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2020-01-19 at 10:01 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So one time…..
WifeDead and I were working a applebees. Some nigger worked there and made manager in no time flat. I mean nigger not because he was black. But because he was a piece of shit. He ordered wings and requested drum sticks only. So WifeDead made him a serving of all wings with one drum stick. He was pissed. We were good buddies so this retard called us both into the office, during a rush to say how it was unprofessional or something. WifeDead showed up to work drunk and pulled out a baller move and just said, "Ain't no thang but a chicken wang." A solid argument looking back.
Poast recently convinced me to jump in and tell some stories, and you stole the one I was going to tell.
You didn't even give that hilarious story the justice it deserves. Sir was mad pissed and we were on the chopping block for getting fired after that, I'm pretty sure the district manager only let us keep our jobs because she thought it was cute when I said "ain't no thang but a chicken wang."
Drunk me is pretty good at being stupid, funny and sexy all at the same time. As evident, me and that one manager you were trying to get with made out in her car when she drove me to the ER after I cut the tip off my thumb off while drunk at work. Tongue deep, bleeding all over her car and everything. When I got back with all my stitches, she had cleaned up and acted like nothing ever happened but always had a winky look when she walked by me.
Anyways, some other funny story is the infamous "48 hour blackout." Me and like 5 other dudes (OMG included, not sure if Poast was there) got so drunk that we all lost two days. Nobody knows what happened, but some sober dude stopped by at one point and said he walked in and found a goddamn dogpile of dudes passed out in the center of our living room in the middle of the day and b-lined it for the exit.
At the tail end of the 48 hour blackout, I woke up with some chick in my bed. Me and OMG shared a bunk bed, and I had top bunk because I was the beta. We all three woke up around the same time, and OMG threw on The Dark Knight for the hundredth time because that's what we always watched.
I start watching from above, girl starts watching with me. We can't see OMG, but he keeps up with commentary. At one point, OMG is just babbling about shit nobody cares about, she yells down "SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M TRYING TO CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND!" and then looks at me.
OMG says back "What?" I'm looking at her like "lolwut?" And she says "doesn't matter, the guy I wanted to hear it heard it" while looking me dead in the eye. I figure fuck it, and start feeling her up. Things escalate quickly, and OMG notices. He eventually leaves the room and slams the door super butthurt.
I end up banging the fuck out of her to The Dark Knight and pausing to quote my favorite scenes. I was straight up balls deep watching the movie saying shit like "YOU THOUGHT WE COULD BE DECENT MEN, IN AN INDECENT TIME--BUT YOU WERE WRONG!"
We wrecked that bunk bed, and she probably fucked off shortly after because I have no memory of ever seeing her again. The icing on the cake is that years later, OMG told me she fell asleep in his bed and he started feeling her up, and she said "dude, I have a boyfriend" then climbed up into my bed. Apparently I have more game than OMG while sleeping than he does at his best.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-19 at 10:06 AM UTCAnother time at work, I was mashing an industrial amount of potatoes with a massive steel masher. OMG slips in behind me like I'm Demi Moore, embraces my hands like a beautiful Patrick Swayze, and starts erotically helping me mash potatoes.
Our boss, Boston Rob, walks by and says "fucking faggots." And then walks away.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-20 at 12:15 AM UTCMore applebee stories!
One time this short fat kid with a big butt got hired. Pretty decent worker and got the hang of things. Then his brother got hired. Really scrawny kid and he sucked at work. It took him forever to get things down but once he knew how to do something he knew it for good. They were Cameron and Guage. They earned the nick names Cam Shaft and .12 Guage.
WifeDead and I use to fuck with each others stations to make it as messy as possible. Or only I fucked with his. I forget. WifeDead was fry side and I was mid doing burgers and shit. Fry side had an improper drain so water would pool there when we cleaned the floors. One time, to fuck with WifeDead, I took the garden hose, set it around the corner where he couldn't see it and barely turned it on. He was splashing around in water and when he found out just said, "I don't really care."
