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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-09-16 at 6:15 AM UTCDon't want to IV? I'm pretty sure you can use other ROAs, like smoking.
Hyrdo, did you ever see the post on converting T-PAIN free acid to sodium? If not, /u/liftmode made a much better guide: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nootropics/comments/3g5wa7/need_T-PAIN/ctvbwdj -
2015-09-16 at 8:15 AM UTCwww.google.com/search?q=IV+4-aco-dmt
Someone should try this and report back. Apparently it's far above the level of a N,N-DMT experience. Still legal, should be much cheaper and easier to get. I remember people mentioning this on Zoklet and it seemed to be very well received. -
2015-09-16 at 5:03 PM UTChow is malice (real name hermano von rodriguezzalezsalazar) still an entity on this earth?
oh yes, he's never been outside except to run barefoot with sacks of potatoes under his arms -
2015-09-16 at 5:34 PM UTCYou say that as if it's the only thing keeping me alive. It's likely neither.
Every time I go outside after a long period of seclusion I'm only reminded of how ugly and unfulfilling the world is, how empty it fields. You could search a lifetime for deeper meaning, among buildings and people, but you're never going to find it because it just isn't there. Endless repetition, revolving patterns.
Recently spent over 36 hours in bed, not entirely sure why. It had been after I had gone outside after nearly a month of not having stepped foot outside. I didn't feel worse after it, the sunlight, physical activity, and relative novelty, break from the monotony of the indoors day after day that contains nothing new, nothing that catches the eye and is worth looking at; it all provides a natural mood boost, although I only ever go from being clinical to moderately or mildly melancholy at best, and still very much anhedonic and incapable of feeling much emotion, let alone connection. It may have been due to what I mentioned in the second paragraph, the reminder, that I didn't feel any reason or obligation to get up, when the mild comfort of warmth and darkness, how it makes it easier to keep an empty mind and let time flow by, was likely better than anything I would experience after getting up. Thoughts are always sparse these days, I didn't have the lights on, I wasn't reading a book or using a phone, the thoughts that came to me are the ones that never have satisfactory answers. Thoughts from a dark place, devoid of warmth, where no one can reach me. The circulation in my legs was being slightly effected and it ceased to be particularly comfortable, although even comfort and warmth don't penetrate much like any other feeling, there's never any feeling of relaxation and peace. I'm always tired and devoid or energy, I don't become tired of living, but of being conscious, and sleep grants a reprieve from that burden. I wanted to make it to 20 hours in bed, but the goal, the arbitrary number, was likely mostly an excuse to justify an activity devoid of meaning, simply bringing less discomfort from life than other meaningless activities. I think I fell asleep at some point for a few hours, got up for a short period to rehydrate myself, urinate, and check the internet, then I fell asleep again. A sleep that does not rejuvenate.
Don't envy this if you wish you could rest all day, it's not the same. This is a state of living death, half-way to being bedridden. You should think of it as being closer to someone in a hospital who never has any visitors and speaks to no one.
All the light has gone from my world. -
2015-09-16 at 5:35 PM UTCNah, malice, I have chased the dragon with roxy's, and meth a few times, and that ROA gives me anxiety....anxiety that I am wasting drugs, that I won't get a good hit and end up burning it up or it running off the foil....it is a clumsy, unsatisfying process that I do not wish to repeat.
I don't know of a specific pipe that one could smoke heroin out of, maybe that would make it easier... -
2015-09-16 at 5:39 PM UTChttps://www.reddit.com/r/RCSources/c...izolam_60_usa/
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMark...m_1g_etizolam/
Around $60 for a gram of etizolam. Been putting it off because now I put off everything, even minor things, for months with little reason. It may be due knowing there's no hope at the end of any tunnel, the ultimate futility if all routes, all paths and actions. More and more dysfunctional each month and having ceased to care long ago.
