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The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
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2015-09-10 at 2:14 PM UTC
We're all crazy here, in different ways and to different extents. Isn't that why we stick around, because there are so many outcasts of society we can identify with, share in each other's pain?
Just look at me, PoC, look at what I've become. Even if you still feel alone and friendless, you don't understand what a massive difference it makes to go to having literally no one in your life. Your coworkers, family, pets, acquaintances, places you go to. You have nothing but yourself and your thoughts and you can't run away from them anymore, eventually they destroy you. Would you have believed that there was someone even more depressed, dysfunctional, and beyond hope than you? This is a contest no one should want to win. Look at how much worse it could get, it could happen to you one day. It should scare you to your very core if you really understand, so run away as far and as fast as you can.
I remember when I first started posting in TRT you were the only one that was nice to me, maybe Blah as well, but you would defend me when the others didn't want me around. As I said before, thinking through life, I've hurt every person that's tried to get closer to me by my inability to open up to and connect to anyone, anyone at all. I genuinely tried to help you without wanting or expecting anything in return, but you're so easily hurt, and I am too, I understand why. Sorry for hurting your feelings.
You seem so sad Malice, and i mean that in a sympathetic way. I'm gonna' come to San Fran, and you me and Lanny are gonna' have a good time, blood. We'll shoot some heroin and debate the left right dichotomy passionately.
Also, since i'm talking to you anyway. I was thinking of becoming more active on reddit. Are there any subreddits you would recommend? I'm thinking /anarcho-capitalism, and /netsec any other good ones? -
2015-09-10 at 6:11 PM UTCI can't be friends with anyone, I can't function properly in social situations and would only make people uncomfortable and depressed. This isn't unrealistic pessimism or low self-esteem, it's just the way things are.
r/nootropics is a good subreddit. -
2015-09-10 at 7:15 PM UTC
Try not to fuck it up. For real this time.
Don't worry I won't, effectively my friend got me this job, so if I fuck up it reflects badly on her, and I won't let that happen. And she has a great set of tits. -
2015-09-10 at 9:50 PM UTC
I can't be friends with anyone, I can't function properly in social situations and would only make people uncomfortable and depressed. This isn't unrealistic pessimism or low self-esteem, it's just the way things are.
r/nootropics is a good subreddit.
No such thing as uncomfortable and depressed when heroin is involved you know. -
2015-09-11 at 3:28 AM UTC
No such thing as uncomfortable and depressed when heroin is involved you know.
That must be why so many heroin addicts are just thrilled with how well their lives are going.
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2015-09-11 at 3:30 AM UTC
That must be why so many heroin addicts are just thrilled with how well their lives are going.
It's worked out pretty well for him...
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2015-09-11 at 3:33 AM UTCWorked out well for Phillip Seymour Hoffman too.
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2015-09-11 at 3:41 AM UTC
Worked out well for Phillip Seymour Hoffman too.
Nobody listens to him anymore. But instead of wondering what kind of planet you can leave for your children you should be wondering what kind of planet you can leave for Keith Richards. -
2015-09-11 at 4:43 AM UTC
That must be why so many heroin addicts are just thrilled with how well their lives are going.
Speaking of opiates, I may try my first one tomorrow. Bayer opium via my heat gun vaporizer setup, sandwiched in dried parsley to prevent leaking, like I did with DMT. Laudanum was actually the primary treatment for melancholia until it was outlawed.
It may be possible to make it sustainable, you know. I wrote about this for Hydro. Shame you don't react well to opiates, PoC.
Sophie, have you heard of this? http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/62247-reversing-opioid-tolerance/
Proglumide and ULDN/ultra low dose naltrexone seem he most promising. In a thread about/containing a discussion on opioid induced constipation, on Zoklet, I also found a substance that was like a gut only version of naltrexone.
