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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-12-21 at 2:17 AM UTCI took two of them, I think I'm buzzed but I'm not sure.
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2015-12-21 at 3:38 AM UTChttps://vimeo.com/147365861
I imagine this is how I may end up, except it may not be a negative thing, preferring VR to meatspace. I was writing a lot about this before, but imagine if you could have 3D scans of your body done and use it as your avatar/character in VR. There are already devices being developed for tactile feedback, you could even feel like you're touching them, at least something like a pat on the back.Well how has everyone been?
Terrible. For anyone facing the winter blues/seasonal affective disorder, bright light therapy really seems to work. I've noticed a distinct effect around this this time of year, when it starts to get cold, my mood and particularly energy levels take a dip.
I'm going to meet with a psychiatrist on the 23rd. I'm planning to be mostly honest about my situation to make the severity of it clear. It would take hours to explain everything, but an overview of my sad life should be enough. Part of it, an embellished history with psychiatrists and medication, will be designed so I can get Nardil. Will also ask for a rehab program for people in my condition, if there is one, or to be hospitalized, which would also allow them to monitor my response to medication, making them more likely to agree to giving me Nardil. Make it clear that I'm not functioning well, have barely been able to meet basic tasks, and probably shouldn't be living alone. That based on how poorly I've been functioning, how anxious and avoidant I've been in the past, I don't trust myself to work on therapy alone, increasing my chance at referral for something more intensive. An assisted living facility could be sweet, depending on what it's like. Having someone do chores and stuff for me, and it would likely be subsidized.
Sadly I've gotten to the point where I genuinely need this. My writing online doesn't do it justice. People that are absolutely crippled can still write well. I was engaged in enormous self-deception, completely unrealistic view, before I passed the breaking point. God, even if I was a mess, if I had managed to meet with someone I could relate, the closes thing I had to a friend, someone had managed to get through to me and break open my heart, all those years ago, it could have allowed me to begin rapidly recovering and set me on the right path. Now I'm just in the worst position to begin digging myself out.
This is an absolute nightmare and runs deep. A lot of people in the totse community have been to rehab, destroyed their lives through drugs and crime, done incredible damage to themselves. I did the same thing through isolation, closing myself off to everyone, trying go it completely alone in the world. It's not something most people will understand, it will sound melodramatic, like an exaggeration, but it's really one of the worst things you can do to yourself: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3u999j/toward_a_neurology_of_loneliness_the_neurological/
You really don't come away from something like without developing abnormally and being damaged. It's my version of rehab, I was addicted to isolation, had the wrong ideas about life. I ended up displaying every symptom of severe depression and social isolation to an extreme extent. -
2015-12-21 at 7:02 AM UTCTake the UCLA Loneliness Scale test: http://www.tactileint.com/portfolio/uclalone.html
I score 40.
Looking through my sent email folder. This is from years ago:RE:Free Rabbit Manure for COMPOST
Hello sir, I'm considering using this material for a hardcore erotic film. I'm just wondering if you would like to be mentioned in the credits.Nevada City/ Grass Valley area - Feb. 26 to28. Ride offered (berkeley)
Hey, I'm interested in coming along, I have some business in Las Vegas. Now, this is very important, do you have any sort of criminal record? If your record is clean, or at least doesn't have anything serious on it, I'd be willing to pay you about $800 for this trip, for "gas" money(wink wink). All I'm bringing is a duffel bag with my clothes and other personal items and another filled with incense; I'm an incense dealer and I'm making a delivery of some high quality incense to a friend. Now, the incense will probably stink up the car a bit, but if you keep the windows down it won't be that bad.
Are you interested?LOST CALICO CAT (oakland north / temescal)
I know this isn't what you want to hear and I'm very sorry, but I think I may have killed your cat; your description fits perfectly. Please read my entire message before deciding to get angry at me.
