2019-09-27 at 4:37 AM UTC
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
Originally posted by Snoopy
FUCK! I mean, SHIT! Crap is getting fucking HECTIC! People fucking suck! God damn it I fucking hate children. Stupid dumbass children are always fucking bitching about shit not being real or fucking realistic. FUCK YOU! FUCKING YOUR ASS IS REALISTIC! Fucking piece of SHIT! Like, someone does some funny shit for a gag, and they say it's not funny cause it's fake. WHAT THE FUUUUCK?! Reality fucking SUCKS! People are getting fucked in the ass and crap smells like SHIT! God damn Vin Diesel jumping out of a plane on a fucking neutron bomb while FUCING 17.000 mexican bitches and recovering from a fucking kebap diarrhea infection, shot real time fucking SUCKS! FUCK A BALD MAN CAUSE HE'S SHIT! God damn!
I mean, FUCK! I was riding the metro the other FUCKING DAY! And they have these FUCKING retarded regulations that you can't buy FUCKING tickets on the damn tram itself. So this dumbshit fucking prick gets on and buys one anyway. The driver is being all fucking friendly and FUCKING SHIT! I don't FUCKING give a shit, being myself and then this fucking NIGGER gets on. He goes up to the driver and asks for a ticket. The FUCKING RETARD DRIVER hands him a paper with the metro regulations and tells him to “fucking read it, if you can”. I got up and said: “FUUUUUCK!!!” WHAT THE FUCK! I yelled: “NIGGER, SELL THE MOTHERFUCKING BLACK MAN A GOD DAMN TICKET YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SELL THIS OTHER GARBAGE-FUCKING-EATER A FUCKING TICKET?!” What the HELL is this FUCKING SHIT?! God damn, I'm like just FUCKING sitting there, minding my god damn business like EVERYONE ELSE SHOULF FUCKING BE, when this FUCKING retard starts making a FUCKING problem. For all you fucking know, BITCH, the African feller has a Ph.D in FUCKING YOUR ASS, FUCKING ASSHOLE! I mean, FUCK!
And SHIT! I fucking hate FUCKING dumb people. Last Sunday, I was having a fucking hangover at this fucking BBQ. It was like, FUCK! Then a couple of blocks away, this FUCKING CROMAGNON PEA BRAINED PIECE OF SHITEATING FECESFACE starts acting all fucking tough in front of the red lights, trying to fucking DRAG RACE A FUCKING MOTOR CYCLE. WHAT THE FUUUUCK?! So the dude on the motor is like, what the fuck?! And when the MORON realizes how much of a DUMB SHIT he is, he FUCKING RAMS THE MOTOR CYCLE OFF THE ROAD, KILLING THE BITCH IN THE BACK?! WHAT THE HELL?! Don't FUCKING ram people off the FUCKING road you DUMB FUCKING JELLO BRAIN! God damn, FUCKING too bad I wasn't so FUCKING hung over and at a BBQ. I fucking witness that, I FUCKING RUN AFTER YOUR SORRY ASS FUCKING TERMINATOR STYLE AND RAM YOUR FUCKING HEMORRHOIDS OUT YOUR GOD DAMN COLON, BITCH ASS SHITDIVER!
And SHIT! Today, I said: FUCK! So I sat down in front of the GOD DAMN tv, which I hadn't seen in FUCKING FOREVER. Laurel & Hardy were on, and I said: FUCKING SHIT, THIS IS FUNNY CRAP! Then, BAM! My FUCKING mom takes the FUCKING remote VIBRATING control and FUCKING changes the GOD DAMN STATION! I said: BITCH, FUCK! Why the HELL'D YOU DO THAT FOR?! And she sayd: “STOP YELL YOU DICK, I WANT TO WATCH THE GOD DAMN NEWS!” God DAMN fucking news! HOLY SHIT! You watch the news over HUMOR?! Fuck, I'll give you the GOD DAMN NEWS! FUCKING TONY DICKLESS BLAIR WON THE GOD DAMN DUMBSHIT ELECTION! His 90 year old wife GOT FUCKED for being a PRICK! What the HELL?! Her FUCKING IUD FELL OUT OF HER FRIGGIN' CUNT FOR SMELLING LIKE SHIT! Fucking LABOR PARTY SHIT! What the HELL?!
