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Schizphrenia official thread
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2018-09-10 at 3:43 AM UTCPost here in this thread about the mental condition known as "Schizophrenia"
Sorry I don't have anything to say about this, since I don't have the condition, unlike some of you here.
I will say this, I have often pondered on what this and other severe mental illnesses are like, I imagine it's like your brain loses its ability to make proper associations, so you end up with a thought process that goes like "Apple tastes like https because Sunday whistled to Thomas the train". -
2018-09-10 at 3:57 AM UTCNo
Take 600mg diphenhydramine.
You will understand.
You will be retarded,
But you will fully understand
It is identical to me, although more menacingThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 4:10 AM UTC
Originally posted by DietPiano No
Take 600mg diphenhydramine.
You will understand.
You will be retarded,
But you will fully understand
It is identical to me, although more menacing
Why would you try and kill yourself this way? this is 24 pills of 25mg?
why would you do such a stupid fucking thing? you're going to damage your heart at a young age -
2018-09-10 at 4:49 AM UTCGod talked to me through farts when I was in jail. I'd be laying in my bunk, thinking things, and a high pitch fart would be a "yes" and a low pitch fart would be a "no". I also do this with the sound of the house settling (walls creaking, pipes making noises, that kind of thing), the small movements of my pillow under my head as I try to fall asleep, etc.
I have semi-fluent conversations with myself through stuff people say on TV or around me in real life.
But I'm not crazy.
You're crazy.
The whole world is crazy.
I took this screenshot:
In E.Y.E: Divine Cybermancy. Cybermancy would be "divination through technology" in magic nomenclature. The game's name basically means "See the Divine Technological Divination".
I took this screenshot on "5 Mar, 2012 @ 9:43am" according to steam.
The same day, Benjamin Netanyahu gave this speech:
Where he calls Iran a "nuclear duck".
I was on bundy at the time. I didn't know about this speech until a few days later, when Jon Stewart joked about it on the Daily Show. Is this schizophrenia? Is this "just a coincidence"? Or is it a coincidence in the same way that dropping an apple coincides with its precipitous descent towards the ground?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 7:01 AM UTC
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2018-09-10 at 7:08 AM UTC
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2018-09-10 at 7:43 AM UTCEYE is one of the best games ever
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2018-09-10 at 7:44 AM UTC
Originally posted by DietPiano No
Take 600mg diphenhydramine.
You will understand.
You will be retarded,
But you will fully understand
It is identical to me, although more menacing
yeah, the one good thing I can take away from spazzing out on delerients is I know what a total mental breakdown feels like -
2018-09-10 at 9:04 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra EYE is one of the best games ever
Originally posted by aldra yeah, the one good thing I can take away from playing E.Y.E is I know what a total mental breakdown feels like
In all seriousness, it's a fantastic game. It totally feels like it was designed by schizophrenics though. It's probably the best game I've played that simultaneously had zero polish.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 11:53 AM UTCIt can't be the official thread if it's misspelled in the thread title
But really, I know exactly how you feel. Really. I spent almost four years of my life hiding from people I thought were after me for things I'd posted online and done IRL while amassing an arsenal of weapons, ammo, medications, and survival gear. I had over $10,000 worth of it at one point. I spent a shitload of money on firearm training, had a gun club membership, and went to the range for hours three times a week.
Sometime in 2015, I said "fuck it. If there really is someone after me, let them come after me. We all die eventually anyway."
And from then on I was seemingly able to look at my condition from an objective point of view and realize that I was being ridiculous. Almost all of the things I had taken as "signs" were nothing more than coincidence, or people going about their business who happened to see me and look my way. Sometimes it was a hallucination, but now, somehow, I could tell the difference. Once in a while, i still find myself caught up in some delusion that somebody is after me, but I "snap out of it" much faster than I used to. It was like a switch had been flipped.
I thought it was the drugs at first, so I stopped taking them. I stayed mostly clean for three years, only taking Crouton and the occasional benzedrex. It's only recently that I've started on that shit again. Didn't seem to make much difference. Though the intensity of the paranoia was diminished, it was still there.
