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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-12-01 at 7:09 PM UTCI like babies but when they start to walk and talk they become annoying as fuck.
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2015-12-01 at 7:42 PM UTCWell, that sucks. Its not in my sent folder either.. I know I hit post, and it did its thing like always so idk. Mike, Ive never, especially liked babies when they are young. Kids that piss me off are the ones old enough to have some sense, but dont. Ive seen over the years though its not always their fault. Most times its a neglectful parent who shows them just enough attention to keep them alive, but not enough to keep them mentally stimulated as to not annoy the fuck out of the rest of the world. When I was young my grandfather prided me for having manners, being able to speak on par with adults (atleast to some degree. I would introduce myself, put my hand out to shake a new persons hand, and sometimes ask stupid questions, but politely. I spoke in turn.) I put that on both my dad and grandfather for teaching me, for engaging me and expecting some level of manners and to ask questions. My dad was the sort of guy who beat the speed of light in my head really early: 186,000 mps. He always quizzed me on little facts like that.
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2015-12-01 at 9:03 PM UTCI was thinking about something my dad told me. He would go to work his 16hour weekend shift at this laminent factory where they made laminent counter tops and shit like that. He worked there 16 years and said every night he would drive to work it would be like this: he would remember getting ready, Id be up with him getting ready to go to bed hanging out inthe bathroom with him while he put deoderant and shit and otherwise trying to ger ready with a toddler harassing him. Hed walk out the door, get in the car, turn the key, and he said thatd be it. Hed just wake up at work, never remembering the drive there. I had a similar thing happen to me when I worked the over night shift at walmart. I was ther 2 years and when I got my truck, I honestly couldnt remember driving there, ever. Anyone else have shit like this happen?
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2015-12-02 at 3:29 AM UTC
I was thinking about something my dad told me. He would go to work his 16hour weekend shift at this laminent factory where they made laminent counter tops and shit like that. He worked there 16 years and said every night he would drive to work it would be like this: he would remember getting ready, Id be up with him getting ready to go to bed hanging out inthe bathroom with him while he put deoderant and shit and otherwise trying to ger ready with a toddler harassing him. Hed walk out the door, get in the car, turn the key, and he said thatd be it. Hed just wake up at work, never remembering the drive there. I had a similar thing happen to me when I worked the over night shift at walmart. I was ther 2 years and when I got my truck, I honestly couldnt remember driving there, ever. Anyone else have shit like this happen?
I think after driving the same route to work after a while your brain just kind of decides there is nothing worth remembering about it. Surroundings stay the same as they've been since the 60s in ShitTown, USA and our brains our tired of it all and shut it out. -
2015-12-02 at 4:53 AM UTCOur brains are always operating on autopilot, more or less, and our normal waking consciousness masks it because we think that all our decisions are made with free will. But really a lot of what we do in life is just our bodies going through the motions while our minds are often elsewhere. If we get hypnotized by a car ride, have brain injuries, or are sleepwalking, etc, we keep doing the actions, or a pantomime of them, even if our minds are shut off.
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2015-12-02 at 6:25 AM UTC
I remember IWD mentioning that at some point in his life he actually tried to check himself into a mental hospital/psych ward because he couldn't stop ruminating on philosophical/existential concepts and thought he had gone insane. I wonder if that actually happened. -
2015-12-02 at 8:38 AM UTCWaking up unmedicated is terrible. Fortunately I've never had a panic attack, but lately I've been filled with a sense of panic, a feeling of dread, when I think about my state, overwhelming guilt and regret over the past, over a decade of my life I'll never get back, shock at the damage I've done (https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/..._neurological/), knowing that this is something that's going to haunt me and that I'll have to try to make up for the rest of my life, along with feeling of being on the verge of imploding under the weight of my own existence, everything that's been building up, all the flaws of the world and philosophical/existential musings without satisfying answers. I mean, how the fuck do you come back from something like this?! How the fuck do you screw up this badly?! You don't end up like this without having something profoundly wrong with you to begin with. And on the other hand, either simultaneously or alternatively, I have an urge in the background to burst into hysterical laughter, were I capable of feeling such positive emotion in such a majorly depressed state with such a limited range and depth of emotion.
I wonder if my default state is actually hypomania in a healthy, nourishing, environment, one that provides the high level of stimulation I seem to need, that makes mundane reality woefully inadequate to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Can you imagine if Nardil actually did cause me to become hypomanic after all this, a lifetime of this grotesque inhuman experience, with my background, my thoughts and predispositions, ideas and habits? This is how you get the possibility of an IRL Joker being created.
