2019-06-02 at 1:59 AM UTC
really fucked. stuck in this depression with a broken brain, broken life, broken relationships, and all my shit is broken. just another bitter asshole kitchen worker who fucked up with stimulants. i guess i knew what i was getting myself into (kind of...you don't really understand the full extent to which is destroys you until you experience it) when i started so it's my fault. i tweaked it all away and pushed everyone who cared about me away and it's just permanently fucked. i need to clean this shitty room and get rid of 5 years of textbooks, ex's stuff, drug stuff, my entire life basically. all the memories i had are done for. now im stuck in this shithole and the only people i know are scumbags with a long time before i can get out.
i don't know if it's even worth the effort to try, it's going to be miserable and it will be insanely difficult to be clean for so long in such a shitty environment, it seems eventual that i'll be back on heroin or meth. might as well just put a bullet through my head now...
2019-06-02 at 2:04 AM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Consider it a challenge for yourself. Try to win.
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2019-06-02 at 2:06 AM UTC
You're a smart, resourceful dude. Guarantee you can pull yourself out of this downward spiral and have life back on track by this time next year if you put your mind to it. Don't stop believing in yourself. If you give up/give in to that mindset it's definitely going to be a lot harder. You can do it, GP.
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2019-06-02 at 2:53 AM UTC
Don't burn my fucking fries son.
2019-06-02 at 4:08 AM UTC
Nil
African Astronaut
[the overexcited four-footed chanar]
wallowing in misery doesn't help, the world keeps turning and things get worse. try not to think of ur problems monolithically maybe i'm just projecting but when shit goes bad I shut down and have a hard time even dealing with the small stuff, like it combines into one looming feeling of impending doom.
Fuck that, I'm better than most people and decided not to be waylaid by mental phantoms.
That said suicide is always the answer.
2019-06-02 at 4:18 AM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Drugs change your brain. Literally. Any thought you think, any decision you make, every situation you access, is hijacked by the effects of the drug. You can't trust your own brain. The only way you can be sure it's the right thing, or the right view, or the right solution, is to think it when off the drugs, when not a slave to the drugs. And I don't mean weed.
2019-06-02 at 4:38 AM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny
except when you yourself is a consolation prize,
all you ever gonna is a consolation prize.
so why bother.
There's lots to life. Climb mountains. Explore the seas. Traverse the polar caps. People are way too close-minded and focused on the minutia, and need to think a lot bigger.
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2019-06-02 at 4:43 AM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL
There's lots to life. Climb mountains. Explore the seas. Traverse the polar caps. People are way too close-minded and focused on the minutia, and need to think a lot bigger.
Oh. How was your latest deep sea diving expedition sir?
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2019-06-02 at 5:11 AM UTC
Originally posted by -SpectraL
I'm a very old and wise man. I've already done everything.
deep dumpster diving with grayfox isnt the same as deep sea diving.
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2019-06-02 at 5:21 AM UTC
-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
When Jesus walked by and called out to the men on the fishing boats, they dropped everything, all their material possessions, and followed him throughout the country. They were looking for the larger life. The real life. Those men ended up to be the twelve disciples. Paul was a Roman. A tax collector.
