After living in my car in north dakota for about 7 months, I could only fall asleep in the back of my car by drinking 3 steel reserve tallcans a night. out of the 365 days of the year of 2015, I drank prolly 92% of the nights last year.this was to help me cope with comming off of 2 years of methamphetamine addiction in san francisco. now Im on the same track for 2016. I drink every night. My birthday was 2 weeks ago, and im beggining to feel like im slowly dieing. my cock is getting smaller and my libido is down . please help me me zoklet…, wait this isnt zoklet, this is a fuccboi site only posted on by Bill Krozby. nevertheless, plz post info on how alcohol
myselflonglivezoklet.net/forum/showthread.php?tid=1209&pid=5993#pid5993ok fucc bois.It is truly kind of amazing just how pathetic you are. I don't remember you ever saying or doing a single interesting thing, that shows you have some reason to be alive, besides being a human punching bag for people that are better than you. Your personality is so dull, unpleasant, and lifeless it probably makes people make bets on what age you're going toAre you good at anything at all? No way, that would mean you have a working brain. Does anyone like you, even a little bit? The only reason any girl would talk to you is because they feel bad for you, just because they must be like "If I had to live a day in the life of that roach I'd probably have nightmares too", and the only reason any guy would ever even think of introducing themself to you is "Well, she looks abused, so she's probably desperate, and she's hardly 5 feet tall, seems dumb too, I wonder how easy it would be to fuck her…also lol she's 13".Ive actually been getting pretty intense withdrawals with the spice blends, when I don't use for more than a day I get intense neurotic anxiety and depression as well as an intense urge to use, so yesterday I caved in, ate 2 grams, and spent the day doing nothing except smoking. Spice has a really interesting high that I've never actually elaborated on– it's a potent hallucinogenic drug, and smoking it causes you to almost immediately go catatonic. In that state your having all sorts of tripped out thoughts and memories of your life, and later on in the high you start getting paranoid delusions and positive symptoms of schizophrenia which remit when the high is over and your episode of pure pleasure/fear is done, then you come down somewhat stoned for 30 minutes, and feel mildly stoned for another day or two. I've been trying to convince my dad to buy me pot so I have some replacement to smoke so that I don't get the withdrawals as bad.On my puzzles (I always have to talk about my puzzles), I'm thinking of compiling them, and turning it into an actual game, which I could then submit to Hasbro or something like that, and make $$$. Don't bother stealing my idea because my puzzles are copyrighted, but if anyone, especially someone good at gay porn, would be interested in collaborating, please notify me.i tripped for the first time on lsd in an amusement park, when i was 14. with two mates at first it was very fun, we even met two guys who had some weed and smoked it in an amazing dreamforest, we started talkin and we completely lost track of what we were doing there, haha. we didnt even know we took acidwe had to help eachother so much to survive there. haha i remember screaming so hard to my friends that i'm going to kill them and have a knife if this didn't stop.Then they would talk me out of it and someone else would say something strange and make me crazy haha.my two friends were of great help.we also walked through the park in big crowds, i remember one friend saying: listen to all those voices. you wanted to scream you did it friend held you down saying gibberish you can't understand started laughing you laugh to rolling in front of other people who look like dead people pulling you in their world you start talking to someone you don't know HELLo who are you, we took lsd, you are fucking ugly waT? oh sorry sorry o my god what the fuck are you saying to me. friend: come on lets go that guy is crazy! run away get back to the forest try to calm down. ask to a couple of girls sitting on bench if were still acting normal start drooling rolling on the ground screaming that you are being killed by yourself that you have a gun (!) and don't want to kill hahaha And the voices entered my head and there were voices everywhere. after that experience i am now mad i want to talk i want to talk directly to you all i have is this coma im dead alive hahahawe ended up running out of the park to the village nearby, two friends had to take care of me i was running away talking gibberish, i was in molten together reality and non reality i couldn't make things out bam there is car stopping for you, friends screaming, you're on the middle of the road in