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The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-01-21 at 4:03 AM UTClol wait, didn't poast blow his own hand off?
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2020-01-21 at 5:32 AM UTC
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2020-01-21 at 5:54 AM UTC
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2020-01-22 at 1:20 AM UTC
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2020-01-22 at 1:41 AM UTC
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2020-01-22 at 1:48 AM UTC
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2020-01-22 at 1:49 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-23 at 1:25 AM UTCGuinness World Records got back to me. It appears they're trying to steal my information:
Thank you for your contacting Guinness World Records.
If you are interested in receiving more detailed information from our experts on a record proposal, please visit our website to register an account with us: www.guinnessworldrecords.com. Log in, and once logged in, click on ‘Apply for a record’ to make an application.
Once we've received your application, it will be reviewed by one of our specialist researchers within 12 weeks. If your proposal is accepted, you will be contacted by e-mail with the corresponding rules and regulations that must be strictly adhered to. If we reject your idea, we'll reply to you detailing why it is not acceptable.
Once guidelines have been received and the record has been attempted, you will upload the required evidence for our expert Records Managers to review. Once the evidence is received, it takes approximately up to 12 weeks to be reviewed and to confirm the success or failure of your record attempt. If the Records Manager requires further information or evidence from you, you will be notified via email.
Don’t forget, you can always visit our FAQ section on our website for more answers: http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/FAQ/.
For more information on record breaking and to join our online community, please join us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GuinnessWorldRecords.
Kind Regards,
Guinness World Records
They will have to bow down in acknowledgement of THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!! -
2020-01-23 at 3:54 AM UTCEveryone.
OMG is a CIA agent who lives south of Bryant street off of 6th in San Francisco in a ratty looking Motel.
I dropped him off and when I turned to look into my mirror.. he totally disappeared . Like as if he dropped through a manhole cover.
I was pretty shaken up for a while. -
2020-01-23 at 3:55 AM UTCThose girls look Puerto Rican or maybe even Portuguese-Brazilian.
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2020-01-23 at 4:20 AM UTCAldra is quite aware of the current Sydney funnel-web bonanza...and he has taken precautions.
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2020-01-23 at 4:36 AM UTCSo I have an old lady. I call her the warden. I was working overnights at a gas station alone. I used youtube to MP3 websites to get stuff to listen to with one earbud in. I listened to a lot of stand up which I think contributed to why I don't think so right in normal situations. I was telling a co worker, dealing a crazy ass bitch and telling him there's reasons to hit a woman I got from Bill Burr. I told him he shouldn't do it but there are reasons to hit a woman.
So I got a joke from Doug Stanhope and wanted to tell the Mrs. "Hey babe. You wanna hear a joke?" She's down and I say, "So I told my old lady I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She says, 'How are you going to make it feel good for me?' "Right before I cum I'm going to stop punching you in the face."
Holy fucking shit. The flood gates were down. I'm being yelled at about it's never funny to joke about women being abused. Which is funny because I can tell say all the racist jokes I want and she laughs. She draws the line when it's something that can affect her. She's been beat up by a bunch of guys she was with that use to gorilla fuck her. Now it's my turn.
So I tell my joke, getting yelled at and I'm a fucking genius so I try to explain it. "It's funny in how offensive it is." I got no where with that logic. She goes to bed pissed and we're better than the next day.
A week later I heard another joke. What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson? Finding out it wasn't Willie Nelson. Implying you just blew some dirty, old street rat.
So I ask the warden, a week later, "Hey Babe... You wanna hear a joke?" She visibly rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, 'Sure.' She is already not happy but fuck it. I'm doing it. "What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson?" She's fucking still pissed and sarcastically, kinda pissed off responds, 'I don't know. You stopped punching him in the face?' I pause for a second before busting up laughing. The idea of blowing somebody while punching them was too funny. She hated that she made that joke way too funny and I've never let that story go.
I can't tell that story though. No one can relate apparently. It comes out the gate so hard people don't listen and just want it to stop. Typical Stanhope. One time last year I was camping with my dad and I figured, this is one of my funniest stories and surely he can relate. We're drinking, cooking burgers over a camp fire. In the middle of the woods. What better time to tell this story? I start off with Stanhopes joke and how I told it to the Mrs and I got immediately stopped. "I would never say anything like that to your mother! Good god!"
I think he's just turning into a pussy in his old age. And he pees sitting down.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-23 at 4:38 AM UTC
Originally posted by Fuck Your World Those girls look Puerto Rican or maybe even Portuguese-Brazilian.
The one on the left I always thought was super fucking hot. She was a cheating whore but not on me. One time we had an all night party where we rented out the vets hall and she claimed she wasn't going to do any drugs.
