making friends/first date topics

1. 2024-01-17 at 10:15 AM UTC

   #1
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   i am compiling a list of topics that would be good to break the ice or get to know someone. because socializing does not come very naturally to me, i have been observing the humans around me for some time now getting ideas of things i can talk about or bring up in case these situations arise because i want people to like me. its boring to me to make small talk but i guess the prospect of whatever good can come from a verbal exchange outweighs the boredom of already knowing exactly how the conversation is going to pan out in advance but still going through with it anyways. or so i am told. anyway heres my topic list so far:
   
   how much i can masturbate
   masturbation
   autism
   mental illness and isolation
   how much i didnt get laid the last few years
   how im a parasitic leech on the taxpayers and society for quitting my job because i didnt want to spend my 30s getting bullied
   how stupid the bible is and how retarded i am for ever believing it
   *not actually a topic but whenever i see a dog laugh hysterically ESPECIALLY if they are fighting*
   masturbating
   how i got bullied into total isolation by every one of my family and friends and peers but how it was totally my fault and what a jackass i am
   how much of a bitch i am and how much i need other people to teach me literally everything
   how sorry i am for everything youve ever done to your lives
   pedophilia jokes
   my ex girlfriend
   how my ex girlfriend was a perfect angel and is looking down on me from heaven and how were going to get back together someday, im sure of it because of some ideas i had in my head that made my brain tingle when i had been up for days on meth in the midst of a multi year long bender,. and that god told me so and im holding out for that
   how disgusting my room was when i was on meth
   how disgusting my room still is
   masturbation techniques
   my drinking problem and how i just get drunk all day everyday because im too lazy
   fucking trains
   
   thats all i got so far. it seems people really dont actually talk about very many topics strangely. on the flip side i thought since these topics are not very interesting to me anymore that i could just immediately find someone else and point them out and just spend the entire time talking shit about them and maybe that would make my date or potential friends erupt with rapturous laughter to the point where they dont even realize what a massive piece of shit i am acting like (i have seen this tactic used successfully in the wild)
2. 2024-01-17 at 10:16 AM UTC

   #2
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   how much i know literally everything (except for topics to break the ice lMaO)
   umm masturbating
3. 2024-01-17 at 10:16 AM UTC

   #3
   

   ner vegas African Astronaut
   the j'ewish question
   The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!

   • Mighest, 
   • The Self Taught Man
4. 2024-01-17 at 10:24 AM UTC

   #4
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   oh yea the whole final solution bit good point
5. 2024-01-17 at 10:31 AM UTC

   #5
   

   the man who put it in my hood Black Hole [miraculously counterclaim my golf]
   I like to kiss them on the ear 🌽
6. 2024-01-17 at 10:35 AM UTC

   #6
   

   infinityshock Black Hole
   On a first date pretty much the only topic of conversation should be how tight the cuffs are
7. 2024-01-17 at 10:37 AM UTC

   #7
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   is it really fucking hard to "figure me out"? HINT its pretty much exactly how i say it is. people are fucking dogshit and boring as fuck, always have been but ESPECIALLY now that all they do is talk about my past and i don't get any benefit whatsoever from standing there listening to the 5763934798th person this decade make the same tired masturbation jokes. so no, im not even going to attempt to date or befriend anyone until at the very least that isnt a factor anymore. that means literally everyone from my past life is gone (except one but she probably is too tbh) because theyve all done the same bullshit and theyre not even allowed to talk to me except to make masturbation jokes.
   
   it doesnt even fucking matter if i get rich, become important, get back the girl of my dreams, any of that shit because i F U C K I N G hate everyone and put simply, im never going to develop any meaningful relationship from fucking masturbation jokes. WHY DONT YOU GET IT? whats wrong with you? seriously why dont you get it?
8. 2024-01-17 at 10:41 AM UTC

   #8
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   jUsT kIlL uR oLd LyFe tHeN UlL ThInK iTs FuNnY 2
   
   motherfucker, no. it's just not funny anymore and it hasnt been for a long time and quite frankly if youre still laughing at the same fart joke for 3 years there is legitimately something wrong with your brain. like, there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
9. 2024-01-17 at 10:43 AM UTC

   #9
   EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
   KILL YOURSELVES
10. 2024-01-17 at 10:43 AM UTC

    #10
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
    BILL COSBY CRACKER PLEASE FUCKING A NIGGER DONT USE THE N WORD THO
11. 2024-01-17 at 10:43 AM UTC

    #11
    Kafka sweaty
    Idk how people do small talk either. I've been observing them but lose what's going on after a few sentences they've exchanged. I haven't been bothered to try and learn social cues, doesn't matter enough to me but probably should.
    
