User Controls
teh retraded thred herppppp slober fuk glum editshin
-
2017-05-09 at 2:33 AM UTC
-
2017-05-09 at 2:35 AM UTCAlso, I managed to get through and be transferred to a psychiatric office in San Francisco. They're planning to call me back tomorrow and try to prioritize an hour meeting as soon as possible.
I'm finally going to get help. I think I have a good chance of getting and remaining on Nardil this time, and if one person isn't willing to prescribe it, another will. My severe depression is extremely treatment resistant and I don't respond normally or well to most medication. I just have to keep trying, even if it means taking a trip to Mexico to load up on it or finally having a lab in China synthesize it.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-05-09T02:40:10.672737+00:00 -
2017-05-09 at 2:37 AM UTC
-
2017-05-09 at 2:42 AM UTC
Originally posted by SCronaldo_J_Trump Youre right I'm just angry that I have to leave the house while you all get to fawn over hydromorphone all day while I bust my ass at the cheese factory when I dont even need the money or skills I can make more selling drugs and bitcoin.
Then do it you scrub, the world needs more drugs, not more people bitching about their shitty warehouse jobs.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-09 at 2:43 AM UTCAnd she fuckin' for that tenth
Ohh yeah, ohh yeah,
momma told me put the shard down but I cannot,
I'm still trappin' outta Bidwell,
momma put it down but I cannot,
I'm on a tunnel vision mission gotta stack dough
I cop a tenth for a dollar thirty,
but I hit the fiends and dope hoes
for the fourty, fourty a tenth,
yeah a nigga goin full retarded,
know there's a name for what I do,
but I don't know what to call it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-09 at 2:48 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny Then do it you scrub, the world needs more drugs, not more people bitching about their shitty warehouse jobs.
no your wrong lannyn drug s r evil i need to go to owqork andbe a goood scornaldo an f contirnuytn etyo vpi[ta tp s i mifa c oof, f fi; ccsd Depot eordoe r in m o thoe o 3 d mort i w fmmdo,o tjathenimgonnafuckingsweepthedogodkmmnfentire wartehouse until there no dust left and ship out 2 7 pallets o fo skids ifuck oyu miggeerssssssss
-
2017-05-09 at 3:05 AM UTC
-
2017-05-09 at 3:14 AM UTCsucking dick
-
2017-05-09 at 4:47 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny What clinical treatment have you actually completed?
Lanny, shut up. You don't know my history and quite honestly you're incredibly condescending and annoying when you post things like this. I am not going to discuss with you ever again.
And by the way, you come off as incredibly soft spoken, introverted, boring and uninteresting, unremarkable, callous, cold, and distant, and I didn't particularly like you either.
So there. I don't love you either, jerk face!
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-05-09T04:49:15.243235+00:00 -
2017-05-09 at 5:03 AM UTCwhy do i constantly think about death and killing
-
2017-05-09 at 5:05 AM UTCNARDIL IS MY ONLY HOPE
-
2017-05-09 at 5:21 AM UTCthose are some sick lyricas
-
2017-05-09 at 5:38 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Lanny, shut up. You don't know my history
That would seem to be the reason I asked...and quite honestly you're incredibly condescending and annoying when you post things like this. I am not going to discuss with you ever again.
And by the way, you come off as incredibly soft spoken, introverted, boring and uninteresting, unremarkable, callous, cold, and distant, and I didn't particularly like you either.
So there. I don't love you either, jerk face!
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-05-09T04:49:15.243235+00:00
lol, chill blood, no need to be upset. -
2017-05-09 at 5:41 AM UTCi always want to die and i'm on the verge of a psychotic breakdown
-
2017-05-09 at 5:44 AM UTC
-
2017-05-09 at 6:27 AM UTCSo I ran into my ex girlfriend's ex husband's big sister the other day. Bit of background info my ex's uncle and I used to be best friend's before he got cancer and moved back to australia so before then we were banging his niece's sister in laws. INexplibably we started just smashin the sis in laws he with the older one and I with the younger one and we end up swapping(not literally well kinda) and we both end up serious with the sisters.
