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How would Jesus be tortured and murdered if he lived today?

  1. #21
    Cheyes Tuskegee Airman
    Originally posted by aldra

    I wanna throat crush every pos who worked at abu bekr
  2. #22
    STER0S Space Nigga [the disappointingly unanticipated slab]
    watching hardcore porn
  3. #23
    ORACLE Naturally Camouflaged
    Jesus was kind and soft spoken. Rude, mean Christians try to slander his character by associating him with their conduct.

    If I had to torture Jesus today, I would feel bad about it but if I'm say Pilate Trump and that's the task I must do, I will do it well. I assume I will be allowed to assemble a team, so I'd get a medical team to keep him alive.

    A mirror will be mounted above the table to which you are strapped. You will watch me deliver you unto hellfire. Forgive me as I sin.

    First you will be administered 2g of liquid LSD and a low dose of Viagra.

    Then I will carefully shatter every bone in your body. I will start with the easy ones, digits, joints, the tiny ones in your feet and your hands individually. My surgeons will make sure you don't die from the toxicity of the crushing trauma, or bleeding. We will keep lots of blood transfusions ready for you. You won't bleed out. You won't be allowed to sleep either. Electrodes in your skin will directly stimulate your pain response. There is no more pain than that possible, on a physical level. You won't pass out for the same reason. It'll be extremely low power, but your nerves will feel the hellfire you threaten. You won't be harmed. Physically. We also know how to stimulate wakefulness. Oh you will suffer. And it will not be a short term endeavour. I will shatter the larger bones with a small hammer, precisely and with deliberation so as to crush them inside you. I will inject your brain with a cancer by going under your eyelids. I will cultivate it like a garden and accelerate its growth.

    All the while, I will slaughter one of your friends and loved ones, who will also be rounded up, once a month. The condition for this to end is the breaking of your faith. To admit hopelessness and nihilism. I'll help talk you into it. But the torture will continue anyway, because God is not there to punish my lie. As far as you are concerned, I am now god.

    The cancer will slowly eat you on the inside. As your limbs grow necrotic and need to be removed with no anaesthesia, you will be reduced into little more than a torso. I will routinely make you gag on my cum while attractive women stimulate your penis and testicles, and the voltage arcs under your skin

    Over time you will be gradually hooked up to life support systems and eventually left in solitude, with a small maintenance crew, to maintain your misery as the rot takes you. Pray it takes you quick.

    Astaghfirullah.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  4. #24
    Dregs African Astronaut [that freakishly double-edged allmouth]
    Raped. Shanked alive in prison. Raped. Beheaded dicked and headed. Same ol shit in life. Nothing special.
  5. #25
    ORACLE Naturally Camouflaged
    Also I'll stimulate his prostate to make him gay
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  6. #26
    Urethra papercut
  7. #27
    Robert Mugabe African Astronaut
    He would annihilate all you scum and degenerates with the click of his fingers. Blessed is our Lord, may he lead us into the promised land, all the heretics suffer in enternal damnation!
  8. #28
    livingelegy motherfucker [my polyoicous forward graciousness]
    In modern times Jesus would experience severe cock and ball torture and a lot of delayed, edged, and ruined orgasms in place of a crucifixion. This would all have been filmed and posted to a pornstars only fans. Instead of Judas getting 12 pieces of silver for betraying, he would receive 12 bits from a chaturbate chat room patron to tickle jesus's throbbing orgasm denied cock with a feather.
  9. #29
    Ebola Cola Houston
    Originally posted by aldra

    dudes camos make it look like he pissed his pants and also wtf is he doing while torturing this person illegally (which violates the international wars act signed pre WWII) it looks like he´s casually cleaning his fingernails.

    honestly Donalds Rumsfeld told then to do this. like 4 of them went to Jail while Donald just walks.

    another reason a world court hearing should be held against Dick Cheney and Bush for war crimes.
  10. #30
    They would make him work a 9-5 without any serotonin
  11. #31
    Ebola Cola Houston
    Also to answer question by op

    I feel stoned to death. because only counties like Afghanistan still have this law. most countries wouldn't kill Jesus for ¨blasphemy¨ laws. they would get him on inciting riots at best. he would of been fined and out of jail the next day.

    I forgot. the wealthy ally nation of Saudi Arabia would behead him.
  12. #32
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    When you really think about it, the fact that he supposedly sacrificed his life all passionately by enduring a few hours of torture isnt really that remarkable.
  13. #33
    Ebola Cola Houston
    Originally posted by mmQ When you really think about it, the fact that he supposedly sacrificed his life all passionately by enduring a few hours of torture isnt really that remarkable.

    it´s real remarkable. he also went to Hell for several days to have a little talk with Satan and be tortured a bit more.

    itś a huge deal.
  14. #34
    Jesus would never get famous nowadays. He didn't even get famous in his time. But he impressed himself upon Paul with such greatness that he commited his life to making Jesus famous. Jesus would need a Paul in the modern age. Maybe Jake or Logan?
  15. #35
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by Solomon Thunder Jesus would never get famous nowadays. He didn't even get famous in his time. But he impressed himself upon Paul with such greatness that he commited his life to making Jesus famous. Jesus would need a Paul in the modern age. Maybe Jake or Logan?

    The YouTouberz?



    Originally posted by Ebola Cola it´s real remarkable. he also went to Hell for several days to have a little talk with Satan and be tortured a bit more.

    itś a huge deal.

    No it isnt. If it were a real thing, it's silly in comparison to everything else.

    I, as a baby, was horribly tortured, raped, and mutilated for many many months (17 to be exact). I grew up and didnt believe in Christianity and I was sent to hell for eternity when I died in a car accident when I was 16.

    So sad. Thank you Jesus for that thing. It didnt work.
  16. #36
    Originally posted by mmQ The YouTouberz?

    Who better to spread the good word?
  17. #37
    aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    Originally posted by Solomon Thunder Who better to spread the good word?

    literally anyone
  18. #38
    Originally posted by aldra literally anyone

    If you're looking for influence, maybe PewDiePie
  19. #39
    mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by Solomon Thunder If you're looking for influence, maybe PewDiePie

    Or PewDiePie could sacrifice himself and have all his followers each write a book of a new bible explaining how PDP is the new jesus
  20. #40
    Originally posted by mmQ Or PewDiePie could sacrifice himself and have all his followers each write a book of a new bible explaining how PDP is the new jesus


    Jesus should just resurrect Mohammed. Mohammed would actively have over 1.6 billion followers who would actually listen.
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