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BradleyB's Rock Bottom -- Recovery Thread
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2015-11-03 at 8:45 AM UTCI just have an aversion toward AA. Go for it BradleyB. Be the change. Listen to your heart. You can do it, one day at a time. Baby steps. You've got this.
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2015-11-03 at 12:39 PM UTC
couldn't be any worse than the cult that is totse/zoklet
But yeah I went to a few cocaine anonymous meetings when I was younger, and basically it was just a bunch of old guys that want to work the 13th step on you..
They would trade out their addiction for sex or other things like "shopping" Some of the loneliest people in the world who may not have been doing drugs but you could tell they never ever really filled their void.
At one meeting, (i was 19) i met a gentleman who offered to me my sponsor. He took me out for chili dogs (i love chili dogs) and gave me 20 bucks afterwards we went to the springs for a late night walk, we stopped some where on the trail and he stared into my eyes with a giddy smile and told me he likes me hair…
I got him to drop me off at a different apartment complex….
Who knows maybe bradley could turn this into something positive and become a substance abuse councilor and work with at at risk youth.
I went to one AA meeting and the whole thing smacks of ulterior motives. If I wasn't on my phone I'd love to write out a few stories of my experience (I never went back). But yeah, basically a hugbox. I'm not saying it isn't effective for some however. Everyone has to find their own way. -
2015-11-03 at 2:43 PM UTCYep, Bradley cried like a little bitch on his last day before his most-recent stint of detainment.
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2015-11-04 at 5:54 PM UTC
AA is fucking top-tier cringe. Oh sure you might get the little feel-goods from having other faggots to talk to IRL, but the longer you stick around, the more you'll (hopefully) see how got dang co-dependent they are on one another, assuming you don't get sucked into the cult mentality and become a die-hard AA faggot yourself, memorizing all the stupid cliches and celebrating people's "birthdays" with hugs and medallions. If I'm going to talk to the same faggots about teh same shit day in and day out, I'd rather it be interesting people that have sick senses of humor and can make me laugh or provoke my thoughts, and I'd rather have a buzz. Talking about "the way things were" over and over is mind-numbingly redundant and UNHEALTHY. Thank you Jesus.
Like I told you in Tinychat. It seems like it's working for me. I'm okay with being codependent on a group of human beings, what's the difference between that and a substance that makes me a bad person.
They already won me over to the tryhard faggots who read the book every day. Only difference is I don't try to prostylize and get other people involved in AA and I never will. People tried to do that to me and it never worked till I wanted it to. I like the idea of hugs and medallions and birthdays.Who knows maybe bradley could turn this into something positive and become a substance abuse councilor and work with at at risk youth.
I can't work with kids because I'm a repeated felon. That being said I think this is real positive. I'm not really one of those people submissive for submissive gay sex (which is what I assume this old man was trying to do if he was taking you on walks and talking about your hair) for some reason I give off some anti bottom vibe.I went to one AA meeting and the whole thing smacks of ulterior motives. If I wasn't on my phone I'd love to write out a few stories of my experience (I never went back). But yeah, basically a hugbox. I'm not saying it isn't effective for some however. Everyone has to find their own way.
I'd be interested in hearing what these stories are if you don't mind.
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2015-11-04 at 8:07 PM UTCMy 3rd world country doesn't sell 211's but it does sell some damn fine 9% Polish beer that gets you wrecked. Those fuckers are the sole reason I now have an alcohol tolerance. I''m being made to go to some "Drug and Alcohol Recovery" because apparently I drink too much. I wouldn't class myself as being dependent, addicted or a real alcoholic but sometimes you just have to go through the motions.
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2015-11-04 at 8:59 PM UTCI would recommend Crouton, but you are immune to opiates.