There's some interesting information about basal hedonic tone and the endogenous opioid system, depression/anhedonia and endogenous deficiency. -
2015-09-11 at 5:38 AM UTC
Think through the chain. Open borders is estimated to double global GDP, you know. To give an example of the increase in welfare (utility) that can occur, on average their wages increase 20-fold, 2000%.
Do you mean closed borders? Because you've been complaining about european open border policy for years.You must choose between the best possible, realistic, options available, not ideals that have no feasible way of coming about.
No doubt. But then american libertarians are the most idealistic niggers this country has next to neo nazis or something. The US has been on a one way flight towards statism since the new deal era and arguably since well before then. We may not arrive at empirical aristocracy tomorrow but it's certainly no less likely than the magical government that enforces nothing except the handful of near-totalitarian policy (immigration, military policy, property law) that the right holds close to their blackened little hearts.What is that? Seems to be an off combination of nationalist and socialist policies. National…socialism…now where have I heard that term before? Modern leftists, progressive, really are illiberal in the original, true, sense of the word.
Fine, sure. Using an ugly slur like fascism does exactly nothingto change the fact that control by a competent state is fully justified to anyone interested in human well being. You can dribble on about horseshoe theory all your like, it doesn't change the fact that net human well being is the first duty of all agents, individual or state, and one governmental framework supports this endeavor better than other, a priori, because the statist worldview enables a proper superset of libertarian policy which is, categorically, better equipped to serve human interests.Right-libertarianism is the most humanitarian ideology of all.
Humanitarianism is the most humanitarian ideology of all, your delusions of efficacy don't change that.Rotten Tomatoes is infuriating me. This is exactly the kind of taste I would expect from stereotypical film critics, and unlike most people I don't hope people I generally dislike or disagree with will have these negative qualities and conform to stereotypes, but by god do they do so consistently.
Rotten tomatoes is like the opposite of popular opinion among trained film critics. It's tremendously low brow.I want the most elitist site there is, but without the art school/university educated generic leftist/bobo mentality that's bound to plague the vast majority of them.
What's that? Leftists have an apparent monopoly on education, intelligence, and good taste?
Unsurprising. -
2015-09-11 at 6:15 AM UTC
You have nothing but yourself and your thoughts and you can't run away from them anymore, eventually they destroy you.
I like that way of putting it. I can definitely feel that when I'm like at the DMV or something, stuck in a place I can't do anything stimulating, the feeling of turning inwards, turning hyper-critical, needing something to direct your energies towards and coming up totally empty. Feels almost like suffocating. Sometimes I think "what's malice's problem? He's got it good" because I feel like I could self stimulate with a computer with an internet connection for the rest of my life but like if I imagine not having the interests I do, or not getting the same level of satisfaction from them, I can see how it could do that to a person.Also, since i'm talking to you anyway. I was thinking of becoming more active on reddit. Are there any subreddits you would recommend? I'm thinking /anarcho-capitalism, and /netsec any other good ones?
I know you didn't ask me but since you've mentioned liking EDM before you might enjoy r/futurebeats. It's a bit more left-field/experimental than r/EDM but it's not like it's full on Oval-jerkers (heu heu heu) and fewer E-tards.
Also r/badphilosophy is my only real regular haunt on reddit. If you're into philosophy you should check it out. It was originally the academic posters from r/philosophy and r/askphilosophy that got tired of constantly arguing with children and high bitches and made a half-joking cool kids sub. It's since turned into basically a raid sub for calling out stupid/funny philosophy related posts but there's a lot of other hijinx that goes on and it's just a cool community IMO. The author of existential comics posts there so there's that.
