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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-06-20 at 6:31 PM UTC
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2020-06-21 at 5:30 AM UTCStop shitting up the sanctityof my thread u niggers. Either weep and bare ur soul or grit ur teeth and bare ur hole.
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2020-06-21 at 10:33 AM UTCNO FUCKING ORS CASPER I WILL TAKE IT EITHER WAY IN LIFE AND IN DEATH.
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2020-07-08 at 11:33 AM UTCStarted taking cymbalta. Cant tell if it helps or not. Physical therapy got cut off bc Medi-Cal did some wonky shit, but i dont feel like im entitled to free services and i was really doing the bare mi imum anyway.
Just kind of numb. I dont enjoy anything right now. I try to sleep as much as possible. i wake up early every day and then take all my pills together and ansleeping pill to hopefully knock me out another few hours. I just dont like being awake. But even my dreams are kinda sad.
I just had one where it was apparently the birthday for 2 friends i had early in hs. We were older now. Some kind of big facility and everyone like 150 people were millimg around drinking and stuff. I guess i was supposed to order food for them and everyone else. Only idk if i forgot or what, but all of a sudden i look at the “clock” and its like 3 hours after i was supposed to be back with the food. I go to the place and they dont even have record of me placing an order. I place it and it takes forever and i hurry back to the place but everyone is gone.I figure out where everyone went, and track down my friemds and apologize. I think I try to tell them the place fucked up, but they know im lying. Everyone is just obviously annoyed and dismissive of me, and they say “Its all good dude we never expected you to follow through on anything in the first place. “. I tell them i feel super bad, and try to give them a wad of money, but they just say im embarassing myself and should leave.
Thats a pretty accurate summation of how I feel. Unable to do anything right. Irrelevant, unable to own up to allmy fuckups (or at least resistant to). Feel like a burden.Like i missed the bus and am constantlyplaying catch up.
Just feel kinda numb. Which in a lot of ways is kind of preferable. Gore stuff used to bother people and make me feel sick bc im naturally really empathetic. But ive been watching a lot of ot last gew days. Wanted to see what kind of pain people seemed to experience after being shot in the head, hung, etc. It just doesnt bother me near as much as it did.
Still avoiding my sponsor. I dont know if i should even call him that anymore. Ive stopped answering the phone in general bc im paranoid that someone is using an alternate number to try to call me, and all get roped into an uncomfortable conversation. I just want to forget other things and people exist. Nuked Facebook and instagram. Not that i ever posted there anyway really.
Idk.
Im super fucking tired. Never been this tired in my entire life. Its like being underwater and your lungs burn and your muscles ache for oxygen. Only its just like that all the time. Just being slowly squeezed out like a sponge.
lol
this is fucking gay but its mythread do ill be as big a faggot as i want to be. -
2020-07-13 at 11:54 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Started taking cymbalta. Cant tell if it helps or not. Physical therapy got cut off bc Medi-Cal did some wonky shit, but i dont feel like im entitled to free services and i was really doing the bare mi imum anyway.
Just kind of numb. I dont enjoy anything right now. I try to sleep as much as possible. i wake up early every day and then take all my pills together and ansleeping pill to hopefully knock me out another few hours. I just dont like being awake. But even my dreams are kinda sad.
I just had one where it was apparently the birthday for 2 friends i had early in hs. We were older now. Some kind of big facility and everyone like 150 people were millimg around drinking and stuff. I guess i was supposed to order food for them and everyone else. Only idk if i forgot or what, but all of a sudden i look at the “clock” and its like 3 hours after i was supposed to be back with the food. I go to the place and they dont even have record of me placing an order. I place it and it takes forever and i hurry back to the place but everyone is gone.I figure out where everyone went, and track down my friemds and apologize. I think I try to tell them the place fucked up, but they know im lying. Everyone is just obviously annoyed and dismissive of me, and they say “Its all good dude we never expected you to follow through on anything in the first place. “. I tell them i feel super bad, and try to give them a wad of money, but they just say im embarassing myself and should leave.