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2015-11-04 at 11:47 PM UTCI went to my first AA meeting about two weeks ago on a Thursday at noon. When I pulled into the church no one was there but as I approach the church there is an elderly man in his late sixties sitting by the entrance smoking a cigarette. He asks me if I'm here for court to which I confirm his suspicions. After the casual cit chat and exchanging names we go down a spiraling staircase into the basement. Soon after this tall black guy of a comparable age and about 80 pounds overweight joins us. The elderly man reads some shit about "being powerless" and I'm asked to read something about improving our lives and being powerless again and God being the only answer blah blah blah. He passes this wooden basket around for collection and about this time yet another old man comes in. He's horrifically ugly with disfigured eye sockets and nose wearing a Sturgis tee. Automatically I just don't like this guy. He starts talking about how many people go through these meetings court ordered and only want their papers signed and they don't care about the program. He isn't aware that's why and the only reason I'm there. He goes on to tell us about his parents being alcoholics and how as a baby he would sip his parents left over beer. He flaps on for what seems like an eternity and eventually I just have to tune him out also figuring I wouldn't get much of a response even if I did have something to say. The black guy then talks about having a dream about being at his favorite bar with all his friends and ordering a tall beer mug of straight Jack Daniel's black and not being able to lift it so in a last resort he just sticks his face into it and sucks it up like that.
The "chair person" who I had met first tells us how his life has been such a struggle and how much this program has helped him stay sober. The remainder of the meeting is spent by the three senior citizens demonizing alcohol and how none of us can get through addiction without the Holy Jesus and AA meetings. After the meeting is over I'm ecstatic that it's ended and GTFO as fast as humanly possible. I have 8 of these instances so far, and 16 more to go starting around Christmas. If you want to know more I'll try to write it all out but until then I suppose do it if it works for you but personally I can't fucking stand any of it. -
2015-11-05 at 6:36 PM UTC
I went to my first AA meeting about two weeks ago on a Thursday at noon. When I pulled into the church no one was there but as I approach the church there is an elderly man in his late sixties sitting by the entrance smoking a cigarette. He asks me if I'm here for court to which I confirm his suspicions. After the casual cit chat and exchanging names we go down a spiraling staircase into the basement. Soon after this tall black guy of a comparable age and about 80 pounds overweight joins us. The elderly man reads some shit about "being powerless" and I'm asked to read something about improving our lives and being powerless again and God being the only answer blah blah blah. He passes this wooden basket around for collection and about this time yet another old man comes in. He's horrifically ugly with disfigured eye sockets and nose wearing a Sturgis tee. Automatically I just don't like this guy. He starts talking about how many people go through these meetings court ordered and only want their papers signed and they don't care about the program. He isn't aware that's why and the only reason I'm there. He goes on to tell us about his parents being alcoholics and how as a baby he would sip his parents left over beer. He flaps on for what seems like an eternity and eventually I just have to tune him out also figuring I wouldn't get much of a response even if I did have something to say. The black guy then talks about having a dream about being at his favorite bar with all his friends and ordering a tall beer mug of straight Jack Daniel's black and not being able to lift it so in a last resort he just sticks his face into it and sucks it up like that.
The "chair person" who I had met first tells us how his life has been such a struggle and how much this program has helped him stay sober. The remainder of the meeting is spent by the three senior citizens demonizing alcohol and how none of us can get through addiction without the Holy Jesus and AA meetings. After the meeting is over I'm ecstatic that it's ended and GTFO as fast as humanly possible. I have 8 of these instances so far, and 16 more to go starting around Christmas. If you want to know more I'll try to write it all out but until then I suppose do it if it works for you but personally I can't fucking stand any of it.
My AA meetings are alot different. I typically go to morning ones and it's alot of AA people, I don't know if the city it's in has anything to do with it, Mequon is pretty rich.
The majority of them are old because who has off at 11am on Thursday morning? They seem well put together. A fraction of them have physical impairment which may or may not be from drinking/drugging.
Most people don't tell retarded ass stories, some do. Most of it is help to get you to understand where they've been and how they recovered. I try to take something from every speaker.
I can relate to the nigger you brought up trying to drink the mug and not being able to pick it up. I have occasionally had dreams where I have a big cup of ice cold vodka (i store mine in my freezer and sometimes drink it straight, favorite way to drink it if it's quality vodka). I can smell it, I can feel the rumbling in my belly, my mouth is watering but as soon as it touches my tongue, I'm craving the burning sensation, it turns to warm water :/ Fucks me off and makes me want to drink. So I see where he's coming from.