I'm not really happy with any of reddit's tech subs personally. r/compsci is generally better than r/computerscience in that sense that there are more competent posters, the posts aren't as much of a deluge of highschool students asking poorly formed questions (not that there's anything wrong with that, god knows I was there once, but it just stops being interesting after a while and I'm not sure it was ever educational. You're better off being in over your head and struggling to keep up with a community than a big fish in a small pond). r/programming is pretty blue collar but not bad for keeping an ear to the ground. I still think HN and lobste.rs are both better for general tech news, there's sort of this core community of movers and shakers in the programming world who have stuck, for the most part, together (with individuals coming and going) since the usenet days and HN was still in its prime when reddit was getting big so that's not really where the big hitters are today. The language-specific subs are pretty good, r/lisp is nice, r/clojure is slow but has smart people, I've heard good things about the haskell sub and there's some gruff old niggas floating around CPP that know their shit, but then for any of these subs to be interesting you have to have an interest in that language. I know python has a couple subs but I don't know anything about them. I'm not sure any of that really matters to you but that's my take on general technology communities in 2015. -
2015-09-11 at 6:53 AM UTCOh, sophie, this has good/interesting info too: www.reddit.com/r/DrugNerds/
r/economics regularly has good threads, although the more popular threads are unfortunately often r/politics garbage leaking in, but even then there can be a good amount of criticism in those threads.
For example, someone made some very good posts on blacks, particularly, black women, public sector employment, and the correlations with IQ, low IQ degrees being over represented in the public sector/government jobs and low IQ degrees correlating with the percentage of black employyes for public sector occupations: https://www.reddit.com/r/Economics/comments/3kean7/american_black_women_face_grim_unemployment/
"To bring it all together, I have plotted the top 20 government and private BLS occupations by black employment along with their median hourly wage. Here, we can clearly see the government compensation premium as a driver of middle-class black incomes that would be unattainable for private sector jobs of comparable skill."No doubt. But then american libertarians are the most idealistic niggers this country has next to neo nazis or something. The US has been on a one way flight towards statism since the new deal era and arguably since well before then. We may not arrive at empirical aristocracy tomorrow but it's certainly no less likely than the magical government that enforces nothing except the handful of near-totalitarian policy (immigration, military policy, property law) that the right holds close to their blackened little hearts.
I agree, statist libertarians wishing for a government representative of their views are absolute fools. Fortunately there seems to be mass disillusionment and conversion to anarchist/quasi-anarchist positions, at least among the more intelligent and well read, particularly post Ron Paul.
But the same is true for Scandinavian fetishists expecting social democracy:
https://jaymans.wordpress.com/2013/0...vative-future/
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ide...ity/?page=full
Summary: Heritability and political ideology > conservatives vastly outbreeding leftists, the effects of multiculturalism/diversity on political ideology, support/trust for government and redistribution.Humanitarianism is the most humanitarian ideology of all, your delusions of efficacy don't change that.
Main part where I was trolling.What's that? Leftists have an apparent monopoly on education, intelligence, and good taste?
Right-libertarians have the highest on average IQ. No fooling. Of course you can have higher on average general intelligence and still be wrong. I'm sure Marxists have a significantly above average IQ due to self-selection bias. The average leftist has incredibly poor taste, just look at the bast majority of leftist websites (garbage, the stench!), look at the incredibly toxic and moronic culture they've produced, even among academia there's immense toxicity and a need to adhere to political correctness if you know what's good for you.
Let me put it this way, I don't want films about third world children, people being mean to faggots and niggers, "capitalism", and art films that give the illusion of depth.because I feel like I could self stimulate with a computer with an internet connection for the rest of my life
My biological autism aligns with my extremely autistic personality profile in many regards and puts me at the farthest end of the bell curve for systematization. Humans and humans societies can be thought of as the most complex system of all. Imagine if all the time normal spent on socialization, television watching and other mundane activities, was instead devoted to thinking about issues of importance. That's what I did for a decade, I would isolate myself, find lonely pockets of the school, and do nothing but think and ruminate to an obsessive extent, I thought about humans and their failings, why they are the way they are, and I developed an incredible hatred. My dream at one point was the extermination of the human race, and I was serious about it; despite changing my mind it wasn't because I grew to like people, but accepted the value of what they produce and that a world without them would be dull and undesirable (I despise primitivism). I would make myself sick thinking about people, lying in bed fuming and thrashing around, visualizing and acting out the violence I desired to enact upon them.