I end up knocking up the older one and she ends up having a still born. Last summer I run into her at a gas station because I'm spun and literally lost trying to find this girls house I met off of some thrashy hookup site(the name escapes me..adult friend finder maybe?)anyways I run into the big sis her name is Stephanie btw and we agree to meet and catch up and just don't end up doing that probably because I'm so paranoid my phone number changes sometimes 3 times in 72 hours.
Anyways Risir's tfw no gf thread reminded me of Stoya which in turn reminds me of Stephanie because my nigga Charles my ex kayla's cousin told me she looked like this pornstar named Stoya so I Tor that name on my Iphone and yep pretty damn close though Stoya is definitely sexier and pretty I think this repeated sighting and reminding of Stephanie is Nature's? way of telling me I should try to ake an effort at a serious thing with her idk I'm probably just overdue for a piece of ass and I remember the last time I went raw dog up in that it was literally so good I cried but like a baby would but silently with my eyes closed and tears of ecstasy so that's my mission within the next few weeks also need to cop a qp of shard just for the fun of it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-09 at 7:25 AM UTC
Originally posted by RestStop So I ran into my ex girlfriend's ex husband's big sister the other day. Bit of background info my ex's uncle and I used to be best friend's before he got cancer and moved back to australia so before then we were banging his niece's sister in laws. INexplibably we started just smashin the sis in laws he with the older one and I with the younger one and we end up swapping(not literally well kinda) and we both end up serious with the sisters.
I end up knocking up the older one and she ends up having a still born. Last summer I run into her at a gas station because I'm spun and literally lost trying to find this girls house I met off of some thrashy hookup site(the name escapes me..adult friend finder maybe?)anyways I run into the big sis her name is Stephanie btw and we agree to meet and catch up and just don't end up doing that probably because I'm so paranoid my phone number changes sometimes 3 times in 72 hours.
Anyways Risir's tfw no gf thread reminded me of Stoya which in turn reminds me of Stephanie because my nigga Charles my ex kayla's cousin told me she looked like this pornstar named Stoya so I Tor that name on my Iphone and yep pretty damn close though Stoya is definitely sexier and pretty I think this repeated sighting and reminding of Stephanie is Nature's? way of telling me I should try to ake an effort at a serious thing with her idk I'm probably just overdue for a piece of ass and I remember the last time I went raw dog up in that it was literally so good I cried but like a baby would but silently with my eyes closed and tears of ecstasy so that's my mission within the next few weeks also need to cop a qp of shard just for the fun of it.
Trippy gont
Zaint zattocks day blesses the faithful in very strange ways ;)The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-09 at 7:59 AM UTC
Originally posted by Lanny That would seem to be the reason I asked…
I have tried so many countless things for years with evidence that supports strong antidepressant effects. I've gained enough of an understanding to know what I react well to, and unfortunately I'm either non-responsive to most drugs or they just give me terrible side effects. Nardil is pretty the only thing that works, I just wish psychiatrists didn't tend to be such egotistical uncaring jackasses that are mostly concerned with giving easy answers and avoiding liability.
You're a leftist, you know how fucked up the US healthcare, and especially the mental healthcare system is, this should't be hard to be believe.
And treatment resistant depression isn't even rare among those with major depression, about 1/3 are.
Unfortunately I have Asperger's, and it's so complex you just don't respond normally to most medications. For example, I cannot use anything that's too stimulating, that has too much of an effect on norepinephrine, because it gives me horrendous anxiety and that makes me incredibly dysfunctional/unable to function. SSRIs are completely ineffective and only give me unnerving side effects past a certain point, SNRIs have the norepinephrine (NE) problem and have horrendous withdrawal symptoms, TCAs also tend to have too much of a stimulating NE effect and just have tons of bad side effects.
MAOIs are literally all I have at this point, and the only other major one, Parnate I already gave a long trial a while ago, I can't use because it's structure was actually derived from amphetamine, it actually releases NE and possibly dopamine at 1/10th the rate of amph, and once again it gave me this horrendous persistent anxiety that made me incredibly dysfunctional.
As for ketamine, it isn't even commonly prescribed at this point. I'm not sure what the legal situation is, some psychs at university hospitals may prescribe it, but as you can imagine it sure as hell isn't likely you're going to get it.
