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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-11-19 at 3:04 PM UTC
I bet if you just jack off more often you can avoid all these encounters with crazy ass women. You're going to strike out big time eventually and wind up with one who severs your penis with a dull kitchen tool like Lorena Bobbitt while you're passed out from diazepam and Buckfast.
On the last night I slept with a kitchen knife under my pillow. I don't know where I find or attract them. Well ok this one was in a mental health unit she was sectioned in.
Found some zopiclone tho so all is well.
And Buckfast is overrated, may as well just get regular wine and mix in caffeine powder. Or maybe buckies is just more expensive down here. -
2015-11-19 at 3:06 PM UTCNo us poor criminal BritScum have moved onto cheap Polish beer, It's £1 for 500ml of 9%. Feel free to work that out yourself in your local units.
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2015-11-19 at 8:55 PM UTCMy pods finally got through customs after 8 days.
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2015-11-19 at 9:54 PM UTC
My pods finally got through customs after 8 days.
Nice pods fam. -
2015-11-19 at 10:34 PM UTC
what the fuck is buckfast?
a senior politician labelled it as "a badge of pride amongst those who are involved in antisocial behaviour" -
2015-11-20 at 12:05 AM UTCChrist, I've read so much about fun jobs, dream jobs. Realistically, there really is nothing out there if you aren't a people person, someone who can be happy just speaking and interacting with average people, whoever you come across. Everything is severely flawed. When people talk about their work, it's usually about things other people did, it's the people, the environment, that make them enjoy it somewhat, or that it's easy, relaxed, pays well. But as for that actual feeling of fulfillment, especially constantly/every day? I can't imagine it.
"What I thought my dream/ideal job/career would be like -> what it's actually like"
Complete disillusionment. Or maybe it really is never having developed properly, begun on the decathlon of life, become an adult. "I love what I do." After you do it day after day, doing what other people tell you, dealing with the commands/desires of others, the ugliness of reality, what people are like, the customers, the competition to move up the ladder, decade after decade once it's long been routine and lost all novelty?
Makes suicide seem like an inevitability. -
2015-11-20 at 2:01 AM UTC
a senior politician labelled it as "a badge of pride amongst those who are involved in antisocial behaviour"
I think you're thinking of an ASBO
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2015-11-20 at 2:25 AM UTC
I misinterpreted your post. At first I thought you we're talking about yourself, then I misinterpreted it as it sounding like your husband talking about you, double checked the username, don't know how he would have gotten ahold of your account, then finally realized you were talking about someone else and felt relief you weren't that crazy.
Anyway, if you ever want to fully understand gender, this is by far the best book ever written, from the basis of evolutionary psychology and studies, the immense amount of studies conducted/data available. Actually relatively short, easy to understand and get through, and absolutely fascinating, filled with a variety of information that will make so many things people wonder about the sexes suddenly make perfect sense: http://www.amazon.com/There-Anything-Good-About-Men/dp/019537410X
http://gen.lib.rus.ec
Yeah I havent completely gone off the deep end. Also bitches who go on about 'a man shouldnt hit a woman no matter what' are super retarded. I was raised if you act lady you should be treated like a lady, act like a man, you should be treated like a man.
In other news I went to the doctor today and got my propranolol 80mg and klonopins 60 1mg, also a trash antidepressant. He balked when I said I was taking 2mg ones, but wrote me the 1mg ones. Some Pollock doctor. Anyway Im gonna get those sold for a little income. Im honestly happy I fucking got my propranolol and I got the 80mg ones. I take 40mg so I can just break those bitches in half and stock up. Called tomake an appointment for next month and mention he refilled my antidepressant 3 times but not my BP meds and she was like 'he wont refill scheduled stuff' nigga I know dat this be BP meds, nothing shceduled about fucking propranolol, a 60 year old beta blocker. Got that set up so hopefully this benzo script is regular too. That dumb woman I know gets xanax from him and has regularly for 6 years so I think I will. Shes selling her 1mg xanax for $3 apiece or $2 if the guy takes them all. She said shed see if hes interested in my script so I should be able to get them gone soon and for a decent price. -
2015-11-20 at 3:14 AM UTCOh and another funnything happened. This other lady over heard me talk to this other lady telling her my sons name and while I was out smoking I heard her in her car on her cell phone go on about 'how could she ever name him that? OMG blahblahblah' I dont really wanna even say his first name here, not publicly but its something my dad wanted to name me had I been a boy and has to do with arthinian legend/high fantasy novels. The other day at the library this old woman went on about 'how I didnt think about him getting teased when hes in school' my reply was 'atleast I didnt name him Sue'. Wtf is wrong with people and giving a shit about a name thats different. Its not like I named my child Shithead or Fuckface or Regret for fucks sake. Im blown away anyone cares so much. I dont give a fuck, I like his name and I think he will too, when hes older. He has a unique name and more than can be said for most people. lol his middle and last name are a whoot too. His last name is a pet name my dad would call me from when I was little and it would make me so fucking mad and he would laugh his ass off about. I did it because my dad would have got the ultimate kick out of it and wouldnt ever have thought Id do that. He was a jokster so he would have loved it. Fuck people giving me shit for a perfectly good name. Atleast I cared enough not to be generic and name himsomething gaylike Todd, Dylan or Robert. I thought long and hard about naming him something cool like my dad did with me had he got to name me. If he was gonna be naming a girl I would have been Galadriel.