It was a complete accident, I wasn't trying to kill your cat. My neighbor has a cat that was driving me insane, you can't imagine the things it did to me, so I will tell you. That cat murdered my child. When my son came home from the hospital it was the most beautiful day of my life, but that cat robbed my child of its life and then desecrated his body. I had put him to sleep in his crib and had left the window open so the room wouldn't get too stuffy. I went down finish styling the beard of one of my clients and when I returned to check up on my son he was dead. I saw him covered in cat hair and a pile of feces and knew what must have happened. My neighbors cat had climbed through the window and laid on my child's face until he suffocated. If that wasn't enough, he later defecated on his body, which left him desecrated.
I tried to get over his death, but it drove me to the point of attempting suicide and it caused so much emotional strain on the relationship between my wife and I that we nearly separated. I would have divorced her if I had known that I would lose her completely, due to that cat. My wife works as a pet caretaker and had gone out to buy a large amount of catnip for her clients cats. Everything went fine until she returned. I had been monitoring the neighborhood park for pedophiles due to reports of a child molester being on the loose, from the crow's nest I installed on my roof, when I noticed my wife was pulling into the drive way. I watched her from my binoculars, I'm not sure why, it was just one of the many things we humans due throughout the day without much of a reason. I then noticed the cat perching on the fence next to my driveway. My wife opened the door and this demon instantly attacked. It seemed to be mad with rage, trying desperately to get to the catnip, like a heroin addict fiending for more of God's Nectar. I watched frozen as the cat tore out her eyes with its claws, the fluid oozing from my wife's eyeballs. She tried to blindly run away, but the cat got in her path and she tripped on it, she banged her head on a garden nome I have that is in the likeness of Papa Smurf, who I aspire to be like, and instantly died. In my desperation I jumped off, desperately trying to reach her, but not thinking of what the fall would do to me. I was left paralyzed from the neck down.
I knew then what I had to do. That cat had taken everything from me. I was filled with a hatred that can only be compared to what a hardcore WoW gamer might feel when they find out their subscription has been canceled(I have seen the effects of this, it is the only thing that reminds me of what I felt after losing everything). After training myself to use my modified Mobility Scooter, which I received free because my insurance claim was rejected due to me also acquiring AIDS after being raped my a janitor while I was recovering in the hospital, I set out on my mission. After countless hours of practicing firing a gun with only my mouth at the shooting range, I was ready. I put on my 3 Wolf Moon Shirt and covered my otherwise naked body and scooter with camouflage grease paint and waited in the trench I had hired a group of children to dig.
It came after 30 days. I spent 30 days in there letting my waste pile up around me and eating the pathetic rations I had of dried Ramen Noodles and Red Bull. I was possessed, I could not, no, would not leave until I had ended it all. It is almost as if our non-existant god had been testing me. The cat walked slowly towards me, right in the line of my Ak-47 that I had added a flux capacitor to. What I didn't notice was did it was preparing to mate with another cat, yours. Right as it pounced onto your cat in order to penetrate it I fired. Cat semen and meat flew threw the air and rained down like the fire of the apocalypse. It was over, but I had spilled innocent blood.
Please, I know this sounds crazy, and it is, maybe I've developed schizophrenia and I imagined all this, but all I know is that I am sitting in a room with the decomposing bodies of my son, wife, neighbor's cat, and a cat that fits the description you wrote perfectly. I pray for your forgiveness, if there's anything, anything at all I can do to make this right, please tell me.
Silly craigslist trolling.
07 sent this to Perverted Justice. I think I was pissed off at them and their self righteousness, the lives they ruined.I'm very confused about something
In many places the age of consent is as low as 13 and 14. Even 1st
world countries like Spain and Japan have the age of consent at 13. On
the show "To Catch A Predator" the decoys are usually said to be
13-15. I'm confused because they're called pedophiles, but in many
countries what they did is perfectly legal and isn't seen as wrong. I
know these men broke the law, but isn't it wrong to force your morals
onto them? I mean, you guys are partially responsible for ruining
their lives. It's not like other countries agree with the U.S.
