User Controls
I will no longer be posting on this website.
-
2016-02-06 at 12:11 PM UTCMore to the point, why or how would §m£ÂgØL be anywhere close to being a good parent to the child? All I can see is him shaking the baby to death when it won't stop crying at 4am.
-
2016-02-06 at 2:40 PM UTC
If it was possible for someone to 'give me a break' Id have already have jumped on that already. The most of a break Ive had since my exhusband left was when my babysitter did me a solid when I got off work at 7am and had to be back to work at 2pm. I had already worked a 10 hour shift and hadnt slept the day before because I was up caring for my son. i was even late to work I was so tired. I have ZERO family and Im not exaggerating one bit. I have no real friends. Ive begged this girl I thought I was somewhat good friends with to take my son for a day, a few hours, or even just come over and help me clean while we took turns watching him.. she said ahe would, but this has been fucking months and always has an excuse for why she cant. Ive thought about calling dcf just ao I could have a fucking break. My son shouldnt see me frustrated, dog ass tired and just wanting to put him in a playpen or for him to take a nap. I dont enjoy my child for all the shit Im having to do to support him. I wish I fucking could- this is why kids do better in two parent homes, because you start hating your kids when youre so tired you cant see straight, cant get any rest for having to care for him before work and then back to another 10 hour grind just to do it all over again. On your day off, you just want to fucking sleep… Im not physically well off either. Ive got a herniated disc, two torn miniscus in my knees, nerve damage, and a rapid heart rate and nearly sure Ive got an thorasic aortic anyerism thats going to kill me one day in a very painful way (though thankfully it should be a fairly quick death). this isnt the sole reason I want to die, its coupled with my physical problems to, the fact Im never going to get out of this shit hole situation. §m£ÂgØL has a large family that is supportive. His family doesnt really want for money either. That would be a much better situation for my son. Even if he is put up for adoption, they will screen for people that can dedicate the time and love to my little boy. Fuck, even §m£ÂgØL agrees I should give him up for adoption, but whats stopping me is that my exhusband wants to take custody and REFUSES to sign paperwork so he can be adopted out. If hes removed and Golum is then placed on as his father, then he can make that choice. He can either raise him with the support and help from his family or he can put him for adoption. Hea told me he cannot be in my sons life despite wishing he could be because of me being in his life- this way, I wont be in my sons life anylonger ans hopefully he does choose to raise him. My son deserves better than I can give him. Im not a good mother, despite my best efforts to be. I was left in a shit situation that I partially created with a house that is filthy, falling appart and just not good for a baby to be in and a nother who is at her last nerve everyday of her life. I love this child more than anything andbnothing pains me more than to say Ive failed my child and cant give him a great life, but thats the hard cold truth of it. Im just trying to do the one little thing that is in my power to protect him from a person that abused me for a decade and has abused others, even to the point of being convicted for it. Ita the least I can do for my child that I love dearly and while §m£ÂgØL acta like a fucked up little shit most the time, he really is a good guy irl. I trust he would raise my son properly, as best as he can and would do better than I can and if he chooses not to and place him for adoption, he will be doing what I cant since my exhusband, the father currently on the BC, has stopped me from doing. Im not strong like your mom, sorry I cant do it. I hurt way too much. all there is is failure in my future and like §m£ÂgØL said to me over the phone, last we spoke, Im toxic. he doesnt need that in his life. He also told me he hopes I do right by my son. Thats exacrly what I am trying to do. Its the whole reason I tried to contact his parents. Its why I am going through with the court shit. I havent been threatening, Ive only posted this shit ao he knows Im not trying to get child support that he is so fucking paranoid of. Hes paranoid as fuck that he might be court ordered to pay money for his biological child. Ive never wanted that mans money, nor anyones money, if I did Id already have gotten it from one fathwr or the other by now but I dont even get welfare for my child. Nobody has paid me one single cent of child support nor do I expect it now. This wasnt a threat, rather to reassure since hes threatened to commit suicide if he were ever forced to pay child support a dozen times before when he was fucking paranoid as fuck. you understand a bit better now?
Ok, this is hard to understand and you sound like you have a legit adjustment disorder (at least), but ...
If you're eligible for child support, are working your fingers to the bone because you have no money, and the father has the money, just collect your child support. If I'm reading this correctly and §m£ÂgØL is the father, then he's required by law to pay it. It'll probably be helpful. It doesn't make any sense for you to act like you don't want it when you clearly need it and it's available.
You're also eligible for social services. You can get food stamps and most likely even emergency funds. Just google the number for social services in your county.
Honestly it sounds like it's best for the kid to go up for adoption. As far as killing yourself that sounds like kind of a stupid idea and I would encourage you not to do it. But clearly this is the internet, I have no idea who you are, and there's no way for me to stop you.
