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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2016-01-29 at 10:02 AM UTCYou guys should buy a gram of NSI-189 instead of benzos and other drugs. Hit him up: http://www.longecity.org/forum/user/25344-strangelove/
Also, I think it was not going to a school for the gifted (goddamn my inadequate parents and the education system) that by far could have prevented all this from being set in motion.
https://www.reddit.com/r/sanfrancisco/comments/3sdea5/sf_parents_urge_programs_for_gifted_highachieving/
https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/myths-about-gifted-students
Fucking leftists! I swear, there's a particularly vile and toxic subset of this ideology that's responsible for so much of the damage caused via political authority and cultural influence. -
2016-01-29 at 11:07 AM UTCStarting the apology process. I wish I could apologize to everyone I shunned in middle and high school as well, but, well, they're bound to have forgotten by now. Well adjusted people aren't hurt nearly as easily and move on.
Contacted relative on facebook asking for parents information. I'm planning to tell them that I was undiagnosed with Asperger's, severely depressed (probably was depressed, or at least suffering from the start), should have been on therapy and medication, that middle school was when things began going wrong for me and I should have been applied to a school for the gifted (with my performance, particularly adjusted for background, I probably would have gotten in), I had attempted to commit suicide (practically did, social suicide), but am being rehabilitated, to forgive me, and that I love them, but wasn't in a healthy state of mind.
God it must hurt to have your child disappear without warning, leaving just a note, and never contact you again, to feel they didn't love or care about you, not knowing what happened to them afterward, and having good reason to worry about their well being.They weren't the parents I needed, that's part of why I left (I was one cold hearted son of a bitch, my emotions, attachments, ability to experience empathy and compassion, victims of a slow purposeful erasure (genuinely, I actually managed to do it because I saw them as weaknesses/flaws, to the point where I had detached myself so much from them over the years I genuinely never even thought about them until around 5-1/2 years after leaving when I had my mental breakown)), but they did love and care about me, despite the damage they did. The memories I have, I've posted some of them before. I remember RisiR telling me the story about my poor mother broke his heart. Hopefully not too much damage was caused. I actually do recall thinking that I had been a negative influence on the family dynamic (I was), and that they seemed to be growing closer and forming better ties with people, social relationships, and I did think that leaving behind the car my father had bought for me to be used by someone else, not being a financial burden on the anymore, would be a benefit. Hopefully it didn't hurt them too much, cause too much damage. Becoming angry or just having me fade from memory, I had been so closed off and detached, barely speaking to them unless necessary, would be much better. But the way I did it, I can just imagine a massive sinking feeling in the gut of a parent, a sense of panic, this black bile dropped within them.
Also may have possibly found my younger brother's facebook page. If it's him, he may have turned out alright. I really wondered how my sister turned out, she seemed to share some aspie traits with me and seemed to have a positive view of me when younger, but after my shutdown I never really spoke to her. I regret that, we seemed similar in some ways. Not sure what her academic performance was like, she didn't seem to be nearly as much of a slacker and seemed intelligent. Heredity, you know? I mean, just look at me at how bizarre I turned out to be. How have those genes manifested in other people. Oh, with 23andme I may be able to contact some genetic relatives (no idea who they are, generally there's no information given, but you can still message them), see how they turned out. The ones that are interesting will likely be drawn to services like those eventually.
Also, looking at the facebook of a well adjusted personality (Cousin, relative I contacted, was very friendly/bubbly and clearly wanted the D. I fapped furiously to the thought of her for some time afterward. Wincest.) it reminded me of how utterly bizarre a healthy social life compares to my level of reclusiveness. People just tend to be so fucking mundane and boring, and I'm boring too.
English dub:
"Now you understand."
"Yeah, I guess I do, I just wanted someone to save me."
"After all I lost, I got my humanity back."
I want to regain the humanity I shed and abandoned. Hopefully it's not too late. :' [ -
2016-01-29 at 2:44 PM UTCI didn't read all of this because I'm in a hurry but keep it up, bro. You've changed a lot and made good progress since the first time I've met you. I'm sure we will find a way to track your family down. Don't give up.
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2016-01-29 at 5:41 PM UTCI got the giggles from weed last night in the first time in ages. It seems like years since I've got so high I laughed uncontrollably.