Alot of people push Jesus, I don't say the Lord's Prayer at the end because I worship the Alfather Odin. No one cares or has even mentioned it. Sometimes I use the term God when discussing my story because I can't be fucked to explain to a bunch of middle age recovering alcoholics the glory and the power of Odin. Example I said today 'Before the program I wasn't much use to anyone, I wasn't able to help myself, how could I help anyone else? Now that I found the program I like to help people and be a better person, I sense how God is using a conduit of me to help my fellow man in forms of divine intervention. I haven't done much noteworthy but even something as simple as calling someone to talk about sobriety, or sharing in AA, or doing the housework I would have never done makes me feel better. I think God will let this grow till I become a greater asset to my fellow man." Now yall and I know this is Odin, but I feel it's more helpful to them if I say God/Higher Power.
P.S. Not shitting on you, but I also hate people that are only there because they're court ordered because they tend (not saying you) to be distracting pieces of shit who can't wait to get out of there and have no sense of fellowship and want nothing better than to just leave and sit there making everyone feel self conscious. That's why I don't go to classes for drug rehabilitation that are court ordered. No one at the meetings I'm going to is getting anything signed.I would recommend Crouton, but you are immune to opiates.
Fuck Crouton. 1) It's illegal in Wisconsin now. 2) I for some reason felt a stimulant effect from it. 3) Fuck Crouton. -
2015-11-05 at 9:52 PM UTCwell opiates are infinitely better than alcohol or Crouton, but that doesn't matter. I'm biased anyway.
there was an article in the news the other day about alcoholics using Crouton to stop drinking, is why I mentioned it. -
2015-11-06 at 2:49 PM UTC
P.S. Not shitting on you, but I also hate people that are only there because they're court ordered because they tend (not saying you) to be distracting pieces of shit who can't wait to get out of there and have no sense of fellowship and want nothing better than to just leave and sit there making everyone feel self conscious. That's why I don't go to classes for drug rehabilitation that are court ordered. No one at the meetings I'm going to is getting anything signed.
I understand. It's just a completely different dynamic. I mean even if I wanted to go no one is going to believe it anyways but it's always like..should I not have my papers signed and go to jail instead? I also kinda of feel that way too. There is this guy in my MRT group who isn't really pushing Jesus but he gets pretty torqued up about how he's putting forth the effort and how he's doing everything right etc...this is also the same guy who has been in jail for failed drug tests literally every other week since August. Every time he comes out he's seen the light yet again only to go to jail the next week. Now I really don't give a shit if he wants to do heroin every second of every day but it's annoying that he acts superior to everyone then goes and gets high as hell after our meetings.
That one example I gave before was by far the worst meeting there are several different places to go to and other places/groups have been ten times better. If I were you I'd search around if you haven't already some groups suck ass and some aren't that bad at all. I guess I probably shouldn't have downed the program like I did but when it's court ordered/forced you're already pissed that you have to go and the bias is already there before you even enter the meeting. I'd look into if anyone hosts an MRT group it's tons better but you have to do presentations out of a book weekly(it's easy), it would probably be in a hospital or mental health facility.
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2015-11-08 at 9:05 PM UTCWe'll it's been about a week. Things are going really good, I've gone to meetings every single day and continue to read the texts. I'm really starting to like my life and things are really turning up.
I got on BadgerCare (Free state insurance) and Food Stamps. So I'll be going to the doctor tomorrow to begin treating my arthritis. My situation with my ex still isn't good, I try to talk to her about my stuff but she just dropped shit off and wanted to leave right away, I accepted that.
Something ironic, I feel like my homosexuality left me somehow. I'm sexually attracted to women physically a lot more than I used to be and only watching heterosexual porn here and there. I still don't feel comfortable opening myself up to another person for the terms of physical intimacy, but I'm beginning to become more interested. I don't know why I'm so weird in that regard, just lonely and know I'd catch some feelings. I'm going to work on that, thinking if I were to find a new girlfriend I'd want her to look like this:
Someone in AA would be cool, they'd understand me a little better I think.
Something that really touched me is my sponsor's son is a junkie and finally went into inpatient treatment. After only knowing me a week and seeing how well I've done he asked me if I'd be willing to buddy up with his son when he go tout. That meant a lot to me. I think this program will take me far.
Last night I went to a Young People's meeting called Pizza not Perfection. There was a beautiful woman there who led the reading and opened for the meeting. They asked who'd be willing to start with a reading next week and give their thoughts on it to open the discussion next Saturday night. After no one volunteered for about a minute I raised my hand so I get that to look forward to for next week.
