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Adopting a Kid.
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2017-05-15 at 3:59 AM UTCSo, that same little guy that was being beat up next door is back. His dad is still in jail, but somehow the skanky girlfriend wound up with custody. She doesn't want to adopt him because this way she gets paid each month by the state for having him around.
The problem is she's a horrible person that 1.) neglects him and 2.) continues to beat the shit out of him. The social workers said they're not able to do much more about it because "at least he has a roof over his head. Some kids have it worse y'know."
Apparently I could adopt him though, but... well, I dunno. Taking on a kid is a big commitment. He seems like an easy going kid, and I'm sure I'd provide a better home for him than he'd have otherwise...
Anyway, thoughts? Of the few who have kids, or have taken care of them, how much would adopting him ruin my life? -
2017-05-15 at 4:01 AM UTCwhy the fuck would you do that
just put him in a gunny sack with a rock and toss him in the river, it's the right thing to do. -
2017-05-15 at 4:07 AM UTCSOun'ds like something a fag would do
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2017-05-15 at 4:08 AM UTC
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2017-05-15 at 4:23 AM UTCMan, there are so many problems with raising kids, so much research about the detrimental impact it has on your life, the massive opportunity cost, how unhappy it makes you.
I would never even consider it, and I would make a horrible horrible father anyway. Just pay some charity to do it if you care enough. Honestly, fuck that, I am going to sterilize the hell out of myself and will never have kids or change my mind. It would just be an absolute nightmare for me and I'd probably end up going insane or killing myself. -
2017-05-15 at 4:25 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Man, there are so many problems with raising kids, so much research about the detrimental impact it has on your life, the massive opportunity cost, how unhappy it makes you.
I would never even consider it, and I would make a horrible horrible father anyway. Just pay some charity to do it if you care enough. Honestly, fuck that, I am going to sterilize the hell out of myself and will never have kids or change my mind. It would just be an absolute nightmare for me and I'd probably end up going insane or killing myself.
Mal, I sincerely appreciate your response, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say you're disqualified from giving an opinion on this matter in particular. Thanks though. -
2017-05-15 at 4:25 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Man, there are so many problems with raising kids, so much research about the detrimental impact it has on your life, the massive opportunity cost, how unhappy it makes you.
I would never even consider it, and I would make a horrible horrible father anyway. Just pay some charity to do it if you care enough. Honestly, fuck that, I am going to sterilize the hell out of myself and will never have kids or change my mind. It would just be an absolute nightmare for me and I'd probably end up going insane or killing myself.
kill urself faggit -
2017-05-15 at 4:37 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Mal, I sincerely appreciate your response, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say you're disqualified from giving an opinion on this matter in particular. Thanks though.
Hey, I understand, super-terminal-autism, literally an extreme recluse with no relationships, definitely don't appear to understand human life and how people "work", never even held hands.
I'm just saying man, it's all based on logic. Attempt to sweep away your biases and emotions, any biological predispositions, and go by pure reason as much as possible.
Take a look at this: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/
Parenthood is pretty much the most important decision you will ever make and you need to research it extremely thoroughly, read multiple viewpoints, rather than just relying on this idealized version of what it's going to be like that almost every single person who becomes a parent creates in their head. You have to realize that you're driven by selfish genes, and what your nature drives you to do is not always what's best for you as an individual.
Raising a child, adopted or otherwise, is nothing like most people would expect. And the sad thing is that there are the most powerful modulations of behavior, mediated by your biology/neurology, that make it practically impossible for damn near anyone to form an objective opinion.
But there are some people brave enough to admit they deeply regret having kids. Very intelligent and successful people, who have perfectly valid reasons. Just do a google search with related keywords and you'll find them. Hell, the top comment in that article I posted is by someone who admitted they regretted it and what it's really like. -
2017-05-15 at 4:40 AM UTCNononononono.
Malice, it's not because you're an autistic recluse, I simply don't agree with your fatalistic reasoning and don't want to get into a debate about it in this thread. -
2017-05-15 at 4:45 AM UTCI have to say, I don't ever regret having kids. I did maybe for like the first year but as time goes on you realize how rewarding it is to watch them grow. It does take a special kind of person to be an actual parent. You've basically got to give up parts of your life. There are things you have to give up, but I honestly don't see it as much different than some of my travels or jobs.
When I was in India I couldn't really drink. I worked 10 hours or more a day if we had a project to finish. There was no drinking at the housing, and they'd turn you away if you were drunk which was pretty fucking shitty to do to people in a foreign country, but people would just go to the hostel a few blocks away. Right before this I was a HEAVY alcoholic too. So I gave up alcohol, the job and being tired all the time made me give up my free time. All I would do really is go out to eat or go to the markets.
Kids are way more rewarding than getting to know some Indian dudes over tea. At least to me they are. -
2017-05-15 at 4:50 AM UTCIt's not fatalism, it's realism.
Reality is reality whether you like it or not, there are objective truths (Well, we have to make some assumptions in order to really be able to function at all.).
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
My goal is to accept the truth without reservation, whatever it is.
This is exactly how almost 100% of people who want children react when confronted with arguments they cannot refute. It's simple avoidance and denialism.
