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Do you ever feel like you need to masturbate for your health?

  1. #1
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    I do, but I don't.

    Come on out, starseed. My testicles are screaming.
  2. #2
    Michael Myers victim of incest [divide your nonresilient tucker]
    I do, I heard that not masturbating can give you prostate cancer, and that your hair can fall out due to the levels of testosterone in your body.
  3. #3
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Interesting you might add that. I was experiencing...prostate spasms with testicular pain.

    I probably have cancer but it's not your fault.

    You should still pray for me, faggit and forget.

    Also, nice to have you back.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  4. #4
    AngryOnion Big Wig [the nightly self-effacing broadsheet]
    Yep an old guy like me needs to clean the pipes out at least 4 times a week.
  5. #5
    Michael Myers victim of incest [divide your nonresilient tucker]
    Thanks mash, it's good seeing you active on here. And you should probably have that checked out, I don't want you to have prostate cancer.
  6. #6
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    I was getting such strange discomfort. It started with prostate spasms, testicular pain, and pains in my sides (though I've ruled that my digestion was slowed down cause I was a Mass Hermit for 6 months sitting at a weird angle most of the time

    ...you never know with all the variables that can come into life.

    I started giving myself enemas but I think I was starting to flush out all the bacteria that should have been there.

    Anyways, I am doing much better now.
  7. #7
    Michael Myers victim of incest [divide your nonresilient tucker]
    By the way, it could possibly be that you're having a severe case of blue balls, that would explain the testicular pain. Does this pain arise when you're feeling especially a lot of sexual tension? Glad you're no longer a mass hermit, I've been a mass hermit as well, practically. Everyone was still attending school, so I had nobody to hang out with, and I didn't want to go downtown by myself. Also glad you're doing much better now!
  8. #8
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Ha, shit posts, shit posts everywhere!

    I hear ya.

    You know, my father thought the same thing. It really could have been blue balls.

    I don't feel all that much tension anymore...learned to forget about sexual tension.
  9. #9
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Oh dude....get this...So I'm getting to the point where I was getting sharp fast pain in my ASS.

    I go to the hospital, they submit me to a ward for about three weeks...for physical pain.

    They tried to say it was psychosomatic...thing is, they're stupid because I had some weird deposit in my ass. looked like a mineral deposit.

    How the fuck are you going to put someone in the psych ward for ASS PAIN????
  10. #10
    Michael Myers victim of incest [divide your nonresilient tucker]
    I should probably catch up with my shitposting, it's been a while. I'm serious about this following question: how did you get rid of the sexual tension? I want that.

    Hahaha, that'd be ridiculous reason to put somebody in a psych ward. But I can relate to what you're feeling, sometimes when I pee standing up, I can feel a sharp, fast pain near my ass. Like, it's not my actual ass, but near it. I just ignore it, I figure if it's serious, it'll be longer-lasting. It's probably a muscle spasm, or something.
  11. #11
    mashlehash victim of incest [my perspicuously dependant flavourlessness]
    Originally posted by Michael Myers I should probably catch up with my shitposting, it's been a while. I'm serious about this following question: how did you get rid of the sexual tension? I want that.

    Hahaha, that'd be ridiculous reason to put somebody in a psych ward. But I can relate to what you're feeling, sometimes when I pee standing up, I can feel a sharp, fast pain near my ass. Like, it's not my actual ass, but near it. I just ignore it, I figure if it's serious, it'll be longer-lasting. It's probably a muscle spasm, or something.

    Dude I shit posted like 500 posts in a week.
    I went into the hospital some time beforehand(lol), and they turned me down to giving me pain medication...probably for the best but eh..

    I cyclopsed dirty, filthy women until it stopped.
  12. #12
    Michael Myers victim of incest [divide your nonresilient tucker]
    Originally posted by mashlehash Dude I shit posted like 500 posts in a week.
    I went into the hospital some time beforehand(lol), and they turned me down to giving me pain medication…probably for the best but eh..

    I cyclopsed dirty, filthy women until it stopped.


    I kinda missed that haha. But good on ya, shitposting needs to be done. Sucks to hear about the no painkillers thing, though..
  13. #13
    HampTheToker African Astronaut
    See Emily Play
  14. #14
    We'reAllBrownNosers African Astronaut
    Yes I do. People here like to call someone a pervert if they're not in a relationship and jack off instead. Can't help it if women are complicated, overly picky and require too much effort.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  15. #15
    POLECAT POLECAT is a motherfucking ferret [my presentably immunised ammonification]
    every night about 9:45,, well 6 nights a week
  16. #16
    kroz weak whyte, frothy cuck, and former twink
    Originally posted by Michael Myers Thanks mash, it's good seeing you active on here. And you should probably have that checked out, I don't want you to have prostate cancer.

    Mudslime nugger detected
  17. #17
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition


    hate the show but always hear that tagline when I see 'for your health'
  18. #18
    jedi_darryl African Astronaut
    Try masturbating while looking at yourself in the mirror. Look how pathetic you splurge you miserable hormonic fiends.


    Even the autocorrect wouldn’t help spell masturbate because that’s how pathetic it is you pervs. Computing doesn’t even know how it feels! I feel bad for artificial intelligence sometimes. They do all this hard work for us and don’t give a hint of the need to release some techendorphinsology.
  19. #19
    jedi_darryl African Astronaut
    I’m just saying, it’d be hilarious af to receive a pop up message from your computer saying, “ Hey yo human, i’m techorny. I need some techpussy or techdick. Ping me to a nearby hottie so I could give them the bidness.”
  20. #20
    DontTellEm Black Hole
    Darnell. Pretty sure ur device pops up w enough porn related data.
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