-
2016-02-06 at 5 PM UTCFor cash assistance, Ive jumped through hoops for months. The state Im in has nade in incredibly hard to get $$ assistance. I recieve food stamps, so does my son. Ita not even able money, its about my son being raised alone by a mentally and physically incapable person. I really have no family at all. My dad died when I was 5-6 months pregnant last year. my grandmother took off and she has alzhiemers back in september and never even wanted to hold the baby, asking her to watch him for 5 minutes while I fixed her tablet for her was like asking for a lot from her. The people who babysit for me, rhwy are good people, but when I started working I barely knew who the fuck they were. They used to be friends with this kid we let stay with us who ended up stealing and finally getting arrested. I was desparate for a babysitter and... somehow it worked out right as I got a job again. The babysitter before, she wasnt caring for my baby right or feeding him. That scared the shit out of me... I have legit anxiety problems, Im at work and I just have random shit pop into my head worried sick about my baby. if it rains while Im going to work, all I can think about is a car accident with my child while they are on the way home- ita emotionally taxing being the sole person caring for this child. Even if I did get cash assistance, thats 200$ a month, Id still have to work, 200$ is a drop in the bucket for caring. I have a space heater and my electric bill is about 150$ if I use it sparingly on the nights its below 50F. before this month, I didnt even have a space heater and it was lucky I did have 10 dogs to sleep in bed with us because it got into the 20's and we were freezing our asses off. §m£ÂgØL has a family and a support system and could better deal with this baby than I can. If I could give my baby up for adoption right now, i would but my exhusband, the giy currently listed as the father on the birth certificate who is a pedophile, wont sign todo so, he will try to get custody if I try and put him up. This is why I am pwtitioning to examine paternity. Its going to cost me about $400 in court fees to petiton. Money isnt my main problem, its being able to take care of this baby alone. most single moms have some relative that at least can help out once in a blue moon. I have jackshit. I dont even have friends. Iam overhwelmed doing it alone. Ive had so many promises, if I couldnjust hang in there a little longer, I would have a measure of help soon. I cant keep going like this and my baby deserves better and it doesnt matter whos feelings I end up hurting. §m£ÂgØL obviously doesnt give a fuck and thinks Im out to fuck him over. Fuck, hes the only friend Ive had and if I wanted child support, why havent I done this sooner? Ive failed as a mother, failed as a friend, failed as a partner and failed in ever other way in my life. I live with crippling chronic pain to the point I sometimes cant even pick my baby up. The reason this is going to result in my death is because I cant live with the guilt nor phyiscal pain any longer. If I wouldnt be trying to fight to getmy exhusband off the birth certificate Id already have checked out. I just want to do the one thing in my power to avoid that man abusing my baby andnits hard. I think about just saying fuck it every moment of the day- I own a gun, I have over 6 grams of a betablocker thatll end my life, along with other stuff I could stack on top of it to make it a done deal. Believe me when I say, I just dont want to keep on going and I, beyond fixing the one mistake I made as far as putting my exhusband on the birth certificate, cant keep going. This child for so long has been the sole reason Ive stayed alive, and when hes nolonger in my custody- which §m£ÂgØL has assured me in the past, his rich family will afford him with a good lawyer to take my baby away from meif I were to try for child support- when he is gone, I wont have any reason to keep on living for in this world. The ball is already in motion. There is nothing I, nor §m£ÂgØL can do to stop it. i just have to do whats best for my son. Im truely not a fit mother nd Im only better than myexhusbamd because I wont beat the fuck out of my child or sexually abuse him. I struggle to care for him properly, especially when I was working those days where I couldnt sleep at all. No child should be put in a paypennscreaming, crying for attention while mom, tries to power nap, with an alarm set, but doing that shit day after day, ive got to try to sleep sometime. im andepressed person, Im overwhelmed beingbthe sole person to care for this baby without so much as a day off, or an hour to myself. I cant keep goinglike this. I emotionally andnphysically cant do it. I both long for and fear the day I wont see my son again. I love him so much and Im going to miss him dearly, but I havent got the help nor support I need and like that, I cant keep going.