In July 2015, after getting extremely fucked up and telling everyone that was staying with me at the time that I was going to kill myself, I had some sort of "moment of clarity" and had myself committed (although they wrote "involuntary" on the paperwork)
I was diagnosed with depressive psychosis, but the "medicine" they gave me for it made it twice as bad, and I could barely get out of bed most days because it sapped every bit of motivation out of me while making me shake like a Parkinson's patient if I tried to sit still, something that still hasn't completely gone away. I tried to stop taking it but it resulted in a terrifying psychosis that was far worse than the original symptoms and ended up committed again, but I convinced them that it was the medication that had done it, and they tapered me off of it.
Then I find out schizophrenia (and mental illness in general) has a much higher rate of incidence among Native Americans than the general American population.
I've mostly accepted the fact that I've got some mental illness somewhere between OCD and schizophrenia, and that I will most likely be unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality 20-30 years from now. Just look at a certain other poster here.
All that said, I still believe that there was a point in time that I was being watched, but I was involved in medium-level criminal activities at that point, it was probably just people making sure I was doing what I said I was going to do.
As of now, most of the weapons and such have been sold or confiscated, but I still have a lot of the survival gear, and feel like I could hold my own for quite a while if some sort of disaster or apocalypse were to happen.
I'm still very paranoid, and won't let anyone get close to me, but it's still much better than it used to be. I think I've hit the "ceiling of improvement" for my current situation and will have to change it to improve further.
I know I'm going to regret posting this, but there it is
TL;DR: I'm slowly losing my mind but at least I'm aware of itThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 12:02 PM UTCNothing to be ashamed of really. It's good that you've been able to recover as much as you have, but the difficult question behind it is if you really do have a serious disorder, how much can you fight yourself and still expect to win?
I'm not going to try and offer any advice or anything, but good job on becoming somewhat functional again. Most people don't seem to be able to.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 12:03 PM UTCi get reptillian illuminati jedi roach demon psychosis from bundy once in a while its kinda fun #SIGMALIFE
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2018-09-10 at 12:04 PM UTCu ever hide from the cops in an alleyway after a dadfight and speak to god from the birds on the trees
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2018-09-10 at 12:19 PM UTCminko minpoojo lablajmarajkulaj hoojaj dumahje hooje hoojhe ehehehe
eheheh eehehee heehehehe ehehehehee ehehehee eheheehehe eheehehehe ehehe
eneeheheeheheheehehehee eheheeheheeh eheheheheeheheehehe ehehehe SENTULHAGJ HUUPOLOJ ehehehejahgh ehehhe eYEEEEE EYEEEE EYEYEYEW yesssssssssssssssssssss YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yaaaaaaas THE DE VOLS -
2018-09-10 at 12:24 PM UTC
Originally posted by Glokula's Homabla u ever hide from the cops in an alleyway after a dadfight and speak to god from the birds on the trees
I've hid from the cops, but I just hit the gas and turned into an apartment parking lot lol
And that was the only somewhat exciting thing that happened in my life as a criminal
I wasn't even carrying anything at the time, either, it would've just been a ticket most likely
But I was tweaking at the time and was going twice the speed limit. The cop was hiding in a driveway on a side street and lit me up as i went by.
I thought, "if he sees where I went, I can just say I pulled over for him" -
2018-09-10 at 12:58 PM UTCEx wife was diagnosed with it, she thought I hired people to kill her and kept thinking they were in the house hiding. She kept knives everywhere and often walked around with one. She would do the "paranormal activity" thing... getting up at 2am and standing in the same spot not moving for 2 or 3 hrs... (I had an IP cam that caught her doing it which freaked me out a bit).
Not fun living with one. -
2018-09-10 at 1:23 PM UTCTry living with it. That's no fun, either.
