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2020-04-03 at 7:20 PM UTCI got an oldie but a goodie:
I was working at some fast food place at the time. Hanging out at the local ghetto spot, a guy comes over and starts drinking with us. This was at B** street. So we're hanging out with my buddies mom. This guy is showing us scars from when he got into a machete fight. They were gnarly. We get good and liquored up and my close buddy convinces me that we should go to where this dude lives. He assures me I'll be back in time to make it to work.
So we load up into his shitty truck. There's a bunch of trash in the back. As we're driving down the highway, the hood pops up and it takes a second before the guy pulls over. I offer my shootlace to tie it down. Problem solved
We're driving farther and farther out of town when he pulls over. Apparently the plan was to just dump all of the trash on the side of the highway. I'm already in this far so I help try to get the trash out as fast as possible. When a truck pulls behind us. So we jump back in the truck and go speeding away. The other guy is following us so my driver is speeding like a nut. Probably a bit tweaked out. I'm sitting bitch, no seat belt, looking behind us watching the guy following. We were going through twists and turns through the hills and we were looking for a place to lose him. So we'd go around a turn, see a turn off and I'd say, "Nope. He still see's us." Until finally, the guy is far enough behind us we take an off road, jump out of the truck and hide in the forest.
The guy never found us but us three had scattered. I covered myself up under some ferns. I was the first one to come out after a while. I yell for my buddy and he comes out. We yell for the driver and nothing. We waited a long while before deciding that we had to walk. So I untie my shoelace holding the hood and we get to stepping. I remember we also unloaded the rest of the trash into the woods. I told my buddy we'd probably have to sleep in the woods, kill the rest of the bottle in my back pack and we'd be home in two days.
It was a long walk. One we weren't going to make in one day. Some nice guys picked us up and drove us closer and we walked to the nearest town to our home. We're asking people if they'd give us a ride. One cholo dude asked us what was in it for him we were broke and he told us to fuck off. So we start walking again. We had been walking so long that we were both irritable. We got pissed at each other and I was walking 50 feet in front of him. I was just counting the eucalyptus trees. Hours later I slowed down and we were walking together again. I asked him, "You still pissed?" He said 'Yeah.' I respopnded, "Yeah. Me too."
We finally found a phone when we were close enough that the dude I was with called a buddy that had a car and he picked us up and we finally made it home.
A while later my buddy said we were going to be out there for two weeks. Dude! What the fuck?! I would've lost my job! Why?! He just said he thought it was funny. A long while later we met the guy who was driving the truck full of trash. We asked him where he hid. He said he heard us but just didn't come out. He also told us he didn't realize I had taken my shoelace holding the hood down so when he came out and started driving the hood flew up again.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-03 at 7:20 PM UTCStarting Page 47 card bitches!
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2020-04-04 at 5:25 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-04 at 8:39 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I got an oldie but a goodie:
I was working at some fast food place at the time. Hanging out at the local ghetto spot, a guy comes over and starts drinking with us. This was at B** street. So we're hanging out with my buddies mom. This guy is showing us scars from when he got into a machete fight. They were gnarly. We get good and liquored up and my close buddy convinces me that we should go to where this dude lives. He assures me I'll be back in time to make it to work.
So we load up into his shitty truck. There's a bunch of trash in the back. As we're driving down the highway, the hood pops up and it takes a second before the guy pulls over. I offer my shootlace to tie it down. Problem solved
We're driving farther and farther out of town when he pulls over. Apparently the plan was to just dump all of the trash on the side of the highway. I'm already in this far so I help try to get the trash out as fast as possible. When a truck pulls behind us. So we jump back in the truck and go speeding away. The other guy is following us so my driver is speeding like a nut. Probably a bit tweaked out. I'm sitting bitch, no seat belt, looking behind us watching the guy following. We were going through twists and turns through the hills and we were looking for a place to lose him. So we'd go around a turn, see a turn off and I'd say, "Nope. He still see's us." Until finally, the guy is far enough behind us we take an off road, jump out of the truck and hide in the forest.
The guy never found us but us three had scattered. I covered myself up under some ferns. I was the first one to come out after a while. I yell for my buddy and he comes out. We yell for the driver and nothing. We waited a long while before deciding that we had to walk. So I untie my shoelace holding the hood and we get to stepping. I remember we also unloaded the rest of the trash into the woods. I told my buddy we'd probably have to sleep in the woods, kill the rest of the bottle in my back pack and we'd be home in two days.
