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  1. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Also stop leaving the lid up it embarrasses me when my parents come over

    I'm tall so I piss in the sink. That was a fight with the Mrs but my argument about how I'll never leave the toilet seat uo again actually made me win an argument.

    Don't ever tell someone arguing that you leave the seat up, "I pay all the bills. What now." It's not a winning argument.
  2. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Everyone, Poast is sick. Please change your facebook profiles to a guy sucking dick and post hopes and prayers.

    #Don'tDiePoast
  3. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Holy fuck balls! Page 40!
  4. Fuck Your World African Astronaut
    Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN This back Flip?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_eyZ7l-nWU

  5. Fuck Your World African Astronaut
    Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN You show me one other person that can make 100% custom Patrick Swayze LOLcats of that quality and I'll stop bothering Guiness World Records.


    Lame. Like where is the dude these days. You never see him acting anymore. Dude's prolly washed up.
  6. Fuck Your World African Astronaut
    Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I met a dude with no legs pushing himself with his arms. So I ask him how he lost his legs. He was born without them. I said that sucks. He replies, "Well I get along fine."

    I tell him, "Oh no. I mean it sucks you don't have an awesome story."

    Haha It's not like you wont burn in hell for that or anything
  7. Fuck Your World African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ Into the sun you drift, I hope. You're a liar and a fraud. Leave me alone. My family too. Stop bothering us.

    I myself won't ever stop bothering you because I have family near Fargo and one day I will find you and embarrass you in front of everyone. EVERYONE!
  8. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by Fuck Your World Lame. Like where is the dude these days. You never see him acting anymore. Dude's prolly washed up.

    Lulz. He plays a mean ghost. If you get my meaning.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  9. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    I hate my life so much. Ill live stream it once my parents die. What's a goos site for that?
  10. aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    facebook
  11. Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I hate my life so much. Ill live stream it once my parents die. What's a goos site for that?

    fake or not, i genuinely lol'd at your stories. thanks, heh.

    i asked that exact question. a good live stream service is twitch if it's a one time deal.

    sounds like u got frens and tang tho. so ..???
  12. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by AnomiesOffspring fake or not, i genuinely lol'd at your stories. thanks, heh.

    i asked that exact question. a good live stream service is twitch if it's a one time deal.

    sounds like u got frens and tang tho. so ..???

    Like I said every one who posts gets a free 100% custom LOLcat. Closest I could find to you name was anomolies of spring:

  13. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Maybe I'm not being specific enough. Who has quitting/getting fired stories? I've got one that checks both boxes:

    So I'm roofing with an old boss of mine who started his own business. I was an insured independent contractor. We were knocking roofs out the park and I was making about a grand a week. What I know now was I wasn't getting paid by the job because for two years in a row I made right around $52K. Dude turned out to be a piece of shit. But I was dumb and the money was good.

    I was working on one house and it was a breeze of a job. Spring was just starting to hit, house wasn't steep, simple tear off and replace with metal. But that week I had something gnarly in my belly. I couldn't stop shitting. It would spring up instantly and I'd have to leave to go shit. One time I felt that knocking and knew I wasn't going to make it so I kicked out a hole behind the home owners garage and aimed for that. What really happened is the shit shot gunned out of my ass and some of it splattered the side of the garage. I finished up and kicked some dirt on the shit on the garage and called it good.

    The next day I get a call from my boss and he's pissed. Apparently the home owners checked their garage and found the dirt encrusted shit. What he told me, I don't know if I believe it, is they were so pissed he wasn't even allowed back on the property to grab his tools or trailer or anything. He never out right said if I was fired so I was texting him every night. I remember one time he just wrote in all caps, "YOU SHIT ON SOMEONES HOUSE!!!!" He had a temper to him I was aware of.

    So I'm roofing with my brother instead who owns his own roofing business. On a day off other boss calls me and says be over here if you want to work. I ask what I'll be doing and he says running panels. That means I'll just be on the ground helping make the sheets of metal that will go on the roof. The boss had just hired his best friend who hated me. I show up and boss and his best friend aren't there. Just a guy who fell four stories from a roof and the other guy who was prone to stabbing people. They tell me I'm supposed to dry in the house. I'm not dressed for that and it's kinda steep. An 8/12 which I hate. So I started drying in before my brain clicks on. With boss's temper and ability to hold a grudge there's no way I'm not paying for my literal shit. It's raining out and I hop in my truck and text him, "I quit. It's been emotional."

