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Schizphrenia official thread
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2018-09-10 at 2:07 PM UTCOne time I had my sister come over to inspect some holes in the walls. I've said that I think some insects made them but I absolutely without a doubt was sure the jedis were spying on me. She looked at me all weirded out and told me that I had drilled the holes myself to hang up curtains. I actually had all the tools and stuff in another room.
On the night before that some cats started to fight while I watched some jedi conspiracy stuff and it scared the shit out of me. I took that as confirmation that they are on to me and are trying to control my emotions.
Fun times in hindsight. -
2018-09-10 at 4:10 PM UTC
Originally posted by RisiR โ That's what's so scary about psychosis, it's nothing but a positive feedback loop that you're not even aware exists until you break it, and you can't consciously choose to break it as far as I can tell.
My Evil Mom's hired spy (who was also a nurse's aide sitting outside my room in the hospital) was letting me eavesdrop on her conversations about me because it was time that I learned the truth about how my mom had raised me.
She was so helpful and funny, I hung on to every word she said.
The interesting thing is, a lot of what "she" said had been some things I have never thought about before, and have been incredibly insightful, and I'm incredibly grateful for many of her appearances.
I miss her.
>She was induced, though.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 4:26 PM UTCNice schizzo quoting.
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2018-09-10 at 4:47 PM UTCWell guys.
As crazy as this got ... I honestly hope lessons were learned by everyone & we just continue to grow & thrive. ๐๐๐ -
2018-09-10 at 4:48 PM UTC
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2018-09-10 at 4:50 PM UTCIs she talking about vertical, horizontal or spiritual growth here??
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2018-09-10 at 4:53 PM UTC
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2018-09-10 at 11:48 PM UTCHappy Belated
Rosh Hashana Year-5779
Yesterday!
so they're 4 thousand 7 hundred and 60 years ahead of the Greg? -
2018-09-10 at 11:54 PM UTCSo I felt gangstalked but not in a threatening way in NYC.. I don't know what neighborhood in Manhattan I stepped into while just hiking around the island and some jedi guys were yelling "Sh'vat" next to me. getting real close and then backing away. like 3 or 4 times.. as if he was telling his friend a story about an up and coming event.
Infinity, you were once a jedi. what does it mean?
(looked it up but doesn't answer why he did what he did)
Shevat (Hebrew: ืฉึฐืืึธื, Standard ล ษvat Tiberian ล ษแธฤแนญ ; from Akkadian ล abฤtu) is the fifth month of the civil year starting in Tishre (or Tishri) and the eleventh month of the ecclesiastical year on the Hebrew calendar starting in Nisan. It is a winter month of 30 days.
"Nisan"? :/ -
2018-09-10 at 11:58 PM UTCIt's currently the year 2678 in Japan, the year 5779 in jeditown, and the year 4716 in China.
Not coincidentally, all of these groups are far more advanced than filthy whites, for whom it is only the year 2018. And whites are more advanced than Muslims, for whom it is only 1440.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-11 at 12:03 AM UTC
Originally posted by stare rape It can't be the official thread if it's misspelled in the thread title
But really, I know exactly how you feel. Really. I spent almost four years of my life hiding from people I thought were after me for things I'd posted online and done IRL while amassing an arsenal of weapons, ammo, medications, and survival gear. I had over $10,000 worth of it at one point. I spent a shitload of money on firearm training, had a gun club membership, and went to the range for hours three times a week.
Sometime in 2015, I said "fuck it. If there really is someone after me, let them come after me. We all die eventually anyway."
And from then on I was seemingly able to look at my condition from an objective point of view and realize that I was being ridiculous. Almost all of the things I had taken as "signs" were nothing more than coincidence, or people going about their business who happened to see me and look my way. Sometimes it was a hallucination, but now, somehow, I could tell the difference. Once in a while, i still find myself caught up in some delusion that somebody is after me, but I "snap out of it" much faster than I used to. It was like a switch had been flipped.
I thought it was the drugs at first, so I stopped taking them. I stayed mostly clean for three years, only taking Crouton and the occasional benzedrex. It's only recently that I've started on that shit again. Didn't seem to make much difference. Though the intensity of the paranoia was diminished, it was still there.
