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The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
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2017-08-23 at 3 AM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Falcon That's what they called actual niggers. They called is just "wog", not gollywog. But you see, I am an equal opportunity bigot. I am bigoted equally to all, including intense self hatred. I'm sure a birdhandsome and well tanned individual like yourself would understand.
I C WUT U DID THAR
or dried up, powder doughnut doggy caca -
2017-08-23 at 5:36 AM UTC
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2017-08-23 at 5:48 AM UTC
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2017-08-23 at 5:53 AM UTChuh, youtube whores just seem like youtube whores to me. No "brain tingles" here.
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2017-08-23 at 6:11 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny Aww, PoC TSTM'd. I hope he's not dead
He's not, but he had me worried as fuck with a critical meltdown anxiety attack when his phone was off and it'd been hours and hours past when he should have been home and didn't respond to my messages, and last messages I'd got earlier in the day were pretty fucked up, especially then to ditch off and leave me worry like that. I really thought he was going to break his promise to me... meh, but I'm not worth keeping silly promises to anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Enough people I've loved have broken promises to me before, it'd just be another one to add to the record... I've learned to accept that I'm not a person worth keeping a word to... I too have broken promises... I live with those regrets, and the guilt. My only consolation is, is that I didn't break them with intention... and I truly wish I would have, that I could have not have broken those promises. (You know who you are: I'm sorry. I truly am. Not because I care about how it may have changed events that came after, but because it made me less of a person than I am. I wish I could be you and able to justify my broken promises and be content living with what I've done without it destroying what little bit of self worth had, but I can't, no matter how much I have people tell me you deserved it anyway. So, here again one more time, I say the word everyone tells me I say far too often, even though it will mean nothing, or fix anything: Sorry.)
So much for my T-PAIN tapering. I'll be eating 50grams a day at this rate... I'm never going to get down to a manageable level as it it right now... this shit is impossible.
Dicount Whore/D.W.'s wife- you'd suggested Crouton as an alternative. IDK if I responded or not... just so overwhelmed with everything/everyone as of late... But to answer that, I have tried Crouton when §m£ÂgØL had suggested it during WD's. It did very little and worse of all it put me into a very, very bad headspace. It didn't work whatsoever for my pain. I was taking 15-20grams a dose, and this was before my tolerance was this high. I'm better off sticking with the T-PAIN. T-PAIN might be expensive for me, but compared to what I'd need with Crouton it's far, far cheaper, and not only that, I can at least count on T-PAIN, where as Crouton varies so fucking much from batch to batch with potency and effect. There was one strain I used (can't remember now, think it was white vein something) that helped more than the others... but still, not enough, especially now, as far as my tolerance has risen. That one strain helped ever so slightly compared to the others, but still... it was a joke and worse of all had me very, very mentally depressed far more than just being in WDs. I've seen people (like §m£ÂgØL) who have full blown opiate-like side effects (itching, loose, and high for all intents and purposes), but for me, it was nothing... it helped me not shit my brains out slightly or to be so jittery, the strain that did help, but the mental state it put me in, which I've noticed with a few other people, even §m£ÂgØL, experience a severe increase in depression and dark thoughts, and for that alone, I really do prefer to avoid it. My head is fucked up enough, I don't need something fucking it up like that... it almost reminds me of how tramadol effects me, just without the intense anger and agitation I get from that, though, I was pretty agitated from the Crouton too. I won't even take tramadol in WDs, that's how bad that shit has me. I always refuse tramadol and toradol when offered in the ER despite it making me look like a drug seeker (I'm not nor have ever been. I know now, especially, even if they did give me something for pain, it wouldn't be enough to help, or even get me out of WDs- while having the pneumonia, they gave me 4mg of dilaudid and I was still shitting my brains out. It didn't even touch the pain. I might as well have not taken anything, as it didn't help in even the slightest... which that was the point I really got scared... it's why I am so scared... I'm never going to be able to get off this shit and live a normal life... I doubt if I needed to be put under for surgery they could do it with a typical Fentanyl/Benzo combo... I'd REALLY, REALLY be fucked if that ever happened, much less, they couldn't even treat my pain before or after... I'd be so fucked.)