Oh yeah, now that I mentioned England, it reminds me. I had my mate on the phone the other day, asking him what the FUCK we're doing on Saturday evening, and he said we're doing JACK FUCKING SHIT cause his woman is in FUCKING LONDON. WHAT THE FUCK IS LONDON?! I said: “SHIT! FUCKING HELL!”. Why the fuck aren't WE IN LONDON FUCKING TOO?! That was a stupid question, because his answer FUCKING KICKED MY ASS! He said: “WE FUCKING AREN'T IN LONDON BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE PAKI FUCKING SHIT! OUT OF 10 FUCKING MILLION DICKS, HALF OF THEM ARE FUCKING BROWN FOR BEING GAY FUCKING MUSLIM SHITS! FUCKING LONDON SUCKS! AND I'M NOT EVEN GETTING STARTED ABOUT FUCKING IT IN THE ASS! GOD DAMN I FUCKING HATE MUSLIM WOMEN TO SHIT!”. I asked him what his fucking problem was cause half his fucking friends are fucking brow, and he fucking RUINED ME AGAIN. He said: “FUCK YOU, SMARTASS DICKHEAD! WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY I HAVE TO ROT HERE IN THIS SHITHOLE WITH YOU GIVING ME THESE SEX PHONECALLS, FAGGOT?! FUCKING CAN'T A GUY BE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE?! ASSHOLE!”. I said: “YOU'RE RIGHT, DICK HEAD! LET'S GET DRUNK AND DRIVE ANYWAY, WORTH A SHIT AIN' IT?!”
Oh yeah, phonecalls. This brings me to my FUCING lawyer. I fucking called him the other day. THE NIGGER, he fucking say: “Hehe, Yes Sir Mr. Snoopy, but my provisions are depleted.”. I'm like: “What the HELL are you SHITHEADED SUITWEARING DICKHEAD talking about?! DAMN IT FUCKING THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS! I CAN'T FUCKING HAVE YOU FUCKING AROUND WITH ME!!!”. Then he said I should bitchslap his bankaccount with another 250. FUCKING LEECHBACK MOTHERFUCKING ASSFUCKER! I FUCKING PAID HIM LAST FRIGGIN MONTH! WHAT A FUCKING CAPITALIST WHORE BAG SHIT PISS FUCKING CUNTEATING MAGGOT!
And FUCKING AGAIN! I was taking a FUCKING shower earlier, when the FUCKING PHONE GOES OFF! This DICKHEAD from UNI calls to BITCH AT ME FOR DOING OR FUCKING NOT DOING SOME SHIT I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT. I said: FUUUCK YOU, MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF WORTHLESS UNWORTHY SHIT!!!” God damn it, FUCK I'm going to eat my GOD DAMN PHONE! So whenever the fuck it RINGS, I can FUCKING PUKE AT THEM, FUCKING ASSHOLES!
Now let's get back to public transportation and retards. Fuck, the other day I met NOTHING BUT RETARDED PEOPLE! And the only one who wasn't retarded was this arab dickhead whose mouth looked like a fucking CHESSBOARD SMEARED WITH SHIT! The missing teeth gaps were black, and his fucking teeth were brown. I fucking couldn't help LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF IN HIS FUCKING FACE! He also smelled like DOUCHE! ASSDOUCHE! None of that fancy CUNTDOUCHE. What the FUCKING HELL?! The retarded kids were FUCKING OUT OF THEIR GOD DAMN MIND! One of them was reading all the fucking GAYPHONE AND DRUGBOX ads in the metro, and the OTHER WAS YELLING THE SAME FUCKING SHIT. Just repeating what the dickhead before him said. WHAT THE FUCK?! Then there was this poster for “Kingdom of Heaven” and some retarded kids tried to read it, but they pronounced “Heaven” as “SHIT”. I said: “HAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT THE FUCK?!” That movie probably SUCKS, unless it explains why some arabs have red hair. HAAHA, fucking RAPED! DICKHEADS!