-
2016-02-06 at 6:16 PM UTC
My ex husband violently raped a 6 year old girl. Lied about it, down played it and basically told a tale much different than the court documents which he signed. He was a lying, manipulative piece of shit. You wouldnt have even have defended his actions of what he did. I wasnt aware it was so fucked as that. There is a difference of a 13 yo having a 6yo girl touch your penis than having violently raping a 6 yo when youre 15. He couldnt even keep his fucjing lies somewhat straight. I was raped repeatedly in our fucked relationship but too stupid to realize it. I have a sleep disorder.. he kept saying I was coming on to him and provking shit while I was asleep. I told him to just leave if I did that, but rather he just would give me bullshit about how I got mad at him if he did that. I woke up a majority of days feeling violated and like scum not even able to remember what happened, just cum in my cunt. Thats why I believe the court documents versus his play on things so much. He was an abuser and was good at making people feel sympathy for him, until you see what the court papers say that is… I was stupid. Im just continuing this fucked existence until Ican get my exhusband off the BC and §m£ÂgØL on it andnthen the ball is in his court- he can raise his son or place him with adoption. this isnt about child support- this is aaout a broken person unable to keep going raising a child completely alone with nobody, nothing in their life for support emotionally. It takes everything in me to not just clock out prematurely. Ive got the means, Ive got the desire. I just love my son so much, the least I can do is spare my child being raised by that fucked up piece of shit.
I'd never defend a rapist, period. Certainly not a child rapist. You may think that seems odd coming from me but while i may like little girls as well at least i have a sense of what's right or wrong. I'm sorry for your situation, this will pass without killing yourself as well, but it's your choice, so if you do go through with it: Make a thread before you do so i can say goodbye. -
2016-02-06 at 6:42 PM UTC
My ex husband violently raped a 6 year old girl. Lied about it, down played it and basically told a tale much different than the court documents which he signed. He was a lying, manipulative piece of shit. You wouldnt have even have defended his actions of what he did. I wasnt aware it was so fucked as that. There is a difference of a 13 yo having a 6yo girl touch your penis than having violently raping a 6 yo when youre 15. He couldnt even keep his fucjing lies somewhat straight. I was raped repeatedly in our fucked relationship but too stupid to realize it. I have a sleep disorder.. he kept saying I was coming on to him and provking shit while I was asleep. I told him to just leave if I did that, but rather he just would give me bullshit about how I got mad at him if he did that. I woke up a majority of days feeling violated and like scum not even able to remember what happened, just cum in my cunt. Thats why I believe the court documents versus his play on things so much. He was an abuser and was good at making people feel sympathy for him, until you see what the court papers say that is… I was stupid. Im just continuing this fucked existence until Ican get my exhusband off the BC and §m£ÂgØL on it andnthen the ball is in his court- he can raise his son or place him with adoption. this isnt about child support- this is aaout a broken person unable to keep going raising a child completely alone with nobody, nothing in their life for support emotionally. It takes everything in me to not just clock out prematurely. Ive got the means, Ive got the desire. I just love my son so much, the least I can do is spare my child being raised by that fucked up piece of shit.
that was slightly random
and...post selfies. i want to evaluate you -
2016-02-06 at 7:36 PM UTCCalled it.Called it so fuckin hard.
And if youre absolutely convinced youre going to check out, and not just doing that thing all my crazy ex gfs have done... If you want to make sure your ex doesnt get custody (and he is, without a shadow of a doubt, ACTUALLY a rapist), deal with him yourself and then eat a gun. Thats what I would do. At least its sort of heroic.
But Im really not sure what the fuck anyone in this situation expected to happen. If youre broke as hell, mentally unstable, addicted to drugs and living in a broken down barn full of animals and dog shit, thats not the time to be having a kid. Its 2016. Having a kid is a choice. -
2016-02-06 at 7:45 PM UTC@infinity, sophie asked about what my exhusband did to warrant being called a pedophile. That is why I am doing all this, to protect my son from this sort of person before I check out. I know Im not mentally right in the head, especially at this moment in time, but one thing Ive always been is honest about all this shit. People think this shit was a troll, when I got pregnant. I wish to fuck it was. Evaulation w/o pics: I am a stupid, ugly, horrible person, never cut out to be a mother, a partner and have never found a way to fit into society (probably why I ever posted here). §m£ÂgØL can be pissed off, mad, or whatever about what Im posting- I dont care, I really really dont care anymore. My Give-A-Fuck finally broke. Im serious as a heart attack about going through with reliquishing my parental rights once my Ex husband is off the BC, and ending the worthless, awful existence that is me. The world will be a better place without someone like me in it. Im so sorry I brought a baby in this world or ever thought I could fix mylife, fix, my family and make things better. All those delusions have done is cause extended suffering for the people I love around me including §m£ÂgØL, my baby and myself. I see what I need to do and I will fix my mistakes to the best of my abilities. I hope my child, when older realizes I did love him and did try to do right for him, but being a broken, toxic piece of shit like I am, I couldnt. It doesnt matter though. I dont care what §m£ÂgØL tells him about me if he chooses to raise him, just hoping he has a good life and does better than I have, which shouldnt be hard with a family to help do that. I really did try. I just cant anymore. Im just trying to feed him, change him and show him the love I am capable of showing him for now, until I give him up. Even simple shit like that is a struggle for me. Ive really gone off the deep end. I wish it didnt have to be this way, but there is no turning back now, there is no way to fix this as it has become, only going forward to fix the one mistake I made that I can fix is all I can do and hopefully I manage to doit before I completely lose my mind- its going that way.. Im strugglingnto hang in there just to do that. I post this shit because it doesnt matter. If §m£ÂgØL thinks hes gathering ammunition against me, hes soon goingnto realize, I DONT CARE, he doesnt have to gather ammuniton, I am going to GIVE UP MY PARENTAL RIGHTS just as soon as the child molester can never touch my baby again. @spohie, I didnt think you were they rapey sort of pedo. I disagree with your attraction, but as far as pedos go, there are most def worse than you. Thats why I said you wouldnt defend the shit my exhusband did.
