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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-11-20 at 9:17 PM UTCTotse is who we are. It's not a site, it's a state of mind.
My local shop doesn't have security tags on all the spirits, I didn't realise til I went in today so like the dumbass I am yesterday I got 2 bottles of wine instead of 2 litres of whisky.
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2015-11-20 at 10:56 PM UTCTotse really impacted my life, if not visiting this dark corner I probably wouldnt have had a random stranger hitchhike to my door, stay at my house for nearly a month and engage in a threesome where I got pregnant and now, this moment, have a 6 month old baby playing at my feet. Before that even, in my teens I probably wouldnt have got to see the inside of a nutward and eventually get off the benzos that were really doing me no favors in life. I guess Ill be passing on the totse spirit to this child here. How am I going to ever explain his conception without mentioning totse/zoklet? lol I wish this shit was just an elaborate poorly thoughtout troll, but its not. Oh well, I love him and am glad he is here. Also, just got called for a job interview Monday. Trying to figure out how the fuck Im going to get there and have someone watch him then and while I am at work if (I should get this job) I get hired. Malice, you should babysit for me. You canuse him as a guinea pig for drugs he could fill your void of lacking social interaction and maybe Id get a super genius baby outta the deal. Ah well, back to reality- making phone calls now. Hopefully shit works out.
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2015-11-20 at 11 PM UTCJust out of interest, did you call your baby §m£ÂgØL? I can't imagine a life not having known Totse. It's been a part of me for over 11 years now. That's a long time. When I have money I'm going to get an &T tattoo.
After my zopiclone induced stealing antics of last night, they lock me in at night. Shame the window is the right size for me to get in and out of. -
2015-11-20 at 11:17 PM UTCAlthough since I did a dodgy CWE on some ibuprofen/codeine pills I've been having crippling stomach pains again.
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2015-11-21 at 12:32 AM UTCCustard apple liqueur is a new but beautiful thing to me.
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2015-11-21 at 2:59 AM UTC
I feel like I don't have any thoughts anymore. I started posting on Zoklet when I was 13 or 14, found it looking up the totse archives for legal ways to get high. I started posting, and I would post constantly, back then it was the best thing in the world. Everyone was hilarious. I was on 4chan around the same time, and with those two sites, and my lack of social awareness, I had no idea things that were on that site weren't acceptable in the real world. I would troll the shit out of people IRL and have no idea it was a big deal because I was oblivious to the world of emotions and goodness. I figured everyone was like how people act on the chans and zoklet, I think I even made a status once "4chan destroyed my mind" and I guess I never realized how true it actually is. I remember back then I was the sizzurp chugging king alongside slag and STD, and I would stay up all night reading posts in TheRetardedThread. When I got expelled from school in 9th grade, Zoklet was my only way to communicate with people, literally for years. I had no idea some random, fucked up website somewhere on the internet would end up having so much impact on me and basically defining my teenage years. I had the time of my life here, even though my life sucked, but what happened to me? Even though I never had much of a spirit, what little spirit is left in me is gone because I met a girl who might be just like me and it ruined mme. I don't post much anymore, I don't say much anymore, I don't really do anything, I wish I could contribute to this community how I used to, and I guess to do so I'ma need to start some flame wars, post more often, I don't know, this website feels almost like an obligation to me because I love it so much, or at least love the totse legacy. I won't let you die, niggasinspace.
bundy -
2015-11-21 at 3:44 AM UTC
Malice, I genuinely do appreciate your advice and input. Youre the main reason I stick around here, I try to read all your posts when I can. Youre wealth of knowledge and like Blah said, I respect a nigga who knows their drugs, but you also have a wealth of knowledge beyond just chemicals.
Hydro is an angel. Lose weight (I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I've never seen an attractive woman that was overweight (I don't mean obese) in my life) and learn your lesson for good this time in terms of making stupid life fucking up decisions (staying with destructive family (Other than your father, he sounded like a swell guy. Probably where you get it from.), husband, having a baby from a threesome with §m£ÂgØL etc.) and you'd be quite the catch.Even though I never had much of a spirit, what little spirit is left in me is gone because I met a girl who might be just like me and it ruined mme.
Dude, at least try find someone else. There's so much that could be said about love. Look beside the ugliness of life and try to see what could come about out of finding one of the rare good people. Unfortunately most people are idiots and animals, but for a brief period you found at least one person out there, and could do it again. It's normal to feel hopeless and ineffective when depressed, but that isn't always the case. You can develop together and learn not be such a dysfunctional jackass of a fuckup, know what not to do this time.