It was a long walk. One we weren't going to make in one day. Some nice guys picked us up and drove us closer and we walked to the nearest town to our home. We're asking people if they'd give us a ride. One cholo dude asked us what was in it for him we were broke and he told us to fuck off. So we start walking again. We had been walking so long that we were both irritable. We got pissed at each other and I was walking 50 feet in front of him. I was just counting the eucalyptus trees. Hours later I slowed down and we were walking together again. I asked him, "You still pissed?" He said 'Yeah.' I respopnded, "Yeah. Me too."
We finally found a phone when we were close enough that the dude I was with called a buddy that had a car and he picked us up and we finally made it home.
A while later my buddy said we were going to be out there for two weeks. Dude! What the fuck?! I would've lost my job! Why?! He just said he thought it was funny. A long while later we met the guy who was driving the truck full of trash. We asked him where he hid. He said he heard us but just didn't come out. He also told us he didn't realize I had taken my shoelace holding the hood down so when he came out and started driving the hood flew up again.
Tldr -
2020-04-04 at 8:39 AM UTC
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2020-04-04 at 7:22 PM UTC
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2020-04-05 at 1:51 PM UTCposting in the best thread on earthThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-04-06 at 10:38 PM UTCSo there I was...
4th of July years ago. I have a massive storage of mortars from living i a non-gay state. Night comes down and I go into the parking lot. People are lighting off sparklers and gay shit.
I have an idea. I live barely in city limits so you are not allowed to blow off mortars. I decide the best idea is to lay out four mortar base thingys and just walk around passing them out. I didn't light one mortar that night.
When the cops showed up, I just just an into my house. Some neighbor got a ticket but I never heard anything from it. I told everyone I gave the mortars to it was illegal and it was on them. I knew the cops were going to show up a some point. I had a escape plan.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-08 at 11:04 AM UTCFucking genius
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2020-04-08 at 11:08 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I got an oldie but a goodie:
I was working at some fast food place at the time. Hanging out at the local ghetto spot, a guy comes over and starts drinking with us. This was at B** street. So we're hanging out with my buddies mom. This guy is showing us scars from when he got into a machete fight. They were gnarly. We get good and liquored up and my close buddy convinces me that we should go to where this dude lives. He assures me I'll be back in time to make it to work.
So we load up into his shitty truck. There's a bunch of trash in the back. As we're driving down the highway, the hood pops up and it takes a second before the guy pulls over. I offer my shootlace to tie it down. Problem solved
We're driving farther and farther out of town when he pulls over. Apparently the plan was to just dump all of the trash on the side of the highway. I'm already in this far so I help try to get the trash out as fast as possible. When a truck pulls behind us. So we jump back in the truck and go speeding away. The other guy is following us so my driver is speeding like a nut. Probably a bit tweaked out. I'm sitting bitch, no seat belt, looking behind us watching the guy following. We were going through twists and turns through the hills and we were looking for a place to lose him. So we'd go around a turn, see a turn off and I'd say, "Nope. He still see's us." Until finally, the guy is far enough behind us we take an off road, jump out of the truck and hide in the forest.
The guy never found us but us three had scattered. I covered myself up under some ferns. I was the first one to come out after a while. I yell for my buddy and he comes out. We yell for the driver and nothing. We waited a long while before deciding that we had to walk. So I untie my shoelace holding the hood and we get to stepping. I remember we also unloaded the rest of the trash into the woods. I told my buddy we'd probably have to sleep in the woods, kill the rest of the bottle in my back pack and we'd be home in two days.
It was a long walk. One we weren't going to make in one day. Some nice guys picked us up and drove us closer and we walked to the nearest town to our home. We're asking people if they'd give us a ride. One cholo dude asked us what was in it for him we were broke and he told us to fuck off. So we start walking again. We had been walking so long that we were both irritable. We got pissed at each other and I was walking 50 feet in front of him. I was just counting the eucalyptus trees. Hours later I slowed down and we were walking together again. I asked him, "You still pissed?" He said 'Yeah.' I respopnded, "Yeah. Me too."
We finally found a phone when we were close enough that the dude I was with called a buddy that had a car and he picked us up and we finally made it home.