I don't have it (not sure if Lan still has the stupid wordenhancement up). I've done several tests. Though, I had some mad psychosis and from time to time I get really paranoid. I still believe that my neighbors think I spy on them. I'm pretty sure about it. I can't look out of my windows (irony, huh..) because of that. I really want to move away and start over somewhere else so I can be anti-social from the get go but I don't think I can be like that even at a new place. I just want people to leave me alone.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-09-10 at 1:43 PM UTC
Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson Ex wife was diagnosed with it, she thought I hired people to kill her and kept thinking they were in the house hiding. She kept knives everywhere and often walked around with one.
Not fun living with one.
Damn. Not to give you shit or anything, but if it's scary to watch imagine how it is to live it. Understandable though, there's only so much crazy one can handle, especially if the person refuses treatment.
I had a gf when I was younger that was more of the BPD type. She thought the entire world was against her except for me. It was actually great for a while, we seemed to connect very well and only cared about each other, because "the rest of the world hated us both"
Eventually though, she started thinking I was one of them, and that I was only there on some sort of information-gathering mission or some shit and didn't actually want anything to do with her
I stuck with it as long as I could because she obviously couldn't help it, but it eventually got to be too much. She would get violent and demand that I tell her what was going on and who I was telling about her and so on, and then not talk to me for a week because I wouldn't admit it.
She would refuse treatment saying that I was only trying to control her, and any attempt to talk about the situation would just be "me trying to make her think she was crazy so she would doubt herself"
That's what's so scary about psychosis, it's nothing but a positive feedback loop that you're not even aware exists until you break it, and you can't consciously choose to break it as far as I can tell.
Also, I had a friend that was big into reptiles. He has a bunch of liserds and a couple of snakes. He would always try to get people to handle the snakes, probably either to mess with people who are scared of them, or to try to show those people that the snakes weren't dangerous.
He had his mom and I over once, and whenever she thought he was out of earshot she would tell me about how he was telling the snakes to do things to scare her, and how he would tell them to bite her if she tried to handle them.
Apparently, she had been there with some other family, and they had all handled the snake, but it only bit her. She took this as evidence of what he was doing.
She would do the "paranormal activity" thing… getting up at 2am and standing in the same spot not moving for 2 or 3 hrs… (I had an IP cam that caught her doing it which freaked me out a bit).
Thankfully I havent gotten the catatonic-type symptoms more than a couple times, and those involved drugs so they don't really count
Sorry about all the text walls lately guys, recent events have brought back a lot and, also, stimulants -
2018-09-10 at 1:51 PM UTCDon't worry, bro. We love your crazy ass.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-09-10 at 1:57 PM UTC
Originally posted by aldra Nothing to be ashamed of really. It's good that you've been able to recover as much as you have, but the difficult question behind it is if you really do have a serious disorder, how much can you fight yourself and still expect to win?
I'm not going to try and offer any advice or anything, but good job on becoming somewhat functional again. Most people don't seem to be able to.
Thanks.
It doesn't seem to be a conscious decision. It's like a switch is flipped and suddenly you can see that what you were seeing and believing isn't real.
Not that you should do this, but it felt a lot like when you're up for a couple days on meth or something, and start doing or feeling all this fucked up shit because you're ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that something bad is happening, and every little thing that has even the faintest connection to it seems like evidence of it, while you totally ignore any evidence against it without even realizing it. If you get hallucinations, they will always "confirm" your suspicions.
Then, it starts wearing off. It gets worse for a while, but then, out of nowhere you see how ridiculous the whole thing was. Then you feel like shit for wasting so much time on something that was all in your head.
Originally posted by RisiR † Try living with it. That's no fun, either.
I don't have it (not sure if Lan still has the stupid wordenhancement up). I've done several tests. Though, I had some mad psychosis and from time to time I get really paranoid. I still believe that my neighbors think I spy on them. I'm pretty sure about it. I can't look out of my windows (irony, huh..) because of that. I really want to move away and start over somewhere else so I can be anti-social from the get go but I don't think I can be like that even at a new place. I just want people to leave me alone.
This is how I am now. I've packed all my stuff and made plans to leave my current place of residence and live by myself, and will more than likely ghost all but two or three in the process.
There's no guarantee that I won't eventually be back to paranoid insanity, but I don't have too many options haha
