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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-03-12 at 3:29 AM UTC
Btw, you never responded to this, particularly the part where I tear you apart.
Yeah, I have it open on a tab but I haven't gotten around to responding to it yet. Going through the interview process which is surprisingly involved.Neither are the vast majority of classes.
Vast majority? I'm not sure about that and you should be skeptical about your ability to discern between challenging and not going in. In particular I think you probably overestimate your math skills/underestimate their value, even to non-STEM fields (I will, generally speaking, join you in shitting on the "well rounded adult" argument for GE but Ithinkknow there's a lot of needless hostility and wasted time between STEM and the humanities borne of simple ignorance of the bare fundamentals of the respective disciplines, stemfags generally being far worse than their counterparts). I certainly did going into higher education.Yeah, business majors tend to be a pretty poor choice in terms of earnings, actually, and no doubt the people tend to be dumb. Then again, I'm not interested in a legitimate career or other people. Like, in the classes specific to your major, computer science, did the other students generally really make that much of a difference? You love the subject, so the discussions may have been enjoyable for you, but within the classroom environment I don't see myself having much interest in people (Never have, although I'm trying to change from being the type of person that feels others are just part of the background.). It would just be something that could be genuinely helpful and I would enjoy reading about. Ideally if you really want to learn about something you're an autodidact and learn far more on your own than you do in a classroom, but I've considered that there are benefits, I could definitely use the increase in psychological well being from being around people and some structured environment, a bit of externally induced discipline.
Well there's direct and indirect benefits from having smart peers. In CS there probably wasn't a lot of direct benefit outside of the handful of, generally reviled, team projects. In philosophy and the better math courses having intelligent vocal participants really did make a world of difference, both those fields having a history in dialectics. The one sociology course I had to sit through I went from "this sucks" to "fucking kill me now" as a result of how intellectually barren the vocal subset of the students were. I have no particular objection to sociology as a field, it's just my sample size 1 negative experience with it was so profoundly terrible that I felt compelled to block out as much of the course as I could.Christ you're salty. Who needs a shaker, people should just ask you to rub your fingers together over their food. You don't understand economics/how the world works. I'm not saying I fully disagree with you, but your viewpoint is too far to one extreme.
Har har. "Moral cancer" is a bit extreme to be sure, I am somewhat biased by my background of course and I don't fully believe that. But I do legitimately have a hard time finding the value proposition of most the roles associated with a business degree.What if they simply fill a role that arises from the ugly reality of human nature, group/social behavior?
Sure, I'm fully willing to accept there is some quirk of our society that necessitates these people existing but I'm not sure it's any better to be a malignant symptom of a disease than to be the disease itself. If the 21st century image of corporate/managerial structure is the effect of some simpler cause then all we have is reason to terminate that cause as opposed to the effect. And remember that I'm an authoritarian socialist, I have no qualms with authority or enforced structure a priori nor with submitting myself to same. The issue is that N corporations times M people not producing a direct work product (that is to say, managerial types) for values N and M found in the US today far exceeds the number of capable tyrants we've got which leaves use with the inescapable conclusion that we have the vicious rather than necessary type of bureaucracy on our hands.Besides, think out side of your field, your social circle/environment and past that molds and skews your perception. Are most people that good, are they really that productive at work? How much time is generally devoted to actually working?
Sure, even among my social circle and peers I see tremendous waste. Hell, I spend more than half the day I collect income for on things that don't produce a penny for my employer. But that's not an argument for the services business majors provide. Putting a professional servant to corporate hierarchy on top of the laziest son of a bitch there is isn't going to produce an additional ounce of work product.How many are making a significant positive contribution, a difference? Although you do have a leftist mentality and are in the pinko capital of the US, probably experience some jadedness/resentment, which makes business types seem worse to you and overlook, not understand, some of the necessary function they provide. Charisma matters. Think about the fundamental value of human communication, the evolutionary roots, eons of a process leading to this remarkable complexity, how so much of the world has been built upon sounds we make with our mouths and vocal cords and symbols we created.