I'm very conflicted, is it wrong for someone to have sex sex with a
sexually mature teenager or isn't it?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Asia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of..._South_America
God, you know, thinking about the past, I wasn't always like this. I was always closed off to people, but I used to get out and do stuff, have projects going, even if it was alone, so much more often. It's really been during the last 4 or 5 years that I've really been falling apart. Normally if you have people in your life they may notice, make comments, voice concerns. "Are you okay? You've been going out a lot less lately. You used to be into a lot of things. You seem kind of down lately. You don't seem as happy as you used to be."
I remember distinctly deciding not to value past memories because I saw it as a waste of cognitive resources, they were only shadows of past experiences, things you felt; the kind of odd things you decide when you spend so much time inside your head and are such a strong systemizer. I think that along with the lack of strong memories, which are mainly caused by people, people generally being the strongest evokers of emotion, having low emotionality to begin with, the lack of landmarks in my mind, it made it easier to realize how different the world felt in the past, how much I had slipped.
I remember feeling genuinely happy just participating in close knit communities online. Text on a screen isn't a replacement for actual people in your life, but it did make me feel like I was part of something, give me an outlet for communication. I wonder how much damage it may have prevented, and also how much happier I could have felt with actual people IRL I could relate to. Geez, my worldview ended up so warped that it genuinely felt like there was nothing out there, nothing worth doing. I just became so detached and disillusioned I didn't really think about how differently normal people may have felt, what made them happy, how they found joy in life. -
2015-12-21 at 1:50 PM UTCBonus points for the thing you did with perverted justice.
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2015-12-21 at 5:19 PM UTCGoing home for Christmas tomorrow, haven't been back to there or that town since I got kicked out in June. Bought myself a quarter of hash to keep me sane. Going to stock up on codeine tomorrow hehe.
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2015-12-21 at 7:21 PM UTCI scored a 40 on the loneliness scale too, Malice. I put up a very deceptive facade when I am out in public or at work. I dare say I am really good at customer service sort of roles and even then, even while shopping or doing whatever, I can be very friendly. I have a nack for making people feel good, feel important, and feeling well taken care of. Its all fake though, something hide behind. The only thing that isnt fake is my empathy, if I see someone who needs help I try my best to help them. People have told me when Ive helped them or said how nice Ive been, I always just say 'I treat people the same way Id like to be treated' and its the truth. I feel rejected most the time. The girl who watches my baby (shes 20) I can see just tolerates me, she doesnt like me. She doesnt want to do anything more thsn watch mybbaby and get paid. Ive offered, when she was complaining to her friend/bf in the car, how none of her friends wants to come over to drink or do abything fun, to buy a bottle of liquor and hang out with her on a day off or even walk down tonthe spring with her and shes just blown me off. Shes bot really lonely, she just was telling her bf that to make him feel sympathy for her. She kind of got annoyed I offered. These people only deal with me for money and drugs. I am a very lonely person. The one friend who did talk to me with any regularity, is mad at me convienced I tell them stuff about my life and how I feel to intentionally make them feel bad- trust me, I wish I could talk about better things and not be so depressed, I dont like the way my life is... they also felt I was making shit up.. again, I wish to fuck I was making shit up, this is not a life I am proud of.. I working to change it though. Im trying.
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2015-12-21 at 8:59 PM UTCI was lonely before I came here, and realised I have 2 people who do care about me. They know what its like when you have nowhere to go. They've let me stay with them indefinitely, in their room, and haven't asked for anything in return. They've made me fat meals, and made me feel welcome and like I'm not a burden. Although they are asleep right now because we've had a litre of whiskey and quite a bit of smoke so I'm awake smoking to myself and music.
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2015-12-22 at 5:02 AM UTC[SIZE=48px]I AM NATURE'S GREATEST MIRACLE!!![/SIZE]
Phenibut and (maladjusted) autism can be a terrifying thing. I was really underdosing the FAA/free amino acid version. I had stopped bothering to weigh out the HCL long before because I took it 3 times a day and one of my microspoons was close enough, and did the same with the FAA, using a spoonfull sublingually to kickstart it, for a faster onset since orally it can take hours to take effect. It's much fluffier.
A mere 300mg seems to have had a powerful effect.