In The Defining Decade I recall the author stating that the couples she had met (she worked as a therapist/psychologist or something similar) had usually met online. It's surprisingly common nowadays, and increasing every year. Take advantage of the technology, think about the benefits it has over meeting people IRL. Just look on some corners of the internet where people may have similar interests, or even make an OkCupid profile, and try not make it fucking retarded, avoid autistic spazz outs/shitposting, you never know who may come across you and show interest.Malice, you should babysit for me. You can use him as a guinea pig for drugs he could fill your void of lacking social interaction and maybe Id get a super genius baby outta the deal.
I would genuinely consider it if you were in the area, for the life experience, to have an excuse to get out and do stuff and experience/practice social interaction, as you said, but, god, babies are fucking boring. I was reading earlier about the experiences, looking at sites with pages recommending long lists of activities for mothers to do with them and *facepalm*. Fucking evolution, I swear. Women already tend to have a massive deficit when it comes to logic and reasoning, but then they get full of hormones, having anchored themselves to an acceptable man and feeling they're in a secure enough environment (money), or, for the stupid/poor, you can often bypass this step, it triggers the next natural reaction, the marriage may be starting to get boring, and blam, the animal instinct is triggered, the strongest drive their is, to fulfill their evolutionary/biological purpose. That distorted emotional lens, looking at other mothers with babies, the attention they get, not seeing the complete picture, the incredibly ugly and dull reality (Boring as fuck, barely sleeping for weeks at a time, gross, overwhelmingly likely to grow up average and unremarkable, fuck up your career/education, massive time sink, ties you down to an area, eats up money etc.), they only see the ideal, the idealized and distorted, romanticized, image their mind creates, they imagine and get these feelings, desires. *shudder* God I hate what evolution drove us to become, but I particularly feel sorry for the women. Hopefully there are rare women out there than can truly overcome this, who are fortunate enough to have a mind more similar to that of a man, but with some of the alluring qualities that make women womanly.
r/childrfree has some great threads about this: www.google.com/search?q=site:www.reddit.com/r/childfree+boring
That reminds me, I really should get a vasectomy ASAP, just in case. I'll try to make a phone call to inquire about how to go about it, get the process started, on Monday. Hahaha, you aren't fooling me, fucking women. I'd list state/this a positive personal attribute when given the chance.
"Are you interested in having children one day, Malice?" "Hell no, I vasectomized the hell out of myself."
Dating profile/pre-sex "I've had a vasectomy, there's no risk. You can go all out without worry." -
2015-11-21 at 3:49 AM UTCPulling off a diabolical plan to steal the first mined asteroid crashed into an ocean, imagine that. It could be the greatest theft of all time, by far.
I still feel an unsatisfied desire to take revenge/take out my hatred on society. Maybe I could use RC vehicles or a drone along with/or remote or delayed detonation devices to ruin Christmas. No, no, let's be classy about this, there are much more deserving targets. -
2015-11-21 at 4:45 AM UTCChrist, I feel like never reading about having children and parenthood again. It depresses the hell out of me. And of course parents can't/don't feel they can be honest! It's beyond that, there's an immense mental block to them accepting, in the privacy of their own minds, that it wasn't anything close to the ideal they thought it would be, accepting the brutal reality of all the negative aspects, whether they outweigh any benefits. And if they do try to determine whether it was worth it, their mind jumps to their precious memories, a tiny fraction of their total lifetime, standard cognitive biases at play, immense emotional skewing, and they could never arrive at an impartial analysis. And of course this is a large part of what most other people base their decision on.
It makes me want to cry, but at least around 20% of women are now remaining childfree, even higher for the elite classes. I wish there was surgery, a pill you could, or nanobots that would just suppress/destroy that ugly animalistic desire, alter the brain, even remove certain areas. You know the rare good women, the ones who actually have good heads, are much more likely to be in that 20% that doesn't want kids. Go after them if you've arrived at the conclusion that you definitely don't want kids and find this view unlikely to change for good reasons. -
2015-11-21 at 5:29 AM UTC"I was an early bitcoin investor. I just got lucky, really. Read about it, thought it looked really interesting. Decided to spend a relatively small amount when they were selling for pennies, then I forgot about it until years later when I saw a news report on the record price they had set and decided to sell. It's like winning the lottery, sometimes it just happens to people. *shrugs* I donated most of it and spend most of my time doing charity work now, I want to give back to the world since I was so fortunate, and so many others aren't, rather than just splurging on mindless consumerism and buying things to impress others. I never want to become that kind of person, Ferrari's and McMansions aren't for me."
"How much do you have?"
"It doesn't matter, money can't buy happiness."