So Cam Shaft worked fry side. He was an early out one day so I'm terrorizing WifeDeads spot because he has to close. I'm lifting up cutting boards and throwing hot sauce and pepper under there and a bunch of other shit. Cam Shaft tells me to stop. I assure him he doesn't have to clean it so what's the problem? He keeps telling me to stop and I don't. He was kinda a weird kid so next time I go to do something he's holding a giant knife and lunges at me. I jump back and don't get stabbed.
The felon on the line, who has stabbed a prison guard in the throat told me, "I thought that was real." So I asked Cam Shaft later. Were you really going to stab me? He replied, "I didn't know I wasn't going to stab you until I didn't."
Then I tried to take him shooting and WifeDead asked me, "You're going to take the kid who almost stabbed you, and put a gun in his hands?" Then I moved to Montana, where .12 Guage and Cam Shaft were originally from. I'm working a shitty gas station job and I see Cam. We exchange numbers and I finally take him shooting. Showed him his first pot plants too. He left one of my .22s loaded and had minimal gun safety and couldn't aim for shit but it was fun.
I lost his number with my old phone but last I heard he fell in love with some one older than him with a kid. Apparently she's a freak. He showed me some pictures and she looked hot. He told me stories about how he can ask to eat chocolate sauce off her body. She just said to keep it out of her hair.
One time up here in Montana I was drinking beer with him on his birthday and he told me a story. He met some guy who offered him weed late at night outside of the library. Cam agrees and goes to his house. The gentlemen offered Cam to butt fuck him and Cam agrees. Then the guy says it's only fair that he can buttfuck Cam. The guy assures Cam that if he doesn't like it, he'll stop. It starts getting bad for Cam and he says so. The guy just keeps buttfucking this poor kid. Cam told me this story laughing. I laughed with him because I think he was trying to cope with it but I was shocked. I never pegged Cam to be into pegging. Let alone being raped by a strange man with the allure of drugs. -
2020-01-20 at 1:15 AM UTCPage mother fucking 36 bitches!
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2020-01-20 at 4:41 PM UTCi needed friends like you in my 20s. though if i did i probably wouldve died early ghostriding the hood of an 86 toyota celica or being stabbed during mcdonalds fisticuffs
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2020-01-20 at 6:08 PM UTC
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2020-01-20 at 7:53 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER 86 toyota celica
Try an 86 Honda Accord. Or Honda Accard as we called it. Wish it was an 84 but oh well.
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny what happened to poast that he no longer want to be on internet ?
did he just recently discovered dignity ?
or shame maybe ?
He's reevaluating life or some thing. He's watching the thread. Just not poasting like a faggot. Never change pony boy. -
2020-01-20 at 7:54 PM UTCSteros fucks niggers.
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2020-01-20 at 8:05 PM UTC
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2020-01-20 at 8:15 PM UTCAldra hates kikes.
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2020-01-20 at 8:21 PM UTCSo back in the day we knew a girl who was learning to do tattoos. She was really good. Still is. She had an apprenticeship so doing tatts for cash in someones house was something she could get in trouble for. She kept giving people tatts. She was clean and professional.
There was another guy doing the same thing and I let him do Ryan Dunns rhino tattoo from Haggard before I was going to get my back piece. It turned out like crap and I never let him touch me again.
The girl said she couldn't do the Since '84 tatt because it was unrealistic. I said she could but moved on. WifeDead printed out what I wanted on two pieces of paper and I hung it on the wall. Back in the day, when GTA San Andreas was all the rage, Poast and I would play as a shirtless nigger with a fro and the back AK tatt. So I was kinda inspired by that. The girl comes over to party one night and she sees the thing WifeDead printed. She said, I can do that. That week and a hundred dollars I payed her then the nigger Sir from applebees got to tell me, "You just fukt up your back." I've always been a fan of matte black tatts and she put a ton of ink in to that one. It was straight black for months.