I put a bit of cayenne pepper under my tongue beforehand for the possible effect on vasodilation, but this idea seems much better, I'd love to see the kind results it gets, it should greatly increase the onset and bioavailability, make it an option for things that would normally be unsuitable. Periwinkle extract or a vinpocetine solution: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3x0ili/ways_to_increase_sublingual_absorbtion/cy0jcvu -
2015-12-22 at 6:20 AM UTC
Take the UCLA Loneliness Scale test: http://www.tactileint.com/portfolio/uclalone.html
The average score for college students is 20.
Scored a 17, aww yeah, take that average college student. It occurs to me that you could score very low just by "being a loner" or not having a particularly strong desire for human interaction. Not that I fit that description but if you had given me this test when I was 16 or something I would have had a similar score but have actually had a much lower level of social interaction, much more isolated, it's just whether or not you feel "starved for company" is based on your self assessment of what the appropriate level of company is
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2015-12-22 at 6:58 AM UTChttp://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1337725/Doctors-DIY-vasectomy.html
Goddamn you evolution, even in my state that felt cringeful. I would love to pull off this off on tape, and I'm sure it's feasible, but I'd be too worried about passing out. I'd sure as hell load up on the appropriate drugs beforehand, selective anxiolytics with side effects that could interfere.
It's the perfect variation of it.
I'd practice on animal cadavers beforehand. Dead dogs would probably be a good choice, if I could find a way to get some. Really, I'd only need their scrotums.
A flowhood around the area with a hepa enhancement, you can find many teks on The Shroomery, the simple materials involved, you could rig something up to cauterize it, modify or buy something that would fulfill the function. You know, the perfect place to do this may be in a vehicle with blocked windows near the emergency room of a hospital. -
2015-12-22 at 8:25 AM UTCI've found a new hobby. If I mix the right, relatively low, portions of alcohol, etizolam, and weed there's a certain class of shows that become a lot more enjoyable and that I can't ever remember watching under this combo so rewatches never feel stale. I think I'm on my fifth go through of non non biyori. Lost suddenly got good again. While concerning that an amnesia inducing drug combo lets me enjoy television more (I mean what does that say about the content in the first place?) I have to say it's pleasant.
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2015-12-22 at 9:37 AM UTCI found a ripped up Christmas card on the train, so I put all the pieces back together...
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3xssls/i_found_a_ripped_up_christmas_card_on_the_train/
Reminded me of TRT. Haha...that's actually pretty sad... -
2015-12-22 at 11:42 AM UTCLevel 26 loneliness
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2015-12-22 at 6:57 PM UTCYou better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, Im going in dry
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2015-12-23 at 2:14 AM UTCPoC, did you get my PM?
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2015-12-23 at 2:20 AM UTCIm not reading all that gibberish
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2015-12-23 at 3:30 AM UTCI know you're lying. :o
I meant what I said. If I didn't, I wouldn't be considering being hospitalized to start making a drastic change. -
2015-12-23 at 7:04 AM UTCI wonder what percentage of people have kissed their computers, said, "I love you.", and genuinely meant it.
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2015-12-23 at 8:39 AM UTC
I've found a new hobby. If I mix the right, relatively low, portions of alcohol, etizolam, and weed there's a certain class of shows that become a lot more enjoyable and that I can't ever remember watching under this combo so rewatches never feel stale. I think I'm on my fifth go through of non non biyori. Lost suddenly got good again. While concerning that an amnesia inducing drug combo lets me enjoy television more (I mean what does that say about the content in the first place?) I have to say it's pleasant.
Endless novelty. It's an interesting, albeit troublesome, idea.
You should experiment with this IRL. Like, have you ever been to Muir Woods? I can't remember if you've ever actually gone or only wanted to. Some repeatable experience, then go there again and see if it feels just as amazing and new, note the differences in how it generally feels compared to instances where both events were done sober. -
2015-12-23 at 10:32 AM UTC
Im not reading all that gibberish
Too busy rescuing cats from the freezing cold?
You should try listening to Crywank, it's totally you. Don't be afraid, no one will know or judge you if you do it alone. Feel it.
https://youtu.be/7kqI5fAlv5E?t=6m31s