If they continue to press me, particularly women, while scowling: "You aren't getting any of it, so you don't need to know. I'm not spending a penny on anybody and I'm not interested in the kind of people that can't make their own way in life. You could put the most desirable woman on Earth in front of me and I wouldn't even buy her a drink. Anyone who's looking for someone to provide financial support and security, splurge on them, or someone to brag about to their friends, can look elsewhere, because I won't even consider them for a second regardless of what they do. Not all men are filthy animals. If someone's income and status matter to you that much, that's not a good sign."
Hehehe, that's good, I'm going to memorize it for if I ever get out of this (NSI-189 + intensive therapy and relationships, followed by long term enteric coated Nardil, possibly combined with ALKS-5461 and whatever other good stuff comes out, is my best best.), Patrick Bateman style, but more refined. Fortunately the Grant study did find no significant difference in the incomes among those with 110-115 IQs and those with 150+, I being not deluding myself about being a genius (I'm at least highly damaged and dysfunctional, likely having squandered my potential. Eh, ending up a PhD or university researcher, working for someone else, despite how high up, isn't that appealing.). Motivation, work ethic/productivity, and daring can, however, be manufactured. Just think about drugs/combinations like meth, Xanax, and phenibut.
http://infoproc.blogspot.com/2005/03...epreneurs.html
Nardil actually has a good chance of triggering hypomania, and that's a good thing if you can contain/properly manage/channel it, which we all know the vast majority of people sure as hell can't. The other substances stacked on top of it only make this more likely, increase your positive attributes. I have literally 50+ substances on my desk and in my refrigerator at my disposal, and they're only getting better. Can't wait to see what's in Ceretropic's backlog of 50 substances they've been planning to release, hopefully they don't shut down before then.
Imagine my post quality back in my glory days, except significantly higher, combined with IWD's post frequency and length, all that effort instead, after finally having gotten it together (don't bet on it), being channeled into making money without regard for conventional morality. My god, I really could go into semi-retirement before 30, having made more money than nearly everyone will earn in a lifetime, having no worry about meeting my needs and only taking on projects if they interested me. I'd finally get to spit in the face of society like I deserve. -
2015-11-21 at 6:43 AM UTChttp://steamcommunity.com/sharedfile.../?id=386594506
Comment by "Niggas in Space". I wonder if they're a member of the site or if it's just a coincidence. Just funny that we'd end up at the same patch.
Oh, as to mood/posting, what the hell? Is it the 7,8-DHF doing it, with a delayed effect? It seems to kick in maybe 7-8 hours after administration, if so, although it's always possible something could be altering it, particularly forskolin due to the effect on TrkB receptor (possible regulation or upregulation, seems uncertain how significant the effect in, then there's always the issue above that of bioavailability and BBB penetration, other issues there usually isn't much, if any, data or even speculation on). Hey...I wonder what would happen if I snorted it before sleep. If it didn't cause overstimulation leading to decreased sleep depth/quality or premature awakening(s), it could be even better this way.
Crazy Taxi does sound like a great game for this mood. Oh, fuck, Blue Brain Boost was the only one selling it and they unexpectedly went out of business. I wish I had bought more, but, unforeseen, you know. -
2015-11-21 at 8:02 AM UTCAs for Nardil, as I've said some time before, for anxiety and depression it's the real deal, this is literally, no exaggeration, a literal miracle drug, life changing, complete life turnaround/personality transformation. The only hard part is actually getting it because of the myths and stigmas about its dangers. The diet is really simple and it's extremely unlikely you're going to have anything serious happen. That's the catch, can be difficult to find someone willing to prescribe it/to convince them (depends on how much your psych is willing to listen to you address the myths and misconceptions), although you could always lie and guilt them, say you've tried everything, nothing works and they just end up making you feel worse, giving you terrible side effects, you're at the end of your rope and can't bear to keep trying things that don't work for years etc. Other techniques to manipulate them, like the classic "I moved and ran out of my old prescription. I feel like I'm dying inside without it." It's not abusable, though. Then there's the diet, and you can't take any drugs that effect the monoamine system, but you won't need to because you'll already feel incredible.
www.google.com/search?q=nardil+hypomania
www.google.com/search?q=site:socialanxietysupport.com+nardil
As to the debate of whether the "old" version of Nardil was significantly more effective, whether there's any difference, the answer may be yes: http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/08/16/old-nardil-vs-new-nardil-comparison-was-the-old-version-more-effective/
It could at least avoid/(greatly) reduce side effects. Fortunately a DIY enteric coating is incredibly easy and simple: https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=posts&t=14708
Hmm, diy enteric coated capsules could be interesting to experiment with for other things as well. Things that aren't suitable for ROAs besides oral due to various issues, causticity, poor mucous membrane penetration, or needing to be metabolized by the liver/having active metabolites, but may be greatly damaged/have bioavailability greatly reduced due to being destroyed by stomach acid. I should make a thread on r/nootropics about this. -
2015-11-21 at 9:22 AM UTCWoah, dude, remember that depression helmet I mentioned a while back? I recall PoC responding along the lines of "I want this."
http://www.bbc.com/news/health-27115432A helmet that delivers electro-magnetic impulses to the brain has shown promise in treating people with depression, Danish researchers have said.
