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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-12-09 at 12:30 PM UTCHomeless, for about the 4th time this year.
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2015-12-09 at 12:56 PM UTC
Homeless, for about the 4th time this year.
The suicidal's creed:
I did not ask for this
I do not like the way the world is
I do not like the way I am
I do not like life
I cannot see anything in the world for me
And so
I am very tired and would like to stop now
Pro-tip, get an emergency blanket, like these:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Survival-Blanket-reflective-thermal-first/dp/B004O793JY
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Weather-Blanket-Reusable-Orange-Silver/dp/B000BS01SW
It will at least keep you from freezing to death. -
2015-12-09 at 1:52 PM UTC
Why are you picking up a second job? Something specific you want to save for or is it just necessary to make ends meet?
Not specifically, but Christmas is coming up so I'll be able to buy nicer gifts for the people I love. -
2015-12-09 at 10:24 PM UTC
Pro-tip, get an emergency blanket, like these:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Survival-Blanket-reflective-thermal-first/dp/B004O793JY
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Weather-Blanket-Reusable-Orange-Silver/dp/B000BS01SW
It will at least keep you from freezing to death.
Luckily my 2 good friends are putting me up for a while, I love them, they're not good influences on me but they're 2 of the best people I know and have my back and wouldn't let me live on the street. In the new year I should hopefully be getting my own proper one bed flat in the house next to theirs which will be cool if it works out.
This has been a fucked up year, so many things thrown at me. But 2016, especially if I do get my own place, its going to be smooth sailing. I'm not having another year like this.
Atm one of my friends and her mum (she's living here too cos she's also homeless) are cooking me and my friends bf food haha. I feel like I belong.
And her mum has been handing out codeine like candy. -
2015-12-09 at 11:13 PM UTCWhere the fuck has midnight sun been? I just realized now I havent seen him here at all.
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2015-12-10 at 2:52 AM UTCGetting ready to clock in. Last cigarette for the next 3 hours. Bought a banana tree for my baby to have a christmas tree this year, 5$ on sale. Bought a srtrand of lights for 1$ nd found a box of ornaments so we are gonna decorate it tomorrow.
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2015-12-10 at 5 AM UTC
Getting ready to clock in. Last cigarette for the next 3 hours. Bought a banana tree for my baby to have a christmas tree this year, 5$ on sale. Bought a srtrand of lights for 1$ nd found a box of ornaments so we are gonna decorate it tomorrow.
I demand pictures of this banana christmas tree when its done. -
2015-12-10 at 5:09 AM UTC
http://web.archive.org/web/20140911022246/http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=304792
lol'ing at all my posts about losing money on sports betting. Wonder if I'm actually in the black after all this time. Used to keep a spreadsheet with it but fuck knows where that is.
250 pages in just 4 months!
http://web.archive.org/web/20140909083235/https://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=292410
420 in 6! And that's at 40 posts per page.
Meaningful human relationships. That is what one needs to have established IRL in order to have been able to successfully graduate from TRT/the totse communities and not implode/self-destruct.
If you want free money, put your paycheck on Aldo to beat McGregor was 2/1 when I placed a few days ago. -
2015-12-10 at 8:27 AM UTCLanny, how's your emotional state? I'm asking you because you're intelligent and can communicate effectively, and generally seem to be well adjusted and successful, have an adequate level of psychological health/well being and feeling of fulfillment, a good state in life; in general have the required qualities for an optimal control subject, for drawing data on the normal and healthy.
Like, you know how there's a certain feeling associated with a childhood state? You mentioned that the defining characteristic of your memories of early life seem to be a feeling of confusion, of regularly feeling confused. I'm referring to some of the positive aspects though, that distinct "childlike" quality. What is it...novelty, curiosity, a sense of wonder, a certain difference in the quality of emotional experience. You may not be old enough, but do you feel your emotions have dulled over the years? It seems this is generally a natural part of aging. For example, think of how there's commonly a great shift in reading material from fiction to non-fiction. Do you have memories of how enjoyable becoming lost in a good fiction book could be? Are you still able to feel that now, and if so, does it feel much weaker than used to? Video games are a very good reference point as well.
