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Woman tries to steal a frying pan by wedging it in her ass
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2019-07-23 at 6:05 AM UTCI caught one guy that had literally 6 pair of shoes on him. Shoes for the whole family. He had one pair stuffed behind, two pairs stuffed in front, and one pair in each armpit, and one shoe in each sock. I was up in the view port with the binoculars and I spot him going out past the service desk looking just like a giant teddy bear, with his elbows sticking out at a ridiculous angle, and walking with an exaggerated swagger. I stopped him just outside the front exit, flipped my badge, and he says, "What? What??", like I'm an idiot or something. When I reached for one of the pairs already starting to come out from his armpit, he drew back quickly and said, "Hey!", so I nailed him to the pavement with an elbow jammed down on his neck and told him to shut the fuck up, and he started to cry and squealed out something to the effect that his family had no shoes, so he had to steal them.
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2019-07-23 at 6:06 AM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL I caught one guy that had literally 6 pair of shoes on him. Shoes for the whole family. He had one pair stuffed behind, two pairs stuffed in front, and one pair in each armpit. I was up in the view port with the binoculars and I spot him going out past the service desk looking just like a giant teddy bear, with his elbows sticking out at a ridiculous angle, and walking with an exaggerated swaggered. I stopped him just outside the front exit, flipped my badge, and he says, "What? What??", like I'm an idiot or something. When I reached for one of the pairs already starting to come out from his armpit, he drew back quickly and said, "Hey!", so I nailed him to the pavement with an elbow jammed down on his neck and told him to shut the fuck up, and he started to cry and squealed out something to the effect that his family had no shoes, so he had to steal them.
i will read that when i’m taking my morning shit -
2019-07-23 at 6:20 AM UTCI remember this one clown who came in and grabbed about 30-40 packs of double-A batteries and distributed them all around his waistband and then headed for the exit, and his t-shirt was so puffed out at the bottom it looked ridiculous, more like a dress/tutu than a t-shirt. When I was walking him back inside the store he took a sucker shot at me but missed, and we ended up going a round right there, and as we're throwing punches back and forth all the battery packs fly out of his waistband and fall all over the pavement, so we're both skidding and skating back and forth literally on top all these battery packs and throwing punches the whole time. I finally got him in a headlock and started to squeeze his neck to cut off his oxygen supply and he gurgled out that he gave up. Then I had to get a staff to pick up all the battery packs so bystanders couldn't scoop any up and leave with them. Too funny.
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2019-11-19 at 2:21 PM UTC
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2019-11-19 at 2:33 PM UTCThat went back on the shelf.
And someone bought it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-11-19 at 2:41 PM UTC
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2019-11-19 at 3:13 PM UTCShe tried to steal a frying pan...but stole my heart.
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2019-11-19 at 4:47 PM UTCThe best way to steal would be to climb up on the roof with a fishing rod and make a hole and "fish" items back up through the hole.
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2019-11-19 at 5:32 PM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL I remember this one clown who came in and grabbed about 30-40 packs of double-A batteries and distributed them all around his waistband and then headed for the exit, and his t-shirt was so puffed out at the bottom it looked ridiculous, more like a dress/tutu than a t-shirt. When I was walking him back inside the store he took a sucker shot at me but missed, and we ended up going a round right there, and as we're throwing punches back and forth all the battery packs fly out of his waistband and fall all over the pavement, so we're both skidding and skating back and forth literally on top all these battery packs and throwing punches the whole time. I finally got him in a headlock and started to squeeze his neck to cut off his oxygen supply and he gurgled out that he gave up. Then I had to get a staff to pick up all the battery packs so bystanders couldn't scoop any up and leave with them. Too funny.
You're getting delusional again. -
2019-11-19 at 10:12 PM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL I remember this one clown who came in and grabbed about 30-40 packs of double-A batteries and distributed them all around his waistband and then headed for the exit, and his t-shirt was so puffed out at the bottom it looked ridiculous, more like a dress/tutu than a t-shirt. When I was walking him back inside the store he took a sucker shot at me but missed, and we ended up going a round right there, and as we're throwing punches back and forth all the battery packs fly out of his waistband and fall all over the pavement, so we're both skidding and skating back and forth literally on top all these battery packs and throwing punches the whole time. I finally got him in a headlock and started to squeeze his neck to cut off his oxygen supply and he gurgled out that he gave up. Then I had to get a staff to pick up all the battery packs so bystanders couldn't scoop any up and leave with them. Too funny.
Bootlicker. -
2019-11-19 at 10:16 PM UTC
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2019-11-19 at 10:19 PM UTC
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2019-11-19 at 11:47 PM UTCSpectral once choke slammed a 400 lb TV thief in the Kmart parking lot with one hand tied behind his back.
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2019-11-20 at 2:16 AM UTC
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2019-11-20 at 11:34 AM UTC
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2019-11-20 at 12:05 PM UTC
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2019-11-20 at 9:37 PM UTC
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2020-12-27 at 7:12 PM UTCLol
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2020-12-27 at 7:16 PM UTCBump
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2021-12-03 at 3:47 PM UTCGorilla