In July 2015, after getting extremely fucked up and telling everyone that was staying with me at the time that I was going to kill myself, I had some sort of "moment of clarity" and had myself committed (although they wrote "involuntary" on the paperwork)
I was diagnosed with depressive psychosis, but the "medicine" they gave me for it made it twice as bad, and I could barely get out of bed most days because it sapped every bit of motivation out of me while making me shake like a Parkinson's patient if I tried to sit still, something that still hasn't completely gone away. I tried to stop taking it but it resulted in a terrifying psychosis that was far worse than the original symptoms and ended up committed again, but I convinced them that it was the medication that had done it, and they tapered me off of it.
Then I find out schizophrenia (and mental illness in general) has a much higher rate of incidence among Native Americans than the general American population.
I've mostly accepted the fact that I've got some mental illness somewhere between OCD and schizophrenia, and that I will most likely be unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality 20-30 years from now. Just look at a certain other poster here.
All that said, I still believe that there was a point in time that I was being watched, but I was involved in medium-level criminal activities at that point, it was probably just people making sure I was doing what I said I was going to do.
As of now, most of the weapons and such have been sold or confiscated, but I still have a lot of the survival gear, and feel like I could hold my own for quite a while if some sort of disaster or apocalypse were to happen.
I'm still very paranoid, and won't let anyone get close to me, but it's still much better than it used to be. I think I've hit the "ceiling of improvement" for my current situation and will have to change it to improve further.
I know I'm going to regret posting this, but there it is
TL;DR: I'm slowly losing my mind but at least I'm aware of it
That sounds a lot like what I have gone through
A few years ago, through meditation using marijuana and VR, I began to hack reality and was able to pull unlimited knowledge from some unknown source, maybe the akashic records.
I started thinking to myself, hey what if I use this ability to take down the government, what if I go even further and find a way to destroy this reality ... then I thought surely there would be some organism that oversees all the ongoing processes within this reality, it would notice me and try to stop me ... then I got to thinking maybe the government would tyr to stop me ... then I started thinking maybe it was their doing all along.
I would hear voices occasionally, and grow really paranoid thinking certain happenings were proof that they were on to me, sending agents out to monitor and fuck with me to try and demoralize me so I couldn't take them down.
I really honestly don't think I'm schizophrenic, I think I was just having a psychotic period from nonstop marijuana use for years, losing my grandparents and going from being a hikikomori since the age of 11 or 12 to starting to go outside and be around the fleshnet and humans so I'm not used to the variables that come with the chaotic outdoors, I'm used to everything being aspeptic and calculated, coming from living my entire life on the computer.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-11 at 12:06 AM UTC
Originally posted by HTS It's currently the year 2678 in Japan, the year 5779 in jeditown, and the year 4716 in China.
Not coincidentally, all of these groups are far more advanced than filthy whites, for whom it is only the year 2018. And whites are more advanced than Muslims, for whom it is only 1440.
self loathing is trending for Caucasoids -
2018-09-11 at 12:09 AM UTC๐ณ
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2018-09-11 at 12:11 AM UTC
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2018-09-11 at 12:19 AM UTCI don't know about reality :/
Whispering, gross talking, degrading ( slipping into ALTERNATIVE reality with ppl questioning ur potential, ur worth...eating at ur whole being, Trying to make u feel as though ur Not worth it ?) Maybe You don't know.
I don't care, honestly, hope u never do. WHY????? SHOULD YOU?
No one will bring me to my knees, & no one will silence me.
Maybe YOU Don't know it. -
2018-09-11 at 12:22 AM UTC
Originally posted by DontTellEm I don't know about reality :/
Whispering, gross talking, degrading ( slipping into ALTERNATIVE reality with ppl questioning ur potential, ur worth…eating at ur whole being, Trying to make u feel as though ur Not worth it ?) Maybe You don't know.
I don't care, honestly, hope u never do. WHY????? SHOULD YOU?
No one will bring me to my knees, & no one will silence me.
Maybe YOU Don't know it.
So what drugs caused this? -
2018-09-11 at 12:22 AM UTCI may not know much, but I Know I'm stronger than u Creep mother fuckers.
I wasn't on Any drugs! I don't take drugs at all on any consistent basis. Nor alcohol.
Bye. -
2018-09-11 at 12:26 AM UTC
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2018-09-11 at 12:37 AM UTC
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2018-09-11 at 12:37 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