I deconstructed things into oblivion and then nothing was new, nothing was interesting. You can certainly disagree with my views, but I felt I understood nearly everything of particular importance in the world, the fundamentals of what humans are and how and why they behave the way they do. There will always be things like advanced physics, forms of mathematics in general, but I couldn't see an end to anything, I couldn't see practical applications that I wanted, anything that would make a lasting difference for me and bring fulfillment. Hawking is still in a wheelchair and can barely function, how much of a difference has it made for him? The external validation, the recognition and people he's been able to access, draw to him, the sense of fulfillment, none of those apply to me.
Particularly with a memory like mine, a natural capacity to store and recall data with unnatural ability, you can reach a point where there's no real novelty. It happens to everyone to some extent, look at the differences in lifestyle, behavior, between the young and healthy and those in the autumn of their life, even among the top ranks, the intelligent and knowledgeable. How many particularly novel things are there to experience when there's no wonder, no mystery, when you know how everything functions and how it all ends?
It could happen to you one day. -
2015-09-11 at 8:12 AM UTCWatching The Truman Show for the first time. For some reason this feels like it might be the most subtly funny film I've ever seen. I think it may be the absurdity of life. Fortunately it avoided the negative qualities I worried might dampen it, I like the atmosphere.
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2015-09-11 at 5:35 PM UTCGetting 30 Soma from coworker, I intend to be melted into my couch later tonight, haven't had Soma in years
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2015-09-11 at 5:38 PM UTCDatura grows everywhere here and there's a dank can of Raid in the living room
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2015-09-11 at 11:53 PM UTC
Watching The Truman Show for the first time. For some reason this feels like it might be the most subtly funny film I've ever seen. I think it may be the absurdity of life. Fortunately it avoided the negative qualities I worried might dampen it, I like the atmosphere.
wellbutrin gave me the truman show delusion. was the most fucked up shit, and this was before I even saw the movie. after I watched it all I could think of was he was on wellbutrin. -
2015-09-12 at 1:14 AM UTC
wellbutrin gave me the truman show delusion. was the most fucked up shit, and this was before I even saw the movie. after I watched it all I could think of was he was on wellbutrin.
Predisposition toward schizophrenia. Thank god I didn't even use cannabis until I was around 23, I can only imagine how much people like you and sploo have fucked up your development. That retard sploo doesn't seem to properly grasp the basic concept of dose dependency, or doesn't want to. The potential positive effects of cannabinoids either don't occur or are far outweighed at the doses he's using. The effects of high THC cannabis are already bad enough, it's likely that this, the extremely low ration to CBD which counteracts many of the negative effects and has beneficial effects of its own, are the reason why strains of this nature develop a reputation for being the most common inducers of panic attacks and transient psychosis. Syncans have no CBD effects at all and even greater CB1 agonism. I'll admit that my psychological addiction, I was essentially self-medicating and trapped in a cycle where I didn't want to bear the end of the day sober now that I had known what a good cannabis experience was like and was experiencing a rebound effect that only made it more unbearable, was having a significant detrimental effect on my mental health. I was using old already vaped bud exclusively and the weed I grew felt off to begin with, possibly due to a lack of terpenes (Very low scent comes at a cost, it seems.) or possibly insufficient CBD, which only made it worse. It caused me to develop extremely unhealthy general anxiety (checking the blinds with every sound, worrying about cars, although not developing specific paranoid fantasies, just a general anxiety) and culminated in schizomimetic symptoms, auditory distortion and hallucinations, when combined with agmatine.
