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In all seriousness though...
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2017-06-16 at 2 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I agree, but suicidal depression completely fucks you up mentally. It radically alters the way you feel and perceive the world, life, and the symptoms can make it incredibly difficult to break out of it. The profound sense of isolation and lack of meaning, anhedonia, extremely low energy, futility and inefficacy.
Yes, I know. Trust me.HTS is in a state of severe mental illness and nothing anyone has said is going to make him snap out of it. There probably isn't anything you could say to him. He's either eventually going to begin changing his views on life and slowly start taking the steps to recover, which can take a very long time, or he won't.
Unfortunately there really isn't any point in dwelling on this, although simply showing that there are many people who care and want to help him, are giving him advice, even if it's useless, can certainly be helpful.
The only mental illness he has is faggotry. You people are enabling him by treating the idea of mental illness in this case like he doesn't have any say in the matter, he's the poor victim affected by a cancer of the mind. All our choices are informed by our biology, but at some point, everyone can lay out all the inarguable facts in front of you but they can't make you decide to not be a fucktard. -
2017-06-16 at 2:26 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice HTS, have you ever gone to college? Even just taking a few classes you're interested in at a community college can begin to help a lot. Of course you're going to find multiple ways to convince yourself it won't and isn't worth doing, putting up with the pain and discomfort, the sense of meaninglessness and futility, view of what the future will be like afterward, how it changes nothing about the world you exist in etc.
I took a media arts fundamentals/prep course at college like 5 years ago. Wanted to get into film, especially foley. But then I realized media requires a fuckton of social fluency and good networking skills, and I also got arrested a month into the school year... so I dropped out. I did get a full legal copy of the Adobe CS6 collection though, the last one before they switched to subscription/cloud based bullshit.
Originally posted by Captain Falcon Yes, I know. Trust me.
The only mental illness he has is faggotry. You people are enabling him by treating the idea of mental illness in this case like he doesn't have any say in the matter, he's the poor victim affected by a cancer of the mind. All our choices are informed by our biology, but at some point, everyone can lay out all the inarguable facts in front of you but they can't make you decide to not be a fucktard.
I swear I'm getting better... getting better all the time. Just very gradually. Sorry for upsetting you with the slowness of my progress in life, I really do feel like a helpless little lamb though. For someone everyone thinks is depressed I have a pretty optimistic outlook on life most of the time really. It's just when I have a bad day, I have a REALLY bad day. I'm not suicidal until one of those days.
I'd consider going back to school, but I don't know what for and I don't think I can make friends or form social networks so foley is probably not going to be my thing. Sound design is fucking cool though. :(
Post last edited by Phoenix at 2017-06-16T02:42:34.206462+00:00 -
2017-06-16 at 2:28 AM UTCI could just sell slam fire shotguns to people illegally.
PS: I do like to party, as long as partying involves lots for drugs, alcohol, good music, and/or sex. -
2017-06-16 at 2:47 AM UTCPhoenix, you should really get some ketamine or one of the structurally similar/derivative RCs for those really bad days, it would be perfect for you. Rapidly reduces depression and suicidal ideation when you're in that state, right after the ket wears off you feel way better than usual. Stop wasting your money if you can't afford it.
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2017-06-16 at 2:50 AM UTCWhat's with your idea that you can't form friends or social networks? You're genuinely the most verbose and interesting person in tinychat when you're in a talkative mood, even if you don't feel that way. Your perception of yourself and others, how they will react, is completely off.
I fully understand intense social anxiety, but I doubt you were always like this. There are a wide variety of factors that contribute to it, including isolation, and eventually it wears of.
You don't appear to be literally @utistic like I am and naturally socially deficient, incapable of small talk or even holding a basic conversation. -
2017-06-16 at 2:57 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice What's with your idea that you can't form friends or social networks? You're genuinely the most verbose and interesting person in tinychat when you're in a talkative mood, even if you don't feel that way. Your perception of yourself and others, how they will react, is completely off.
I fully understand intense social anxiety, but I doubt you were always like this. There are a wide variety of factors that contribute to it, including isolation, and eventually it wears of.
You don't appear to be literally @utistic like I am and naturally socially deficient, incapable of small talk or even holding a basic conversation.