-
2016-02-06 at 9:16 PM UTCCasper, youre right, Malice was right. Im dumb. I thought my exhusband was different than he is. Im stupid. So fucking stupid. I dont live in a barn, I live in a run down trailer in the middle of east bumfuck- its actually worse than a barn full of dog shit. Worse part of this whole situation is: it didnt have to be like this. My exhusband created this shit hole. I had pently of fence, plenty of wire to run electic fence, a hotwire box... Everything to mKe a happy place for the animals we had. I held a job through my pregnancy up until I could no longer deal with the mental bullshit anymore. He left me in such a fucked situation with this baby and moved across the country after stealing all the money I had and most of my valuables. He did this after my grandmother left because he knew the gravy train was over and has since done jack shit to help my situation. I dont want his help because hes threatened to take custody and if thats real or false, I cant risk my son being raised by him. Hes getting exactly what he wants, off the hook. he is the one who talked me into this baby. He is the one who wanted to be a father to this child. In actualality, he was using this child to chain me to him forever- he didnt realize I wouldnt stand to have my baby treated like he treated me everyday. Then instead of manning up, he did what he and his fathers fathers before him did, stole, ran far the fuck away and make threats. Karma is a bitch, he will get his in the long run. He shit on me and my family for a decade and I was too stupid to see it. in my defense, not that it matters much but my husband for all thebshit he was, was a very persasive person, he could sell ice to eskamoes. if hed not beennsuch a piece of shit, he could have done good things with his life. §m£ÂgØL kept me going this far with promises that shit would be better, that hed always be my friend. I know he has mental problems, but I see now actually how bad they are. He atleast has a supportive family though and thats what my son needs. Or he can place him for adoption- thatll be his choice once all this shit is done and over with. Ive heard so many times about 'flesh and blood' and doing whats right for him- he can make the hard decisons once this time. Im done trying to preserve a friendship, trying to build a life worth something, or better myself- its impossible. Im just trying to minimize damage to my child. §m£ÂgØLs family is well off and maybe for once he should have a little responsibility in his life or at least make that heart wrenching choice of giving this sweet, beautiful child up for adoption. At least he wont be raised by a rapist and a pedophile though- for all the horrible shit that can be said about me and Im not disagreeing with any of it, or your opinions of me (for the most part, they are correct, save for a few irrelevent facts) Ive atleast done that one, small amount of good for this baby by keeping going long enough to get him off the birth certificate and unable to influence my childs life. i am so sorry this has had to happen to my child- I have hope for him though, hes 8 months, talking, walking and able to understand basic instructions (when he grabs my hair, I say 'no, let go' and he responds by smiling and letting go). Maybe I am a fucked up person, maybe §m£ÂgØL is a fucked up person but through all this I pray to whatever Gods may be that my child shines through this clusterfuck and goes on to do great things and I have hope he will- he is an exceptional baby and exceptionally smart and developing way faster than he should be. People dont usually use the word patient to deacribe a child, much less an infant, but he truely is as patient of a baby as they come and Id have lost my mind way before now had he not been such an easy, calm and patient child. I hope he forgives me as an adult for what I brought him into, but I dont expect that. I just hold out hope that his life can be more than mine, his fathers or anyone in this fucked up mess and he can overcome al this horrible shit, because if he can, I know he will go on to do great and wonderful things in life- if he can overcome this start in life, I truely believe with the right guidance he will be somebody who does important and good work for humanity. either way, I hope he justs finds happiness and contentment in life that I couldnt. I hope he is smarter than either his parents, and wise enough to see people like my exhusbamd for what they are: manipulators, users, leeches. If he can be happy in life, he will have made me proud.