Also because I haven't felt in a good state to trip in over a year, maybe two. At least with this I could quickly abort it, and one day might come across an experience that could change things and help develop myself. I should be like Lanny and have a day each week devoted to this, ideally. -
2015-09-16 at 6:11 PM UTC
how is malice (real name hermano von rodriguezzalezsalazar) still an entity on this earth?
I marked my two front teeth with a sharpie and stumbled around in an unlit, haunted San Francisco housing project for a while when I made entity contact with Malice. It felt fake, gay, unclean, and bisexual. -
2015-09-16 at 8:23 PM UTCMalice, yes I did see it. I saved it just incase and also saved the link you posted as well. I appreciate it.
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2015-09-16 at 9:59 PM UTC
https://www.reddit.com/r/RCSources/c...izolam_60_usa/
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkNetMark...m_1g_etizolam/
Around $60 for a gram of etizolam. Been putting it off because now I put off everything, even minor things, for months with little reason. It may be due knowing there's no hope at the end of any tunnel, the ultimate futility if all routes, all paths and actions. More and more dysfunctional each month and having ceased to care long ago.
Also because I haven't felt in a good state to trip in over a year, maybe two. At least with this I could quickly abort it, and one day might come across an experience that could change things and help develop myself. I should be like Lanny and have a day each week devoted to this, ideally.
Malice, how do you think you've become this dysfunctional. What was the process? Have you given it any thought? -
2015-09-16 at 10:45 PM UTCIt's been so long. This has really been occurring for a bit over a decade. I feel like it at this point it would take going back in time and radically altering my path in life, or erasing every trace of my existence from the multiverse. I genuinely believe I should not never have come into existence, it's a philosophical position. Bringing life into this world is one of the worst and most selfish things you can do, if they're happy it's a life that never needed to exist attempting to maintain that happiness and coming up against what has been the inevitability of death for the history of he Earth until now. If they're suffering, it's a lifetime of torment that never needed to occur, and there still remains the fear of death, of non-existence, which you're able to be aware of only because of your sentience. If you had never come into existence there would be no you to feel fear or remorse for your lack of existence, but once it occurs you're faced with the questions of what life is, what you are, what the nature of consciousness is and whether there can be said to be any concrete concept of "you" to begin with (I don't think there is.), and what it truly means to cease to exist, never to come into existence again or experience anything, ever. One moment you're here, the next you're gone, you can die without any awareness of dying, and if the consciousness and the sense of self are illusory, is there really anything to lose, and therefore to be afraid of? But there are always the issues of the limitations of knowledge, the biological limits of your mind and the information you can acquire, whether truth can ever truly be confirmed, whether you should attempt to stick around or be preserved in case of a singularity, so you'll have the highest capacity to try to find an answer to that question. But it reminds me of an analogy for what the suicidal are feeling before they jump, the futility of telling them they have so much to live for. It's like being in a high rise building that's on fire and the only way out you can see is through the window. You don't want to jump, you're jumping because you're more afraid of the fire, because the anguish of flames and suffocation seem worse. It's the fear of continuing to feel like this, this tremendous pain and suffering inside you, thoughts that torment you relentlessly day after day, for the rest of your life, and that it seems to only become worse.
That is the one question I would ask extraterrestrials far beyond our level of intelligence or an artificial intelligence the product of a post-singularity world: Why do you continue to exist?
But that doesn't specifically answer your question. Can you really adequately sum up a human life, the thoughts and experiences that are important to you, the prerequisite knowledge and understanding to really comprehend your point of view? You can never really know another person. It feels like it would take so long, longer than could be reasonably expected of others to read, it's so much harder when you're drained of the very energy to live, and ultimately there's the reality of how futile it will really be. If you've never been able to arrive at the answers yourself, if anything you've experienced, read or seen, has never felt like it's had a lasting significant impact on your worldview, what hope is there?
There is something deeply, profoundly wrong with me, something that should never exist.
This world/place/body/mind/existence/reality is a prison and a hell and I am screaming/dying/crying to get out, it has to/it needs to/please let it end. -
2015-09-16 at 10:47 PM UTCWhy do English teams suck so bad in yurop?