Well, communication matters. But communication between humans is not the same as charisma. Charisma is convincing people of a thing beyond the inherent worth of the argument, charisma is sophistry in contrast to socrates. Charisma is, without a doubt, power and power is very important but it's only good in so far as it's used to good ends and the capitalistic system that exists today actively turns charismatic power towards bad ends, specifically the extraction of labor towards unworthy causes and subjugation of the proletariat.
Many of the most remarkable and important people in modern history have been business people.
Sure sure, but was that an inherent element of what made them important or something necessitated by the social system they existed in? I'd argue the latter. Thinking of america's "proud history of invention" I think most successful businessmen were as much because one needs to be a businessmen to be a successful inventor as opposed to being a successful inventor on strength of being businessmen. Consider it this way: are there any important and remarkable american businesspeople who weren't some other kind of more academic class? Maybe Ford... that's it. Now think about remarkable/important americans as a class. What portion of them were not business people? A significant part (I'd argue a majority, but that's besides the point). If one class of people is a near proper subset of another I think that's a strong argument that the special subgroup is not privileged but rather incidental.The vast majority of computer programmers are simply cogs who have produced nothing remarkable and you know it.
Sure, but the interesting metric isn't "did something remarkable" so much as "did something worthwhile" which are two different things. My objection to business types isn't that they don't do anything remarkable but their median case doesn't do anything worth doing at all. And sure, even under that consideration the prospects of a programmer are pretty dismal but it's still better than being a "businessman". In any case I didn't pick my field because I thought it was where the biggest impact could be made but because it's what I'm good at, it's where I personally have the best chance of doing something worth doing.That's right, I said it. Outside of your field, try talking to someone about what you do, what you've accomplished, and see the reaction you compared to someone who runs a successful business, even if it isn't novel. To non-autists it's boring and you know it. You may be under-appreciated and the general population may lack understanding, but even if that were remedied this would still be true.
If public appreciation of a profession were correctly proportional to the social utility that class provided then I disagree, programmers (including computer scientists) as a class have done more for our society per-capita than people who's primary occupation could be best described as "business people". Although I certainly wouldn't disagree on the point of people considering my trade boring. Actually I think programmers are probably a bit over appreciated, the ADD plagued population see shiny apps and facebook, mistake them for something that isn't a waste of human life, and lay that dubious accomplishment at the feet of programmers.And aren't you working in finance and have recently, multiple times in the past in fact, talked about floating around the idea of one day starting a business or doing something related to high frequency trading? After everything you just said, do you not see how hypocritical that is. And what about the salary you're making and your projected peak salary? Remember that time you mentioned thinking about a worker in a food service position and it leading to you questioning our economic system? I swear, fucking stempremacist techbro future neo-yuppies.
Sure, I am undoubtedly a hypocrite. I profit on a system I detest and my surplus value fuels, in some part, it's villainy. I admit it, but do I need to remind you of your own hypocritical life choices? Aren't you the one who's always touting how being a hypocrite doesn't mean you're not right?
Besides, even if I'm a grossly inefficient money sink I still beat the average on the meager portion I donate to far more efficient projects, and perhaps on strength of whatever contribution I stand to make over my life to the state of the art in my field.I intent to out earn you within the year (In terms of monthly income), and rub it in your face when it actually happens. You need to learn your place and be taught a lessen in respect, gratitude, and manners, code monkey.
I'd love to see it but you should know by now I don't consider money a measure of human worth, considering I make a respectable income and pretty much hate myself. -
2016-03-12 at 3:53 AM UTC
This is amazing.
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2016-03-12 at 3:58 AM UTCLanny, if you call me gay again I'll rip off your sweaty poncho, grab you by your ankles like a baby and shove my face into your asshole till you bust all over my forehead.