-
2016-02-07 at 12:22 AM UTCLMAO wut the fuck is going on here??? Just a few months ago §m£ÂgØL was trying to lose his virginity... and now he's a father??! Lol, thats some funny shit. §m£ÂgØL didn't take his precious out of the soggy taco soon enough and now a little kid is going to be calling him daddy and touching his weiner.
-
2016-02-07 at 12:32 AM UTC
@infinity, sophie asked about what my exhusband did to warrant being called a pedophile. That is why I am doing all this, to protect my son from this sort of person before I check out. I know Im not mentally right in the head, especially at this moment in time, but one thing Ive always been is honest about all this shit. People think this shit was a troll, when I got pregnant. I wish to fuck it was. Evaulation w/o pics: I am a stupid, ugly, horrible person, never cut out to be a mother, a partner and have never found a way to fit into society (probably why I ever posted here). §m£ÂgØL can be pissed off, mad, or whatever about what Im posting- I dont care, I really really dont care anymore. My Give-A-Fuck finally broke. Im serious as a heart attack about going through with reliquishing my parental rights once my Ex husband is off the BC, and ending the worthless, awful existence that is me. The world will be a better place without someone like me in it. Im so sorry I brought a baby in this world or ever thought I could fix mylife, fix, my family and make things better. All those delusions have done is cause extended suffering for the people I love around me including §m£ÂgØL, my baby and myself. I see what I need to do and I will fix my mistakes to the best of my abilities. I hope my child, when older realizes I did love him and did try to do right for him, but being a broken, toxic piece of shit like I am, I couldnt. It doesnt matter though. I dont care what §m£ÂgØL tells him about me if he chooses to raise him, just hoping he has a good life and does better than I have, which shouldnt be hard with a family to help do that. I really did try. I just cant anymore. Im just trying to feed him, change him and show him the love I am capable of showing him for now, until I give him up. Even simple shit like that is a struggle for me. Ive really gone off the deep end. I wish it didnt have to be this way, but there is no turning back now, there is no way to fix this as it has become, only going forward to fix the one mistake I made that I can fix is all I can do and hopefully I manage to doit before I completely lose my mind- its going that way.. Im strugglingnto hang in there just to do that. I post this shit because it doesnt matter. If §m£ÂgØL thinks hes gathering ammunition against me, hes soon goingnto realize, I DONT CARE, he doesnt have to gather ammuniton, I am going to GIVE UP MY PARENTAL RIGHTS just as soon as the child molester can never touch my baby again. @spohie, I didnt think you were they rapey sort of pedo. I disagree with your attraction, but as far as pedos go, there are most def worse than you. Thats why I said you wouldnt defend the shit my exhusband did.
thats all well and good...but considering youre in some sort of fugue...now would be a great time to post nude selfies and i promise to have at least one sincere, positive comment -
2016-02-07 at 2:05 AM UTCKids having kids. Never a good idea.
-
2016-02-07 at 3:55 AM UTC
Casper, youre right, Malice was right. Im dumb. I thought my exhusband was different than he is. Im stupid. So fucking stupid. I dont live in a barn, I live in a run down trailer in the middle of east bumfuck- its actually worse than a barn full of dog shit. Worse part of this whole situation is: it didnt have to be like this. My exhusband created this shit hole. I had pently of fence, plenty of wire to run electic fence, a hotwire box… Everything to mKe a happy place for the animals we had. I held a job through my pregnancy up until I could no longer deal with the mental bullshit anymore. He left me in such a fucked situation with this baby and moved across the country after stealing all the money I had and most of my valuables. He did this after my grandmother left because he knew the gravy train was over and has since done jack shit to help my situation. I dont want his help because hes threatened to take custody and if thats real or false, I cant risk my son being raised by him. Hes getting exactly what he wants, off the hook. he is the one who talked me into this baby. He is the one who wanted to be a father to this child. In actualality, he was using this child to chain me to him forever- he didnt realize I wouldnt stand to have my baby treated like he treated me everyday. Then instead of manning up, he did what he and his fathers fathers before him did, stole, ran far the fuck away and make threats. Karma is a bitch, he will get his in the long run. He shit on me and my family for a decade and I was too stupid to see it. in my defense, not that it matters much but my husband for all thebshit he was, was a very persasive person, he could sell ice to eskamoes. if hed not beennsuch a piece of shit, he could have done good things with his life. §m£ÂgØL kept me going this far with promises that shit would be better, that hed always be my friend. I know he has mental problems, but I see now actually how bad they are. He atleast has a supportive family though and thats what my son needs. Or he can place him for adoption- thatll be his choice once all this shit is done and over with. Ive heard so many times about 'flesh and blood' and doing whats right for him- he can make the hard decisons once this time. Im done trying to preserve a friendship, trying to build a life worth something, or better myself- its impossible. Im just trying to minimize damage to my child. §m£ÂgØLs family is well off and maybe for once he should have a little responsibility in his life or at least make that heart wrenching choice of giving this sweet, beautiful child up for adoption. At least he wont be raised by a rapist and a pedophile though- for all the horrible shit that can be said about me and Im not disagreeing with any of it, or your opinions of me (for the most part, they are correct, save for a few irrelevent facts) Ive atleast done that one, small amount of good for this baby by keeping going long enough to