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The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)
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2020-06-04 at 12:46 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo Sophie you are too sweet to me.
§m£ÂgØL doesn't seem to want to understand, i do.
Originally posted by Sudo §m£ÂgØL is insecure about his inadequacies and frustrated by his shortcomings. He doesnt have a drug problem and just wants internet attention because faceless individuals are the only ones who dont immediately dismiss him based on sensory responses to the presence of a geeky (but far from intelligent) bisexual mexican.
It makes him feel special to be part of the conversation and this is a charitable service we do if we take him seriously
He'll tell us he's just trolling but i think his experience with Hydro has given him the impression that he now has license to be out of line in situations where it's uncalled for. If we're going to be brutally honest. -
2020-06-04 at 1:40 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie You can be real dick sometimes §m£ÂgØL. I thought this was a real thread feel thread. Real time, feel time, ya dig? Also, couple threads back you said something to Candy about her father, i don't remember did her father kill himself for real? You said something to the effect of 'to get away from you'. And i thought Jesus, §m£ÂgØL. I know the bantz is a long standing tradition here and older iterations but i try to save my real mean streak for when someone actually deserves it.
I'm just thinking about what's best for his girlfriend. -
2020-06-04 at 1:41 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 1:51 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie §m£ÂgØL doesn't seem to want to understand, i do.
He'll tell us he's just trolling but i think his experience with Hydro has given him the impression that he now has license to be out of line in situations where it's uncalled for. If we're going to be brutally honest.
§m£ÂgØL is weak and boring and irrelevant.
I can recall you detailing your issues with opiates before but to me it seems you more favor the feeling than use them for coping, I find the withdrawal manageable when I have the time to be miserable and unproductive but not being able to use them as a crutch sucks. How do you balance when you detox? I know you've withdrawn from opiates numerous times, likely with the use of other substances -
2020-06-04 at 1:54 AM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I'm just thinking about what's best for his girlfriend.
Oh my God what an actual pathetic load of dirty brown knight cuckold shit. You perceive me as the toxic chad who forces you to hitchhike across the country into an assfucking to have a chance to smell a dirty ol hydro pussy and that tears you up inside.
But it's not me, it's you
chortle -
2020-06-04 at 2 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sudo Oh my God what an actual pathetic load of dirty brown knight cuckold shit. You perceive me as the toxic chad who forces you to hitchhike across the country into an assfucking to have a chance to smell a dirty ol hydro pussy and that tears you up inside.
But it's not me, it's you
chortle
didn't read but it sounds like you are upset -
2020-06-04 at 3:35 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 3:36 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 3:37 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 3:43 AM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie If you think that was me trying to be mean to you, i was just giving my honest thoughts. If it's not true tell me why you act this way then.
IDK I like picking fights. Sudo knows I'm not serious. I went out of my way to tell him, as well as Candy Rein and Bill Krozby.
Wariat I have true disdain for.
I don't really see it as aggressive. I mean you take the same poster and put them in a thread where something of value (imo) is being discussed, then I'll switch and we can have a conversation. Like now. But until then you're all just niggers to me. Pond scum prone to mistreatment.
I treated hydro waaaaaaaaaay better than I treat people here. It's the internet. It's not real life. It's not like Sudo actually gives a fuck what I think, and I don't give a fuck what he thinks either so it's no harm done.
A lot of the time I don't even care who it is. There are very few users here I refrain from insulting. It's not representative of how I act IRL so I don't feel too bad about it. I don't really care about people who aren't my friends or family. I'm probably mildly sociopathic in that way.
although IRL I will also let people think badly of me even if it isn't true, just because I really don't care to argue or care about their opinion of me. Few months ago some guy at work was blaming me for not working quick enough. I did work quick enough, but we were behind and everyone else there knew it. I didn't correct him though. He can hate me, fuck it. I don't try to make friends anymore and it's probably not a good thing but I also don't want friends.
I also don't feel like I'm living in real life like 80% of the time probably, even when I'm driving. It's getting scary.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-06-04 at 3:47 AM UTCI've also pushed away like... a majority of my friends in the last few years lol. I only see one now and I used to have maybe 10-20 I'd see regularly just a few years ago.
Post-hydro so don't go saying it changed anything. IDK. I don't like most people? But it's not their fault either so I'm not mean to them -
2020-06-04 at 4:22 AM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace IDK I like picking fights.
Since we're having an actual conversation now, have you never thought about why that is? And why it may be bad? And i don't just mean on the internet i mean in life, generally.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Sudo knows I'm not serious. I went out of my way to tell him, as well as Candy Rein and Bill Krozby.
Here's how i look at it. Being an asshole and the fact that we all have the capability to be an asshole is because treating people in such a manner is supposed to be a socially corrective measure. I don't mind telling you that i am sensitive to social and emotional things, i think most normal human beings are. In fact it allows me to understand people, and emotions themselves. And i know i can only speak for myself here, but when you tell me "it's just a joke bro" but then proceed to be an absolute dick for a prolonged length of time i would be a fool to think you're still actually joking. At some point it becomes abusive, and that'd be fine if i had actually deserved it. But if i feel as though i do not deserve such treatment, it's going to feel like an injustice is being done
If you are specifically aiming for that, because you know it will make me angry, then you are cruel. Are you a cruel person? Not trying to guilt trip you, i just want your honest thoughts.
