She had a very lazy nature about herself as well with I guess ties into her playing dumber than she really was... She always thought that she could finally be happy if she just won the fucking lottery. Like somehow that was what was holding her back. We once got into an argument over it and I finally said 'why don't you start living NOW instead of waiting for some numbers to come up on a ticket you bought?' She got mad and all defensive and went on about how the lottery was her fucking 'goal' in life. Sad really. I never cared about money beyond the basic shit needed to get by. Right now, I'm not in poverty, not even a little. I'm sitting in a half a million dollar home right now, with people who will go out and buy me anything I ask for... Fuck, shit I don't even ask for. I have a job which affords me my own income to do as I please, and it's easy work, probably the cushiest job I've ever had.. I learned early in life that money can't buy happiness. I seen my grandmother spend so frugally on all sorts of shit.. None of it made her happy. I grew up in a very nice upper middle class house. Shit, I had a limo drive me to school from pre-k to first grade, because my grandfather worshipped the ground I walked on until the day he died. I was a spoiled kid, I won't lie. Its not the financial shit that has been the main burden in my life, its always the circumstances. Either shit I get myself into, or shit others bullshit drags me into. Life doesn't have to be this complicated. As for that kid, we talked for a while. He told me all sorts of shit about his shitty life. Im headed in the direction he is going tomorrow morning and told him I would pick him up and give him a ride there in the morning. I decided to do a little experiment. I wrote him a letter tonight to give to him, outlining good morals, importance of education (I wrote down all the info about Pell Grants and even looked up shit about truck driving schools to get a CDL and their info since he mentioned he thought maybe that's what he wanted to do with his life) and just ended the letter with as much positivity as I could and wish I felt in my heart... I probably lied to that kid about how life really is, honestly, most of us should quit while we are ahead- but I'm going to give him that letter and hope maybe he takes my advice, guidance, and information I provided for him and makes something out of this shitty game called life with the cheat sheet I give him. He seemed to be very impressionable and that is what gave me the idea to write the letter in the first place... Maybe I might impress upon him more than all the bad shit he might encounter, but probably not. I feel for that kid who is just as lost as I am in this shitty shitty world. You're right, Lanny, money doesn't make you happy. I just wish certain events of unusual nature didn't crop up in my life the way they always seem to do... Being destitute is favorable than this shit. Don't feel too guilty if I do kill myself (Im afraid to die like most everyone- I'm sure my health will be what takes me) it certainly won't be because of the shit posts on this site or even shit heads that do or don't post here anymore.