I dare you to. ;P -
2016-03-12 at 3:58 AM UTCHere are some pictures of my family. Dots added for the possibility of image recognition software. My brother accepted my friend request, although I didn't tell him who I was. Seems my sister doesn't go on often, but I sent her one too, hopefully she accepts. Was able to find some pics using PictureMate, but I'd like to see her full profile, not much is public.
Here's one from 2011 of my sister. She's 3 years younger than me, so she should have been 17 in this pic. She went to this high school: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_D...ne_and_Science
17 too:
2013, age 22. Went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug with a friend, asked if anyone was interested in going to a Hobbit live fan event about a month before that because she had an extra ticket.
A comment she made, 2012:Excellent day today I found $20 and ended up watchind Ouran High School Host Club anf Elfen Lied all day.
Christmas 2011. I don't think I ever remember feeling the Christmas spirit, at least not since I was young.Hallo everyone and merry x-mas and all those other holidays other ppl celebrate. I got to play santa by sneaking into my families rooms and leaving there present though it does make you feel stalker-ish. Holidays are okay though it did freak me out a bit that my parents got into the christmas spirit and stuff since Im used to ignoring the holidays for the past couple of years and just using them as an excuse to sleep til the afternoon. And I still havnt gotten minutes for my phone and hv no plan to in the forseeable future which means I might randomly decide to buy them one day or not depends on how i feel. Now that im done rambling I should get some sleep. Night-night.
Here's a screenshot of my brother's desktop, I think he was around 17 when this was taken. Seems he has pretty good taste in games and anime:
Full size: http://i.imgur.com/eTUsOyC.jpg
​Max 4 images. -
2016-03-12 at 3:59 AM UTC
I'm not sure if the prednisone or poison ivy is having an effect on my mood. I began feeling depressed today, a bout of deep melancholy. I was feeling better before that, getting things done, moving forward. I'm not sure if seeing and thinking about this is what did it entirely.
http://www.reiliberationparade.com.a...ode23'.txtRei: Who?
Me?
Me within Eva?
No, I feel someone else other than me.
Who are you?
An Angel?
The being that we call an Angel?
Rei (Angel): Don't you want to be unified with me?
Rei: No.
I am I.
Not you.
Rei (Angel): Hmm, but you shall be.
It's too late.
Rei (Angel): I give you part of my mind.
I give you this emotion.
Pain… see, you mind has pain.
Rei: Pain?
No, something different.
Loneliness.
Yes, loneliness.
Rei (Angel): Loneliness?
I don't understand.
Rei: Do you hate being alone?
We are many, though you hate being alone.
That's called loneliness.
Rei (Angel): That's your mind.
Full of sadness.
That's your own mind.
================================================== =======
Rei: These are tears.
It's me who's crying.
If you were to meet me IRL, Rei Ayanami is the closes depiction I've found to what I'm like.
You don't understand, I made myself alone. I just ended up closing myself off around age 13 and barely spoke to them after that, we were practically strangers living under the same roof. I guess you could summarize by saying I had a problem with being human. It looks like they grew up and developed normal lives; I didn't. I remember the day my sister was brought home from the hospital, they let me carry her on the ride home and I was really happy. She seemed to like me as an older brother before I closed myself off. Then I just disappeared at 18 and never contacted them again. I denied them the experience of being family. I really never knew them. I remember thinking some time before I left that they seemed to be growing closer and that I was a toxic presence, although I had detached myself, grown so cold, that I literally never thought about them until my mental breakdown two years ago. Even that's biological. Nepotism, the gene centric view of evolution. You don't choose your family, why should they receive special treatment? Would you have ever associated with them if you weren't? I really don't have any family. It's not something most people will understand, or they'll think I'm exaggerating, being melodramatic, that it's a statement of how I feel. No, I really don't, I could have, but I didn't. It's so strange to be this way, to genuinely have never experienced intimacy and have isolated yourself to such as great extent, not even understand what it feels like to have friends, be a a part of something larger than yourself. I was a psychological monstrosity.