There have been some very worrying papers, which controlled for confounding variables, showing that cannabis, and to a much greater extent syncans, significantly worsen outcomes for schizophrenics and those predisposed to schizophrenia. See, the problem is one of cognitive biases and mental habits of commoners. People realize that the things they've been told about drug use, particularly marijuana, are bullshit, so they automatically swing away and mindlessly accept anything positive they come across about it without any skepticism, along with the whole host of moronic logical fallacies used to defend it (It's just a plant. It's not a drug, it's a plant, it's natural.). God knows the vast majority are absolutely hopeless when it comes to having an acceptable understanding of the pharmacology, the neurological effects, and have never read an actual study in their life; they're complete unequipped and unqualified to analyse anything they read. Then there's the aspect of their own type of reactionism, where they develop strong immediate emotional responses and automatically swing away to the polar opposite of the beliefs espoused by those they oppose and dislike, primarily rightists (conservatives, republicans), authority figures in general, and their parents; which only worsens the effect.
You, sploo, and §m£ÂgØL could realistically end up in a mental institution for the rest of your lives by the time you're 30. Assisted living if you're lucky and respond particularly well to treatment.
1.) Damn, opium wasn't there, no seizure notice either. Late/going to take a long time (still within that range), lost, or never sent. I wanted to try it today.
2.) When you're outside, do you ever have the feeling that there just isn't anything out there? That's how it always feels for me. A melancholy that never ends, an autumn/winter that never ends, even in the heat and brightest of summer, the light never lifts the emptiness that coats everything.
3.) Lanny, when you're sober or not tripping (Saturdays) and have time, are stimmed up and need an outlet, could you write a description of what your trips are like? Stanislav Grof describes that resistance generally weakens with repeated dosage, people become more at ease, familiar with the environment, and are able to let go, which can allow much more profound experiences to occur, sort of like moving up levels. The amount can vary, and this was based on psychedelic assisted psychotherapy, which has a different dynamic and will generally be much more productive and efficient than people taking them for recreational purposes, exclusively or not. It could occur whether or not you want it to.
The COEX, systems of condensed experience, and BPM models are interesting. Too much Freudnianism in the latter, but overall plausible and still workable regardless of whether they're experiencing genuine memories.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanis...natal_Matrices
Hoffman suggested that LSD should always be taken in nature. Have you ever considered wandering into a regional/national park and doing so? I'd like to try it, but I'd need to buy something to abort it in case it goes bad, and with my psyche it could go very bad, or I need to sober up quickly to return home. Not sure if I want etizolam, maybe one of the newer RC benzos that are more potent, something with stronger sedative effects, but not too strong, I don't want to be sedated to the point where I fall asleep there or have a hard time with coordination and movement.
4.) Remembered one thing I had forgotten about opioids and depression. I recall reading that the pain that can develop, for me it becomes similar to mild, maybe the equivalent pain of a small stomach ache, but not the same feeling, just a similar level of pain without the fluctuation or other physiological effects, chronic pain, towards the end of the day (relative to when I want to fall sleep/stop being conscious) that doesn't go away, produce a similar pattern of neurological activity to that of somatic pain, possibly nearly equivalent, which could explain part of the efficacy opioids can have for temporarily relieving depression.
5.) Took some fluoromodafinil and 4-PMPD:
https://newmind.com/crl-40-4657.html?___SID=U
https://newmind.com/4-pmpd-5020.html
The modafinil analog definitely has stronger eugeroic/wakefulness-enhancing properties and is smoother. I've said before that people tend to have the wrong expectations from modafinil due to reports from people placeboing like hell, novices who have never taken a stimulant other than caffeine, or expecting it to be like a stimulant and not understanding or being able to properly differentiate between wakefulness and stimulation.
4-PMPD seems to primarily be a dopamine/norepinephrine releaser, with mainly dopaminergic effects. Described as "cerebral" and lacking peripheral side effects. Reports also seem to be hit or miss, with many finding the effects to be very weak. Those looking for strong dopaminergic effects in line with stimulants will be greatly disappointed, along with those who have tolerance to them. Took them together and only took 25mg of this, so I can't differentiate completely. I'll try it along tomorrow or Sunday, but I'm only expecting a mild to moderate dopaminergic boost, which will likely only be particularly noticeable in those suffering from significant deficiency.
