2018-06-02 at 4:56 AM UTC
Beetlesiri
Houston
[enlighten my devil-may-care transplanting]
Lately I have been under alot of stress and feel like I am going to explode.So, to start this my mother went into cardiac arrest 5 times and is out of the hospital for the last few days bitching up a storm. I ended up calling out of work for several days to sit by her bed since I did not know if she would make it. Also my body's sleep is all screwed up since I was up for about 60 hours straight. Finally I work a dead end retail job with coworkers and customers I don't like. Not to mention I don't like other people on a matter of principle.
Now I am just trying to find my center and keep my calm. I have been having vivid violent and sexual thoughts both while awake and asleep to the point I am scared of myself. To make this matter more clear about what type of advice I need I can't fall back on traditional methods including, but not excluded to suicide, ganja, meditation, masturbation, inflicting pain on others, watching pain be inflicted on others, blowing shit up, lighting shit on fire, and going on a rampage until all of that insanity temporarily leaves my system.
2018-06-02 at 4:57 AM UTC
Beetlesiri
Houston
[enlighten my devil-may-care transplanting]
I can't run away and live under a bridge either.
2018-06-02 at 6:24 AM UTC
kroz
weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
wow we have a lot in common. we could both pray to god and eat a hearty meal together. I have been going through some bullshit recently too, I've been using a lot of drugs recently and lost my girl friend and I could of kept her but I simply didn't want her in the moment so i acted like a huge prick.
luckily i'm a really lucky guy and I still have friends that I've had for years that believe in me, and I also believe in myself most of the time.
But yesterday morning man I woke up and hated everything and everyone and the only thought on my mind that made me feel better for a split second was fucking and i realized i need to cut that thought out because its the devil speaking to me. I started thinking about how when i was 18 i worked at the state hospital and the people i saw (not all poor black ppl like a lot of people think) but people so damn tired of life you can see it in their face. It's not something you can fake.
So I got up and started doing stuff.
The other night i was high as fuck and walking down the street and talked to this homeless guy for awhile and I told him what I was going thru and he said I will be alright , I told him I hope so and walked off. 30 minutes later I was sitting with him and he was telling me how he's handling his misdameanor here in austin before going back to dallas for school, and he didn't seem full of it like a lot of other people, he seemed simple in the fact that he was laughing at tom and jerry on the tv at the diner but he believed in himself.
because if you can't do that then you have nothing. the truth is in yourself and you were born to suffer here for a reason.
2018-06-02 at 6:38 AM UTC
They say our struggles prepare us for the future. All fucked up shit that I've been through the majority of it was brought on by myself. Sure I've lost loved ones and had shit out of my control happen but for the most part once I've started making better decisions my life drastically improved.
Godspeed to you my nigga friend
2018-06-02 at 8:38 AM UTC
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
murder your mother and find a new job
problem solved
2018-06-02 at 9:09 AM UTC
I have the same unstoppable thoughts and times when I'm scared of myself or what I've caught myself thinking.
Honestly, the only thing that gets me through those times is drugs. Seriously. Crouton is my everyday use, tianŠµptine or phenibut if I want to pass the fuck out for a few hours, and stimulants if I need to take something on or stimulants + porn if I just need an escape from reality.
I know it's not a sustainable solution but it's the only one I've got right now.
I would have her file for disability if she can't go back to work. Is she old enough to retire? She should have been working long enough to get it.
I honestly don't know how you've made it as far as you have in the situation that you're in, but if she's still treating you like shit it might just be time to get your license and move out. It will suck for your mom but let one of her "friends" take care of her if they love her so much.
You could try getting a prostitute to blow off some steam. Don't know where you'd get a good one though now that backpage is gone.
2018-06-02 at 12:29 PM UTC
Beetlesiri
Houston
[enlighten my devil-may-care transplanting]
Thank you guys. It feels good to know that life is usually shitty for everyone.