It brings to mind a thread I wanted to make, to see who knows me best, has understood at least one major myself: What is my greatest fear?
http://niggasin.space/forum/spurious...afraid-of-most
Upped my Nardil dose. Took a month of delays to finally find out that my insurance doesn't cover it at all, even with prior authorization/medical justification. Fortunately found this and it's affordable out of pocket, but I had been a few days without taking a dose: http://www.goodrx.com/nardil?form=ta...ide=phenelzine
It's making me feel strange right now, a bit off. I'd like to see how this develops. -
2016-03-12 at 4:01 AM UTC
Here are some pictures of my family. Dots added for the possibility of image recognition software. My brother accepted my friend request, although I didn't tell him who I was. Seems my sister doesn't go on often, but I sent her one too, hopefully she accepts. Was able to find some pics using PictureMate, but I'd like to see her full profile, not much is public.
Here's one from 2011 of my sister. She's 3 years younger than me, so she should have been 17 in this pic. She went to this high school: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Drew_Magnet_High_School_of_Medicine_and_Science
17 too:
2013, age 22. Went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug with a friend, asked if anyone was interested in going to a Hobbit live fan event about a month before that.
A comment she made, 2012:
Christmas 2011. I don't think I ever remember feeling the Christmas spirit, at least not since I was young.
Here's a screenshot of my brother's desktop, I think he was around 17 when this was taken. Seems he has pretty good taste in games and anime:
​Max 4 images.
That's nice, bro. -
2016-03-12 at 4:18 AM UTCThat one girl on the leftvhas ketchup(?) smeared around her face like an idiot. Try to avoid that one...
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2016-03-12 at 5:05 AM UTC
That's nice, bro.
Fuck you, sploo. -
2016-03-12 at 5:13 AM UTClol
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2016-03-12 at 5:48 AM UTCMalice, your siblings have more autistic tendencies than I expected. Not sure why I imagined them being totally normal and well adjusted, you mentioned seeing similarities between yourself and your dad which should have given it away. I guess the "strangers under the same roof" thing made it seem like you were the only black sheep.
Also your sister is kinda cute (nohetero). Is she going to SC? They don't usually let poor people in, there are always a handful of diversity scholarships but they usually go to the black football players on top of the hefty illegal payouts to their family. -
2016-03-12 at 6:23 AM UTCIt's highly genetically mediated, there's a high heritability. My sister in particular was similar to me in some ways. I just inherited the extreme end of autistic tendencies, and without external intervention, the right environment, this happened, I destroyed myself.
Is she going to SC? They don't usually let poor people in, there are always a handful of diversity scholarships but they usually go to the black football players on top of the hefty illegal payouts to their family.
I don't know if she's going to SC or already graduated (she would be 22 now). My dad was also finally getting his life together and making a decent amount of money, I don't know how they turned out, I honestly don't know anything about them except what little I could gleam on facebook. I'd like to know, though. She was intelligent, and clearly far better adjusted than I was. It's really a shame, we could have gotten along. I still have memories of playing video games together with them, I don't know how I forgot, whether I was capable of blocking it out to such an extent or somehow becoming trapped, trapping myself in a cycle, that overlooked it. I became incapable of even playing games with people. Why did I develop such an enormous issue with any form of intimacy? I destroyed myself, I can't even communicate properly now. What was it about something as simple as friendship that I became incapable of accepting? How did I not realize the massive root of the massive shift of my psychological well-being and function, how much happier I had been with people in my life?
I'm not even sure if these feelings are genuine. Read about the evolutionary hypothesis of depression. My behavior follows it almost perfectly. I realized, I was never really in control, it's amazing how little control I really had. You're ostracized/separated from the tribe, this is an extremely dangerous situation, normally a death sentence, then there's the drive to reproduce, which can't be done in isolation. Reflect on your behavior, feelings of guilt, ruminating thought, increase in empathy, attempt to make up for wrongdoings, engage/increase in pro-social behavior. A while ago I realized that becoming adjusted to people only made me more comfortable with abusing them. You understand someone, you understand their limits, capabilities, tendencies; whether they're a threat, willing to tolerate something. I noticed the same thing with my father and his behavior toward his nuclear family vs. that towards others.
