If I were a crab...

1. 2018-07-11 at 10:24 PM UTC

   #1
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   I'd be a bit upset with my pot in life.
2. 2018-07-11 at 10:26 PM UTC

   #2
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   You’re too young for Dad jokes.
3. 2018-07-11 at 10:28 PM UTC

   #3
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   But just the right age for mom jeans!
   The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

   • The Self Taught Man
4. 2018-07-11 at 10:29 PM UTC

   #4
   

   Kinks Actually pretty straight [bitch the twenty-second stewpan]
   Post pix of mom jeans thx
5. 2018-07-11 at 10:29 PM UTC

   #5
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole

   Originally posted by Lanny But just the right age for mom jeans!

   
   And just pretty enough too Princess.
   The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

   • Lanny
6. 2018-07-11 at 10:30 PM UTC

   #6
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   Actually I'm just deathly bored at work and really want to go home but I did that yesterday and my boss hit me up on the chat app like 5 minutes after I closed my computer and was probably like "wtf where were you jenkinks" and I think he's going to do it again today. Shit jokes to pass the time I guess.
7. 2018-07-11 at 10:31 PM UTC

   #7
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   speaking of which, did you ever hear the joke about the moderate liberal?
8. 2018-07-11 at 10:32 PM UTC

   #8
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   He was accused of petty left!
9. 2018-07-11 at 10:32 PM UTC

   #9
   The Self Taught Man Black Hole
   I hope you die of boredom Lanny.
10. 2018-07-11 at 10:33 PM UTC

    #10
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    at this point so do I
11. 2018-07-11 at 10:38 PM UTC

    #11
    

    Madman African Astronaut
    Heres a joke I made up
    
    I forgot the setup but its something about cats and dogs and the punchline is "They're purrfectly houndstanding."
    
    I got death threats on reddit for telling it.
    
    I also got suckerpunched once when I was like 8 for making a pun.
12. 2018-07-11 at 10:41 PM UTC

    #12
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    punched, haha, I hope it didn't break your funny bone
13. 2018-07-11 at 10:43 PM UTC

    #13
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    Dad jokes, dad bod, mom jeans, hot damn I'm a lean mean all-in-one parenting machine
14. 2018-07-11 at 10:51 PM UTC

    #14
    joerell African Astronaut [twine our circinate supersymmetry]
    What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school.
    
    Bison.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • Lanny, 
    • -SpectraL, 
    • Ensign Galm
15. 2018-07-11 at 10:52 PM UTC

    #15
    

    Madman African Astronaut
    No, but people don't get what an anti joke is.
    
    
16. 2018-07-11 at 11:45 PM UTC

    #16
    EllariaSand African Astronaut
17. 2018-07-11 at 11:47 PM UTC

    #17
    

    HTS highlight reel
    If you were a crab I'd feel pretty fucking stupid. A crab designed and is running this website and I can't even do my own makeup. 😓
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • The Self Taught Man
18. 2018-07-12 at 12:55 AM UTC

    #18
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    Originally posted by HTS If you were a crab I'd feel pretty fucking stupid. A crab designed and is running this website and I can't even do my own makeup. 😓

    
    Aww, but I'd still be a crab that fell for you bae. And crab love is what really counts.
19. 2018-07-12 at 12:59 AM UTC

    #19
    

    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Getting boiled alive isn't all it's cracked up to be.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • The Self Taught Man
20. 2018-07-12 at 1:18 AM UTC

    #20
    

    Ensign Galm African Astronaut [specifically erupt this tetrachloromethane]

    Originally posted by Lanny Actually I'm just deathly bored at work and really want to go home but I did that yesterday and my boss hit me up on the chat app like 5 minutes after I closed my computer and was probably like "wtf where were you jenkinks" and I think he's going to do it again today. Shit jokes to pass the time I guess.

    
    Your boss sounds a little crabby
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

    • The Self Taught Man