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Suicidal thoughts
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2018-03-15 at 6:14 PM UTCWhen have you had them and how far did you take it?
While I haven't gotten to the planning stage since I was a teenager, I still think about suicide often. At any given time, it would probably be preferable to be dead. I'm very stubborn, though, so I think I can make my life tolerabl for myself and the people around me before I go ending it. -
2018-03-15 at 6:21 PM UTCits not allowed to know how to die.
the jedis will spend your whole life teaching you how to die tho. -
2018-03-15 at 6:28 PM UTCOnly when I'm sober for an extended amount of time. Today I'm feeling fine but tomorrow or even tonight could be a different story. Though once I re up dying will be the last thing on mind. I will be dead set on killing vaginas though. #SWAG.
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2018-03-15 at 6:29 PM UTCYeah, sobriety is probably what will kill me, too.
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2018-03-15 at 6:31 PM UTCZanick, I'll be your sound.
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2018-03-15 at 6:32 PM UTC
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2018-03-15 at 7:10 PM UTC
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2018-03-15 at 7:11 PM UTCI’ve thought about it a few times, only ever got about as far as loading the gun, chambering a round, and putting the barrel up under my chin.
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2018-03-15 at 8:36 PM UTCEh, my sifu told me i need permission to die.
So.. even if i did have these thoughts, i couldn't follow through with them. -
2018-03-15 at 8:37 PM UTC
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2018-03-15 at 8:42 PM UTCFuck off, Zanick.
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2018-03-15 at 8:46 PM UTC
Originally posted by Zanick That's almost as far as you could've gone. Would you be willing to share the cause, and what stopped you?
Because life is hell. Nothing makes me happy like it used to. The last time I felt genuine happiness was probably in my late teens. I’m pretty much in a constant state of deep depression. The only emotion I feel anymore is anger, the rest of the time I feel practically nothing at all. There’s literally nothing keeping me going except for an overwhelming instinct to survive. -
2018-03-15 at 8:46 PM UTC^git out of the concrete jungle and into nature man. Nature is the cure for depression.
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2018-03-15 at 8:50 PM UTC
Originally posted by Xlite ^git out of the concrete jungle and into nature man. Nature is the cure for depression.
I’ve traveled all over the world. I’ve been camping in the Alaskan wilderness, backpacking in Southeast Asia, went on a walkabout in the Australian outback, temples in Tibet. I’ve been all over dude, all it showed me was that the emptiness inside me can never be filled. All I feel is resentment for people who actually think life can somehow be worthwhile, cuz I just don’t see it -
2018-03-15 at 8:55 PM UTCI've thought about suicide on occasion. I decided if i ever go through with it, i'd make a bomb and hold it to my throat, then make it go boom with an electrical fuse. I know how to do it, i've done it for the lulz in the past. Well, make a bomb, not kill myself obviously. When i snapped out of it, i thought lol, if i ever do end up doing something like that it's going to be messy as fuck, and it would be a shame that i am gone then because it would mean i can't see the police scratching their head going over the scene.
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2018-03-15 at 8:56 PM UTCYou do acknowledge that some people feel like they have a life worth living tho.
So you must realize that you can also have a life worth living ye?
Maybe you need to fall in "lol" love, or do something that's actually meaningful to you. -
2018-03-15 at 8:57 PM UTCThere have been multiple times in the past where I've reached levels of dysphoria so severe I was on the verge of calling 911 simply because of how unbearable the suffering was.
It wasn't the same as being suicidal, I use the analogy of being trapped in an apartment that's on fire. At some point the fear of dying from the flames and smoke is so severe that you're forced to jump. I genuinely knew it was going to force me to take action and commit suicide if things progressed. That's how terrifying the feeling was. I was literally maxing out depression rating scales.
I'm feeling much better now, but at least half of my days seem to be bad days. I really wonder whether I may have a mild form of bipolar disorder. -
2018-03-15 at 8:58 PM UTC
Originally posted by Xlite You do acknowledge that some people feel like they have a life worth living tho.
So you must realize that you can also have a life worth living ye?
Maybe you need to fall in "lol" love, or do something that's actually meaningful to you.
I acknowledge that there’s a lot of fucking delusional people out there and I’d have to be pretty well far gone before I became anything remotely like them. Nothing is meaningful to me. I’m a nihilist. Also love is shit -
2018-03-15 at 9:01 PM UTC
Originally posted by Fox Paws Because life is hell. Nothing makes me happy like it used to. The last time I felt genuine happiness was probably in my late teens. I’m pretty much in a constant state of deep depression. The only emotion I feel anymore is anger, the rest of the time I feel practically nothing at all. There’s literally nothing keeping me going except for an overwhelming instinct to survive.
Originally posted by Fox Paws I’ve traveled all over the world. I’ve been camping in the Alaskan wilderness, backpacking in Southeast Asia, went on a walkabout in the Australian outback, temples in Tibet. I’ve been all over dude, all it showed me was that the emptiness inside me can never be filled. All I feel is resentment for people who actually think life can somehow be worthwhile, cuz I just don’t see it
This is exactly how I genuinely feel, although I may be recovering.
You make enough to afford it, have you thought about giving transcranial magnetic stimulation a try? It's absolutely fascinating. If I was able to afford it or it was available through insurance I would do so without hesitation. You're intelligent enough to do your own research. This is nothing like standard antidepressant medications and therapy, which I consider absolute garbage (except for MAOIs, but you have to be able to handle the effect on norepinephrine, which I can't). -
2018-03-15 at 9:03 PM UTCIs your instinct to survive without meaning?