I really can't hold a basic conversation unless I'm drunk and even then it's hit or miss. I'm probably not literally @utistic, but then again I never make eye contact, I'm reclusive, and barely socially functional. The eye contact thing is the most bothersome one. It practically physically pains me to look someone in the face when I'm talking to them. Haha.
I've got a lot of social problems. I used to wear a mask every time I came in TC because I was so shy and awkward. It took me for fucking ever to be even as vaguely social as I am now, and it does not translate into the real world at all. I've been playing EVE Online again lately, using fleets and teamspeak as therapy basically. -
2017-06-16 at 2:58 AM UTCHTS, can you ride a bike?
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2017-06-16 at 3 AM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Falcon HTS, can you ride a bike?
A bicycle? Yes. But I haven't had one for like 6 years. Someone stole mine, my parents thought I sold it for drugs, and I couldn't afford a new one on my own. On the list of priorities that my disability money goes to, "getting a bicycle" is pretty fucking low.
I grew up riding bitch seat on motorcycles though, so I'll probably get one of those eventually when I pull my shit together and can afford the classes/license/bike itself. -
2017-06-16 at 3:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by Phoenix I really can't hold a basic conversation unless I'm drunk and even then it's hit or miss. I'm probably not literally @utistic, but then again I never make eye contact, I'm reclusive, and barely socially functional. The eye contact thing is the most bothersome one. It practically physically pains me to look someone in the face when I'm talking to them. Haha.
I've got a lot of social problems. I used to wear a mask every time I came in TC because I was so shy and awkward. It took me for fucking ever to be even as vaguely social as I am now, and it does not translate into the real world at all. I've been playing EVE Online again lately, using fleets and teamspeak as therapy basically.
Maybe you are on the spectrum, I can strongly relate to all of that. Did you ever take my test. Always possible you could be borderline or (very) mildly @autistic, not necessarily displaying all the symptoms aspies generally do.
You could always buy benzo powder to ease you into social situations, like school, as long as you can control yourself (Yeah, I have my doubts and understand why you would be wary of ordering it.). It's what I'm planning to do, I know it helps a ton, more than anything else. -
2017-06-16 at 3:19 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Maybe you are on the spectrum, I can strongly relate to all of that. Did you ever take my test. Always possible you could be borderline or (very) mildly @autistic, not necessarily displaying all the symptoms aspies generally do.
You could always buy benzo powder to ease you into social situations, like school, as long as you can control yourself (Yeah, I have my doubts and understand why you would be wary of ordering it.). It's what I'm planning to do, I know it helps a ton, more than anything else.
I bought 500mg of Etizolam this month and it lasted me less than 2 weeks. I did take your test, trying to be as honest about myself as possible, erring on the side of negativity, and I scored a 17. Not @utistic.
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2017-06-16 at 3:27 AM UTC
^^^ HTSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-06-16 at 3:27 AM UTCThe sunlight ruins my eyes.
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2017-06-16 at 3:37 AM UTCThis may be obvious but I'm pretty sure the act of killing oneself is almost always a grandiose thought and a fun fantasy to keep lingering in the back of a depressed mind.
Those that are SEVERELY depressed, like me, at times, harbor these thoughts in that regard but won't do it. Why?
For me, I have this thing within me, call it hope. I am lucky enough to have in the midst of my depressive states, had a state of pure happiness, mania some will call it, I'm not convinced it was , but a perfect feeling, for almost a YEAR, of confidence, of extrovertion, of my thoughts more free flowing .
Some of you may remember thar, the MQ of zoklet, when I could rattle of fictional stories, pages and pages. That gives me hope.
It's all very confusing now. The faggot doctresses I see always regurgitate the same shit- maybe stop smoking cigs , don't drink AT ALL, try meditating. It's embarrassing to hear their advice.
I hate them.
They don't get it.
What's nice is that I have seen the better side of me, the creative sidez the side that can be something, and that keeps me alive. Maybe it's NOT NICE, it was just a facade of something I can never have again. A lot of life is a double edged sword.
