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Making my birthday dinner into four meals.

  1. #1
    Bradley Florida Man
    Folks we're starting with 1.5 pounds of shrimp, cooked in a seafood boil, i'm forgoing the poatatos cuz i'm not a potato lookin ass nigga like paul wozny

    1.5 shrimp

    then about a pound of crab legs,

    gonna do some corn cobs

    hit me with antoher 1.5 of shrimpies.
  2. #2
    we, IS ODIN THERE
  3. #3
    God dammit I forgot to get corn on the cobblers
  4. #4
    Bradley Florida Man
    i ate teh 1.5 of shrimp and passed out.

    I woke up and my roommate stuck 16 beers around my sleeping corpse lol under my armpits, inbetween my legs, around me, I wake up and i'm fucking freezing and wet

    he says "Yeah I got you four four packs i didn't know where to put them for you."

    so now i ogt all this beer
  5. #5
    Bradley Florida Man
    I'm probably gonna black out again before i make it to workk but i don't really give a fcuk
  6. #6
    Bradley Florida Man


    my & my dogggggggggg
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  7. #7
    Pete Green African Astronaut
    Odin was a fag cause he turned into a chick to suck balls clean from Warriors to become a greater warrior or some weird shit.

    I forgot how the story goes. also cut a hand off to replace the favorite hand he lost in battle summin summin so he would have that hand on his favorite side instead of it being a less useful hand

    He was a GAY MAGICIAN I SUPPOSE
  8. #8
    Pete Green African Astronaut
    Originally posted by Bradley

    my & my dogggggggggg

    Thats a 3000 dollar Yorkshire you Ripped Off MOTHER FUCKER> I BET ITS CHIPPED AND THE POPO GONNA COME AND TAKE YOU AND YOUR VIDEO OF PEDO FUCK AWAY
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  9. #9
    Bradley Florida Man
    I just pushed two beers back in like two minutes. I"mma pusha nother two beers in the next two minutes, i think that'll be my limit but i got 12 more after.
  10. #10
    Bradley Florida Man
    Originally posted by Pete Green Thats a 3000 dollar Yorkshire you Ripped Off MOTHER FUCKER> I BET ITS CHIPPED AND THE POPO GONNA COME AND TAKE YOU AND YOUR VIDEO OF PEDO FUCK AWAY

    i got him at 5 weeks old, here's a photo of when he was the size of a softball

  11. #11
    RIPtotse victim of incest [my adversative decurved garbo]
    beer?
  12. #12
    Pete Green African Astronaut
  13. #13
    Pete Green African Astronaut
    WTF. That's a common sewer rat not a purebred

    FLMAO
  14. #14
    Pete Green African Astronaut
    Tatted Delta triangles and shit

    That's stolen Valor, bro
  15. #15
    Bradley Florida Man
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valknut

    I put the unicursal on my chest at 18 and then I had my back done up at 15 for the unicameral. There's argument about which one Odin likes more so I got both, I kinda expect to be shot in it and have teh bullet exit near my spine one of these days.



    Top left unicursal, top right unicameral.

    Anyway I had a really good day, woke up, drank 8 beers, blacked out, I guess I stabbed myself in the hand while husking out shrimp, it made that deep purple blood that means you got in a little deep, idgaf it's my birthday so I put blood on every door knob in my house on accident,

    So i ate 1.5 shrimpies the size of my hand in the crab boil hot water,

    blacked out

    woke up to 16 beers like in every crevice of my sleeping form, a pack of cigarettes in my shirt pocket and a lighter in my hand

    i was pleased th at's a pretty good birthday preI compensate for my small penis with my roommate, he saved up i think to buy this shit as I hold our purse strings and he didn't get no 25$ from me to buy this hsit, which kinda warmed my heart.

    i began immediately drinking, pushed through 4 tall boys and cooked the crab legs.

    I didn't cut myself but I did cut myself a second my right hand because I don' thavfe one of those walnut breakers/crab breakers the big piece of metal you grasp and it breaks shit for fat pieces of shit like you paul wozny.

    so yeah one of those sharp ass fuckin claws ripped up my hand but i didn't care at the time

    took the old water and heated it back up and dropped two corn cobs in there. realized my tootheless roommate wasn't digging the course since he has no front and bottom teeth

    so I got a big ass knife out and just hucked out of there, and I put a lil mayo and a lil salt on my corn cuz i ran out of butter during the crab session, so idk what to call this, i knifed out a cob of corn so he could eat the third round

    4th and 5th round were gonna be baby octopus & more shrimpies respectively, however after drinking 20 beers I kinda laid down at like 730 at night

    then my weed plug hit me back up but he didn't have a half ounce, so I got a gram of this fire ass weed, phenomal, i think I spelt that wrong, but it was super good, i tried to go back and get another gram (10$ which aint too bad) but they was gone, so I hit the pipe a couple times,

    my neighbors were pointing guns at one another and arguing about money, so I took my gayass back inside quick quick, i dont need to die on my birthday when a round flashes me on accident.

    So now I got 2 beers left (yes I drank 22 beers yesterday in about 3 sittings) i gotta unthaw this octopus, my roommate did me a solid and ate all my sushi (Oh yeah I had sushi, mizo soup, and cabbage salad too before the great big seafood boil) i had left, cleaned the entire kithcen, made the bed, left a note saying "NEED PENIS, AMIGO, MORE LATER RETURN" so he's doing good and now imma get drunk and watch youtube videos on how to cook baby octopus, get more beer, watch more youtube


    Work was hell but after 5 hours I went for a one hour nap (I put up a sign saying i'm in the shitter and then sleep where no one can see me from the windows) and woke up to my coworker waking me up saying "BOSS, HEFFE, ZACHARY" and I woke up to hearing my exes name lol and they said happy birthday and encouraged me to take some beers (I didn't)
  16. #16
    Bradley Florida Man
    apparently I had .2g of Methamphetamene and I totally fucking forgot about it, I was in the bedroom making aluminum foil quarters cuz I gotta do more laundry lol

    I'm grabbing out clothes and I see like a finger like a real finger of a man worth of meth just in a line and I totally forgot about it and no one touched it

    i'mma rip that shit hard as a motherfucker, just wanted to tell you about my good ass day.
  17. #17
    Originally posted by Bradley i got him at 5 weeks old, here's a photo of when he was the size of a softball


    You look 45 here.
  18. #18
    look at that rat face and his cock for a nose!
  19. #19
    Bradley Florida Man
  20. #20
    Selfies are for bitches dude...MAN UP!
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