2021-09-17 at 10:10 AM UTC
The Los Angeles Police Department im going to start out at the bottom and drive a car around in circles looking for crime wearing a bulletproof vest it will be nice because i can park in fire zones and shit when i get my hawaiin shirts from the dry cleaners and ill always be stopping for coffees and donuts to keep my senses on high-alert until i find a fucking citizen in distress and i can go assist them or if they wanna smart off maybe they need the tar kicked out of them. im going to drive the wheels off that car hitting the rev limiter everyday " i dunno captain i dont know why the engine popped they dont make em like they used to huh" that way i can get desk duty and look at the secretaries tits when im nursing a hangover and i dont want to get motion sick from driving in circles
ill go to beverly hills and tell them im a top cop in LA to see if they roll out the red carpet for me but eventually thats where i wanna hang my hat that or the LA county sherrifs office driving one of the military trucks in circles. when they go on the radio and say WE HAVE CRIME and i answer ill identify myself as MAGNUMCOP which the dispatchers will love and give me all the good calls
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2021-09-17 at 10:29 AM UTC
well around here we just call them fries but back in the old country i think thats what they call em
i guess in some other country if u order chips and salsa its fries with tomatoe suace because there culture is different and they dont have the technology to make tortilla chips over there
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2021-09-17 at 10:54 AM UTC
My friend gets pulled over by the chips all the time they are th nicest cops they always give my friend free ice cream and said " hey you were the only driver brave enough to pass me and I commend you for you're bravery. I have just bought this tub of ice cream before the end of my shift when my captain told me I have to work late so I have to get rid of this ice cream so it don't melt so I would like to give it to you brave citizen". Just the nicest bunch of cops. But it's getting ridiculous my friend is diabetes and he's fat and lactose retarded and he's getting a bit of ice cream overload but then again he's too nice to turn down free dessert plus he doesn't want to offend the chips.
Did you know if you go to Asia and you're eating at someone's house your supposed to leave some on the plate when ur done so I show that you had your fill that way the man of the house knows he did you a solid and macho-ly fed you all you could eat it's like that
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2021-09-17 at 12:37 PM UTC
no wonder they have constant famine they can't even finish a plate smh
2021-09-17 at 12:54 PM UTC
I do that already for free
The neighborhood would have less crime if they paid me to keep the peace and I live right next to a police station, they don't do anything. I saw them use 7 squad cars to bust ONE GUY who was yelling about face diapers and they called an ambulance and the girl LITERALLY PUT A BANDAID ON HIM THATS ALL SHE DID and then the cops spent an hour digging through the garbage in the back alley.
I saw them open a random bag in the alley that came from my bathroom trash and started digging through toilet paper rolls and pull out a bunch of hair?????? like what the actual fuck???? I think they were looking for cocaine.
Or maybe that shirtless guy threw some stuff in my trash because sometimes people shoot up on our fire escape.
I would just whack all of these people with a large stick and tell them to get lost... doesn't take me an hour of digging through trash to clean up the REAL TRASH OF GARBAGE PEOPLE ON THE STREETS
2021-09-17 at 1:33 PM UTC
hey man we gotta call throw that coffee out and say "shit thats the third time today" and when it's just two teenagers stealing connies you say WHAT THE FUCK I THREW OUT COFFEE FOR THIS??! YOU LITTLE SHIT!
2021-09-28 at 10:26 AM UTC
What are you going to do when you have an active shooter?
2021-09-28 at 11:08 AM UTC
after I'm on the scene he is gonna be a shooter on life support