One night she brings over her portfolio. I'm going through it and see a tatt. "Who got that one?" I ask. It was a buddy of mine I don't see too often and I asked her if she would give me the same tattoo, in the same place. She says she will and then Poast says he'll do the same thing.
The plan, even though it never came to fruition, was I would see the guy at a party. Tell him I just got a new tattoo and show him. He'd be upset and then Poast would come up and be like, "No way! I got the same tatt! that's crazy!" I had to go to work so I got my tatt first. Now Poast is still bitching about how his eyes aren't perfect.
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2020-01-20 at 8:21 PM UTCBill Krozby fucks fat chicks.
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2020-01-20 at 8:22 PM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-20 at 8:25 PM UTC
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2020-01-20 at 8:28 PM UTC
Originally posted by WellHung Bill Krozby fucks fat chicks.
I'm such a loser fat chicks wouldn't fuck me. Oh! That reminds me of another story!
Fucking years ago. Probably before I was born is how old this is. I got drunk at a buddies house and there was this gigantic round girl. She was trying to get with my buddy who was using her for stuff and she couldn't see it. Eventually we make it into the fold out bed in the living room and I'm telling her that the guy doesn't care about her and using her and we should probably fuck because of it.
I finally get her, this monstrous fat girl, to jerk me off. I brilliantly decided she sucked at maneuvering my small dick so much that I should put some dish soap on it. That worked. Then I convince her to give me a blow job. So I run to the sink and rinse off as best I could. She doesn't get half way down my shaft before coming back up spitting and gagging trying to say, "It tastes like soap."
The story I'm told is the two people in the next room were listening the whole time and I made this girl cry then tried to fuck her. -
2020-01-20 at 8:35 PM UTC
Originally posted by WellHung Kikes
What is it with the jedis? Don't they own the world and they can fall back on the holocaust to call you an atisemite? I never looked into it because at the end of the day, I don't really give a shit. What am I feasibly going to change in the world? I'll just stick to being racist. -
2020-01-20 at 8:40 PM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-20 at 8:58 PM UTCSo close to page 37. I appreciate the support. I'd like to thank my mother for always encouraging me even when it's fucking retarded. With out her this stupidity wouldn't be possible.
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2020-01-20 at 9:01 PM UTC
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2020-01-21 at 3:09 AM UTCOne time I was at applebees. I started getting texts from a girl who was a close party friend. She had broken up with her man and wanted to see me after work. I was conflicted. This girl was pretty but had fukt pretty much every one I knew. So I'm texting her back while at work and wondering if I'm going to do the bad deed. I desperately wanted a girl and to not be alone so I was kind of deciding to do it. But still majorly conflicted about it. I knew it wasn't a smart move but I was alone and hoping something might come out of it.
What I didn't know is WifeDead borrowed my phone a couple nights before and changed his number ID in my phone to this girl. He was texting me the whole time while we were working right next to each other. One of the servors came up and asked me what's up because I looked down and out. I kind of explained and he was just laughing his ass off. I assume WifeDead let him in on the secret.
So shift ends, I'm giving WifeDead a ride home and when he steps out he texted me, 'It was me the whole time.' I drove away laughing but then the loneliness set in. I was wondering if I could be in a relationship with this ghetto party whore and finally not be alone for hours. It was a great prank but I soon got butthurt. I went to a party and asked a close buddy for some ecstasy. I got high and drunk and forgot about being alone.
Because I did copious amounts of drugs the night before my seratonin was shot the next day. Take 5HTP kids. So I was being a bitch and let WifeDead know I was pissed. He randomly gave me a belt later that I still have because I think he felt bad. He shouldn't have felt bad because that was a great prank.
Back when he used to talk to me I brought this story up and he had forgot about it. I said he should've texted me, 'Just walk in the door. I'll be fine.' So I walk into this girls house while she's in bed with her man and it would've been the greatest prank ever. I'm glad he didn't but looking back that would've been blowing off Poasts hand level savagery.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