If the psychiatrist I meet with suggests hospitalization I may accept just to break up the monotony in my life and so I won't have to be alone. -
2015-12-02 at 12:21 PM UTCWhen is your meeting with the psychiatrist? I'm interested in how it goes.
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2015-12-02 at 5:19 PM UTCBtw anyone that cares, I was in the psych ward for a week, they adjusted my meds snd seroqueld me snd prozac but idk, I'm on vyvanse snd seroquel fucks that up
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2015-12-02 at 8:06 PM UTCThis chick from craigslist is actually pretty fucking cool, and she's either real or someone stole her pictures cos we have mutual friends on fb. But she might be pregnant with twins, which just about sums this situation up.
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2015-12-02 at 8:29 PM UTCMalice is killing people in San Bernardino as I type this, 12 dead so far
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2015-12-02 at 10:04 PM UTCWell, got a ride and a babysitter. had to come in at 4 to turn in paperwork and my shift starts at 9, I'll be getting off work at 2am. Didn't have a ride to the house and back so I'm at the ToxicHell using their wifi.
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2015-12-02 at 11 PM UTCJust saw a pack of wild barefoot hippies walk by, must be a concert going on at the park and they are going to bathe, fuck and otherwise destroy the walmart bathrooms... the only excitment in this one horse town.
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2015-12-02 at 11:32 PM UTCMalice got away
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2015-12-02 at 11:38 PM UTC
Just saw a pack of wild barefoot hippies walk by, must be a concert going on at the park and they are going to bathe, fuck and otherwise destroy the walmart bathrooms… the only excitment in this one horse town.
dear diary, -
2015-12-02 at 11:49 PM UTC
Malice is killing people in San Bernardino as I type this, 12 dead so far
“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.†― C.G. Jung
TRTers would be prime for group therapy being TinyChat. Letting it all out and talking about the problems you don't have people to talk to and seek advice on IRL, everything that's been eating away at you for years.
I remember after one meeting with some people from my high school, over concerns they had, I think it was the principal, vice principle, and a psychologist/therapist/psychiatrist, I later went home and while walking somewhere I felt euphoric, possibly close to the happiest I'd ever felt. I think I may have heard someone from a car, possibly some black guys, say, "Man, you are gone." towards me while crossing a street. Wouldn't surprise me if it did seem that way, feeling almost like I was floating, "walking on sunshine". It's really pitiful that this is what made me feel so happy, but I think it was because after isolating and closing myself off for so long, to such an extreme, I felt understood to some extent and had had some of the serious conversation, the social interaction, I was starving for. I don't think I thought of this at the time, or if I did consider it I didn't take it to heart, because I was still so resistant to the idea of opening up to and accepting people.
Have you ever had a therapist, PoC? I doubt you're ready to accept it, although even if you did no one would know, but if you find a good one and go into it with this mindset, that you're finally really going to give it a try and be open to it, you may find yourself feeling better than you've felt in who knows how long. -
2015-12-03 at 2:35 AM UTCHoly shit that San Bernardino shooting sounds insane.
http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-12-0...w-it-terrorism
What the fuck? Why would they target this place? And 3 people is pretty unusual.
What if...I'm actually responsible for multiple mass shootings, finding vulnerable people online and grooming them, psychologically manipulating and guiding, goading, them into committing these acts or framing them, setting them up as the fall guy? No, I'm not serious, just to be safe. -
2015-12-03 at 2:51 AM UTCStill waiting for the first livestreamed mass shooting. What a godly day that will be.
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2015-12-03 at 4:27 AM UTCLol, "have I ever had a therapist". I had the same one for 10 years and about three or four others since. Currently dont see one and dont take any meds either.
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2015-12-03 at 5:53 AM UTCWere you open and did you make an effort to connect? Did you ever cry?
I couldn't recall whether you had ever mentioned seeing a therapist or just a psychiatrist, someone to prescribe medication. You didn't seem like the kind that would be open to it, but would instead just bottle everything up. I suppose nearly everyone panics and realizes it's going to kill them, then seeks out help, eventually; even the extremely anti-social and reclusive like us.
Ten years is a long time. So you were seeing her since you were in your late teens? It's good that you found someone you could stick with for so long, even if you don't grow to like someone and consider them a friend, you at least get used to their presence after some time and feel more comfortable and open around them.
