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I hate being human
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2019-08-20 at 8:08 PM UTCI watched A Scanner Darkly with some people from 420chan in a chatroom once, it was cool.
There were people tripping out on bundy and DPH, I think I was drinking alcohol I can't remember. -
2019-08-20 at 9:34 PM UTC
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2019-08-20 at 11:42 PM UTCWaking life was a college project film. Like Dark Star was
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2019-08-20 at 11:55 PM UTCBut what kinda pizza?
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2019-08-21 at 12:13 AM UTC
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2019-08-21 at 12:14 AM UTC
Originally posted by Japan-Is-Eternal I watched A Scanner Darkly with some people from 420chan in a chatroom once, it was cool.
There were people tripping out on bundy and DPH, I think I was drinking alcohol I can't remember.
I read the book when I was in highschool and its one of the only movies that I feel is that close to the book -
2019-08-21 at 12:22 AM UTCDoug Monks is a nigger lover.
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2019-08-21 at 12:22 AM UTC
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2019-08-21 at 12:44 PM UTCYou just hate and complain about everrrrything tho
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2019-08-21 at 5:48 PM UTC
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2019-08-21 at 10:23 PM UTC
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2019-08-21 at 10:28 PM UTC
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2019-08-22 at 12:46 AM UTCif you hate yourself and want to watch something nihilistic download the Broken movie for Nine Inch Nails directed by Peter Christopherson (of Coil).
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2019-08-22 at 1:53 AM UTCspeaking of, 'gave up' is an awesome song I only heard recently
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2019-08-22 at 3:16 AM UTC
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2019-08-22 at 3:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by Japan-Is-Eternal and please know that I legit think you're an interesting person and if you can believe it, I care for you.
You remind me of all the cool people I have met on the internet.
I want to meet you someday, along with Sophie (and maybe totse2001 if he can handle human interaction for more than two minutes).
Hey, I know people like to pick on Peedy, but he's a cool guy. He's kinda like me but a bit more erratic and alcoholic I guess (I think that's what they say anyway).
Anyway, on the topic of alcohol, I think I all of us have struggled with stuff like that before irregardless of the DOC, but really I don't think that hitting the same thing over and over like alcohol or other things that really change the way your body and brain work is any more spiritual than meditating with a clear head, it's just different but the same concept, but as long as you're doing that stuff you can't ever meditate with a clear head, so you're playing the same game either way really. I've been through the process of going to heck, and coming back, and then staying gliden for a while and then slowly slipping but not letting go of what I've earned at the same time. The way I see it, you might as well live mindfully and meditatively when necessary, but with a clear head so the rest of your life can more or less go better and you don't have trouble thinking.
I think being fucking crazy and schizophrenic and going to the extremes with your emotions and getting raw with the absurdity and reality that's hushed away by society at least a time or two in life is an essential part of being alive, but I think experiencing the things you want to in life are important enough for most people to do the wage cuck thing instead of going insane and wild and out, which can be really fun and interesting but you don't get to live an extremist life very long before extreme consequences come for your fanny which is a pretty big deterrent. Wage cucking at least gives you the time to work on some projects or skills that you really want to develop, like raising kids and whatnot. -
2019-08-22 at 3:21 AM UTCUnfortunately (I think, in MY opinion only) that being schizophrenic like both us happen to be a little bit but in different ways has both advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantages are more recognizable by others than the advantages, which is why I think it's overall more of a bummer because of the social hindrance. But yes, I like the way that my kind of erratic brain is an extreme form of a personality subtype
that is the most advanced human brain type so farthat gives me cognitive edges over others because I can perceive MORE things than them.
But anyway, you talk about being a social creature wanting to interact with others, and I think you're right and that that's great! But others don't really appreciate our schizophrenia, so we gotta tone it down at least enough to meet them half way and the people who will make quality friends with you will be able to meet you half way by putting up with a little bit of your schiz as well. -
2019-08-22 at 4:06 AM UTCwow the first hikkikomori posts that were well conceived and I agree with, what a wonderful thread
Aldra, you need to get out of the rut you are in. I'm pretty blessed all things considered, I could be doing a lot worse, and have. I think I'm finally doing things right for the first time in my life and it's just in the nick of time. I didn't really know how to process emotions or have any coping skills until like last year. I just found out I might have a 6 year old son in addition to the 4 year old daughter thats being held hostage from me. By I mean I might I mean I show pictures of this kid to people who know me intimately and ask if they think it looks like me and they don't answer like that, they look at the pictures, look at me then call me a piece of shit for having a 6 year old kid I have had basically no contact with because I was lead to believe it was someone elses. So maybe it's mine, maybe it's not, the point of this was that I am definitely human and the more I accept that the better things are. I'm very blessed and very excited for the future and I hope everyone here lives their wildest most skullfuckingest dreams because this reality is full of pain but the beauty is in the experience of it. I've had a pretty hard life by most standards and literally cannot relate to anyone without a tumultuous upbringing who doesnt have deep seeded emotional issues.
Embracing my humanity helped me grow, without that I would be 100% just be another statistic of this I have no doubt. When I don't care, I self destruct so even starting to give a fuck is new to me because I can't lose what I have -
2019-08-22 at 4:13 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo wow the first hikkikomori posts that were well conceived and I agree with, what a wonderful thread
Aldra, you need to get out of the rut you are in. I'm pretty blessed all things considered, I could be doing a lot worse, and have. I think I'm finally doing things right for the first time in my life and it's just in the nick of time. I didn't really know how to process emotions or have any coping skills until like last year. I just found out I might have a 6 year old son in addition to the 4 year old daughter thats being held hostage from me. By I mean I might I mean I show pictures of this kid to people who know me intimately and ask if they think it looks like me and they don't answer like that, they look at the pictures, look at me then call me a piece of shit for having a 6 year old kid I have had basically no contact with because I was lead to believe it was someone elses. So maybe it's mine, maybe it's not, the point of this was that I am definitely human and the more I accept that the better things are. I'm very blessed and very excited for the future and I hope everyone here lives their wildest most skullfuckingest dreams because this reality is full of pain but the beauty is in the experience of it. I've had a pretty hard life by most standards and literally cannot relate to anyone without a tumultuous upbringing who doesnt have deep seeded emotional issues.
Embracing my humanity helped me grow, without that I would be 100% just be another statistic of this I have no doubt. When I don't care, I self destruct so even starting to give a fuck is new to me because I can't lose what I have
Every single post I make shits out brilliance and splatters it all over your ugly face -
2019-08-22 at 4:18 AM UTC