About 30% of those with the condition fail to respond to medication or psychological counselling.
The new device targets malfunctioning blood cells in the brain.
In clinical trials two-thirds who used it reported that their symptoms had disappeared, and improvements in mood were noticeable within a week.
The helmet was tested on 65 patients with treatment-resistant depression.
"They were feeling well, they were functioning well, they could start work," said Birgit Straaso, chief doctor at Hillerod.
"The helmet is amazing," said Annemette Ovlisen, a graphic artist who suffered recurrent depression for 16 years and a participant in the Hillerod trials.
"It's like the fog lifts. It was like somebody hit the reset button."
The device contains seven coils that deliver a dose of Transcranial Pulsating Electro Magnetic Fields (T-PEMF) to brain tissues.
The pulses are so minute that the patient cannot detect any sensation, and the only side effect so far is occasional "tiny" nausea that immediately disappears after treatment.
Prof Steen Dissing, of Copenhagen's Faculty of Health Sciences is the helmet's principal architect.
He said: "The device mimics electrical fields in the brain, and triggers the body's own healing mechanism."
The pulses activate capillaries in the brain, which form new blood vessels and secrete growth hormones.
"We think it works so well because we have imitated the electrical signalling that goes on in the brain and we figured out that this signalling communicates with the blood vessels," said Prof Dissing.
"And blood vessels do communicate with blood tissue. And we found that communication pathway."
In the trial, whose results were published this month in the journal Acta Neuropsychiatrica, 34 patients received half an hour of T-PEMF once a day, and 31 had two 30-minute doses.
The treatment had the additional benefit of enabling patients to improve their tolerance of the anti-depression medicine, researchers found.
They are currently seeking permission from the European Union to market the helmet within six months to a year, and said the potential demand was enormous.
Someone mentioned TMS treatment for depression on reddit, others shared their experiences: https://www.reddit.com/r/science/com...pression_have/
"I've had major depressive disorder for at least 10 years and I just got this new treatment called TMS like 6 months ago. I feel amazing and winter is my worst time of the year but I just feel incredible. I sleep less now because I really want to experience all of this I've been missing."
"I was told this before and I don't think I will do it again because I honestly don't think I'll have to. It did what I needed. You feel the magnetic pull it's like flicking the inside of your head and it's not fun so yea, I can understand how it could be bad."
"Someone I know had a similar turnaround from TMS. It wears off though, hers has pretty much gone way after a few years."
I didn't know this had already taken off so much: https://neurostar.com/neurostar-tms-...ion-treatment/
There's one right by me: http://www.baytms.com/#!directions-map/rjc7j
May be covered by insurance as well: https://neurostar.com/neurostar-heal...ance-coverage/
Hmm, although there's this so called "deep" version: http://www.brainsway.com/us/why-brainsway
Would need to find good info first about differences between various methods/providers. Likely is more effective, the best option.
Pretty futuristic that we have treatments like this available now.
"I think I'll just make a makeshift electromagnet with a copper coil and a car battery and do some home TMS."
"meh, just cut an extension cord in halve and connect the coil to an outlet."
Lanny, you aren't hard science retarded, could we actually feasibly generate a magnetic field of sufficient strength at home, at a relatively affordable price, with an acceptable risk of death? -
2015-11-21 at 10:01 AM UTCPoC, I prescribe post 2019 to you. Seriously, talk to your psychiatrist/therapist about it, it may be covered under whatever insurance you have, if you have any, or they could find a way.
"I think I'll just make a makeshift electromagnet with a copper coil and a car battery and do some home TMS."
"meh, just cut an extension cord in halve and connect the coil to an outlet."
Lanny, you aren't hard science retarded, could we actually feasibly generate a magnetic field of sufficient strength at home, at a relatively affordable price, with an acceptable risk of death?