3 in the morning she dancing on the bar topless. -
2020-01-23 at 4:40 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So I have an old lady. I call her the warden. I was working overnights at a gas station alone. I used youtube to MP3 websites to get stuff to listen to with one earbud in. I listened to a lot of stand up which I think contributed to why I don't think so right in normal situations. I was telling a co worker, dealing with a crazy ass bitch and telling him there's reasons to hit a woman I got from Bill Burr. I told him he shouldn't do it but there are reasons to hit a woman.
So I got a joke from Doug Stanhope and wanted to tell the Mrs. "Hey babe. You wanna hear a joke?" She's down and I say, "So I told my old lady I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She says, 'How are you going to make it feel good for me?' "Right before I cum I'm going to stop punching you in the face."
Holy fucking shit. The flood gates were down. I'm being yelled at about it's never funny to joke about women being abused. Which is funny because I can say all the racist jokes I want and she laughs. She draws the line when it's something that can affect her. She's been beat up by a bunch of guys she was with that use to gorilla fuck her. Now it's my turn.
So I tell my joke, getting yelled at and I'm a fucking genius so I try to explain it. "It's funny in how offensive it is." I got no where with that logic. She goes to bed pissed and we're better than the next day.
A week later I heard another joke. What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson? Finding out it wasn't Willie Nelson. Implying you just blew some dirty, old street rat.
So I ask the warden, a week later, "Hey Babe… You wanna hear a joke?" She visibly rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, 'Sure.' She is already not happy but fuck it. I'm doing it. "What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson?" She's fucking still pissed and sarcastically, kinda pissed off responds, 'I don't know. You stopped punching him in the face?' I pause for a second before busting up laughing. The idea of blowing somebody while punching them was too funny. She hated that she made that joke way too funny and I've never let that story go.
I can't tell that story though. No one can relate apparently. It comes out the gate so hard people don't listen and just want it to stop. Typical Stanhope. One time last year I was camping with my dad and I figured, this is one of my funniest stories and surely he can relate. We're drinking, cooking burgers over a camp fire. In the middle of the woods. What better time to tell this story? I start off with Stanhopes joke and how I told it to the Mrs and I got immediately stopped. "I would never say anything like that to your mother! Good god!"
I think he's just turning into a pussy in his old age. And he pees sitting down. -
2020-01-23 at 4:52 AM UTCImagine wanting more pictures of a random 6/10 girl you saw in a picture once.
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2020-01-23 at 4:57 AM UTCImagine fucking a nigger, also.
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2020-01-23 at 5:01 AM UTC
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2020-01-23 at 5:33 AM UTC
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2020-01-23 at 5:56 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So I have an old lady. I call her the warden. I was working overnights at a gas station alone. I used youtube to MP3 websites to get stuff to listen to with one earbud in. I listened to a lot of stand up which I think contributed to why I don't think so right in normal situations. I was telling a co worker, dealing a crazy ass bitch and telling him there's reasons to hit a woman I got from Bill Burr. I told him he shouldn't do it but there are reasons to hit a woman.
So I got a joke from Doug Stanhope and wanted to tell the Mrs. "Hey babe. You wanna hear a joke?" She's down and I say, "So I told my old lady I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She says, 'How are you going to make it feel good for me?' "Right before I cum I'm going to stop punching you in the face."
Holy fucking shit. The flood gates were down. I'm being yelled at about it's never funny to joke about women being abused. Which is funny because I can tell say all the racist jokes I want and she laughs. She draws the line when it's something that can affect her. She's been beat up by a bunch of guys she was with that use to gorilla fuck her. Now it's my turn.
So I tell my joke, getting yelled at and I'm a fucking genius so I try to explain it. "It's funny in how offensive it is." I got no where with that logic. She goes to bed pissed and we're better than the next day.
A week later I heard another joke. What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson? Finding out it wasn't Willie Nelson. Implying you just blew some dirty, old street rat.
So I ask the warden, a week later, "Hey Babe… You wanna hear a joke?" She visibly rolls her eyes and sarcastically says, 'Sure.' She is already not happy but fuck it. I'm doing it. "What's the worst part about blowing Willie Nelson?" She's fucking still pissed and sarcastically, kinda pissed off responds, 'I don't know. You stopped punching him in the face?' I pause for a second before busting up laughing. The idea of blowing somebody while punching them was too funny. She hated that she made that joke way too funny and I've never let that story go.
I can't tell that story though. No one can relate apparently. It comes out the gate so hard people don't listen and just want it to stop. Typical Stanhope. One time last year I was camping with my dad and I figured, this is one of my funniest stories and surely he can relate. We're drinking, cooking burgers over a camp fire. In the middle of the woods. What better time to tell this story? I start off with Stanhopes joke and how I told it to the Mrs and I got immediately stopped. "I would never say anything like that to your mother! Good god!"
I think he's just turning into a pussy in his old age. And he pees sitting down.
actually made me choke on the burger I'm eating, good job -
2020-01-23 at 5:57 AM UTCfucking imagining going ham and hammering willie nelson in the face, then just stopping to pull his dick out