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2015-11-20 at 4:13 AM UTCI may have mentioned this before, but I have noticed I do genuinely enjoy helping people online without expecting anything in return, and it helps me as well emotionally/psychology and in terms of personal development.
Maybe my ideal path in life would be Heisenberg-esque internet drug lord, followed by a lifetime of fulfilling charity work with a loved one, interspersed with mad scientist/evil genius/supervillain schemes.
I could start out with a cardboard booth like this in San Francisco:
"Free advice from an autistic hermit sage." While wearing a black cloak like this for various reasons, such as being too awkward and anxious to have my face visible, tying me to an identity.
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2015-11-20 at 5:17 AM UTCFucking christ, I hate this world, I hate evolution, I hate this body and being a human being, I didn't choose it and I don't want to do the things that make humans happy, I didn't choose to be born, but I don't want to die either.
I wish I could be transported into the future like Fry in Futurama, I mean, as long as I don't miss out on the singularity/merging with AI or it isn't a horrifying dystopia, with humans wiped out or the planet uninhabitable or destroyed or something. -
2015-11-20 at 6 AM UTC
https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantOut/
I want out of this plane of reality, or at least be taken to a cool alien world. Fuck me, fuck this, fuck, sploo, what the fuck do we do? -
2015-11-20 at 6:02 AM UTC
I wish I could be transported into the future like Fry in Futurama, I mean, as long as I don't miss out on the singularity/merging with AI or it isn't a horrifying dystopia, with humans wiped out or the planet uninhabitable or destroyed or something.
why not contribute to it -
2015-11-20 at 6:59 AM UTC"Debate me. I am on stimulants and will be on for 24 hours straight, if at the end of it someone has not convinced me of a reason for continuing to exist, I will commit suicide live."
​Could be an interesting way to go out, or turning point of you life.why not contribute to it
Insignificant, it will happen without me. Think about biology, realistically only a tiny percentage of people are really going to contribute significant advancements, natural born geniuses. The idea that you could take an average person, even above average, the most intelligent members here, and with the right experiences turn them into prodigies, is a fantasy. I accept reality whether I like it or not. And many of those are questionable, development has largely been cumulative, for most major inventions they were often independently recreated throughout the world, someone just happened to be first, have a somewhat better model, or got all the fame and glory for some other reason. Lanny may be happy being a cog, but I'm not at all, it would drive me mad(der). -
2015-11-20 at 7:12 AM UTCDude, imagine if you took a drug that wiped out your entire memory. Now, why would you do that, since you'd essentially be retarded and likely rendered to state care? Because you would forget the reason why you wanted to die, the pain of your life, existence, and could potentially start anew. You'd still have the neurological changes accrued from chronic depression and other disorders, deficits you were born with, but you would live and would do so without the risks of being cryogenically frozen, hopefully living to a future of the singularity or augmentation.
This isn't a novel idea by any means, but the thought, if you could no longer bear to be you.
Oh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_erasure
Wipe away every unhappy thought, all the fears and negativity. You could even write about it beforehand, which could increase the likelihood of you surviving, create a legion of supporters. -
2015-11-20 at 7:44 AM UTC
Oh man, Futurama tugged at what little heartstring I had left. It reminds me of how I abandoned my family, was never close to begin with, never felt like a real family, but began to withdraw from everyone, even them, more and more around age 13 until we were like strangers living under the same roof. I literally never had a conversation with them, at best a few sentences for some purpose, not to talk and become close, support each other and our lives, try to find out who we are as people. I imagine them thinking "Why doesn't he ever talk to us anymore?", later "What happened to him? Where did he go?". I remember my little brother pestering me, probably because he just wanted my attention, once he was pissing me off and I started chasing him around the back yard and he said "Wooh, this is fun!". I hated that goddamn little piece of shit, I swear, he was so fucking annoying and the things he did. He fucking tore open my sealed college transcripts and told me he was going to use it against me. I didn't even really need most of the classes I had during the last semester, which was about a half schedule, so I purposefully failed them (fuck needless work), therefore, I immediately went and told my mom. I wish I had told my dad so he would have gotten the shit beat out of him, I even imagined himself giving me permission to punch him once in my life, hitting him full force in the stomach, toppling him over gasping for air with the wind knocked out of him and sobbing. I also remember digging large holes occasionally in the back yard because I enjoyed it and imagined I may one day find something interesting (goddamn mundane reality), sometimes even reaching grave sized level in a day. I imagined creating a ready built grave with plywood or some other form of cheap wood, then concealing it so that no one would suspect it...with dirt! I would have loved to have taken an axe to his head.