Unrelated, you know, I really wonder what 7,8-DHF would feel like if used after ketamine. Whether there would be some redundancy due to both possibly largely depending on the effect of BDNF. Although, since they lead to the increase in different ways -> dose response curve, unknown whether it would push things too high. There are multiple theories for ketamine's MOA, though, seems the other main aspect may be its effect on synapses, and 7,8-DHF has other interesting effects as well, such as on the plasticity of the hippocampus and amygdala:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22710915
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24662915
Also unrelated, I just had a memory of a time before depression, when I would literally regularly become euphoric throughout the day and receive a feeling similar to ASMR (possibly the same, or stronger, better) just from the thought of how great/wonderful I was, how much I loved myself. This was during my teenage years. And at that point I didn't even have friends and had retreated from family, I suppose just being around people, in a group, but not participating, was enough to keep me healthy. With a good past, loving close/warm family, good friends, a challenging school environment, I wonder if I could have managed to attain the end game of autism, actually falling in love with myself. It's like, I could have become my own wife, then I wouldn't need anyone. Maybe, one day, I really could attain this and need no one other than myself.
It's what the Buddha would have wanted.
"Yes you are. And you're boring. And totally ordinary. And you know it."" Ricky Fitts, American Beauty. We are kindred spirits. I am Ricky Fitts, and the world is utterly hopeless.
"The sole worry of Haruhi, who looked like she didn't have a worry in the world, could be summed up with the words “the world was too normal."" - Haruhi
I want to be rolling on the floor, drooling from my own endogenously mediated euphoria, hugging myself while smiling and laughing, a feeling of warmth beyond the happiest, most joyful, playful, adventurous, moment you could have with a woman you loved. I wish to inherit the kingdom of sploo. Having the urge to try a good floor roll right now, normally when I lay on the floor it's because I'm depressed.
"Hahaha, Malice, what are you doing?" "I've never met anyone life you before, I've never been this happy."
Genuinely thought that while doing it. Mild, but we still haven't reversed enough of the long-term damage and inherit deficits. You know the path now, though, ascended one. Every neurotransmitter system, every aspect of the brain, can be modulated. Drugs loosen the chains of biology, the tyranny of the double helix. Technology, the divine fruit of the tech sector gods, will one day shatter them. -
2015-11-21 at 11:02 AM UTC"my dream is to blow up the moon"
Late night googling before I'm sedated enough to go to bed. -
2015-11-21 at 3:26 PM UTCjesus fucking christ shut the fuck up
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2015-11-21 at 3:26 PM UTCFuck I'm ready for lunch
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2015-11-21 at 8:35 PM UTC
jesus fucking christ shut the fuck up
Now you know how it feels. :smug:
Everyone should learn to skip/skim things that aren't relevant or interesting to them and to speed read. The compulsion to read everything, not miss out, is understandable, but you have to develop this habit and learn the importance of rational ignorance, particularly to the aspiring scholar, or you're just going to fall into the trap everyone else does, the massive time sinks that are everywhere on the internet.
"Will this make any impact on my life? Will this knowledge ever be relevant, useful enough, to be worth the time? Am I ever realistically going to think about this again?"
Draw a sharper line between experiencing something for knowledge and pleasure. Compared to the time you could spend viewing silly videos/pictures/gifs, reading amusing news stories, posts on reddit, click-bait/mass entertainment/infotainment articles, wouldn't you derive much more pleasure from using the time you saved skipping that to enjoy higher quality material made specifically for enjoyment? -
2015-11-21 at 11:27 PM UTC
Dude, imagine if you took a drug that wiped out your entire memory. Now, why would you do that, since you'd essentially be retarded and likely rendered to state care? Because you would forget the reason why you wanted to die, the pain of your life, existence, and could potentially start anew. You'd still have the neurological changes accrued from chronic depression and other disorders, deficits you were born with, but you would live and would do so without the risks of being cryogenically frozen, hopefully living to a future of the singularity or augmentation.
This isn't a novel idea by any means, but the thought, if you could no longer bear to be you.
Oh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_erasure
Wipe away every unhappy thought, all the fears and negativity. You could even write about it beforehand, which could increase the likelihood of you surviving, create a legion of supporters.
I take benzos to temporarily wipe away the memory of my existence. They also make me retarded and one time rendered to state care. Although paradoxically (or perhaps not, idk how it makes others), but taking benzos makes me want to harm and kill myself, they don't make me forget the reason I want to die or the pain of existence, they make me want to do it. Apparently the other day when I took a bunch of zopiclone I rang my mum saying why am I even alive and I should just go out and jump in front of a train. I didn't, but yea I wish I had the balls to kill myself. It really would make life so much easier. -
2015-11-21 at 11:29 PM UTCSuicide is an inevitability.