    I learned though that people like to make small talk so they feel safe with you or something, that they only reveal things slowly and that small talk leads to bigger topics eventually.
12. 2024-01-17 at 10:52 AM UTC

    #12
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
    *goes to checkout at the grocery store and the girl behind the counter is rly smiley and flirty*
    me: decides to use a pickup line and grabs one of the giant sperm shaped milky white alcoholic beverages on the counter
    "HEY BABE DID YOU KNOW MY SPERM LOOKS JUST LIKE THIS? YA GURL MORE THAN YOU KNOW EVEN LMAO I GOTTA WATCH MY BACK THO CUZ IM NOT JUST ANYBODY"
    her: *thoroughly wooed* "oh reallllly anon? im actually a big fan of sperm that looks just like that, i bet you last a long time too right hunny?"
    me: GURLLLLLLLL MORE THAN U KNOW LMAO
    her: lets go back to your place RIGHT NOW
    me: gurl just wait til after ur shift
    her: "ok"
    
    then she comes over and we have very consensual sex and im like wowwwwww that conversation we had at the store was just fucking great its crazy hella wild dawg i didnt even know love like this existed but its a good thing i let love lead the way
    her: omg boiiii im sooo in luvvv can we bone again can u go for longer?
    me: GIRLLLLLLL MORE THAN U KNOW LMAO
13. 2024-01-17 at 10:54 AM UTC

    #13
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut

    Originally posted by Kafka Idk how people do small talk either. I've been observing them but lose what's going on after a few sentences they've exchanged. I haven't been bothered to try and learn social cues, doesn't matter enough to me but probably should.
    
    I learned though that people like to make small talk so they feel safe with you or something, that they only reveal things slowly and that small talk leads to bigger topics eventually.

    
    bitch please
    
    im under no obligation to go out of my way to try to make someone feel "safe" when their immediate goal in even entering the conversation is to try to make me feel *not* safe as possible
    
    do any of you even ever listen to the shit you say? honestly
14. 2024-01-17 at 10:56 AM UTC

    #14
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
    do you ever think that MAYBE its not other people ALL THE TIME and that MAYBE YOU ARE ALSO SUSCEPTIBLE TO HYPOCRISY? i dont think you do. i think you got so used to practicing tearing other people down and shitting on them and going after people who indisputably had problems already that you could target down that it doesnt occur to you anymore whether you are right. youre just always right no matter what and its always the other one whos the hypocrite and if you never admit an inch of any wrongdoing then its like it never existed.
15. 2024-01-17 at 10:57 AM UTC

    #15
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
    im not fucking crossing shit because you cant get your shit straight and im not a goddamn bully idiot retard
16. 2024-01-17 at 11:08 AM UTC

    #16
    Kafka sweaty

    Originally posted by EduCaTional CATastropHE do you ever think that MAYBE its not other people ALL THE TIME and that MAYBE YOU ARE ALSO SUSCEPTIBLE TO HYPOCRISY? i dont think you do. i think you got so used to practicing tearing other people down and shitting on them and going after people who indisputably had problems already that you could target down that it doesnt occur to you anymore whether you are right. youre just always right no matter what and its always the other one whos the hypocrite and if you never admit an inch of any wrongdoing then its like it never existed.

    
    I'm right to want to punch you, for being disrespectful and trying to attack my mental wellbeing by encouraging me not to stand up for myself and for trying to make me doubt myself.
17. 2024-01-17 at 11:11 AM UTC

    #17
    

    ner vegas African Astronaut
    
18. 2024-01-17 at 11:11 AM UTC

    #18
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut
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19. 2024-01-17 at 11:12 AM UTC

    #19
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut

    Originally posted by Kafka I'm right to want to punch you, for being disrespectful and trying to attack my mental wellbeing by encouraging me not to stand up for myself and for trying to make me doubt myself.

    
    yea well you cunts did it first while i was nice to you and entertained your bullshit for years and you purposely pushed it for so long and so hard to make me snap so fuck the fuck off with your bullshit you dumb bitch
20. 2024-01-17 at 11:14 AM UTC

    #20
    EduCaTional CATastropHE African Astronaut

    Originally posted by ner vegas

    
    you want forgiveness but youre not even sorry and you HAVENT EVEN STOPPED DOING IT
    
    you dont know what forgiveness is
    
    youre just repeating the same old bullshit about how its all my fault and i did everything wrong and none of you have ever done anything wrong and i have to forgive you
    
    NIGGA FUCK YOU