This fucking sucks, I hate being alive, I just want goddamn Nardil so I can live, function, be able to support myself, and find some happiness and fulfillment in life just like anyone else.
Is that really so much to ask?! Am I being unreasonable when I've literally been dealing with these issues my entire life? -
2017-05-09 at 8:03 AM UTCBTW Lanny, you know I read an enormous amount, and of course I've researched Asperger's, and here are some sobering statistics if you want to know what it's like. A post I made on Longecity:
I'm in a similar condition. I have Asperger's, it's a very complex neurological disorder that few people properly understand, an autism spectrum disorder that doesn't affect intelligence (Tested as gifted in first grade with a 130+IQ range despite really poor life circumstances), and severe anxiety and depression tend to come along with it. The life outcomes are incredibly poor, among the worst for developmental disorders. To take the worst example, the rate of suicidal thoughts is 10x the normal population, even higher than psychosis (think about what that implies), the comorbidity with depression and anxiety is about 65%, few marry and among those that do up to 80% may end in divorce (It's a terrible disorder for relationships), and marriage/a life partner has been found to account for about 19% of happiness in life, the strongest factor, along with a multitude of other benefits, the unemployment rate may be around 80%, about half of adults with it report having zero friends (This has one of the worst effects on humans, there's a good book and paper I found related to this. Controlling for confounding variables the effect on mortality is worse than smoking and obesity combined, amazingly), and the worst one is, the life expectancy is 12 years shorter than the general population and it's because the rate of suicide is so high. Even among children and teens the rate of suicide has been found to be 10-20x the normal rate. And there's also a high risk of epilepsy, and it may be possible the risk of neurodegenerative disorders may be considerably higher later in life (post mortem studies have found considerably more damage to certain parts of the brain.)
I've probably been dysthymic ever since I was a child, depressed since I was a teenager, 5 years ago I qualified for severe depression, 3 years ago I had a mental breakdown due to countless issues that overwhelmed me and being worn down over the years, particularly since I was completely isolated at that point. I've been in a cycle of suicidal depression since then.
I also have severe anhedonia and blunted affect, a limited range and intensity of emotions. I've barely felt happy these past 5 years, and even when i do it's fleeting and shallow. I'm probably in the bottom percentile in terms of the cumulative amount of happiness and pleasure I've felt. It's like an inability to find any meaning and fulfillment in life, to feel any connection to the world around you and people, and in my entire life it feels there's been a complete lack of meaningful human experiences and an inability to find anyone I can relate to.
It's my burden to bear and I'm going to have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Unfortunately i didn't have a good home life, schools, was a late diagnosis, and never received any therapy for it just due to sheer incompetence. Some people fall through the cracks. My level of intelligence probably masked it, even though my behaviors were completely outside the range of normal human behavior and it should have been obvious.
2.)
Intimacy is probably my greatest fear right now, I can't relate to anyone, there are all these issues about the human condition and existentialism that profoundly bother me, and Asperger's tends to cause these enormous social deficits, it has very poor life outcomes, and there are enormous problems with feeling empathy on an emotional level rather than a cognitive one, feeling any sense of connection to the world around you and anyone else. And I'm not oblivious, ever since I was a teen I set a goal to read the greatest works of literature, film, anime, television, the greatest works of art in general.
I'm perfectly aware of what I'm missing out on, amd have missed out on in the past, I completely missed out on life and was left feeling hollow, with nothing but the information and understanding I had attained.
It's like there's always this barrier of thick glass between you and the world, no matter who you meet, what you say or do, it's always there, and I'm not sure it's something I'll ever be able to experience.
Can you imagine how bad that must feel? When you understand this and enough about human nature, it's no wonder Asperger's has one of the worst outcomes for developmental disorders, even if you're scoring in the genius range. It's the pinnacle of alienation.
It's no wonder the suicide rate is among the highest of any disorder, and it isn't readily apparent why. Just by looking or talking to someone you can't tell what it feels like for them to be alive.
It's a terrible disorder that destroys lives and families and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I've read an enormous amount of my condition and feel I have a very good understanding of it now. Here some of the statistics on life outcomes and other factors. I think you'll be able to get some understanding of just how much suffering and hardship it causes. -
2017-05-09 at 8:14 AM UTC