I've joked about you being a computer science major and the qualities associated with it multiple times, but there's some (a great deal, on average) truth to that. I recall asking you whether you had noticed that libertarians seemed to be over represented in your field and you stated CS majors tended to be aspies/autists or something of that nature. I also remember you posting pictures of a place you used to live in as a child, of the natural scenery, and remarked something like "Holy shit, did I really live here?". A later time you mentioned that you were the kind of child that was more interested in being on a computer than outdoors, I think you mentioned something related on the prior point about the place(s) you lived in as a child, that you didn't really appreciate it at the time. Now, what I'm getting at is, there are fundamental problems with theory of mind, of the limits of information and experience, but do you feel satisfied with the range and depth, the intensity, of emotion you're able to experience? Does it seem significantly stunted compared to others? Have you ever wondered whether you're experiencing things to the fullest extent possible, or at least some vague satisfactory degree. Like, have you seen people watching or participating in something, possibly been with others, and noticed that their emotional reactions seem to be much more frequent, stronger, and have a broader range?
What this is leading up to, an old time favorite of mine, one of my fascinations: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3vnhh5/neuralstems_ceo_wrote_a_blog_post_about/
NSI-189. It's regularly reported to induce these effects. This has been speculated for some time, but as he recently corroborated, it may be of some use for those at a healthy baseline as well. Unfortunately you're too young to likely need to reverse any effects of aging, you're still developing, but it does have the potential to be one of the most powerful enhancers. And when I say that, you must understand that this is leagues beyond anything else, which largely only provide relatively minor and parochial effects, particularly for those without deficits that are attenuated by the specific mechanisms of action. No, this has a genuinely novel MOA, it induces rapid and lasting neurogenesis in specific areas of the brain which are beneficial. In rats/mice an increase in volume around 20% was observed.
Other benefits noted as well. Just wide ranging anti-depressant effects that could even benefit people who don't qualify for a diagnosis. Internal monologue, negative thought patterns, rumination, optimism, energy/drive, mental clarity, cognitive endurance etc. There's also the very interesting option of using it to "reprogram" behavior. It could be used to rapidly accelerate the acquisition of skills, for the purpose of self-improvement, to change aspects of yourself you dislike and would like to change/improve.
Just planting the thought in your head, that the option is available. If you find that your father's passing, when the time comes, has a much stronger and enduing negative effect than you expected and would like assistance, this could be very helpful...
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2015-12-10 at 9:10 AM UTCOkay I just realized the tag says its a plantain tree. Well, close enough ans it gives fruit soit fits the criteria for a proper christmas tree in my family's tradition. I was too busy swapping tags to notice, because fuck if I was gonna pay 30$ for this fucker. It was near the clearance rack and I stuck a 5$ sticker on it. Also, they were closing so nobody wanted to be bothered to check. Anyway, what fucking crazy person (besides me) is going to buy a fucking plantain tree in December?
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2015-12-10 at 11:01 AM UTCPlantains are great. Bananas are too sweet, bred to be much sweeter than normal, for populations conditioned to high sugar diets. Really only worth eating when black, fried. A flaw most people seem to make with fruit is choosing whatever looks aesthetically pleasing. No no, anyone that knows their fruit knows that it's often the ugliest that's the best, short of being moldy and split open; discount rack is preferable, if they have one. Plantains are fully ripe when black, not yellow, and they aren't mushy when opened in that state, but a really nice golden color, and a heartier flavor.
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2015-12-10 at 1:41 PM UTC
Okay I just realized the tag says its a plantain tree. Well, close enough ans it gives fruit soit fits the criteria for a proper christmas tree in my family's tradition. I was too busy swapping tags to notice, because fuck if I was gonna pay 30$ for this fucker. It was near the clearance rack and I stuck a 5$ sticker on it. Also, they were closing so nobody wanted to be bothered to check. Anyway, what fucking crazy person (besides me) is going to buy a fucking plantain tree in December?
idk plantain trees produce pretty late. my tree didn't bear fruit this year until the middle of novermber but then again it was also sunny every day and mid 80s here until last week. -
2015-12-10 at 8:40 PM UTC
Plantains are great. Bananas are too sweet, bred to be much sweeter than normal, for populations conditioned to high sugar diets. Really only worth eating when black, fried. A flaw most people seem to make with fruit is choosing whatever looks aesthetically pleasing. No no, anyone that knows their fruit knows that it's often the ugliest that's the best, short of being moldy and split open; discount rack is preferable, if they have one. Plantains are fully ripe when black, not yellow, and they aren't mushy when opened in that state, but a really nice golden color, and a heartier flavor.