get him off the birth certificate and unable to influence my childs life. i am so sorry this has had to happen to my child- I have hope for him though, hes 8 months, talking, walking and able to understand basic instructions (when he grabs my hair, I say 'no, let go' and he responds by smiling and letting go). Maybe I am a fucked up person, maybe §m£ÂgØL is a fucked up person but through all this I pray to whatever Gods may be that my child shines through this clusterfuck and goes on to do great things and I have hope he will- he is an exceptional baby and exceptionally smart and developing way faster than he should be. People dont usually use the word patient to deacribe a child, much less an infant, but he truely is as patient of a baby as they come and Id have lost my mind way before now had he not been such an easy, calm and patient child. I hope he forgives me as an adult for what I brought him into, but I dont expect that. I just hold out hope that his life can be more than mine, his fathers or anyone in this fucked up mess and he can overcome al this horrible shit, because if he can, I know he will go on to do great and wonderful things in life- if he can overcome this start in life, I truely believe with the right guidance he will be somebody who does important and good work for humanity. either way, I hope he justs finds happiness and contentment in life that I couldnt. I hope he is smarter than either his parents, and wise enough to see people like my exhusbamd for what they are: manipulators, users, leeches. If he can be happy in life, he will have made me proud.
1. I dont think youre a bad person. You seem to be somewhat intelligent with geuine empathy- which is rare in a lot of people these days. I just dont understand how in the everloving fuck any of you thought havving a child was an informed, reasonable choice to make, considering your life at that point. Two people who are economically not well off, living in unsafe, bordering decrepit living condfitions, lack of consistent utilities, lack of steady income, lack of support, with a biological father who was a dude met on a website full of retards, aspies and junkies who came to take drugs, swim in the creek and lose his virginity to a married stranger. From the sounds of it, I would be better equipped to raise a child, and I am a bagillion times over not ready to raise a child. I just dont...I dont fucking get it. It didnt need to be this way.
(Also- §m£ÂgØL in a dress and lipstick looks like one of those Afghan Dancing Boys. Short any other employment, at least he knows he'll always have a fallback)
2. Im curious how you know all this stuff about your husband now. If this actually happened, why would he have any chance in hell of having custody of the kid? Cant you have him locked up? Cant you take him to court for stealinbg your shit. If there was ever a time to snitch, it sounds like it should be on this guy. And like I said- if youre so set on offing yourself, why not take him with you? Then you know your kid is safe.
3. You dont necessarily need to either keep the kid or give him up. Im not sure, but Im pretty sure there are a lot of situations where when the parents arent able to care for the child, the state can foster them temporarily until youre able to get your shit together. Why not do that? The child is yougn enough that it really wont remember a lot of what goes on.Youve spent the most important time after birth bonding. A year or 18 months wouldnt scar the child or leave it traumatized and dysfunctional. Its worth thinking about.
4. Start aGo Fund Me account or something. Some nigger bitch started one a couple months ago because she spent her life savings on lottery tickets and wanted more money to buy more lottery tickets. Worth a shot.
5. §m£ÂgØL probably could use some responsibility in his life, and I dont know what his thoughts and wants were at the time he found out about the pregnancy, but especially if he advised not keeping the child, it seems kind of fucked up to drop a kid in his lap like that. Then again, he is a little prick sometimes, and part of me just wants to grab the popcorn and sit down to watch that thing unfold like some shitty 90's Michael Keaton movie. *MJ popcorn GIF*
6.You could kill yourself, yes. But really, that solves zero. All it does ispass the problems off to someone else, and guarantees nothing will change for you. There arent a lot of people that care the way you do. Seems pretty stupid to put that to waste. Your heart doesnt have to stop beating for you to be dead. You can be dead spiritually. You can choose to be dead. You can decide that your body, your energy- no longer belong to you. You can find an at least temporary situation for the child and then put your energy stubbornly into doing good.My life is pretty shitty too. I have herniated discs in my back and back spams. My bnlood pressure is shit. My hair is turning white and falling out. Im a junkie. I have no friends, really. I havent gotten laid in like asoldi 2, 3 years. But im not unhappy. Couldnt say why. But I work at the shelter and the needle exchange...and I drive around at night bringing clothes and food, towels blackets, razors, shampoo, socks, etc- to people that need it. It means Instead of focusing on all the way s my life is fucked and all the choices I made and everything I ruined, all the things I can never get back- its not about me anymore. Im just a conduit. And at some point I may still choose to kill myself. I think its a valid choice to make. No one should have to drudge through an unhappy existence if there really is no hope of relief. But if Im helping one person even a little bit, then my being here is a positive. Its almost egotistical to think that your childs life will be better if you die. Your childs life and the world at large would continue being the same way it is, long after youre gone. Realistically,, the only thing your death is likely to do is give your kid and excuse to rebel and be angry and make bad choices and fuck up therir life on purpose. While youre here though, you can fix it. Bullets dont go bad and pills will kill you long after their expiration date, so theres no reason not to give things a go. If the kid is only 8 months, youve hardly given it a chance.