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2016-01-29 at 10:30 PM UTCIs it normal for suboxone high to come along with intense itches so bad my face is red and sweats go oblivion but the sweating feels good
i took 24 mg in strips yesterday and 1 8 mg strip this morning
or is it faggot naloxone giving me co occurring withdrawal during the high
i heard it's not active orally
only sets in when fucks Inject or snortizle apparently
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2016-01-30 at 2:28 AM UTCWho alls still in? Is there a tinychat?
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2016-01-30 at 4:21 AM UTC
Who alls still in? Is there a tinychat?
Oh, you're alive. Remember that teardown I did of you on RDFRN? Guess I ended up getting what I deserved. A sort of karmic/poetic justice.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/
Meaningful relationships, love, kindness, fulfillment. A sense of connection and understanding, of belonging to something greater than yourself. It's really a shame, I didn't it to be true. -
2016-01-30 at 5:45 AM UTCBUTTFUCK
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2016-01-30 at 9:29 AM UTCYou reminded of something I thought of in bed before going to sleep, PoC,
which made me chuckle. I was actually profiled as a potential school shooter in high school. They had two police cruisers show up before a meeting with school staff and told me I showed "warning signs" and were considering having me hospitalized (I called their bluff), also told me they were going to require me to try to talk to at least one person (make a friend) and would be checking up with teachers to be sure I did (called their bluff again, never did, not sure if they knew).
I really just had a severe case of Asperger's, but could still hold my own in intelligent conversations. The principal, thin White woman who had been a former higher up in the military, not anywhere near as stern as the image this may create, said I was the most self-destructive person I had ever met. They brought up me being classified as gifted, which was apparently part of my school record, and she said something along the lines of intelligence often coinciding with eccentricity, but that there must be at least one person in the school I could relate to (I never even gave anyone a chance).
There was also this (White, female, 40s, could be bitchy/menopausy) Spanish teacher who once was present during one of the meetings as a translater, which wasn't needed. Before that I had barely talked, and with my monotonous voice, devoid of emotion, and cold eyes, hearing me have an actual conversation where I was holding my own against them must have unnerved her. A few times afterwards she would give a mild gasp when she saw me and say in a voice that clearly conveyed some fear, "Good morning/hello Malice". Before that there had been an event where a student she had had sort of an amusing mildly antagonistic/playful relationship with, him half-flirting with her at times, had asked her, "Mrs. X, what would you do if your daughter was raped?". I just started cracking up because of how stupid the scenario was, the question he had asked was, and the reaction. Afterward I was still chuckling and she said, "You have a sick sense of humor, Malice." I didn't correct her and clarify what I had been laughing at.
Ah, memories. I was one hell of a fucked up teen. Not being diagnosed and having had a proper intervention, treatment, really fucked me up, but I had my own views on things I just wouldn't budge on. Well, this is what it led to. -
2016-01-30 at 10:18 AM UTCOh, memories: http://web.archive.org/web/201409301...672320/photo/1
Ha, Vibram Fivefingers, shorts, and a fanny pack.
I still had some potential, but it only took about a 1-2 years afterward to finally breakdown. I remember having a shroom trip afterward where I the theme was reflecting on this and feeling beneath everyone, having some visuals of being beneath the surface, somewhat transparent, but with a wide range of awareness, everyone passing me by, disconnected. I just couldn't feel anything, that was what I had really wanted, to be able to feel something. -
2016-01-30 at 10:40 AM UTCWe should really hang out one day, man. I'm planning to leave Europe so when I come to the US we have to meet for sure.
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2016-01-30 at 11:27 AM UTCLanny, as to your SAT idea, I'd consider the option of taking a crash course and seeing what I score. It seems a helluva lot easier than I expected, although I do have a major age advantage. Also may have found a biohack that actually works, the most powerful demonstrated nootropic effect I'm aware of: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/...massive_gains/
If you haven't seen it before, try taking the test yourself, even cheat to get up to the levels I did (it's very easy to cheat) and you'll see how insane this result is. Top fraction of a percentile.
Take some before a serious memorization session of key components, experiment with practice tests to see if it effects your on average performance.