Thats a pretty accurate summation of how I feel. Unable to do anything right. Irrelevant, unable to own up to allmy fuckups (or at least resistant to). Feel like a burden.Like i missed the bus and am constantlyplaying catch up.
Just feel kinda numb. Which in a lot of ways is kind of preferable. Gore stuff used to bother people and make me feel sick bc im naturally really empathetic. But ive been watching a lot of ot last gew days. Wanted to see what kind of pain people seemed to experience after being shot in the head, hung, etc. It just doesnt bother me near as much as it did.
Still avoiding my sponsor. I dont know if i should even call him that anymore. Ive stopped answering the phone in general bc im paranoid that someone is using an alternate number to try to call me, and all get roped into an uncomfortable conversation. I just want to forget other things and people exist. Nuked Facebook and instagram. Not that i ever posted there anyway really.
Idk.
Im super fucking tired. Never been this tired in my entire life. Its like being underwater and your lungs burn and your muscles ache for oxygen. Only its just like that all the time. Just being slowly squeezed out like a sponge.
lol
this is fucking gay but its mythread do ill be as big a faggot as i want to be.
Read cymbalta as carfentanyl for some reason, been craving the fent today. But who gives a shit i'm not trying to quit. I'm more annoyed by intermittent bouts of mild withdrawal than anything. i can keep my mind off it generally but today is one of those days.
I like dreams though even sad ones. It's kind of an unconscious reflection on what you've been thinking. But if that's true, IDK wtf my brain is trying to tell me. I had a dream two nights ago. I was walking on a long road near some waterways and everything was kind of sandy. I can't remember if i was walking alone or with someone but at some point i came to a hill. I went up the hill, and at the top it went down again but only a little bit so you'd be out of sight of the road but no further. As i walked over the top i could see like a group of people. They looked homeless but they were kind of having a party up there. So i just walked over looked at the people, sat down on a slab of concrete that was there around some kind of concrete pipe that was turned up to make a crude fireplace. And i sat there and smoked a cig, as i was looking around there was this girl buried up to the head in the sand in front of the fireplace pipe. She wasn't dead or anything, she was just stuck there for some reason. like she spawned in the floor. I thought "that's a little odd", however it didn't strike me as odd that there were just these homeless people and a head having a party in the dunes or some shit for some reason. So i scanned the place for a cute girl to talk to, and i found one and so i did.
And that was basically it. I woke up confused, but i can't get the image of the girl buried in the sand out of my head. I suppose i assumed she was buried in the sand, but i didn't really know, all i know was that her head was there and she was moving her eyes around and making facial expressions and it was a little unsettling, lol. -
2020-07-13 at 12:01 PM UTCThe expert psychoanalysis says that has something to do with bondage and controlling womens bodies etc etc
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2020-07-13 at 12:09 PM UTC
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2020-07-13 at 12:19 PM UTCAlso, i've just had a think. Because i have these OTC pills, with acetominophen, aspirin and caffeine in them. I just take 'em for the caffeine really. But a funny thought went through my mind like 15 minutes ago, i thought, i'm gonna take all of them in one go. It wouldn't kill me but it would give me one hell of a heartburn. And i thought, nah. Why would i do that? That's Sploo tier. And then i thought long and hard about what i meant when i thought 'Sploo tier' and i came to an interesting conclusion. Or theory if you will.
You know how Sploo was always doing shit drugs, that actually make you feel pretty shit? And he'd go on about how great they'd be. And everyone just thought he was a lunatic? Well, i think he wasn't a lunatic but a personality disorder diagnosis wouldn't be out of place either. I figured what if the shit drugs was actually a form of self-harm. And not in the obvious way like yeah drugs are bad and OTC binges maybe even more so, but in the psychopathological self-harm kind of way. Like a person that cuts themselves? But as opposed to cutting yourself, with drugs of whatever kind, you generally can't just stop once you're in the middle of it because it takes a while for your body to clear that shit, nahmean?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-07-13 at 2:04 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie Also, i've just had a think. Because i have these OTC pills, with acetominophen, aspirin and caffeine in them. I just take 'em for the caffeine really. But a funny thought went through my mind like 15 minutes ago, i thought, i'm gonna take all of them in one go. It wouldn't kill me but it would give me one hell of a heartburn. And i thought, nah. Why would i do that? That's Sploo tier. And then i thought long and hard about what i meant when i thought 'Sploo tier' and i came to an interesting conclusion. Or theory if you will.