    Since I was an independent contractor he didn't have to pay me for five days of work which sucked. All because I had a rumbly in my tumbly.
  14. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Another quick one. It's my day off so screw it:

    At our old party house, one night some chicks brought over some one time blue dye stuff for hair. So my mustache was blue. It was just something that stuck to the hair, not actually dying it. WifeDead had the brilliant idea of trying to get some of the dye stuff on his teeth and then he would walk around smiling at people and he'd have blue on his teeth because I was the only one who had any blue on him. We figured the best way to get'r'done was to pretty much make out. I forget if it worked or not but it was the most awkward make out session ever. I've never tried to shove my mustache in someones mouth before or since then.
  15. "oopps! sorry." she said with a slight blush.

    "what, why" i asked in my gentle joe voice.

    "for being rude." she sounded apologetic.

    "rude how ?" i asked trying to sound boyish.

    "for not closing my legs" she cooed.

    "hmmmm ?" i ......

    "mom says its rude to sit with my legs open."

    "oh, no. not its not rude at all."

    "its ok, you can sit with your legs open, i dont mind at all."

    "and i wont tell your mom. i promise" and i top that with a wink.

    i love trains.
  16. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny "oopps! sorry." she said with a slight blush.

    "what, why" i asked in my gentle joe voice.

    "for being rude." she sounded apologetic.

    "rude how ?" i asked trying to sound boyish.

    "for not closing my legs" she cooed.

    "hmmmm ?" i ……

    "mom says its rude to sit with my legs open."

    "oh, no. not its not rude at all."

    "its ok, you can sit with your legs open, i dont mind at all."

    "and i wont tell your mom. i promise" and i top that with a wink.

    i love trains.

    huh....... Well thanks for contributing to THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!
  17. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Lol whenever someone asks about my scars I make up a ridiculous lie. The dog bite on my hand? Knife fight. Scar from heart surgery? Came across a mother bear. The scar I got falling off a scooter as a kid? Someone broke into my house through the window above my bed and the glass dug in as they fell on me.

    I have a good poker face so there's always someone who believes it, which is when i tell the truth.

    Had a coworker once who also had a good poker face and we had an entire conversation about him buying crack from me. How good it was, better than the last batch, he can try some after work, etc. Never touched the stuff in my life. Another coworker thought it was for real and we masturbated laughing.

    100% FREE custom LOLcat

  18. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    You can't sit there and tell me not one person has a single story of being fired or quitting a job.

    I'm trying to keep this thread active but I'm waiting on someone who doesn't talk to me anymore to show a video. Maybe he'll answer me here. I'm not sure if he wants his face shown.
  19. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    I know we're close to page 41. Let me think of a story.

    WifeDead lived behind a crappy chinese restaurant in some ghetto apartments. I think they were one bedroom. If I remember right it was a living room with mattresses in it directly connected to a kitchen of sorts then a bathroom. It was basically a triangle with no walls separating the kitchen and living room.

    I loved it there. There were no rules. We ghettoed out like kings there. I lived miles away so if I wanted to visit I'd take the train tracks that ran next to the bay so I wouldn't walk the highway. It was worth the 2 1/2 hour walk because we got away with murder. One time we found half a cigarette, emptied it out and put gun powder at the bottom and a short fuse then packed the tobacco back in. The we tied it to string with a note that said, 'a cigarette butt for you'. Then we taped it to someones door that was half way open. One time his sister had a note for some summer school thing and needed a number on it. She saw us scraping magnesium onto it and lighting the magnesium. She said she really needed that number so we got really good at burning everything but the number. Like I said, it was beautiful chaos. One time I flew a helicopter and landed on a boat in Vice City. WifeDead said it was impossible. I made him eat those words after I tried it 100 times.

    So WifeDead was a good friend of mine and he comes to stay the night. We stay up late watching movies or video games on my computer. The morning rolls around and we're watching some shitty horror film on Sci-Fi. My dad comes home and turns out we're re doing our roof that day. He just goes into my room and says to turn the TV off and come outside. This was all a very long time ago so I just know the story. Not most of the details.

    We start roofing and WifeDead didn't leave our house for two or three days. At the end my dad gave him $5 and said he also got all the soda he wanted to drink those days. My dad was a stickler with money and just punked a 16 year old kid.

    The really funny part is everytime I mention WifeDead to my family, no body remembers him. My dad swears he never did that. I mention WifeDead to my brother and he thinks I'm talking about Poast. Absolutely no one remembers turning some ghetto kid living behind a chinese restaurant into a slave. My mom even gave him a ride home after it was done. I'm the only person in my family who acknowledges that WifeDead exists.

    He also said I can't post the video I want.
  20. OMGPLZUNBAN Tuskegee Airman
    You guys like guns and fossils? The .44 has a 14 inch barrel and has very little kick back. Apparently it's used for shooting competitions.

    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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