Especially if PRL-8-147 becomes available soon. Sweet jesus, I found the secret to unlocking the potential to PRL-8-53, which was already good enough, but the effects of this are genuinely unparalleled. I know I've talked about and hyped up nootropics in the past, but, to be honest, the vast majority I treat more like supplements, for overall health and function, and at most give a few percentage point boosts in some aspects. There few things that have an effect on cognition as powerful as this. Trust me, if PRL-8-147 ever comes out, it could change everything; the first nootropic with undeniable powerful effects in a healthy population. 2-fma definitely would have been good in your SAT days. Another thing is that phenelzine also seems to give a powerful boost to memory, along with it's potent antidepressant effects, ability to induce hypomania (gets shit done), and anxiolytic effect without the cognitive side effects of benzos (keep you chill so you don't choke, that was one thing that helped me score insanely high in elementary, I genuinely had a mindset where I didn't care, wasn't particularly concerned with the outcome, so I was never stressing over it, but still did it and enjoyed the challenge).
I wonder if they would let me sit like L:
Not to be a tryhard snowflake, I literally never sit normally and alternate between various positions. May be common among aspies/autistics, contorting yourself into dd positions that others would find uncomfortable. I'll need to look into whether I can get accommodations for being autistic. If I was able to take it alone in a quiet room to avoid sensory overload and being around other people interfering with my performance, I'd be golden, that's when I can fire on all cylinders. As for sitting, I could bring a pair of clean slippers specifically for that to change into and work it in as being part of the disability. -
2016-01-30 at 2:33 PM UTC
Oh, memories: http://web.archive.org/web/201409301...672320/photo/1
Jesus look at that fag in the plaid skinny jeans. Its really not shocking one would want to spend his life indoors just so he doesn't have to be around Oakland people. You should move to Texas when (not if) you get into a better state of mind.
Ha, Vibram Fivefingers, shorts, and a fanny pack.
I still had some potential, but it only took about a 1-2 years afterward to finally breakdown. I remember having a shroom trip afterward where I the theme was reflecting on this and feeling beneath everyone, having some visuals of being beneath the surface, somewhat transparent, but with a wide range of awareness, everyone passing me by, disconnected. I just couldn't feel anything, that was what I had really wanted, to be able to feel something. -
2016-01-30 at 6:03 PM UTCThe door got kicked in at a friends while i was on the run, got a year, served 6 months in a minimum joint. got out yesterday. 1 year parole, probably off in 6 months.
Doing decent though, still have my job, dad gave me the keys to a house he isnt using and an old car.
Stuck in the house untill first PO visit then im thinking its time for cocaine, whiskey, and some slutty bitches. -
2016-01-30 at 6:10 PM UTCTell ya wat bod
owl greb yer kwok -
2016-01-30 at 6:18 PM UTC
Tell ya wat bod
owl greb yer kwok
Yeah I'm gonna have to go ahead and uh... disagree with you on that one -
2016-01-30 at 6:20 PM UTC
Yeah I'm gonna have to go ahead and uh… disagree with you on that one
Tell ya wat bod
owl greb yer kwok -
2016-01-30 at 10:49 PM UTCYou can end up so alone it actually hurts and makes you feel afraid for the future. I reached that point because I honestly thought I didn't want or need other people and closed myself off to a extreme extent.
I like my acing the SAT, possibly ACT as well, idea, aiming for a perfect score if I still have it in me, but, honestly, I need some emotional support. I've been in a cycle of depression and isolation for over a decade, particularly these last 5 years. It's not whining, I would have been the last person to admit this, and it took me to the breaking point, but it really effects you when you've had absolutely no one in the world for so long. Being supported by your parents, assuming they aren't abusive, is really the best environment for this.
http://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283The door got kicked in at a friends while i was on the run, got a year, served 6 months in a minimum joint. got out yesterday. 1 year parole, probably off in 6 months.
Doing decent though, still have my job, dad gave me the keys to a house he isnt using and an old car.
Stuck in the house untill first PO visit then im thinking its time for cocaine, whiskey, and some slutty bitches.
It's good to have family. -
2016-01-30 at 11:17 PM UTC
I got the giggles from weed last night in the first time in ages. It seems like years since I've got so high I laughed uncontrollably.
does anyone care about the superbowl in england -
2016-01-31 at 1:21 AM UTCAnyone ever hear of ALKS-5461? In phase iii trials for treatment resistant depression , is a combo of bupe and some morphinan derivative THIS DRUG NEEDS TO BE APPROVED