Things are really going better in my life.
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2015-11-09 at 4:24 AM UTCI am happy for you
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2015-11-13 at 8:48 AM UTCBradley, have you heard about baclofen as a treatment for alcoholism? It doesn't seem to be very well known, but is the most promising option AFAIK. Copy paste, I recommended this CountBlah when his alcoholic/drug addict mother in law was staying with him. Everyone who has serious problems with alcohol should know about it:
If you read about it, this is the real deal, the most promising treatment for alcoholism and some other addictions currently available, although it's not well known. Among that those that are familiar with it, there are major proponents because they understand how effective it is. It genuinely seems to greatly reduce and even eliminate the desire to drink in long term serious alcoholics at high doses, along with changing the response to alcohol, so even if they have a drink it won't lead to relapse.
http://www.google.com/search?q=baclofen+addiction+OR+alcoholism
http://brandmedicines.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=42&products_id=1493
Seriously the best option if you can't get rid of her and can't convince your girlfriend of other options and don't want to leave her yet. It works fast. A lot cheaper than a motel. especially if you can manage to split the cost. It doesn't make you feel bad, quite the opposite, and it doesn't work like antabuse, it won't have side effects and zombify you or numb your emotions like SSRIs, you need to make this very clear, so there's no good reason why she shouldn't take it.
If you're interested, read this and maybe show it to your girl too if you think she can get through it, it's a very good case series that will give you an idea of what to expect. Compare to what you're going through, this is very easy to actually go through with and is worth the effort to save your relationship, along with the money and incredible stress it's causing you: http://journal.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/fpsyt.2014.00143/full
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2015-11-13 at 10:21 PM UTCMalice, I have no idea who the ass end of your post is written to. I have no problems with anyone in my life drinking.
This will sound ironic but I honestly don't feel much desire to drink. The cravings I do get are short lived and the program has reinforced tenants and ideas I use to get over them.
I've been out for about two weeks as of this post and things are going good, I've gone to meetings every day. I even go to a meeting in the inner city that's full of real people instead of the rich folk, it's about half black but everyone gets along good. Despite being almost-people I equally draw a lot from what they have to say, I also am hitting up a church that's once a week to have a Big Book meeting about six blocks away. All in all, I really like it.
I haven't felt any desire to drink and have decided I am not going to get my second dose of Vivitrol (Which blocks my ability to drink till about the 26th). I have met my sponsor's son and inspired him to work the program and offered him as a support system while he gets off boy.
Beyond that, not too much to say. While I"m not doing much with my life and my ex still isn't talking to me, I'm honestly happier. I'm getting a lot accomplished and immersing myself in alcoholic literature. I believe that with work, I will become an asset to the AA community especially working with younger people.
Staying sober for the day. -
2015-11-18 at 8:25 PM UTCscrolled to the last page to see if he fell off the wagon
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2015-12-03 at 9:03 AM UTC
scrolled to the last page to see if he fell off the wagon
Oh no Bradleyb is doing great. I highly doubt he will ever fall off the wagon. -
2015-12-07 at 12:58 AM UTC
[FONT=arial]t is sold for $2.55 for a 4 pack of 20ounce cans and packs a punch at 8.1% Alcohol Content
Fuck sake, I'd be an alco too if booze was this cheap. It's approximately ten times more expensive in Australia for slightly less booze.Good luck with the recovery mate.[/FONT]
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2015-12-07 at 2:03 AM UTC
scrolled to the last page to see if he fell off the wagon
Bradley's AA honeymoon phase ended at least a week ago. He was in TC drinking with a fellow AA member, and since then he's been in and out smoking syncans out of an aluminum foil pipe and passing out between hits. True story. -
2015-12-07 at 2:45 PM UTCI have been clean from benzos for 6 months after a 5 year addiction I believe in you
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2015-12-07 at 6:14 PM UTC
Bradley's AA honeymoon phase ended at least a week ago. He was in TC drinking with a fellow AA member, and since then he's been in and out smoking syncans out of an aluminum foil pipe and passing out between hits. True story.
Poor bradley. Was it his mentor or some other AA person?