Malice, have you considered losing your virginity to a plantain? -
2015-12-10 at 8:43 PM UTC
My plantain christmas tree. Imgonna wrap the pot innsomething.. idk but Ill finish it tomorrow. Those ornaments are old school as fuck. They are from like the 40’s.
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2015-12-10 at 10:04 PM UTC
Like, you know how there's a certain feeling associated with a childhood state? You mentioned that the defining characteristic of your memories of early life seem to be a feeling of confusion, of regularly feeling confused. I'm referring to some of the positive aspects though, that distinct "childlike" quality. What is it…novelty, curiosity, a sense of wonder, a certain difference in the quality of emotional experience. You may not be old enough, but do you feel your emotions have dulled over the years? It seems this is generally a natural part of aging. For example, think of how there's commonly a great shift in reading material from fiction to non-fiction. Do you have memories of how enjoyable becoming lost in a good fiction book could be? Are you still able to feel that now, and if so, does it feel much weaker than used to? Video games are a very good reference point as well.
I've definitely experienced the diminished emotionality thing, I think everyone has. Like I think just part of developing an adult psychology is becoming desensitized to certain stimuli. I remember a couple of times growing up where I'd have some big emotional experience (not necessarily negative, just normal growing up shit) and afterwards feeling like I was living in my head, like I was detached from the world a bit. And I've definitely had the video games thing, used to pour an ungodly amount of time into RPGs and such but these days I rarely finish a game I start. I think an important part of psychological development is replacing that emotionality with something else. Like Freud would call this sublimation, the turning of baser impulses into more lofty action but I think Epicurus' static pleasures is closer to the mark. Purely shortsighted hedonistic pursuits (and this is largely the character of child psychology, avoidance of pain, seeking pleasure, generally in the short term) are unsustainable, we become acclimated to them and it takes more and more of an experience to get the same pleasure from it.
By contrast I think most healthy and happy adults have a career or hobby or relationships that get better with time. I'm not sure I can find a paradigmatic case that you'd have experienced. Epicurus used friendship, the longer you've been friends with someone and the better you know them the more (in general) you enjoy their company. I think literature is perhaps a better example, most students have the technical ability to read Joyce or Eliot by the the time they enter highschool but we wouldn't expect them to get much out of it, it wouldn't be very enjoyable. But ask people who are well read and almost all of them will derive more satisfaction from Joyce than from whatever teen fiction is the flavor of the month. Sure there's a level of snobbery, reading Joyce signals something very different than harry potter but I don't think we can dismiss self-reporting based only on that (something had to happen to elevate some authors into high regard but not others). As you becomes better acquainted with English language literature you find reading it to be more and more pleasurable, subtlety that was previously lost is revealed.I've joked about you being a computer science major and the qualities associated with it multiple times, but there's some (a great deal, on average) truth to that. I recall asking you whether you had noticed that libertarians seemed to be over represented in your field and you stated CS majors tended to be aspies/autists or something of that nature. I also remember you posting pictures of a place you used to live in as a child, of the natural scenery, and remarked something like "Holy shit, did I really live here?". A later time you mentioned that you were the kind of child that was more interested in being on a computer than outdoors, I think you mentioned something related on the prior point about the place(s) you lived in as a child, that you didn't really appreciate it at the time. Now, what I'm getting at is, there are fundamental problems with theory of mind, of the limits of information and experience, but do you feel satisfied with the range and depth, the intensity, of emotion you're able to experience? Does it seem significantly stunted compared to others? Have you ever wondered whether you're experiencing things to the fullest extent possible, or at least some vague satisfactory degree. Like, have you seen people watching or participating in something, possibly been with others, and noticed that their emotional reactions seem to be much more frequent, stronger, and have a broader range?
I'm pretty satisfied with my range/intensity of emotional experience. I mean it's a balancing issue right? If you never experience emotional investment then that's anhedonia but with no emotional enhancement that would just be sobbing on the ground the next time you stub your toe or something. There are times when I wish I had a more intense experience (now and then I experience boredom that nothing seems to make better, sometimes I feel like I'm a little distant in relationships) and other times the opposite (my dad being in the hospital has been a rollercoaster, sometimes I'd like to just stop having an opinion on the situation) but on the whole it seems like a good balance.