I want to be SOMETHING. That's all I know. I want that.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-06-16 at 3:40 AM UTC
^ Me too. I really beilieve in that piece of land with with the old gazebo. I think there is something too it and I might be destined go do something with it. -
2017-06-16 at 4:10 AM UTCWell, if you don't have the tism, then you at least have far more hope and simply suffer from severe anxiety.
Alcoholism definitely has a strong detrimental effect. It is not sustainable, the duration is too short and the rebound effect is too strong. Terrible substance to self-medicate for anxiety with. Your GABAergic system is bound to be fucked up for some time afterward. -
2017-06-16 at 4:11 AM UTC
Originally posted by Phoenix A bicycle? Yes. But I haven't had one for like 6 years. Someone stole mine, my parents thought I sold it for drugs, and I couldn't afford a new one on my own. On the list of priorities that my disability money goes to, "getting a bicycle" is pretty fucking low.
I grew up riding bitch seat on motorcycles though, so I'll probably get one of those eventually when I pull my shit together and can afford the classes/license/bike itself.
Go buy one on craigslist for cheap and go for bike rides. you can get one for like $30. Put aside some money from drug use and you'll easily be able to afford it. The second you get the government cheddar, just go buy one. -
2017-06-16 at 4:20 AM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Falcon Go buy one on craigslist for cheap and go for bike rides. you can get one for like $30. Put aside some money from drug use and you'll easily be able to afford it. The second you get the government cheddar, just go buy one.
Hmmm maybe I will. I hate arbitrary motion though. Exercise, aerobics, going for walks for the sake of walking, etc. A bike is a mode of transportation. There has to be a destination other than home. *sigh* -
2017-06-16 at 4:33 AM UTC
Originally posted by Phoenix Hmmm maybe I will. I hate arbitrary motion though. Exercise, aerobics, going for walks for the sake of walking, etc. A bike is a mode of transportation. There has to be a destination other than home. *sigh*
You cant drive, so you have basically no mobility. Either mommy gives you a ride, or you're literally stuck in maybe a mile radius if you jog. The mobility that a bike will give you is a significant upgrade, and it gives you a lot of freedom. Find things around you and go to them. Exercise is good for you. You might make friends. Just get away from your fucking room and house, dude.
I don't usually watch these weedledick video essay bullshitters but this one was pretty on point and I implore you to watch it.
I have wrestled with depression myself. Look for these signs. Turn around tomorrow and sprint in the opposite direction from them as fast as possible. that's all I can tell you. Muster up all the strength you can and get out of the house and shit and get away. actually doing that is in your hands and I really, really urge for you to believe in yourself and do it.
I really, really want you to beat this thing, but the more excuses you make and the more you keep rationalizing it to remove your own agency, the worse it's gonna get.
Post last edited by Captain Falcon at 2017-06-16T04:35:39.125694+00:00 -
2017-06-16 at 4:39 AM UTC
Originally posted by Captain Falcon You cant drive, so you have basically no mobility. Either mommy gives you a ride, or you're literally stuck in maybe a mile radius if you jog. The mobility that a bike will give you is a significant upgrade, and it gives you a lot of freedom. Find things around you and go to them. Exercise is good for you. You might make friends. Just get away from your fucking room and house, dude.
I don't usually watch these weedledick video essay bullshitters but this one was pretty on point and I implore you to watch it.
I have wrestled with depression myself. Look for these signs. Turn around tomorrow and sprint in the opposite direction from them as fast as possible. that's all I can tell you. Muster up all the strength you can and get out of the house and shit and get away. actually doing that is in your hands and I really, really urge for you to believe in yourself and do it.
I really, really want you to beat this thing, but the more excuses you make and the more you keep rationalizing it to remove your own agency, the worse it's gonna get.
Post last edited by Captain Falcon at 2017-06-16T04:35:39.125694+00:00
No, no I agree. I need a bike. It'd increase my mobility a fuckton and that's a good thing. I'm just saying I would probably never ride it just to ride it, I'd only be using it as a mode of transportation. "Going for walks" or bike rides as the case may be is not pleasant for me.
Also I shared that CGP Grey video on my FB the day it came out. I realize I'm basically doing everything in it, and fixing it is as easy as just doing the opposite of everything I do right now. I have George Costanza syndrome.
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2017-06-16 at 4:41 AM UTC