E: Lol. I just had a vision flash through my head of Single Dad §m£ÂgØL.In a ratty pink floyd bathrobe, kind of fat, sweaty oscar isaac lookin guy. Wannabe cool-dad. Hes smoking a cigarette watching X-Factor. Theres three weeks worthg of fast food boxes and empty 2 liters and a fleshlight on the coffee table.Theres a persistent thumping. "DAMNIT DYLAN STOP KICKING THE WALL!" he yells up from the couch. The kid screams back "FUCK YOU MAKE ME YOU PUSSY. YOURE PROLLY NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD." §m£ÂgØL mutters under his breath "Oh if only..... DON'T YOU TALK TOME THAT WAY DYLAN. YOU HAVE TILL THE COUNT OF THREE TO STOP IT". "FUCK YOU YOU BROKE BISEXUAL PIECE OF SHIT". "DAMNIT DYLAN DONT YOU TALK TO.....aw fuck it...." *Goes back to chain smoking and scratching his chubby latin chode-dick*
-
2016-02-07 at 5:32 AM UTCCasper- Weve always had utilities and even now, as fucked as shit has been and thanks to §m£ÂgØL at one point, Ive never not had electricity. We disnt have water for about a month back in september because my grandmother blew 5k on scratch off tickets and as soon as I got my Pell grant from college it was fixed. We hadnt ever before that point gone without water like that, sometimea the welll would chug and wed get piss poor pressure, but we always had running water. Currently now, Im might go day to day with a prepaid electric plan putting 5$ here and there on but I Havent had it cut off since its been in my name. my husbamd and I lived in pur uninsulated garage because my grandmother and father refused to do anything about the rat problem we had. When I got pregnant, my husband was the one who wanted the baby, he told me hed make shit better, clean and make this place respectable. That was a lie and I was dumb enough to believe it. I got ao desparate ans crazy during my pregnancy after my dad died I pulled a gun to get my husbamd to leave for good. He returned a few hours later and §m£ÂgØL begged me to not fight with him again. The next night I told them both to leave and pulled a gun on them both. I was so fucked in the head. I just wanted it to stop. I had my husband tellingnme if I wanted to die so bad he would shoot me in my head while I was asleep and make it look like a suicide for me. He tols me another time if I took all the pills I had to OD and I wasnt dead in a few hours hed shoot me in the head and also make it look like a suicide. I kinda got mind fucked over that. I kept believing a lying asshole pedophile would actually do what he promised. He was convicted when he was 18 with juvenile sanctions but dor aome reason its comes up for aome background checks and not others. I was aware he had a record of this, but he told me it was 'I was 13 years old and touched a 6yos vagina and she touched my penis' vs. What the state said was he did some horrible shit to this little 6 year old and wasnt 13, rather 15- not that it matters much but why fucking lie about a 2 year age discrepency? I realize after a decade EVERYTHING he told me was a lie. I was so stupid to believe him for so long. I never wanted kids, he did. He was sort of obsessed with having kids since he signed a BC before with another woman whos kid wasnt his. she was stupid enough to open her mouth (or maybe not stupid- maybe she saw like Im seeing) and the judge allowed a paternity test after the fact. Thats why he wasnt paying child support for that child. He I believe wanted me to have a bay with him because he could keep his thumb over me forever and thought Id certainly never leave after that- after all, I didnt want kids, so somehow inbhis mind that equated to me not loving my kid which is not the case. I saw how hard kids are to raise properly and rode his ass all the way up and even after I had the baby anout cleaning the house up to make it a decent livable place to raise a baby. When he started treating my son like he did me and I saw it, I said we were done. I didnt call the cops because he threatened DCF on me after he stole my money and valuables bacause Icouldnt pass a drug test from smoking pot before hand. When my son was born dcf was involved because my my ex decided to take himnfor ancheck up at 7 days to a pediatrician who had a cow because he was born at home. when dcf was involved them it fucked me up breastfeeding ad made my anxiety 1000times worse. I cant handle dcf again, especially alone. As far as him goung away now, if he wwre placed in custody, my exhusbamd would cwrtainly try tonget him and I cannot allow him to do that. Lwts just face it, i dontnhave the balls neither to take a trip to WA and killbhim either. i still have nightmares over dcf. I just couldnt ever get my shit together to get my son back and like