Originally posted by NARCassist
did you just dox §m£ÂgØL a little bit?
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I truly didn't mean that, but since pretty much everyone has already come out with it anyway. Sorry for that too, §m£ÂgØL. At least it's a super common name.
As far as me needing to be "turned in" for my crimes, I've never committed any crimes, save unless you consider buying small quantities of drugs crimes. Nothing worse, and I know for fact far less than the bulk of the community has committed. I've never robbed anyone, stolen from anybody, or done anything to harm (we can go back and forth on the issue with the gun, §m£ÂgØL, and my ex- fact is, had I called the police and reported what had been done to me by them both up to that point, they'd both would have been arrested and had domestic abuse charges against them, and they'd bth been told to leave the property numerous times before it escalated to a firearm being brandished, to which §m£ÂgØL wasn't even in the same room as the firearm on the second occasion and never once had it leveled in his direction/at him (which is the god's honest truth). Had I just called the cops to get his drunk ass and beer off my property, he'd have been arrested for putting his hands around my neck- even if I'd have called after the fact of biting him, where the bite was made, it could have only been made with his arms around my neck/shoulders from behind and was clearly a defense wound. That would have been assault and battery for sure. I didn't want him, or anyone to deal with the police or go to jail though. I just wanted shit to end, to stop. I hindsight, I should have, and if ever a situation arises as did, again with anyone, I will. I learned my lesson there. §m£ÂgØL forgets that just because he was fucked up mentally on a analog psychedelic, that what he did to me when I was trying to help and protect him, had I reported it would have been assault and battery on a pregnant woman, from kicking me in the stomach, and forcing his fingers in my mouth. I don't think he had enough awareness though, or maturity, to own up to that, and somehow thinks because he was in an altered mental state that he should have a pass, or somehow that didn't harm me psychologically. It's whatever. It ended for the best as it did for being such a shitty situation. I've let go o any anger I may have had, glad he's gone, not harmed, not in jail/prison, and living his own life, and hopefully he can walk away with some lesson or something, as I have from the whole ordeal.)
Me posting anything about PoC is basically a warning. If you know or have dealings with him, be careful. He will betray any trust you place in him. He has zero honor, and deep down is just a selfish little boy who cries wolf. He gets off on having people worry about him, and causing them distress, then turns it around, manipulating the situation to make it look like everyone else is in the wrong for being worried like they were (i.e. saying he was going to kill himself several times after work, posting on here he was going to kill himself/wanting ideas/being erratic, then letting his phone die while he was havign a good time getting high at his friend's house knowing full well he left three people worried sick about him with no idea what was going on, if he was okay, if he did it finally or whatever... and acted like this was no big deal. If he didn't want to talk, that's fine, I didn't either, but just saying something like "I went to my friend's house to chill" would have relieved all three people of stress, anxiety and worry, which he was well aware he caused, and would cause, before, during, and after.)
PoC is a narcissist, just like his mother, just he takes a different role sometimes. He, just like her, always tries to play the victim, and use his mental illness (just as she does with her physical and role as a single "mom") as an excuse for his destructive, harmful, and vindictive behavior. HE got hurt by me not able to talk or deal with a conversation at that moment, despite me being the one who had been experiencing epileptic fits, and a terrible headache, and just saying for him to stop calling me (the noise was killing me and like a knife in my brain everytime my computer rang from Skype, or the house phone rang). I really wasn't thinking correctly, and anyone who knows anything about epilepsy should know that especially during/between seizures/and a long while after, you can't expect that person to be able to think clearly, or communicate normally. For quite a while now I have been expressing to him that I truly believe I've been hallucinating, and where it was bad nearly a year ago, got somewhat better, but recently has been worse and worse. Same goes for my memory, and there has been times before where there's been shit I definitely should have remembered, but really... I can't. I have amnesia with pieces of my life and specific conversations- POOF gone to the ether. I' still not all there from last night, and very sleep deprived. When I did finally fall asleep, I kept being woken from nightmares, one of which I woke the house up screaming in my sleep at about 4:30-5am or so. My head is still very spacy... it's like being high in the most anti-euphoric way imaginable. If I had to describe hell (which, I really can't even describe this even, what I am going through mentally), this would be it, and I've been stuck in it for a long time, since yesterday morning. I wish to fuck I wasn't this way and could have given PoC what he desired, the explanation he wanted from me, but I couldn't and still am struggling to explain. All I know is that I kept sayng not to call me back anymore, that I couldnt talk and hear his negativity at that point in time until the point and continued pressure I finally told him to leave me alone and have a nice life. WHich ensued more and more calls/messages, going on how he did "nothing wrong and deserved an explanation"... I couldn't explain before shit, so IDK what made him think now I could suddenly explain anything any better.