paris, there is a bus with paris on it, walk inside the bus go sit down for a ride to paris, bam you're a tramp youre carried out of the bus by your friend, look at the drivers eyes they talk to you with absolute terror bam you're on a field listening to pink floyd friends are beside you, very calm, you're tramps you fucked up wheres the heroin, i am in my birth town, hey dad, dead you're dying on a bed in the hospital while you're dead holds your hand, you jump up, where the fuck am i, friend is going inside restaurant comes outside looking depressed and crazy WHO are you!this fucking experience, i still know it so well, i relive it everyday haha, it was intense, that edge hahahaare you afraid to die. Is there some way to get rid of twitching? The morphine metabolites making me impervious to pain must have led to me severing my spinal cord or something while sleeping in a weird position, so I've been doing neurogenesis type things/facial contortions to try to tone my muscles back into place. I'm thinking I might cut caffeine out of my daily intake, if that doesn't work, cut out the abilify, then the adderall, then the smoking. I thank the Tamil community of Indian origin for their warmth during the programme earlier today. Sharing my speech. I feel like my thoughts are clearer than they usually are. It's pretty cool how antipsychotics and other chemicals that are supposed to work "behind the scenes" per se cause such profound effects in behavior as to change the way an individual expresses themselves through language. Has my personality changed significantly through my 5+ years on totse spinoffs? Of course I've grown a bit and I'm not as much as a shitposter, but I feel like I've become significantly less spirited since my 2 week visit in the psych ward around December of last year. The benzodiazepine withdrawal and discomfort I felt every moment there made me much less emotional in my opinion, because I've never experienced that much pain at any other point in my life.#100ThingsThatMakeMeHappy Marijuana Plants, Underage drinking, Meth, Crack, Weed, Cocaine, Molly, Stealing, Drugs, Guns. RT if you agree My lack of social skills is really fucking getting to me. I have nothing to do all day long so I sit at home playing videogames. Then, around 8pm, there's the teen social which is for a play production but basically enables me to be in proximity of other human beings. But, I just sit there not saying anything, because I have no idea how to introduce myself to people, how to make small talk, and my social anxiety doesn't help. I'm also always intoxicated, weird, and now I have a mild twitch once in a while which is obviously great for social things. I can't exactly tell how I come off to other people though and I don't give too much of a shit. I just listen to stupid people talk while I make up shit to do by myself so I don't get bored. There are so many cute girls there and sometimes I notice one or two eyeing me but I'm sure as soon as I start talking they'll be like "there's something wrong with this guy isn't there" and become disinterested which is what sort of happened with the girl I methranted to one day about aliens and entity fractals, but she appreciated that. The turn off was when I wasn't on speed the next day and was all like *goes catatonic* n shit. Then the next day they were insulting me and I said "were you insulting me" "no" "good, keep it that way" and the fat-ish blonde girl brought her dad in with her the next day because she was scared and there were police around I think. You're like, the lowest of the low that anyone could ever go, like if your personality and existence could be described in words it would be "mold, the grime that gets stuck under the toilet seat, a piece of rotting meat" Maybe you were born so that really, really desperate people don't have to die virgins. It's like a cheat code in a video game, instead of pressing the buttons you just have to say "I cared about you" to a retarded bitch and see what happens, is feel good wen u kushed up ufeel me kush up dam that amonia kush And as all mold and grime… society wants to exterminate you like any insect. I bet your parents would've been a hundred times happier, if it turned out when you left the womb, you had the umbillical cord wrapped around your neck.how he gona have amonnia kush he gon lemonade kush Since you're unable to contribute to society in any sort of positive way, due to your birth defects, you should get used to the idea of people "spitting on you"/disrespecting you/and making you feel like the nothing, nobody that you really are, for their own enjoyment. You know why it's enjoyable? Because it's the right thing to do. The earth isn't meant to have deformed idiots walk around and ruin everything, the world is literally slightly worse off, just due to the fact that you wake