You know, if I ever start visiting a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist again and talk about this shit, I'm going to secretly record it. It's all true, and unlike most people I'm neither ashamed of it nor afraid to admit it.
*continues watching episode* sniff Hrngh, why was I born halfway between a human being and monster, unable to fully be both? I am absolutely the kind of person that implodes under their own existence, and that is terrifying. -
2015-11-20 at 6:44 PM UTCMalice, I genuinely do appreciate your advice and input. Youre the main reason I stick around here, I try to read all your posts when I can. Youre wealth of knowledge and like Blah said, I respect a nigga who knows their drugs, but you also have a wealth of knowledge beyond just chemicals. Id probably be up for trying that one antidepressant you mentioned (nsi-189 is it? Its on the other page so I cant scroll up to see it and my memory is bad.) if I wasnt piss poor at the moment. You had mentioned it months ago too, and even then I thought about it, though I was breast feeding and trying to continue doing that at them time, but now Ive given up and hes on raw goats milk atm so I am more free to ingest drugs. Im going to be trying bacopa (youd suggested it for my grandmother, and I have some) to see if that helps me. I recall you saying it was very dose dependent on where the line gets drawn from helping to having negative side effects- she never even wanted to take it after I got it so I didnt even look into the dosages. Im gonna look more into it after this post. Oh! I did try the phenylpiracetam a couple times. I dont feel like it helped my memory any (maybe at the time but I honestly couldnt tell), but it gave me a bit of energy and kind of gave me a goofy/off feeling. first I did about 150mgs then the next day I did 300mgs. I didnt like the 300mg dose at all, so afew days later I tried the 150mg or so again. Im not ruling out trying it again, especially if I need a little motivation, but I dont know... I dont think its all that its cracked up to be. I took all doses with choline too. I have a lot of random drugs laying about I may experiement with in time.. There is a lot of times when discussing shit with other people you pop up because of things youve said and mentioned tha ties into the conversation Im having with that person. When Imntion who you are/how I know you its always "some autist on the internet? Wtf lol how do you meet these people" in truth Ive always had aknack for meeting strange people, same as my dad. We used to have s running joke about being weirdo magnets. It always seemed like the craziest people were drawn to us, almost saught us out, compelled and pulled toward us. Anyhow, I gotta make some calls to get rid of these klonopin, take care of the baby and the dogs and shift through these external harddrives I found. found 2 out of 3 I know my dad had, the 1tb one i found had pictures I thought were lost and I spent the better part of the early morning crying my eyes out... I still miss my horse terribly and it brought a flood of emotions back to me seeing those picturesI thought were lost- the best times of my life. I am so thankful my dad had the forsight to back them up and hide the hd away. Who knows whats on the other one, and I still have a 2tb hd I know is around somewhere, I just got to find it. its a fucking technology easter egg hunt in my grandmothers room. So much shit just got thrown in a drawer or stuck in a corner. Iven found a shitload of sd card, flashdrives and other nicknacks here and there.
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2015-11-20 at 7:25 PM UTCMalice, when are you going to stop running from yourself and just admit that you're gay?
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2015-11-20 at 8:01 PM UTCI feel like I don't have any thoughts anymore. I started posting on Zoklet when I was 13 or 14, found it looking up the totse archives for legal ways to get high. I started posting, and I would post constantly, back then it was the best thing in the world. Everyone was hilarious. I was on 4chan around the same time, and with those two sites, and my lack of social awareness, I had no idea things that were on that site weren't acceptable in the real world. I would troll the shit out of people IRL and have no idea it was a big deal because I was oblivious to the world of emotions and goodness. I figured everyone was like how people act on the chans and zoklet, I think I even made a status once "4chan destroyed my mind" and I guess I never realized how true it actually is. I remember back then I was the sizzurp chugging king alongside slag and STD, and I would stay up all night reading posts in TheRetardedThread. When I got expelled from school in 9th grade, Zoklet was my only way to communicate with people, literally for years. I had no idea some random, fucked up website somewhere on the internet would end up having so much impact on me and basically defining my teenage years. I had the time of my life here, even though my life sucked, but what happened to me? Even though I never had much of a spirit, what little spirit is left in me is gone because I met a girl who might be just like me and it ruined mme. I don't post much anymore, I don't say much anymore, I don't really do anything, I wish I could contribute to this community how I used to, and I guess to do so I'ma need to start some flame wars, post more often, I don't know, this website feels almost like an obligation to me because I love it so much, or at least love the totse legacy. I won't let you die, niggasinspace.
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2015-11-20 at 8:10 PM UTCIs anyone else as emotionally attached to the TOTSE legacy as I am? (besides spectral) I think that no matter what happens in my life, there will always be some form of TOTSE to retreat to. I actually feel that the TOTSE legacy is something that needs to be passed on for generations. And shall be. Even if I don't have any real goals in my life, I still have a purpose, and that is continuing this freedom of exchange. As silly as it sounds, I could interpret the TOTSE legacy almost as a life duty.
