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Challenge: Crucify Yourself
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2017-09-13 at 5:53 AM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ This is crafty. How long of nails would you use? Do you think your weight has eneough force to pierce the nails through you and the cross?
I guess you could use a styrofoam cross and predrive the nails into yourself, fall backwards onto it, and then reach up to the rope contraption you have set up, climbing the rope and erecting yourself upright into the air, and then I guess.. crumbling to the ground once you let go of the rope because styrofoam. Hmmm
if you could bend a tree back like in the cartoons, you could mount the cross on the tree, then lay face-down on the ground with the nails pointed up under your arms and legs
then when you kick the tree, the cross comes wanging down on you at high speed, driving the nails through you and into itself
the rebound would aslo cause the cross to swing back, so you'd end up nailed to a cross that's attached high up in the tree. -
2017-09-13 at 6:12 AM UTC
Originally posted by aldra
if you could bend a tree back like in the cartoons, you could mount the cross on the tree, then lay face-down on the ground with the nails pointed up under your arms and legs
then when you kick the tree, the cross comes wanging down on you at high speed, driving the nails through you and into itself
the rebound would aslo cause the cross to swing back, so you'd end up nailed to a cross that's attached high up in the tree.
Jesus Christmas
That is so perfect. That post should have 90000 likes.
Literally. +173 IQ tier -
2017-09-13 at 6:16 AM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ Jesus Christmas
That is so perfect. That post should have 90000 likes.
Literally. +173 IQ tier
Like driving stakes into
Ok
Making movie
A wandering man that has a tent and a lighter and water. But he travels in high wind areas. He has no tent stakes though, ever, and he never can. He was cursed. So, he HAS to use living female teens as tent stakes with large wooden likes driven through their thoraxes. -
2017-09-13 at 6:36 AM UTCJust make an automatic nailgun with a raspi and two rail servos, then program them to crucify you, simple
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2017-09-13 at 7:33 AM UTC
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2017-09-13 at 8:02 AM UTC
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2017-09-13 at 4:13 PM UTC
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2017-09-13 at 4:45 PM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ Ok now what's rail servos?
A servo is a device that can output the energy from a motor into a rotating shaft, and therefore allow this power to be delivered to a system.
A rail is a guided track.
A rail servo is an impropmptu name for a system that uses a servo attached to a rail systen in order to create a device that can move on one axis.
You can mount one rail system onto the other, with one perpendicular to the other. You can then mount a nail gun to the second rail. The first rail will move the second rail from side to side. This gives the nailgun movement in one axis. Then the second rail can move the nailgun itself perpendicular to the first rail. This gives it a second axis of movement. Now the nailgun is free to move in all directions on a plane.
A person can then lie on a crucifix, and a program can be written to travel to coordinates of their wrist and feet, and crucify them. You can also tape a spearhead to the nail gun at an angle where it will not hurt either your hands or your feet, but it can be driven into your side.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-09-13 at 4:54 PM UTCWell. You win then.
I wonder if I could hire someone to create an animation of your description. I want to SEE the self crucify. -
2017-09-13 at 8:21 PM UTCStand on a pedestal that keeps my arms at the right height with two nailguns pointed at my palms that fire with a foot button.
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2017-09-14 at 10:22 AM UTC
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2017-09-14 at 12:55 PM UTC10 Easy Steps to Hanging Yourself on a Cross
1. Nail long, thick nails into cross ( file flat heads off and bend upward)
2. Drive cross into ground.
3. Climb to top of cross.
4. Once on top of cross, place back of hand over one nail.
5. Hammer hand into position onto nail.
6. With back to cross, using sweeping arc motion and force of inertia, impale other hand onto cross.
7. Jump off cross and hang by hands.
8. Slam one foot against nail until foot is impaled.
9. Slam other foot over top of impaled foot until second foot also impaled.
10. Enjoy the sunset for a few hours??The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-09-14 at 6:28 PM UTCThat is quite efficient -Spectral!
New interim winner. -
2017-09-14 at 7:01 PM UTCFor crucifixion, you cannot have your hands nailed from the back, otherwise you could very conceivably yank your hands/feet off. They need to be NAILED DOWN, not merely impaled. It would be very easy to use the force of ass and back, not to mention your actual undamaged muscles, to uncrucify yourself.
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2017-09-14 at 7:03 PM UTCThe judge is a sham and does not understand CRUCIFIXION at all. This is more meaningless than the Golden Globes.
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2017-09-14 at 8:10 PM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Falcon For crucifixion, you cannot have your hands nailed from the back, otherwise you could very conceivably yank your hands/feet off. They need to be NAILED DOWN, not merely impaled. It would be very easy to use the force of ass and back, not to mention your actual undamaged muscles, to uncrucify yourself.
Well, to be fair, the nails need to be driven BY HAND, for a roight propa crucifixion.
That is the true dilemma. You can pound a nail through one arm, even manage to dangle down and pound nails through your feet/ankles, but how to, by your own hand, pound that last nail into your own wrist using that said wrist to do it.
I think the only conceivable way is having a really strangely shaped hand, or a wacky style hammer that curls back around or some shit. -
2017-09-14 at 8:45 PM UTC
Originally posted by mmQ Well, to be fair, the nails need to be driven BY HAND, for a roight propa crucifixion.
Classic propaganda from the Big Crucifixion industry that profits from the sales of manual crucifixion tools to luddites. Automation can only be a good thing for crucifixion, moving forwards as an industry. Yes some jobs will be lost, but such was the case for the horse and carriage industry with the introduction of cars.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-09-14 at 8:46 PM UTC
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2017-09-14 at 8:46 PM UTCNails weren't even typically used in crucifixion.
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2017-09-14 at 8:53 PM UTCNot always anyway. You're a faggot. If you're reading this, that means you. Eat bread.