But, whatever, there's absolutely nothing unethical I can see about adoption (Without getting into a complex argument about opportunity cost and utilitarianism), so even if does decrease your happiness and have all these other negative effects it's still self sacrifice and an altruistic act.
I'm just saying, you have to have a realistic understanding of the problems, hardships, you're going to face and what it's going to be like.
I'm sure you won't disagree when I say that the decision needs to be extensively researched and taken extremely seriously. Having kids is not easy for the vast majority, especially ones with serious emotional problems from abuse. You can do your best and they still often come out as horrible fucked up people. Ultimately, you're taking an enormous gamble. -
2017-05-15 at 4:51 AM UTC
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2017-05-15 at 4:53 AM UTCInteresting, DW. What would you say is the hardest part about having kids?
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2017-05-15 at 4:53 AM UTCAlright man, but if you can't even handle a discussion on this you probably can't handle a kid with serious issues that's going to be very difficult to raise.
Think about it. Put your fee fees aside for a moment. Hell, take some benzos or get drunk if you need to in order to calm your mind. -
2017-05-15 at 4:57 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Alright man, but if you can't handle a discussion on this you probably can't handle a kid with serious issues that's going to be very difficult to raise.
Think about it. Put your fee fees aside for a moment. Hell, take some benzos or get drunk if you need to in order to calm your mind.
I think I'll be able to handle him all right. I am a psychologist after all (even though it's one of the most bullshit jobs to ever exist) so extra issues don't worry me too much.
I've just never been in charge of another person before. It's not like having a pet - I killed my last one anyway. What if I screw him up more simply by not doing something obvious that I should have? My goal is to help the kid, not be a failure of a parent. -
2017-05-15 at 4:59 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Interesting, DW. What would you say is the hardest part about having kids?
They're real pieces of shit sometimes. It's easy to suck it up and clean up vomit from your car rug, but when they don't want to share their toys or God, don't want to eat, then shit gets annoying and frustrating.
But then two hours later you're playing doctor and they are just SUPER stoked to be playing with one of their favorite people (you) and you just deal with the shit you don't like as you need to do with everything else in life worth having. Sometimes it's hard to remember the good when you're dealing with the bad, but then the same works in reverse too.
Do you like kids? I've always been very good with kids and have never really questioned if I want to have them. I also grew up babysitting a lot so I kind of knew what was involved and how to deal with kids. Funny too, now I've got the kids I used to babysit, babysitting my kids. -
2017-05-15 at 5:03 AM UTCOh, I didn't know you were a psychologist. That's pretty cool. I did have the impression that you were highly intelligent, despite not really knowing you. Doesn't take long to tell for the genuinely intelligent people.
So I guess you have my blessings. Just take into account what I said. I'm not saying it's guaranteed to be the worst mistake you'll ever make, but as a psychologist, well, you know. I mean, you know the kid better than anyone here, but at the same time you should realize how incredibly difficult proper psychoanalysis is, that it needs to be done professionally, and genes matter, you really don't know how people will turn out. In fact, in the long run, as hard as may be to believe, as long as you aren't abusive, parents have almost no effect on the long-term outcome of their kids, on average. It would take way too long to explain why this is, and it's highly controversial. -
2017-05-15 at 5:06 AM UTC
Originally posted by Discount Whore They're real pieces of shit sometimes. It's easy to suck it up and clean up vomit from your car rug, but when they don't want to share their toys or God, don't want to eat, then shit gets annoying and frustrating.
But then two hours later you're playing doctor and they are just SUPER stoked to be playing with one of their favorite people (you) and you just deal with the shit you don't like as you need to do with everything else in life worth having. Sometimes it's hard to remember the good when you're dealing with the bad, but then the same works in reverse too.
Do you like kids? I've always been very good with kids and have never really questioned if I want to have them. I also grew up babysitting a lot so I kind of knew what was involved and how to deal with kids. Funny too, now I've got the kids I used to babysit, babysitting my kids.
That sounds really sweet, actually.
I am good with kids (as far as I know), and have thought about having a couple before. I just figured I'd get married first and wouldn't start with a 7 year old.
How many kids do you have? -
2017-05-15 at 5:08 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Oh, I didn't know you were a psychologist. That's pretty cool. I did have the impression that you were highly intelligent, despite not really knowing you. Doesn't take long to tell for the genuinely intelligent people.
So I guess you have my blessings. Just take into account what I said. I'm not saying it's guaranteed to be the worst mistake you'll ever make, but as a psychologist, well, you know. I mean, you know the kid better than anyone here, but at the same time you should realize how incredibly difficult proper psychoanalysis is, that it needs to be done professionally, and genes matter, you really don't know how people will turn out. In fact, in the long run, as hard as may be to believe, as long as you aren't abusive, parents have almost no effect on the long-term outcome of their kids, on average. It would take way too long to explain why this is, and it's highly controversial.
Alright. I'll keep that in mind. Good to know I have your blessings I guess. (n_n") -
2017-05-15 at 5:10 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo That sounds really sweet, actually.
I am good with kids (as far as I know), and have thought about having a couple before. I just figured I'd get married first and wouldn't start with a 7 year old.
How many kids do you have?
Just two. Six and four.
Seven year olds are different. At that point you're kind of dropping into a kid's life rather than raising one, but it doesn't mean you can't fall into that roll with time. Definitely a harder process I think than makin em from scratch.