You know how Sploo was always doing shit drugs, that actually make you feel pretty shit? And he'd go on about how great they'd be. And everyone just thought he was a lunatic? Well, i think he wasn't a lunatic but a personality disorder diagnosis wouldn't be out of place either. I figured what if the shit drugs was actually a form of self-harm. And not in the obvious way like yeah drugs are bad and OTC binges maybe even more so, but in the psychopathological self-harm kind of way. Like a person that cuts themselves? But as opposed to cutting yourself, with drugs of whatever kind, you generally can't just stop once you're in the middle of it because it takes a while for your body to clear that shit, nahmean?
How high are you -
2020-07-13 at 2:08 PM UTC
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2020-07-18 at 5:30 PM UTCI don't know how anyone can quit nicotine. I have gone months at a time without it, but ever since I was 18 I have either been smoking, vaping, or thinking about smoking and vaping. I will go months without it and still crave that hit. Then I get some because "Hey it's been a while. Why not. I'll just use this and then stop."
But I don't stop. It's so cheap and so easy and you can do it whenever/wherever. You don't get hungover. You don't get fucked up. If anything, it helps me function better by giving me a little 'break' and clarity of mind.
Opiates were a little easier. They make me feel like not myself and the withdrawals are so awful I just don't want to go through that again. Plus I was getting some scary times where I'd wake up and my extremities would have like no blood in them and I'd actually be unable to like, close my fist for a few minutes till the blood got flowing. So there's a lot of reason not to use it.
With vaping it's just like, congestion? And then when I 'try to quit' I just use patches instead which have literally no downside except for like 20 minutes of itchiness.
Is there any reason not to use a drug when there are little to no health downsides, it's cheap, maintainable, etc?? I just don't like using it because I feel like I'm trapped in addiction. Like I HAVE to do it. I don't even really enjoy it except for when I haven't had it in a while. Or the first puff of the morning.
I've tapered off many times with nicotine and it just leads to months of strong cravings that never go away. Do you guys think this is just something you have to learn to deal with, or do those cravings actually go away if you just abstain for long enough? I'm thinking I should just switch to patches again and try to use them exclusively. They do help a lot with that desire for an 'instant hit'. -
2020-07-18 at 5:33 PM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I don't know how anyone can quit nicotine. I have gone months at a time without it, but ever since I was 18 I have either been smoking, vaping, or thinking about smoking and vaping. I will go months without it and still crave that hit. Then I get some because "Hey it's been a while. Why not. I'll just use this and then stop."
But I don't stop. It's so cheap and so easy and you can do it whenever/wherever. You don't get hungover. You don't get fucked up. If anything, it helps me function better by giving me a little 'break' and clarity of mind.
Opiates were a little easier. They make me feel like not myself and the withdrawals are so awful I just don't want to go through that again. Plus I was getting some scary times where I'd wake up and my extremities would have like no blood in them and I'd actually be unable to like, close my fist for a few minutes till the blood got flowing. So there's a lot of reason not to use it.
With vaping it's just like, congestion? And then when I 'try to quit' I just use patches instead which have literally no downside except for like 20 minutes of itchiness.
Is there any reason not to use a drug when there are little to no health downsides, it's cheap, maintainable, etc?? I just don't like using it because I feel like I'm trapped in addiction. Like I HAVE to do it. I don't even really enjoy it except for when I haven't had it in a while. Or the first puff of the morning.
I've tapered off many times with nicotine and it just leads to months of strong cravings that never go away. Do you guys think this is just something you have to learn to deal with, or do those cravings actually go away if you just abstain for long enough? I'm thinking I should just switch to patches again and try to use them exclusively. They do help a lot with that desire for an 'instant hit'.