I feel like a hypocrite. I have two people I love with all my heart and soul, and tell them they can't die, they can't leave me alone like this... but here I am, thinking of ways to just man the fuck up and do it when I'm alone like now. I keep saying shit will get better, but I really don't believe that... at least not for myself, anyway.
Love is a fucked up, complicated thing... Well, not, it's not, but society has set all sorts of conditions and expectations on it that has complicated a simple thing like love... and I really, really wish that wasn't the case. It would alleviate a lot of my fears, anxieties, and feelings of being torn if it wasn't like this, if love didn't have these expectations places on it, and love could just be what it is... Love.
Without love in the world, it would be less complicated all the way around though. Love causes so much suffering, pain, and heartbreak. It makes a realistic solution so complicated... it keeps us going on this path of suffering, aided by hope in a future where that suffering doesn't exist. Fear... it reinforces fear... fear for those we love and care about whether we're here suffering along, or decide to check out.
Why can't life be easier than this? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why was I created to be a person who lets down everyone... everyone I love or have ever loved? Why is happiness such an intangible thing for people like me... and for the people I love? We exist for just a short time, a blip in all of time, and then what?... what does it all mean? I feel more and more, people like myself, we're just a cruel joke created for someone's sick amusement. Why create love in the first place? Why would some omnipotent being care one way or the other if his little self-made toys love him... and even more so, why avove everything else? What does it matter? What does any of it mean?
I'm very lost and confused, pained and retarded. I really don't know what PoC saw in me in the first place... or 1337 for that matter. I'm just a very dumb, very sad, very hurt, and broken person. I wish I were more than that, but I'm not. All I know is that I love the people I hold dear to me in this life, and I really believe they'd be better off without me... I WISH they would be better off without me.
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2017-08-23 at 6:20 AM UTCI guess Malice is doing stuff in real life now, maybe? Good for him. But he should still make time for us.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-23 at 10:33 AM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone He's not, but he had me worried as fuck with a critical meltdown anxiety attack when his phone was off and it'd been hours and hours past when he should have been home and didn't respond to my messages, and last messages I'd got earlier in the day were pretty fucked up, especially then to ditch off and leave me worry like that. I really thought he was going to break his promise to me… meh, but I'm not worth keeping silly promises to anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Enough people I've loved have broken promises to me before, it'd just be another one to add to the record… I've learned to accept that I'm not a person worth keeping a word to… I too have broken promises… I live with those regrets, and the guilt. My only consolation is, is that I didn't break them with intention… and I truly wish I would have, that I could have not have broken those promises. (You know who you are: I'm sorry. I truly am. Not because I care about how it may have changed events that came after, but because it made me less of a person than I am. I wish I could be you and able to justify my broken promises and be content living with what I've done without it destroying what little bit of self worth had, but I can't, no matter how much I have people tell me you deserved it anyway. So, here again one more time, I say the word everyone tells me I say far too often, even though it will mean nothing, or fix anything: Sorry.)
So much for my T-PAIN tapering. I'll be eating 50grams a day at this rate… I'm never going to get down to a manageable level as it it right now… this shit is impossible.
Dicount Whore/D.W.'s wife- you'd suggested Crouton as an alternative. IDK if I responded or not… just so overwhelmed with everything/everyone as of late… But to answer that, I have tried Crouton when §m£ÂgØL had suggested it during WD's. It did very little and worse of all it put me into a very, very bad headspace. It didn't work whatsoever for my pain. I was taking 15-20grams a dose, and this was before my tolerance was this high. I'm better off sticking with the T-PAIN. T-PAIN might be expensive for me, but compared to what I'd need with Crouton it's far, far cheaper, and not only that, I can at least count on T-PAIN, where as Crouton varies so fucking much from batch to batch with potency and effect. There was one strain I used (can't remember now, think it was white vein something) that helped more than the others… but still, not enough, especially now, as far as my tolerance has risen. That one strain helped ever so slightly compared to the others, but still… it was a joke and worse of all had me very, very mentally depressed far more than just being in WDs. I've seen people (like §m£ÂgØL) who have full blown opiate-like side effects (itching, loose, and high for all intents and purposes), but for me, it was nothing… it helped me not shit my brains out slightly or to be so jittery, the strain that did help, but the mental state it put me in, which I've noticed with a few other people, even §m£ÂgØL, experience a severe increase in depression and dark thoughts, and for that alone, I really do prefer to avoid it. My head is fucked up enough, I don't need something fucking it up like that… it almost reminds me of how tramadol effects me, just without the intense anger and agitation I get from that, though, I was pretty agitated from the Crouton too. I won't even take tramadol in WDs, that's how bad that shit has me. I always refuse tramadol and toradol when offered in the ER despite it making me look like a drug seeker (I'm not nor have ever been. I know now, especially, even if they did give me something for pain, it wouldn't be enough to help, or even get me out of WDs- while having the pneumonia, they gave me 4mg of dilaudid and I was still shitting my brains out. It didn't even touch the pain. I might as well have not taken anything, as it didn't help in even the slightest… which that was the point I really got scared… it's why I am so scared… I'm never going to be able to get off this shit and live a normal life… I doubt if I needed to be put under for surgery they could do it with a typical Fentanyl/Benzo combo… I'd REALLY, REALLY be fucked if that ever happened, much less, they couldn't even treat my pain before or after… I'd be so fucked.)
