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2020-05-03 at 6:38 AM UTC
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2020-05-03 at 8:10 AM UTCHoly shit! Page 53 in THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!
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2020-05-03 at 5:53 PM UTCwhat kinda guns u got
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2020-05-03 at 6:01 PM UTCAt our old party house.
There was a girl who would come over and was all about this fuck boy. Good buddy of mine even though he never calls anymore. He would get blasted and pass out. Then wake up to that chick cuddling him. I don't mean in a bed or anything. It was dirty old couches in the living room.
One time Someone that lived there found a full slice of pizza under one of the cushions. Him and Poast took a bite and tried to peer pressure me to take a bite. I didn't.
Anyways, One night me and a buddy drank all fucking night into the morning. I put on the song 'Born to be Wild' and we were just screaming the lyrics. Buddy on the couch wakes up. Probably hung over and coming down. Finds the girl he never wanted cuddling him, two fat fucks drunkenly screaming an old rock song, takes a moment to let it all seep in, gets up, goes to his car and just leaves.
I don't remember but one time apparently she was yelling at a bunch of dudes in our house at another party. Or should I say another night? "Is anyone going to fuck me?" But it was just bros hanging out and we just laughed at her. Poast drew all over her pants one time when she passed out, woke up and she was pretty upset. Girls and pants right?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-04 at 4:07 AM UTC
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2020-05-04 at 4:16 AM UTC
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2020-05-04 at 7:29 PM UTC
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2020-05-06 at 10 AM UTCSo this one time at our party house, OMG was drunk as fuck, and was wearing a set of dollar store safety goggles. He was bragging about how his eyes were essentially invincible and nothing could fucking touch them.
To prove this point, he took an airsoft pistol, and held the barrel against the goggles, looking straight down the fucker. He pulled the trigger, recoiled in pain, and then started running around screaming. When all was said and done, his eyeball looked absolutely shitfucked red and bloodshot, and the dollar store safety goggles had a perfect airsoft by hole through them.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-06 at 10:04 AM UTCmy dog loved getting shot with a soft air gun
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2020-05-06 at 6:33 PM UTC
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead So this one time at our party house, OMG was drunk as fuck, and was wearing a set of dollar store safety goggles. He was bragging about how his eyes were essentially invincible and nothing could fucking touch them.
To prove this point, he took an airsoft pistol, and held the barrel against the goggles, looking straight down the fucker. He pulled the trigger, recoiled in pain, and then started running around screaming. When all was said and done, his eyeball looked absolutely shitfucked red and bloodshot, and the dollar store safety goggles had a perfect airsoft by hole through them.
Almost. B-Dog pulled the trigger. I was so scared of going blind in one eye. Turns out my eyes are invincible.
Like the time I thought the cops were texting me. My roommates were telling me I was being paranoid.
After I got out of jail I said who's being paranoid now?! Oh wait, it's still me. -
2020-05-06 at 6:44 PM UTCOne time at that party house, a certain someone was absolutely trashed. Me and a buddy were trying to get him to take another shot. Through his slurred words he says he'll take a shot if I put on Johnny Cash. I can't stand The Cashster but I agree.
It was one of his shitty famous hits and he takes a shot and lies back down on the couch. Before the song is over he volcano pukes straights up into the air all over himself. I'm probably remembering it wrong but in my head it was epic. Just one violent splurge of puke that got some air. He was on his back so the puke went straight up before coming back down.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-06 at 7:37 PM UTC
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2020-05-07 at 4:51 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-07 at 2:39 PM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I'm probably remembering it wrong but in my head it was epic. Just one violent splurge of puke that got some air. He was on his back so the puke went straight up before coming back down.
I *wish* that's what had happened, but pictures of the event, nobody else remembering that having happened, and my clothes being puke-free the next day all tell a much more boring story of me puking in a bucket.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-07 at 3:15 PM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I'm probably remembering it wrong but in my head it was epic. Just one violent splurge of puke that got some air. He was on his back so the puke went straight up before coming back down.
Though the real message of the story is that you all were talking about how often you puke from getting drunk and I started talking a big game about how I hadn't puked from drinking in like 2 or 3 years, and that was the anniversary. Talking mad shit, and all the boys took that as a challenge. I ended up matching damn near everyone with a shot to prove my superior intestinal constitution.
I was well beyond incoherent drunk long before anyone else, lost my ability to stand and started to pass out on the couch. In a last ditch effort to get me to take more shots and expose myself for the puker that we all inherently are, you started bribing me. I can't say I was thinking anywhere close to well enough to have been able to spite you with my choice, but I do know earlier in the night I was just sick of you playing the same five shitty pretentious songs in a row. I'd definitely have taken a shot to pass out to something different.
The moral I took away from that night is that I'm a bit of a bragging asshole, and that time it bit me in the ass. Might wanna keep myself in check next time.
Side note, haven't puked since then, fucker. Goddamn my intestinal constitution is on point. Pretty sure nothing can make me puke. Bunch of fucking pussies you all are, puking on a nightly basis. Been well over a decade since I puked from drinking, can't hold your fucking booze, OMG? Damn shame. If only you were you had a stomach of steel like me, champ. Goddamn it must suck puking.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-07 at 3:19 PM UTCI love how theres always competing stories of how things went down at parties.
Homies said i tried to jack the cocaine bc they found me passed out with the whole 3 oz rock in my pocket that id taken off the bathroom mirror than id layed on the coffee table so we could be good hosts.
In REALITY April and her skanky friends had showed up uninvited and after i offered them lines, when i came back in the room they were nonchalantly breaking off chunks to wrap up in receipt paper and put in their purses. I put a stopto that real quick. If youre not sucking dick, you dont get a to-go box. Also at the time i was 19 and had pretty much gotten cocaine out of my systemin high school, so I was simply comatose from the oxy rails and Big Oopsies (tequila/ lime shot ...or really any hard liquor shot...mixed with xanax powder).
So....competing versions.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-07 at 3:25 PM UTCMy tryhard party trick used to be downing 2x flaming quadruple shots of 151 back to back. Things i learned:
1) Its an excellent way to light your arm on fire on serveral different occasions
2) Theres almost no better way to go from completely sober to devastatingly plastered in 5 min
3) it makes your stomach feel like its melting
4) Even if you manage to not puke and salvage your pride curled up on the sofa like an infant, itll be short lived when girls are pounding on the bathroom door trying to use the bathroom while youve been in there 45 min pissing puerto rican scooter fuel out your shitpussy at warp speedThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-05-07 at 3:25 PM UTC
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2020-05-07 at 3:27 PM UTCApril is always up to some scandalous shitThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-05-07 at 3:34 PM UTCI mean, that's kinda why we love her, but it gets a little grating at times. Not saying I'd put my dick in her, but I'll probably invite her to the next rager.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