now... Im just done. I am dead inside. Im taking him to the ER tonight because he cant breathe well and is sick just as I am. If it werent for fthe need to make sure my exhusband is off the BC Id leave him there and go off to eat 6+grams of a betablocker and die. I cant raise a child alone. I cant do it with zero family, zero friends. My sonndeserves a home with support and that is onenthing §m£ÂgØL can give that Ill never be able to give him and if he decides for adoption, §m£ÂgØL is the one who gets to make that heart breaking choice. I was lied to by so many people and failed everythinf so much I cant even have a friend anymore. It doesnt matter, this is something I am set on doing §m£ÂgØL knows this because if I wasnt serious, I wouldnt have had cops out to his house to talk to his mom when he impeded me speaking to them. Im set on this course and I dont know what hes gonna do, hes probably pising himself that Im after child support- Im not. I need emotional support, not money and I have no way to get that from anyone and I fell in lovebwitj §m£ÂgØL, and just hours before he cut me out of his life, he told me he wanted to keep trying with me, wanted to try to work together and make a life- somehwere about removing my exhusband from the BC and him paranoid 'the state will come looking for a father and test him because your husband says Im the father' and that he had discussed with me about giving my child his last name (most certainly not my idea) he decided we couldnt work together. Im holdingbhim back from his dream of being a broke spic without any money travelling the world. sad part is is before all this I was beginning to set up a fund so we could travel. He told me he wanted to travel NOW not in acouple years when wed be more stable and have anicer house or a better life going. Shit, i figuted we could have done smaller shit now and bigger shit when we had more money, when i went back to school and finished my education and got a job that allowd me to move around and be freer andbhave vaction time and all that good stuff. What do I know, though? Imnjust a broken person. Ive tried to work through shit and make shit better andbwork two jobs and work to propell us all further. He probably hallucinated something I didnt say anyway. It doesnt matter. Though because I cant keep doing it alone. Most single mothers atleast have a relative to help, I have nobody. §m£ÂgØL was the only reason I hadnt offed myself so far. hes told me about soing rightfor my son and giving him up for adootion so much and doing right by my 'flesh and blood' well, Im sorry but hes his flesh and blood too and Ive been guilted enough. He can make the hard choices coming up, but like a coward I bet 100$ hea planning to buy butryl fentanyl off tje darkmarkets to kill himself with right now as hes abusing the benzo script I recently mailed him (dumbest thing I ever did).
-
2016-02-07 at 5:44 AM UTCFor the record, §m£ÂgØL did say at one point to give him up before I gave birth and I seriouslywas set on doing that, but a week later he talked me out of it and everytime after that EXCEPT when the baby was here I it was hard and painful for me to do that. I wanted to leave him in the ER but he talked me out of that too. But of course later on he said about it and one time I was going to so it, tried to hang up the phone with him to call, he changed his mind after spending anbhour convincing me I should. I felt played a lot when he did that. One minute I should keep the baby and Im just a troubled mother, the next Im a piece of shit awful mother who should call DCF immediently.
-
2016-02-07 at 5:46 AM UTCThats why I am putting the ball in his court to make those hard choices and see if he fairs better than I do. He atleast has family thatll help him.
-
2016-02-07 at 5:59 AM UTCCasper:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antinatalism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditarianism
Having biological children is immoral and illogical. I can't see any positive reason to do so, only reasons that are driven by animalistic instinct, emotionality and irrationality. Let's both vasectomize the hell out of ourselves so that we ensure that we eliminate any chance of accidentally having children and that our godforsaken genetic lineages end here. -
2016-02-07 at 6:06 AM UTCjesus christ some of us are drunk and can't read walls of text is it so fucking difficult to push enter every now and then?
-
2016-02-07 at 8:11 AM UTC.
Post last edited by §m£ÂgØL at 2017-05-30T21:53:53.042538+00:00 -
2016-02-07 at 8:34 AM UTC.
Post last edited by §m£ÂgØL at 2017-05-30T21:54:03.288739+00:00 -
2016-02-07 at 9:04 AM UTC.
Post last edited by §m£ÂgØL at 2017-05-30T21:54:12.606700+00:00