As you can see, my ability to sustain attention, general mental acuity and verbosity, and writing production have been significantly increased. The key point of section 5 I wanted to make is this: This can feel terrible in a way. Very artificial in the sense that pronounced anergia/lethargy commonly comes with depression for a reason. There's a critical element missing, motivation, drive, fulfillment, something you really want and are working toward. Without the pleasure you normally feel, when you're still suffering from strong anhedonia a moderate stimulatory boost doesn't remedy, it's just empty. Mental energy to read and write, and for what? What is there? There's still nothing you want or enjoy, and when this post is done, if I run out of links to read or grow tired of it, I won't even be able to lie in bed and sink into a mentally quiet numbness. I suppose it's the greater awareness of how empty it all and still is that's the worst. It reminds me of something I sometimes think when I'm feeling empty and have nothing to do, I look throughout the house knowing I won't find anything, just to confirm it, in a way. "Nothing here...nothing there...nothing anywhere..."
Oh, marked increase in reaction time, despite not feeling even close to my best...which I never feel anymore. Some of the best scores I've ever had, surprisingly.
Will try SEN-1233/WAY-317,538 tomorrow or Sunday: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WAY-317,538I bought this recently and find its effects to be like modafinilx10… I just don't feel sleepy and it's been 3h since I consumed around 37mg. If this works as I think it does (through H3 autoreceptor or agonism) then it's a good replacement for modafinil. I just feel really awake.
Redan is a top tier poster, he's tried a remarkable amount of substances, participated in group buys and independently acquired novel/little know/used substances, seems to be knowledgeable and intelligent, and may have ties to Transhuman technologies. I wanted to try pitosilant, which is an H3 antagonist and had very promising reports, but then THT shutdown and the prices for non-bulk purchasers are terrible now that they've reopened. I'm not sure how strong the H3 antagonism effect is, but hopefully it's on par.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histam...utic_potential -
2015-09-12 at 1:16 AM UTCI've had the opiate shits, or lack there of, for a week now. Doc scripted me some tramadol for my toe pain. Also going back to have my prostate checked. Really worried bout that shit. I've got a lot of symptoms and it runs in my family.
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2015-09-12 at 2 AM UTCHell, you're already going to have a finger up your ass, may as well cover all your bases. I highly recommend getting your (free) testosterone and estradiol/estrogen levels checked, just to know where you're at. You may be shocked by how low they all, having the levels an elderly person should have isn't that uncommon. Lie and make up symptoms if they hassle you about it, claim it's too unlikely or unimportant at you're age (absolutely false). It's a basic bloodtest, takes under a minute to draw, they only need a small amount.
BTW, rad-140 has the very interestign effect of protecting the prostate from the effects of testosterone. It may actually be a partial antagonist of the androgen receptor in prostate tissue, which is great. It seems to be the only SARM worth using. I'd recommend keeping this in mind if you ever start weight lifting, it's the only supplement you'd really need. Well, other than vitamin D3 and creatine. It would really help you get the results you want and improve your overall health if used consistently in conjunction with a good routine. -
2015-09-12 at 2:08 AM UTC
Hell, you're already going to have a finger up your ass, may as well cover all your bases. I highly recommend getting your (free) testosterone and estradiol/estrogen levels checked, just to know where you're at. You may be shocked by how low they all, having the levels an elderly person should have isn't that uncommon. Lie and make up symptoms if they hassle you about it, claim it's too unlikely or unimportant at you're age (absolutely false). It's a basic bloodtest, takes under a minute to draw, they only need a small amount.
will do on the testosterone check
BTW, rad-140 has the very interestign effect of protecting the prostate from the effects of testosterone. It may actually be a partial antagonist of the androgen receptor in prostate tissue, which is great. It seems to be the only SARM worth using. I'd recommend keeping this in mind if you ever start weight lifting, it's the only supplement you'd really need. Well, other than vitamin D3 and creatine. It would really help you get the results you want and improve your overall health if used consistently in conjunction with a good routine.