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2015-09-17 at 4:25 AM UTC
It's been so long. This has really been occurring for a bit over a decade. I feel like it at this point it would take going back in time and radically altering my path in life, or erasing every trace of my existence from the multiverse. I genuinely believe I should not never have come into existence, it's a philosophical position. Bringing life into this world is one of the worst and most selfish things you can do, if they're happy it's a life that never needed to exist attempting to maintain that happiness and coming up against what has been the inevitability of death for the history of he Earth until now. If they're suffering, it's a lifetime of torment that never needed to occur, and there still remains the fear of death, of non-existence, which you're able to be aware of only because of your sentience. If you had never come into existence there would be no you to feel fear or remorse for your lack of existence, but once it occurs you're faced with the questions of what life is, what you are, what the nature of consciousness is and whether there can be said to be any concrete concept of "you" to begin with (I don't think there is.), and what it truly means to cease to exist, never to come into existence again or experience anything, ever. One moment you're here, the next you're gone, you can die without any awareness of dying, and if the consciousness and the sense of self are illusory, is there really anything to lose, and therefore to be afraid of? But there are always the issues of the limitations of knowledge, the biological limits of your mind and the information you can acquire, whether truth can ever truly be confirmed, whether you should attempt to stick around or be preserved in case of a singularity, so you'll have the highest capacity to try to find an answer to that question. But it reminds me of an analogy for what the suicidal are feeling before they jump, the futility of telling them they have so much to live for. It's like being in a high rise building that's on fire and the only way out you can see is through the window. You don't want to jump, you're jumping because you're more afraid of the fire, because the anguish of flames and suffocation seem worse. It's the fear of continuing to feel like this, this tremendous pain and suffering inside you, thoughts that torment you relentlessly day after day, for the rest of your life, and that it seems to only become worse.
That is the one question I would ask extraterrestrials far beyond our level of intelligence or an artificial intelligence the product of a post-singularity world: Why do you continue to exist?
But that doesn't specifically answer your question. Can you really adequately sum up a human life, the thoughts and experiences that are important to you, the prerequisite knowledge and understanding to really comprehend your point of view? You can never really know another person. It feels like it would take so long, longer than could be reasonably expected of others to read, it's so much harder when you're drained of the very energy to live, and ultimately there's the reality of how futile it will really be. If you've never been able to arrive at the answers yourself, if anything you've experienced, read or seen, has never felt like it's had a lasting significant impact on your worldview, what hope is there?
There is something deeply, profoundly wrong with me, something that should never exist.
This world/place/body/mind/existence/reality is a prison and a hell and I am screaming/dying/crying to get out, it has to/it needs to/please let it end.
Doesn't quite answer my question but thanks for sharing what you can. Do you think there is anything, anything at all in the world that would make you feel better? If not, how so, why would nothing work? -
2015-09-17 at 12:20 PM UTCIt's a difficult question to answer, like asking a drug addict/alcoholic or homeless person how they ended up that way. Generally it wasn't a single event, but predispositions, a general self-destructive pattern, force, throughout life. Realistically, it's likely been about 15 years since things generally began eroding.
I really don't feel well anymore. You know the feeling when your body is generally unhealthy, due to illness or the culmination of an extremely poor lifestyle, going through opioid withdrawals after a binge that's spiraled out of control? Imagine if that feeling was contained within your brain, which would also effect the rest of your body, but to a lower extent, more of a complete lack of energy and avolition, a a greatly reduced ability to use one's will power, leaving you feeling weak and sickly elsewhere, unable to use any strength or endurance. A feeling that never subsides and remains constant day after day. -
2015-09-17 at 1:07 PM UTCChrist, elections are already bad enough, can you imagine how much worse it will be if barriers to entry are made even lower with automatic registration, mandatory voting, absentee/mail in voting, or online voting? The simplistic analysis is that it will significantly increase support for leftist/populist candidates and policies, they wouldn't support it otherwise, and of course no question over whether the lowest quality marginal voters being more likely to support them is a positive sign, but they fail tot take into account candidate and policy quality, simply seeing one broad category that gains. Just look at Latin America for the outcome leftism/populism can have, as if they aren't capable of being corrupt.