Oh shit, I skipped class this whole week so I could go FUCK this friend of mine every day. WHAT A GOD DAMN MISTAKE. She made me wear fucking CONDOMS which I HAD TO FUCKING PAY FOR, cause she's TOO FUCKING DUMB TO SWALLOW A PILL EVERY FUCKING DAY!! STUPID BITCH, THE FUCKING CONDOMS COST MORE THAN A FUCKING HOOKER!! Then I noticed I got the FUCKING WRONG ONES! The only condoms worth a DICK are the extra thin ones. Everything else feels like FUCKING A PLASTIC BAG FILLED WITH GLASS SHARDS! God damn SUPID BITCH made me go LIMP. She fucking thought it'd be cool if she only shaved half of her fucking pubes. HER GOD DAMN CUNT LOOKED LIKE TWO FACE FROM BATMAN, ONLY IT SMELLED LIKE SHIT! I convinced her we take a bath together, and then she gave me head, WHICH SUCKED! SHE FUCKED UP AT SUCKING?! GOD DAMN WHAT A WASTE OF FUCKING SPERM!
When I went home, I took a look at my bank account and SHIT! 0.98. I said: “FUUUUUCK THIS!” Friday, paycheck, but this communist shithole has some kind of non work day today, and the bank won't FUCKING give me my money until MONDAY. I fucking wasted all my god damn money on getting drunk, going to a Chinese restaurant and ordering DIM SUMs until I SHAT MYSELF! FUCK! God damn SHIT!
Oh yeah, now that I've mentioned FUCKING communists. A while ago, there was some kind of DUMBSHIT protest. IDIOT people fucking think 365 days a year isn't enough to be FUCKING DUMB or some shit like that. Like, the FUCKING pinko fag communists decide to FUCKING protest against FUCKING globalisation, while at the SAME FUCKING TIME, the right wing neo FUCKING nazis protest against jedis and FUCKING brown poeople taking away their rights to SHIT. What the FUCK?! They got into a MASS FUCKING HOMO RIOT and when I tried to pass through the FUCING SHITHEADS, the God damn police fucking stopped me. What the FUCK?! I said: “AAYE YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD THESE FUCKERS DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO FIGHT IN OUR FUCKING STREETS! FUCKING GO ARREST SOME IDIOT SHITS YOU PIGFACED SHITEATING DOUGHNUTFUCKER!” The useless MOTHERFUCKER told me not to get WORKED up. FUCK YOU IN THE SPLEEN, BITCHFACE!
People seriously fucking SUCK BALLS! That's why service SUCKS! Next time you fucking walk into a store and have a go at the touchscreen devices, KNOW THAT WE SMEARED OUT OUR CUM OVER THOSE SCREENS, FUCKING FAGS! God damn stupid fucking DICKHEADS! No, the chick DOESN'T come with the TV, MORON! Thanks for being the 16357496 DUMB ASS today to ask that. And even if she did, WHAT FUCKING WOMAN WOULD GO HOME WITH A FACE LIKE YOURS?! No, the Palm Treo has got JACK FUCKING SHIT to do with a treesome, dumb ass. Go home and ponder the fact that you haven't been laid with a human female for the past fucking seven hundred years. FUCK!
Seriously, FUCK!
This was a work fiction. You're free to call any desired helpdesk and read that out loud as many times as you see fit. Reply with phrases like “too long/didn't read”, and your account will get FUCKED. Fucking totse dumbshit assholes.
Likely his most (in)famous post.
Circa 2005.
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