Also call me a faggot for putting this into words but i'm just explaining what would happen if it were me, on a fundamental emotional level. So that you may understand.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Wariat I have true disdain for.
Me too, but only for the reason that no matter how much everyone tries to socially correct his behavior, he is either too stubborn or too stupid to change. And if you are that, then you ought to be ostracized. I felt the same about kr0z for the longest time, but he seems to have come around a bit. At least in the sense he's not a belligerent asshole 24/7. At least not to me.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I don't really see it as aggressive. I mean you take the same poster and put them in a thread where something of value (imo) is being discussed, then I'll switch and we can have a conversation. Like now. But until then you're all just niggers to me. Pond scum prone to mistreatment.
Yeah but when you say that it kind of feels like you are saying Casper and his mental well-being is discussing something of value. And Sudo's isn't. While their struggles are both equally real. It feels unfair. And is uncalled for in a thread where people are being vulnerable and open, in order to get help. In fact it seems positively predatory to go into a discussion like that.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I treated hydro waaaaaaaaaay better than I treat people here. It's the internet. It's not real life. It's not like Sudo actually gives a fuck what I think, and I don't give a fuck what he thinks either so it's no harm done.
I wasn't implying you mistreated Hydro. but i know Hydro mistreated you. And often people who are mistreated get this sense that because they've been mistreated, they get a pass on being a dick themselves. It's an unhealthy and destructive train of thought.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace A lot of the time I don't even care who it is. There are very few users here I refrain from insulting. It's not representative of how I act IRL so I don't feel too bad about it. I don't really care about people who aren't my friends or family. I'm probably mildly sociopathic in that way.
I can't tell if you're posturing or not. The word 'sociopath' has been misused to the point that it's become a bit useless. I have a charitable interpretation for you though. I don't think you are sociopathic. I think it may be something else, but i don't want to read things into your character that aren't there. So i'll leave it at that.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace although IRL I will also let people think badly of me even if it isn't true, just because I really don't care to argue or care about their opinion of me. Few months ago some guy at work was blaming me for not working quick enough. I did work quick enough, but we were behind and everyone else there knew it. I didn't correct him though. He can hate me, fuck it. I don't try to make friends anymore and it's probably not a good thing but I also don't want friends.
I'll just say this. Not caring IRL or wherever makes it easier in the short run, and the less you care, the easier it becomes not to care at all. And when you've lost all ability to care there will be nothing left.
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I also don't feel like I'm living in real life like 80% of the time probably, even when I'm driving. It's getting scary.
Ever feel like you're watching life through a one way mirror? Or through a piece of glass? Honest question. -
2020-06-04 at 4:46 AM UTCsophie I am far too drunk to read that you have to give me a second
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2020-06-04 at 4:47 AM UTCcan you like fucking not do this multiple quote things holy shit I know its a mild bitch for you to QUOTE TAG QUOTE TAG every few fucking baffholes but fuck you can you not just talk like a normal person fuck this I fucking hate you.
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2020-06-04 at 4:47 AM UTCYeah ok I just had 8oz of alcohol in the last 30min I am not doing this
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2020-06-04 at 4:49 AM UTCFood for thought nigga.
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2020-06-04 at 4:52 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 4:52 AM UTCyeah man
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2020-06-04 at 8:52 AM UTC
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2020-06-04 at 9:08 AM UTCOh um: update
Everything is the same. Everything is fucked up and burning. It kinda doesnt bother me. Chaos is comfortable.
Dont think about killing myself as much as i did, but a couple times a day at least prolly.
Back still pretty fucked. I think thats the root of my depression now. It seems like the testosteroni helped me a lot mentally, but now with the pain and lack of sleep its just a new dimension of fucked.
I dont even know anymore. I got on TC and drank most of a bottle last weekend. Couldnt find mixers for the vodka so just started taking shots of tequila. Got so drunk i couldnt stand up. Puked 5 or 6 times until the stomach acid made my teeth so sensitive i could barely eat for 2 days. Was nice spending a couple of hours not thinking about how fucked up my body was and all the thingsi havent done, but it wasnt particularly pleasant.
I dont see alcohol becoming a regular thing. Unless you wash it down with some pills, or have people to hang out with, its just kind of fucked up and lonely.
Sponsor called a couple times. I didnt answer. I just dont have anything to say. All i have is anger, and I want to tear into everyone and make them feel as bad as i do, even though i know deep down they dont deserve it. Maybe ill go back to NA when ive stabilized a bit, but trying to discuss and do step work feels like trying to get a woman in labor t9 write a short story. My insides are getting ripped out and all i can concentrate on is pain, and heat and sweat and my grinding fucking teeth. Im not a high speed low drag motherfucker. I cant find Strength Through Pain. Pain is just blurry and disorienting and fluid. I camt get my hands around it or push it into a little pile.
Idk.
Shit sucks.