That's a pretty asshole move, you are undeniably harming others with your second hand smoke , and third hands and so on -
2020-07-20 at 12:38 AM UTCcymbalta made me want to kill myself. Ive been on suboxone for 2 days (and jerkocet) and it also makes me want to kill myself. Possible miscarriage also makes me want to kill myself. So do deadlines.
But I'm still not gonna do it cuz I'm a soldier. Eat my dick devil -
2020-07-20 at 4:24 AM UTCI don't have a lot of experience with SNRI's. But from all the experiences i've had with anti-depressants i can tell you they generally fucking suck. TCA's suck the least. SSRI's made me want to murder people.
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2020-07-20 at 5:33 AM UTCIdk it makes me feel just as shitty as I normally do. Depression is a little better. Like a little. i think the idea was that its supposed to help nerve pain. I cant really tell if ots working or not, but considering how bad and u relenting the pain has been, Im willing to try whatever. If someone offered me back surgery right now, id do it.
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2020-07-20 at 5:35 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Idk it makes me feel just as shitty as I normally do. Depression is a little better. Like a little. i think the idea was that its supposed to help nerve pain. I cant really tell if ots working or not, but considering how bad and u relenting the pain has been, Im willing to try whatever. If someone offered me back surgery right now, id do it.
I'll give you back surgery , Franky. Starting with adjusting you're coxic. Then I will inplant STEM into you're spine which will let you do the unpossible -
2020-07-20 at 5:38 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Idk it makes me feel just as shitty as I normally do. Depression is a little better. Like a little. i think the idea was that its supposed to help nerve pain. I cant really tell if ots working or not, but considering how bad and u relenting the pain has been, Im willing to try whatever. If someone offered me back surgery right now, id do it.
Try Lyrica or Gabapentin. They're not benzos, not opiates, they're gabamimetics. But they're supposed to help with pain. -
2020-07-20 at 7:50 AM UTCIm on gabapentin now too. 1800mg n it really just takes the edge off. Pregabalin is next on the list, but dr. wants me to try this first bc of the fact that lyrica is more abusable. But it also seems a lot more effective. I really dont want to be on any of this shit bc of tje side effects ive read about but if something doesnt change pretty quickly, im just gonna have to catch the bus, so i guess this is a compromise. But yeah, 2 bp meds, cymbalta, gabapentin, like 6 different supplements, and probably 2400mg ibuprofen every day. And 300mg CBD.
And the 4mg methadone, which is honestly just a cocktease at this point. I am tempted to take a bunch at once for science and see if itd make me feel any better. -
2020-07-20 at 7:52 AM UTC
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2020-07-20 at 9:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER Im on gabapentin now too. 1800mg n it really just takes the edge off. Pregabalin is next on the list, but dr. wants me to try this first bc of the fact that lyrica is more abusable. But it also seems a lot more effective. I really dont want to be on any of this shit bc of tje side effects ive read about but if something doesnt change pretty quickly, im just gonna have to catch the bus, so i guess this is a compromise. But yeah, 2 bp meds, cymbalta, gabapentin, like 6 different supplements, and probably 2400mg ibuprofen every day. And 300mg CBD.
And the 4mg methadone, which is honestly just a cocktease at this point. I am tempted to take a bunch at once for science and see if itd make me feel any better.
That's a lot of ibuprofen. If i were your doctor i'd switch out the cymbalta for nortryptaline and the gabapentin for lyrica. Also drop the ibuprofen and get on NOX-Inhibitors, but only to try out. I don't know the nature of your pain symptoms. NOX-Inhibitors show promise with neurological conditions and pain.
Also, if you're not suffering from pain due to a neurological condition, idk, you should definitely still drop the ibuprofen by half, and get on a regiment of acetaminophen. Sounds stupid, and taking a single 500mg acetaminophen doesn't work. But a regiment is very effective for a reason i don't understand. But it's true.