I feel like a hypocrite. I have two people I love with all my heart and soul, and tell them they can't die, they can't leave me alone like this… but here I am, thinking of ways to just man the fuck up and do it when I'm alone like now. I keep saying shit will get better, but I really don't believe that… at least not for myself, anyway.
Love is a fucked up, complicated thing… Well, not, it's not, but society has set all sorts of conditions and expectations on it that has complicated a simple thing like love… and I really, really wish that wasn't the case. It would alleviate a lot of my fears, anxieties, and feelings of being torn if it wasn't like this, if love didn't have these expectations places on it, and love could just be what it is… Love.
Without love in the world, it would be less complicated all the way around though. Love causes so much suffering, pain, and heartbreak. It makes a realistic solution so complicated… it keeps us going on this path of suffering, aided by hope in a future where that suffering doesn't exist. Fear… it reinforces fear… fear for those we love and care about whether we're here suffering along, or decide to check out.
Why can't life be easier than this? Why does love have to be so complicated? Why was I created to be a person who lets down everyone… everyone I love or have ever loved? Why is happiness such an intangible thing for people like me… and for the people I love? We exist for just a short time, a blip in all of time, and then what?… what does it all mean? I feel more and more, people like myself, we're just a cruel joke created for someone's sick amusement. Why create love in the first place? Why would some omnipotent being care one way or the other if his little self-made toys love him… and even more so, why avove everything else? What does it matter? What does any of it mean?
I'm very lost and confused, pained and retarded. I really don't know what PoC saw in me in the first place… or 1337 for that matter. I'm just a very dumb, very sad, very hurt, and broken person. I wish I were more than that, but I'm not. All I know is that I love the people I hold dear to me in this life, and I really believe they'd be better off without me… I WISH they would be better off without me.
Didn't read -
2017-08-23 at 10:34 AM UTC
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2017-08-23 at 10:35 AM UTC1 autard down 1 to go (hydro)
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2017-08-23 at 11:16 AM UTCi'm hoping malice killed himself so i don't have to scroll down past his autism walls.
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2017-08-23 at 11:20 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-23 at 11:22 AM UTClove you too sweetheart
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2017-08-23 at 11:40 AM UTCPfft
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2017-08-23 at 11:47 AM UTCi have multiple people inside me
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2017-08-23 at 11:53 AM UTC
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2017-08-23 at 11:53 AM UTCyou're a virgin probably. you act like one. blow your brains out
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2017-08-23 at 12:28 PM UTC
Originally posted by matrix you're a virgin probably. you act like one. blow your brains out
Sploo, you literally made a thread about how you "can't put pennis in vagene" on Zoklet, you shit for brained 12 IQ assburger. I'd tell you to kill yourself, but that should be apparent as the best course of action for you. -
2017-08-23 at 12:45 PM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny So I looked this up and I see a bunch of whores talking in soft voices? Am I supposed to jerk off to this or what's going on here?
Yee, yee, Youtube whores galore, but i think it's not meant to be sexual. Also, some people get ASMR, some people don't it's kind of hit and miss with me. -
2017-08-23 at 9:36 PM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-23 at 10:10 PM UTC