I think removal of an emotional enhancement is an interesting way of characterizing the psychedelic experience. It explains both "things feeling new again"/greater emotional impact as well as the bad trip experience (negative experiences being similarly amplified). Also the whole regression towards childhood thing. Pet theory for sure, but I think it fits well. And I mean I love tripping but I couldn't deal with that all the time, aside from simply making it difficult to meet survival demands I think there are intrinsically valuable experiences that you just can't have when you're not at least a little detached from the here and now.What this is leading up to, an old time favorite of mine, one of my fascinations: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/...og_post_about/
Have you ever done a NSI-189 cycle? It looks like it's available and you've talked about it a lot. What was your experience?Other benefits noted as well. Just wide ranging anti-depressant effects that could even benefit people who don't qualify for a diagnosis. Internal monologue, negative thought patterns, rumination, optimism, energy/drive, mental clarity, cognitive endurance etc. There's also the very interesting option of using it to "reprogram" behavior. It could be used to rapidly accelerate the acquisition of skills, for the purpose of self-improvement, to change aspects of yourself you dislike and would like to change/improve.
I poked through some reddit threads you posted before (or maybe I found them in searches) but it seems like a number of people report some level of cognitive impairment and concentration issues. Is this a common side effect? Have there been any systematic human trials? -
2015-12-10 at 11:06 PM UTC
Plantains are great. Bananas are too sweet, bred to be much sweeter than normal, for populations conditioned to high sugar diets. Really only worth eating when black, fried. A flaw most people seem to make with fruit is choosing whatever looks aesthetically pleasing. No no, anyone that knows their fruit knows that it's often the ugliest that's the best, short of being moldy and split open; discount rack is preferable, if they have one. Plantains are fully ripe when black, not yellow, and they aren't mushy when opened in that state, but a really nice golden color, and a heartier flavor.
kwl stry bro -
2015-12-10 at 11:33 PM UTCI read an article that talkes about this scientist who injected himself with a 3.5million year old bacteria: Baccillis F I believe it was. Anyway prior to this he had done studies on vegetation and female mice. The veg could withstand the cold better and the female mice were producing offspring at older ages. So he injected himself with it and reported feeling better than ever and not getting sick in years. I believe it was harvested from permafrost in siberia and the scientist is in moscow. Interesting. Lets get some of this shit and inject it, Malice.
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2015-12-11 at 8:03 AM UTCI'd be up for it.
Shaved everything, including my mustache. Last time I had shaved the latter was in 3rd grade (no joking, not that I had a mustache by then, just some hair that I must have thought was overly noticeable at the time). Doesn't look as weird as I expected it to, before I had the thought that the more of my face was covered the better, along with having a general preference for masculine features. Definitely seem to have less of a crazed look compared to my never shave/manicure/trim standard before. Jawline is too weak, though, probably underdeveloped due to a lack of speaking and chewing tough food. I've honestly thought about buying a thick piece of leather, some sort of dog toy, teething thing for babies, or just bulk sugar free gum, possible unflavored as well, just pure bulk gum base. -
2015-12-11 at 10:09 AM UTCAww yiss, some nice rain going, then suddenly a bright flash I quickly recognize as lighting, take off my headphones and, wait for it
...
THUNDER!
This reaction will probably seem odd to many of you, but it's surprisingly rare in the bay area. Many of the driest cities are in CA. Reminds me of being a child and looking out a window during a good thunderstorm period, hoping for really big arcs of lighting close by, beautiful patterns, followed by a sharp clash and earth shaking rumble.
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2015-12-11 at 10:28 AM UTCMalice, Ive honestly always prefered men with facial hair. Maybe because my dad always had a big bushy beard, idk. Ive also prefered men with long hair. I typically like a natural appearance, rather than one that is manicured. Of course being clean and all is important, but in general, I like the more rugged look over pretty boys. As for lightening and thunder, I used to live 40 miles from the lightening capital of the world- Leesburg. I loved the warm spring storms we would get down south. Living down there l many a time Ive got caught in or even just said fuck it to go on a long walk in the rain. Hurricanes were pretty cool too. During hurricane Charlie we lost power for a week and during the part that hit us, the windows were boarded up and it was hot as fuck. I went and slept in the hammock we had out back. the neighbor asked me wtf I was doing when they went to let their dog out and I told them Id rather die of some hurricane bullshit than die of heatstroke in that sweltering house.