up every morning, instead of being locked in a cage as a zoo exhibit.you kno wen he come thru wif the glass focalenses you quick duck down behin the car u no shawty reload da double clip on the mac 90 you feel me Other ways you could somehow be useful to the world is to volunteer for painful and risky medical experiments where they stick needles in you to see what happens…somebody has to do it, and nobody would miss you if something went wrong. In a perfect world, police would walk around the neighborhood, knock on people's doors, and send the special education girls and boys into a gas chamber to burn in hell forever.Maybe five days in my spice desperation I pawned my bass guitar and my bass amp for probably what was 10$ worth of spice in total and a handful of codeine pills. I took all of the codeine and smoked and since I took too much of it, it became pretty hard to breathe. I was already on an amphetamine binge, had bundy and CPM in me, which was giving me weird spice-like hallucinations where the world around me would morph into itself.I was looking at vicky's AIDS face pic and the different layers of her face would swap with one another.post pic of kid wiv a blunt in da mouf u no am a 80s babby born an raised in th trap dowg u no my momma wen she wus pushin me out be smokkin on thm drugs be in labour push me out with a blunt in her mouf am a godanned 1980 baby i aint never seen the 70s i never hada afro i had jerRY curlz no bell bottom Anyways, once my dad got home, he found like 30 beer cans in a closet and saw the bass was missing, and immediately called an ambulance. Which was totally unnecessary but I guess he was really pissed.. I was nodding out a bit in the emergency room where they did absolutely nothing and proceeded to sleep for 3 days when they transferred me to the psychiatric ward, only waking to respond to their questions.Pockets swole' like Danny. Sellin' bars like candy. Black x6 phantom, white x6 Panda. My parents co-ordinated with the hospital that if I don't follow through with the rehab program, my parents will evict me and then I'll be homeless. Which would suck so obviously I agreed, even though I was freaking the fuck out on the car ride home because I basically just spent 3 days in a hospital for selling my own bass guitar. But now I genuinely plan to be off spice, while still possibly using bundy here or there, and maybe smoking actual weed instead of f. weedicus strains and derivatives containing AB-DABABA-DOOOO-343498923.I feel like I fucked up a nerve in my neck, because the hospital beds are uncomfortable as fuck and I was pretty much sleeping in the same position for my entire stay, and then when I woke up, besides jerking off in the Mens bathroom, I noticed that my left eyelid was twitching, and it still is, and I can't tell if that's something that's actually happening or I'm just getting all psychoneurotic about some smalll thing that I'm only imagining. Either way, don't wanna damage dem neurons because once you do it's hard to repair them sometimes, despite unspecified body region neurogenesis. I've been doing demon-possession like convulsions in my spare time to flex certain neck muscles that connect to the eyebrow because I believe if I make the connections stronger it'll stabilize any twitching there may be, but who knows, it could possibly even increase it. I went to my rehab counselor and usually I can make up or remember a bunch of great things I learned about drugs and otherwise to try to impress her or otherwise just fill in dead space but this time I think I didn't bullshit very well and I feel kind of embarrassed because it probably made me seem extremely pretentious. Like, I go "cannabis is a partial agonist at cannabinoid receptors while synthetic cannabinoids are typically full agonists, and I think the cannabinoids in the brain are what give color to life, and through that color people interact with the world, and these interactions produce neurogenesis, and when you abuse cannabinoids as a rebound the world seems very flat and grey and that has to do with reduced neurogenesis""i wonder if people could abuse SSRIs by inhaling the combustion byproducts or injecting them, because amphetamines and SSRIs both mainly work on the three primary neurotransmitter systems of adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine, so finding the right byproduct could possibly be a recreational drug, or injecting an SSRI might caught profound effects because of the serotonin dump in the blood like an MDMA roll possibly" or "psychedelics work on 5HT2A, uh serotonin receptors, second type, subtype A, and SSRIs just generally increase the amount of serotonin in the synapse, so when I overdosed on antidepressants there was possibly enough serotonin in the synapse to bind to low affinity target receptors like 5HT2A, which caused