I'm genuinely not sure I'm even capable of feeling connection to others. If that turns out to be the case, suicide may be inevitable. I've described autism as being trapped within yourself. -
2016-03-12 at 6:32 AM UTC
Malice, your siblings have more autistic tendencies than I expected.
Wetbacks are robots, why do you think they're willing to work for 2.50 an hour? Malice's sister sounds exactly like Malice if masculinity and femininity could be distinguished by either having a cable or an outlet for genitals. Also maybe they thought Malice was kinda Kewl like you think Malice is kinda Kewl, and after 10+ years of living with him under the same roof they'd structured their lifestyles in a way which was somewhat affectionate of their brother i.e. the burgers are a foodborne virus but they are also contagious. -
2016-03-12 at 6:36 AM UTCI'm the most socially adept person out of my immediate family. So much cringe, all of the time. I wonder if my social skills would have been normie-tier if my parents weren't complete autists.
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2016-03-12 at 6:55 AM UTC
the burgers are a foodborne virus but they are also contagious.
It's kinda disgusting that I understood this sentence perfectly -
2016-03-12 at 7:04 AM UTC
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2016-03-12 at 8:16 AM UTCI'm honestly surprised that you actually made this, I thought it was a genuine *chan meme at first. Amazed is too strong a word, I didn't want to use it, but you should make posts of this quality more often.
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2016-03-12 at 8:32 AM UTCAlso, I honestly wonder if the effects of my lifestyle have degraded certain aspects of my health to the point where just poison oak became systemic and likely could have been life threatening if it hadn't been treated. Like a boy who grew up in a bubble stepping out as a tourist in India. I genuinely noticed worrying signs of my body malfunctioning, shutting down, in the past, which is why I take so many substances just to keep myself in stasis and slow down the damage.
I've mentioned before that this lifestyle, driving yourself to this level of isolation, is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I've linked to the data, studies conducted, before. There are issues with chronic inflammation in autism as well.
Unfortunately I believe with allergies severe reactions tend to cause further reactions to become even worse, increased sensitization. Fuck it's going to suck if I can never go into the wilderness again without the risk of threatening my life. The exposure I had to urushiol must have been massive, though. I still feel miserable, but at least my shins and arms seem to be over it. Now I'm just worried about my stomach and it possibly continuing to spread. It's going to be so stupid if I end up dying from poison oak. -
2016-03-12 at 8:55 AM UTCSo poison oak is obviously a real thing and there are obvious issues prolonged social isolation BUT things like "noticed worrying signs of my body malfunctioning" and "it's going to suck if I can never go into the wilderness again without the risk of threatening my life" sound strikingly like (real) hypochondria, especially with your background anxiety condition(s). Talking yourself into what you must realize by now is a risky and ultimately harmful series of drug interactions is exactly the kind of thing that turns paranoid behavior into actively harmful behavior. You know it's true if you really make an effort to look at your observations from an outside perspective.
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2016-03-12 at 10:51 PM UTCI need about 4-15k for my life to notsuck so much. This guy who bought the property said he mightbhelp me out- found this MH in a good location down south for 15k cash. He drug me on a few days before he decided to tell me he had his money tied upelse where and couldnt help me out. I was gonna end up paying 30k. In under 5 years. Then found this other place... its 4k move in for owner fin. At 350 a month. What makes it all hard is my dogs. I wont abandon them. They been there for me when noone else was, when this spic tried to come in who was convicted of rape and b&e tried to get in my home and forced me to pull a gun (I found this all out later because that douchebag couldnt even respond to me). Life sucks. Money sucks and I am fucked big time. Ill probably have another heartattack and die or Ill just get the balls to eat lead... who knows. Yall should start making bets now. A couple of yall have my info to verify what eventually happens.whatever happens though Im sure it wont be pretty.
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2016-03-12 at 11:52 PM UTCWhat's up bitches?