He claims he had to walk on egg shells with me, and then was "forced" to profusely apologize to me. I never expected that, never wanted that, and up until yesterday, there was never a single reason he should have apologized, or felt bad about anything he did, and I told him that several times. When I get like this, I just need to be alone for a while to deal with my seizures and my fucked up headspace. It wasn't his fault, or fuck even my fault- epilepsy is a brain disorder, it's fucking literally BRAIN DAMAGE, regardless of the cause (be it a tumor, head trauma, or whatever is causing it, it's still damage to the brain which causes epileptic seizures). I wasn't ever trying to be mean, or hurtful, not intentionally, though I can now ee how some of my responses from yesterday afternoon could come off as cold and being callous. He says he feels led on, well... i can tell you now, I certainly feel led on. My feelings for PoC never changed until last night, until I discovered what he'd done. I loved PoC, loved him with all my heart. I wanted a life with him, I wanted us both to work to help better ourselves, and build a life together we both would have been happy with. I meant every word I'd said about loving him, and how much he meant to me, and my desire to help him anyway I could. Well, last night he said he hadn't felt the same about me for sometime. Which is fine, but he shouldn't have got back with me, told me he just said that when he was mad at me and pretty much did everything manipulative to try and restore our relationship. I DID NOT ASK whatsoever to attempt at getting back together, he did. My feelings had never changed, and I still loved him as much as ever. I was the only one duped here. I was the only one led on to believe someone loved me as much as I loved them. I certainly never, ever tried to guilt him or make him feel bad, even about shit he did do that directly hurt me. I never asked for a dime of his, never wanted anything from him, and never willing took anything from him, save for these two charms he'd bought for me (which now are in the backyard somewhere, chain broken, scattered in the yard) and it certainly wasn't for lack of effort on his part. In the hospital, he tried to get me to take his card. A couple times he tried insisting. I didn't want his money, I didn't want to take advantage of him, or anyone for that matter. The only thing he did for me was lend me the money, to which I returned to him when I got paid. It was something like 2 or 3 days tops- a very quickly repaid loan is as much as I can be accused of "taking" from PoC.
He'd even lied to me and told me "I don't mind you prostituting, I only worry about your safety". Weel, I'd found a situation that pretty much covered my safety, but still then I got shit after that... if you do have issues with a spouse prostituting and they cme to talk to you about if prior to engaging in anything, then fucking speak up and say so, don't act like you got no problems with it, then re-neg on it once the deed is done. I felt awful for that. I loved him enough I would have sat in WDs for him, had he have asked me to, rather than making the money that way. I even said that at one point, trying to be clear about everything with him.
I'm sure most of you think I'm a fraud, that I'm a liar, that I make this shit up regarding my health or even my side of events. It's whatever. I know the diagnoses I have. Believe me or not, it really doesnt matter.
As for posting shit in a "public" forum, please recall, I never instigated anything negative about either PoC or §m£ÂgØL, that was all on them, I just responded and continue to do so when I feel fit to. Nobody here, save §m£ÂgØL, or PoC, and a handful of other members here, most of which already know more of the details about shit, know who I am or have my PI. To the majority of users here, I'm just an anonymous person posting with the same usermname I've used for years and years now.
What really prompted me to post anything is the fact PoC went through and held my account hostage for ordering my medicine. If you trust him, he will betray your trust and use manipulative tactics to abuse and use you to get what he wants. I was only ever in that situation of trust with him, because I'd tried to help him. I wouldn't have trusted him with the shit had I ever suspected he would go about and do the shit he did. My mistake, I just hope no one else makes the same mistake. PoC is a very misleading character.
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