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My new profession

  1. #21
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    K-Mart has a policy that all shoplifters will be prosecuted to the maximum extent of the law, without exception. It also has a policy that the LP officer can carry handcuffs, and also use "force-for-force". That means if the shoplifter attempts to throw a punch or kick, LP can then beat them to a pulp. Also, the policy allows that if the shoplifter attempts to leave the scene, we can give chase, tackle, and handcuff, and return the person to the store by force.
  2. #22
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
  3. #23
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by -SpectraL I worked loss prevention at K-mart for almost 10 years. Made over 9,000 arrests. I've seen every trick in the book, and then some.

    You got none!
  4. #24
    trippymindfuk African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Joe Kane Sticky fingers scronaldo got a new job. Thats right folks I'm the CANDY MAN. I hit up like 10 stores a day and take ROBITUSSIN Zough and Zold gels ($10.99) I fit two bottles in one sell for $10. BENADRYL 100 count 25mg box ($15) i sell for $10

    like 5 cans of redbull/rockstar, monster

    THE ENTIRE FUCKING RACK of swedish fish, $4 DARK CHOCOLATE 90% sea salt chili orange peel I sell $2 each.

    Made $10 last night. Gonna hit up a few more stores but the funny thing is.. I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT I CANT TAKE ANY MORE

    IM OVERBURDENED LOL

    gotta sell but I am bad at selling.. I need a fence to offload these 10 chocolate bars.. two bags of sour patch kids. I might dump some shit. Also I don't like carrying chocolate cuz it melts.

    Wish me luck, go with god, triangles.



    http://valentemike.blogspot.ca/2014/

    Post last edited by Joe Kane at 2017-09-13T17:46:13.862277+00:00

    I worked at a Walmart and took them motherfuckers for so much syrup and bic lighters, coffee, all kinds of shit....my old lady at the time did too. Good luck my friend, take them bitches for all you can!
  5. #25
    Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery

    lol, i love how the cameraman is like "oh my god...call the police" to no one in particular while making no effort to stop filming and call the police himself
  6. #26
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Originally posted by greenplastic lol, i love how the cameraman is like "oh my god…call the police" to no one in particular while making no effort to stop filming and call the police himself

    I dealt with this shit every single day for almost a decade. It really takes a lot out of you and changes you as a person.
  7. #27
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by -SpectraL K-Mart has a policy that all shoplifters will be prosecuted to the maximum extent of the law, without exception. It also has a policy that the LP officer can carry handcuffs, and also use "force-for-force". That means if the shoplifter attempts to throw a punch or kick, LP can then beat them to a pulp. Also, the policy allows that if the shoplifter attempts to leave the scene, we can give chase, tackle, and handcuff, and return the person to the store by force.

    I've literally gotten busted at Kmart and let go shortly after by signing up for some cringe program that is designed to take the burden off of police officers having to deal with petty shoplifting.

    Basically I agreed to watch like 4 hours of video, take a test, and pay $450. I was told if I didn't comply that the police would be involved. I didn't follow through with any of it after learning online that many others had also taken this deal and not followed through . The company rarely will do anything unless it's over a high end amount of merchandise that was originally stolen.

    So in other words, at Kmart, I was caught, not handcuffed or arrested, signed some papers, left, and that was that.

    Like I said man, it must be different over there. Or you're just saying things.
  8. #28
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Nobody gets handcuffed, unless they fight back or run. And most stores won't risk the extortion routine, you'll simply be booked and charged and get your promise to appear, unless you have outstanding warrants.
  9. #29
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by -SpectraL Nobody gets handcuffed, unless they fight back or run. And most stores won't risk the extortion routine, you'll simply be booked and charged and get your promise to appear, unless you have outstanding warrants.

    Now it just sounds like I'm purposefully saying this shit but uh, no lie, I had a bench warrant at the time, which is what I was actually nervous about as I sat there, because they spent about 15 minutes clicking all over checking my ID this and that and then like I said, I signed up for the program and walked out.

    I was picked up on the warrant many months later, long after Kmart was supposedly going to turn the charges over to them, yet I went to court , payed an old fine I had relating to the warrant, and walked out of there too.

    So when you say, Kmart has a 'all shoplifters prosecuted to the full extent of the law' deal, it's not accurate. Say most if you have to, because all isn't true.

    ALSO, I didn't run at first but I walked away quickly until they chased me down and I kept trying to pull away from the three of them. They were hands on, and I just agreed to come back with them because it was really icy out and k knew I wasn't gonna outrun all 3.

    I'm not bullshitting either, every part of my experience contradicts what you've said. That's weird.
  10. #30
    Madman African Astronaut
    Loss prevention has never stopped me once, when I was a teenager I would shove fifths of rum in my sleeves and walk out of wal mart and no one even seemed to notice. I've always thought that LP is less likely to stop bigger guys.
  11. #31
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery

    Damn that nigga took some hits
  12. #32
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
    Well he tried to fucking stab both of them. How stupid do you have to be to turn a shoplifting charge into assault with a deadly weapon?
  13. #33
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Well he tried to fucking stab both of them. How stupid do you have to be to turn a shoplifting charge into assault with a deadly weapon?

    I didn't see a knife
  14. #34
    LegalizeSpiritualDiscovery Space Nigga [my yellow-marked arboreous hypnotist]
    Originally posted by mashlehash I didn't see a knife

    The part where the fat dude goes "Oh shit!" and the cameraman says "Oh my God." Then the other dude says the knife is clear, and you see the cameraman pick it up a moment after that.
  15. #35
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Good shit
  16. #36
    RisiR † 29 Autism
    Scrawny sexworker cocktwerker.
  17. #37
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by Scrawnyツ I almost got caught last week, tried to walk out with $100 in goods and the LP guy stated whistling and doing all kinds of fancy ducks and turns but I was pretty hungry so i just walked out anyways and he suddenly emerged from a door that doesn't even open from the way he went through it (must have had a special keycard) and he was like "yo man you gotta pay for that"


    I was like "oh yeah" and dropped the bag then pulled two redbulls out and rolled them on the floor, chugged my water and ran like the wind and he yelled "455! 455!" and chased me like 2 or 3 blocks, every time I turned a corner he was there on his phone with his stupid glasses so I took my shirt off, ditched my coat and jaywalked then ran through a construction site, put my shirt back on and got away safely.

    I don't believe this story one bit
  18. #38
    -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    That wasn't exactly a knife he pulled. It was a box cutter, otherwise known as a snap-Blade knife. And he didn't even get time to push the blade out, so just "stabbed" him with the metal part at the top. I doubt it even broke the LP's skin or clothing. The lifter was a royal idiot.

    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  19. #39
    bling bling Dark Matter
  20. #40
    Joe Kane Tuskegee Airman
    MY NEW PROFESSION IS YOU FAGGOTS SUCKING ON MY DICK AND I CHARGE YO MONEY

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