Fortunately I realized early on what a complete joke this all is and waste very little time on this nonsense, I don't fool myself about it being much more than entertainment. People who are enthusiastic Democrats or Republicans and believe either line of ideology will save nations are sad cases. The reason this came to mind was Trump and the possible reasons for his popularity. It makes me wonder whether we could eventually see Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus style strategies in politics: http://www.businessinsider.com/cute-to-edgy-rebranding-lessons-from-miley-cyrus-and-justin-bieber-2013-10 -
2015-09-17 at 1:29 PM UTCWoah, dextro-2-FMA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/RCSources/c...d2fma_success/
https://www.reddit.com/r/RCSources/c..._d2fma_on_the/
https://www.reddit.com/r/researchche..._and_thoughts/
More expensive, as should be expected due to loss from separation, but it's partly offset by greater potency. 2-FMA's effects on NE and the PNS were already relatively mild to begin with, the d isomer seems to perfect it. Lower duration, less effects on NE and the PNS, which effects heart rate and sleep, even smoother and better dopaminergic stimulation.
@Lanny, you have that tech bro money. Don't be stingey, be a dear and review this for us. You should be trying a wide variety of drugs to accelerate your descent into total debauchery and moral depravity. -
2015-09-17 at 3:17 PM UTC
I used to do management consultancy, where we'd figure out how a company could optimize its human resources, and a big part of this was tracking what the employees did all day.
Here's a thing, that was almost universally true for every company we saw: the average amount of useful work done by a person in one workday is two hours. Two fucking hours. It can rarely go up to a maximum of about six (at crunch time for programmers and so on), and on slow days/weeks it would be about 30 minutes.
Now, these were white-collar office jobs, so I'm sure things are quite different for fast food workers or people who are literally monitored every second of the workday, but for office work, at least, the eight-hour workday is a joke. It's just that no one talks about this, and everyone just kind of thinks they're an exception and hopes no one will catch on to how little work they're actually doing, and how much time they're wasting with useless bullshit.
I have a feeling that, sadly, this probably is close to the truth. What a dull hell this world is, it's like most people never get to leave school. Dropping out of society is another form of hell as well, despite being romanticized, I doubt it hardly ever works out well. Just look at rizzo, look at me and many other examples.
I remember your posts about your previous job, Lanny. How is anyone supposed to look forward to a future where this is the realistic outcome? Feel driven to strive to the best of their ability? Unless you're dumb/naive enough to fall for the idea of the college experience and changing the world.
Quick, tell me where the exit is, this building is on fire and I can't find it. -
2015-09-17 at 3:53 PM UTC
I have a feeling that, sadly, this probably is close to the truth. What a dull hell this world is, it's like most people never get to leave school. Dropping out of society is another form of hell as well, despite being romanticized, I doubt it hardly ever works out well. Just look at rizzo, look at me and many other examples.
You haven't dropped out of society you just fell off of the top and are now holed up in your little hole sacking from the crumbs that fall your way.
I remember your posts about your previous job, Lanny. How is anyone supposed to look forward to a future where this is the realistic outcome? Feel driven to strive to the best of their ability? Unless you're dumb/naive enough to fall for the idea of the college experience and changing the world.
Quick, tell me where the exit is, this building is on fire and I can't find it.
These are the types of folks who have truly dropped out and made their own way.
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2015-09-17 at 4:54 PM UTCMalice needs a goddamn pet or something
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2015-09-17 at 8:11 PM UTCMalice just join a cult that way you can just think whatever they tell you to think and you can get a sense of happiness from belonging to something bigger than yurself.
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2015-09-18 at 1:42 AM UTCOr start your own cult.
