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What's the best way to weigh your penis?

  1. -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Get one of those balance beams, drop your sausage on it, use counterweights until pointer reads zero.
  2. Narc Naturally Camouflaged [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Now for the serious answer that all the rest of you were unable to figure out, including that big headed dumbfuck golm.

    Tie a line around head of your cock, run the line up over a pully wheel then add weights to the other end of the line 1 gram at a time until it starts to lift your dick up.



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    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  3. Without cutting your penis off, you cannot definitely define the end of your penis as separate from your body, and will not be able to define any point where your penis takes the stress of weight but your body doesn't.
  4. gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Narc Now for the serious answer that all the rest of you were unable to figure out, including that big headed dumbfuck golm.

    Tie a line around head of your cock, run the line up over a pully wheel then add weights to the other end of the line 1 gram at a time until it starts to lift your dick up.

    This is a pretty clever idea, actually.
  5. Originally posted by gadzooks This is a pretty clever idea, actually.

    It's not, because your penis is pivoted at the base of your dick. You're not going to get any accurate answer, you can keep pulling on it till right before your dick tears off, you're not going to get a definitive penis weight.

    No rigor until he chops off his digger.
  6. gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Mr Gay Men Watch It's not, because your penis is pivoted at the base of your dick. You're not going to get any accurate answer, you can keep pulling on it till right before your dick tears off, you're not going to get a definitive penis weight.

    I was so tempted to actually try this out as an experiment, that I went rummaging through my apartment for any rope or string. I was about to use an electrical extension cord, and then thought to myself "What the fuck am I doing?"

    I feel like it would give some kind of indication of weight, but maybe not with any scientific precision.

    Originally posted by Mr Gay Men Watch No rigor until he chops off his digger.

    Lol, pretty much.
  7. Narc Naturally Camouflaged [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Originally posted by Mr Gay Men Watch It's not, because your penis is pivoted at the base of your dick. You're not going to get any accurate answer, you can keep pulling on it till right before your dick tears off, you're not going to get a definitive penis weight.

    No rigor until he chops off his digger.

    Its the best option you got without cutting it off obvs.

    I mean if this was made a standard it would be good enough to enable comparison amongst all/any males at least.

    We should have an nis live dick weigh in. Then I'd show y'all who's really boss around here.



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  8. god damm none of you engineers.
  9. Narc Naturally Camouflaged [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny god damm none of you engineers.

    Here, you'll be needing this to weigh yours

    μg



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    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  10. well at least it isnt deformed,
  11. here narc, toilet like this are specially made for you

    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  12. tee hee hee Naturally Camouflaged [slangily complete this slumberer]
    Two weeks and soo many heads put together later and still no consensus or resolution to op's problem. Shame.
  13. -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Weigh TWO live dicks and then divide by two.
  14. Ghost Black Hole
    Flop it on a triple beam
  15. Narc Naturally Camouflaged [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny well at least it isnt deformed,

    The jelly is strong in you

    lol



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  16. deformed man.
  17. Narc Naturally Camouflaged [connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
    Originally posted by vindicktive vinny deformed man.

    Lololol



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  18. gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by tee hee hee Two weeks and soo many heads put together.

  19. Ughhu Tuskegee Airman [tepidly antiquate my affinity]
    This is what the google produced:

    First and foremost, do whatever necessary to keep the size of the penis constant.
    Use a force meter, tie a string to front end of the penis (Figure 1). While the string is relaxed, you will measure zero force, because all of the penis's weight is being balanced by the pulling force from the body. From this point on, all forces measurements are automatically converted to mass, they are obtained by multiplying the measured force and the appropriate gravitational constant, so if you are doing this on earth, can use 9.8 m/s^2.
    Slowly pull the force meter upwards, you will start to record some mass (Figure 2), the string starts to take over some of the weight of the penis. The important part here is keeping the string perfectly vertical, in order to do this you will have to shift the force meter further away from the body. This detail is crucial and could be the major source of error of this method.
    Continue to pull up until the penis is horizontal. At this point, the weight of the penis is evenly distributed between the string and the body, if the measured mass is 30 g, then the mass of the penis is 60 g (Figure 3).
    If you continue to pull up, at some point the force will increase, the body is exerting a force to balance the pulling force in order to keep the penis connected, the measured mass at this point is no longer valid (Figure 4).

    The schematic diagram demonstrates the four different stages mentioned above, and a plot of mass vs distance. The main challenge in this practice is to ensure minimum force between the penis and the body.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  20. gadzooks Dark Matter [keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
    Originally posted by Ughhu This is what the google produced:

    First and foremost, do whatever necessary to keep the size of the penis constant.
    Use a force meter, tie a string to front end of the penis (Figure 1). While the string is relaxed, you will measure zero force, because all of the penis's weight is being balanced by the pulling force from the body. From this point on, all forces measurements are automatically converted to mass, they are obtained by multiplying the measured force and the appropriate gravitational constant, so if you are doing this on earth, can use 9.8 m/s^2.
    Slowly pull the force meter upwards, you will start to record some mass (Figure 2), the string starts to take over some of the weight of the penis. The important part here is keeping the string perfectly vertical, in order to do this you will have to shift the force meter further away from the body. This detail is crucial and could be the major source of error of this method.
    Continue to pull up until the penis is horizontal. At this point, the weight of the penis is evenly distributed between the string and the body, if the measured mass is 30 g, then the mass of the penis is 60 g (Figure 3).
    If you continue to pull up, at some point the force will increase, the body is exerting a force to balance the pulling force in order to keep the penis connected, the measured mass at this point is no longer valid (Figure 4).

    The schematic diagram demonstrates the four different stages mentioned above, and a plot of mass vs distance. The main challenge in this practice is to ensure minimum force between the penis and the body.

    Who wrote this, a fucking penis scientist?

    Someone at the forefront of penile science. An expert in penology.

    A genital genius, if you will.
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