the hallucinations induced by zoloft".. I guess the things I've said may be true on some level but now I feel embarrassed because I probably came off as extremely narcissistic to her, oh well, next time I go in i'll try to have a little bit more respect during conversation and not to be so egocentric. Just overly convoluted shit. My amphetamine benders have pretty much gone to waste anyway, because even though I've created my test (and it's a very good test IMO) there's nothing I can really….do with it. My main goals were to complete my test and make my website. Besides that, I like to read wikipedia and pubmed but my interests have basically been limited to a select few topics: specific receptor affinities of various psychiatric medications, effects of these receptors and psychiatric medications on neurogenesis, biological findings in mental illness, genetics of personality and mental illness, chemicals that induce neurogenesis, neurological assessments, personality assessments, and IQ testing. Which is cool and all but I already know enough on these topics (and neuroscience and psychology on a general level), and I don't know what I should get into next, because learning an entirely new topic requires entirely new pattern separations that requires more mental energy than simply elaborating on a topic you are already knowledgeable about, and nothing really seems to catch my interest that much. I've been playing a lot of video games and I used to make pen and paper "video games" so working on something like that could possibly be fun, but it would obviously be a tremendous amount of effort and I don't know if I have the energy for something that intensive. That's why making IQ test problems and visual logic puzzles was so fun for me. They're sort of like games, and you need a lot of creativity and reasoning, and all you need to create one is MS paint and some relationships between the objects you draw, with higher complexities correlating with higher difficulties. The only other thing I would do on amphetamines would be type giant posts which is always a lot of fun because the more you write the larger your e-peen is, and when you see how fucking long your final post is, and press submit, it's like an orgasm and then you spent the following hours obsessive reading over your beautiful meth post.I finally understand what the 12 looping entities hallucination on starter fluid meant. Because reality is organized into different logic levels, on various microscopic/macroscopic scales (atoms, quarks, planets, etc), and a ll of these levels are interdependent on one another to function as a cohesive system (see profile pic)I feel like dying a lot of the time because no will + drugs + boredom, but so it goes and then I feel better and don't care..as long as I keep the methposts flowing everythings goodI'm prescribed 100mg/day but I ate 300mg and snorted 500mg yesterday, and ate 100mg with 500mg snorted. As soon as you snort it something feels strange, like you're suddenly more alert and things (literally) seem brighter, it numbs out your mouth and nose and you feel a wad of tension in your stomach, you start shaking and immediately you want to get shit done, like I drummed for 45 minutes straight with full energy today and usually i dont play for more than 5 minutes at a time. You also feel sapped of life and the tension seems to suggest you might convulse at some point (which all cathinones dp), while I'm typing this right now my hand eye co-ordination is fucked and it's hard for me to type, I keep on writhing my feet around because my body is producing too much energy to be sitting, Everything feels plastic and weightless and my chest is producing some sort of euphoric feeling that emanates throughout the body, it has dissociative properties for me; iIll be sitting there getting lost in some convoluted thought process and I'm just sitting there with my mouth agape doing nothing. It exacerbates my HPPD like crazy because I'm getting static in my vision everywhere and they're multicolored but it's really mild, you have to focus on it to actually notice it. Then when I'm walking down the street to buy cigs people look like machines I guess nicotine receptors are involved with human face processing and everythings weightless sort of like I'm in a video game but at the same time I feel kind of feverish and I keep on hallucinating things out of the corner of my vision which hopefully isn't a psychosis and just a symptom of drug abuse. When I smoked spice last night and visited the temple where I met Arrakis it filled me with dread because now I think he's always going to be interfering with my trips and trying to make me have a heart attack. I think by thinking to myself that Arrakis can't control my thoughts he won't be able to get past my plasma dome which I discussed in my other thre