A while later my buddy said we were going to be out there for two weeks. Dude! What the fuck?! I would've lost my job! Why?! He just said he thought it was funny. A long while later we met the guy who was driving the truck full of trash. We asked him where he hid. He said he heard us but just didn't come out. He also told us he didn't realize I had taken my shoelace holding the hood down so when he came out and started driving the hood flew up again.
Bro u had me at "machete fight" -
2020-04-08 at 4:19 PM UTC
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2020-04-10 at 8:57 PM UTCMy grandma died this morning. Family visited and the nurses told me they were in her room. They weren't. I just walked in on a dead old lady. Mouth agape, eyes open staring at the ceiling. Afterwards, when I got home I was thinking I should've taken a picture. Probably best I didn't because knowing me I'd post it for the lulz.
So let's switch gears here. A long time ago, I had just recently broken up with Ho-Zilla. I was a drunk filled with emotions. I told my buddy Greg I wanted to get in a fight. I had been jogging a lot and was over confident in my self. We're walking to a party and pass a guys house. There's a dog behind the fence barking at us. Greg starts barking back. Really riling it up. I assured him that's enough and lets go.
Greg was into a lot of drugs. Many stories with that guy.
We get to stepping and a truck pulls up to us with a fat shirtless dude seething at the mouth. "THE FUCK YOU DOING TO MY DOG YOU FUCKS?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN ACT LIKE PIECES OF SHIT?!" Greg is high and is trying to claim we didn't cause any harm or something. Poast status of trying to calm someone down. It never works. So this dude is getting more and more enraged and screams at us, "I"LL SHOOT YOU BOTH IN THE FUCKING FACE!" He said this a couple times before I told him, "Hey man. We're sorry. We won't do it again and I swear we just won't walk by your house anymore."
He calms down almost immediately and drove off. Greg said, "I thought you were looking for a fight." Yeah but not with a fat shirtless dude in the middle of the night claiming he's going to shoot me in the face.
Another time the power went out. Greg says, "You know what that means?" I'm interested. "Now's the time to go robbing." He's fukt up but can hold his drugs. He had this sweet chinese blade about 8 inches long he grabs and I follow him. Two blocks away we see a cop. Greg just throws the knife on the ground and I decide fuck this. I convince to come back home.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-13 at 2:22 AM UTCI'm really trying to make history happen here guys. I mean, it feels like I'm the only one bumping. With awesome and original 100% custom stories. How do you think that makes a man feel? I'm talking about free 100% custom LOLcats and guaranteeing a place to be a part of history in THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!
What do you people want from me?! Haven't I given you enough?! What is wrong with what I'm doing? I'm busting my butt to entertain you people. Why am I not good enough for you guys? Am I below the threshold of NiggasIn.Space community standards? Am I not worthy of a simple bump?
I have a dream that one day on the internets of NiggasIn.Space, the sons of former faggots and the sons of former niggers will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. Five score years ago, a great poster, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, this momentous post came as a great beacon of light of hope to millions of spammers who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It would be fatal for the website to overlook the urgency of the moment. There will be neither rest nor tranquility on this site until we are granted our account making rights.
But there is something that I must say to my posters, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for faggotry by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into cyber bullying. -
2020-04-14 at 1:03 AM UTCWhen I was 17, Poast and I met these two dirty hos in high school. We got closer and smoked a ton of weed with them. The main ho, who was very manipulative was in charge of her lackey. I looked up to Poast a bit because he taught me to smoke and knew some dude who was considered cool at school who taught him.
The main ho came up to us at a table at the school. Poast and I had been smoking shwag a ton and talked about how we should manipulate people and everyone sucks. She comes up and just straight asks us, "Do you guys think you're better than everyone else?" We've talked about this so I say yes. Poast says no. Always throwing me under the bus.
We all lived decently close together so us 4 would hang out and smoke weed at main hos house because her parents didn't care. I was the first to turn 18 and we smoked a bunch of salvia in her room too. The walls were covered in blankets and when I was tripping the wall turned into a bunch of foot by foot squares of blanket traveling down. One of the blanket squares had her face telling me, "Your in blanket world now." I used to have my salvia journal typed out but it's lost to time.
4/20 was coming. This was when I was 17. A nearby forest always held a kinda commune pot fest. It wasn't legit or anything. Some people would set up tables and sell glass. We decided since I was the only one with a job I should buy a bunch of shwag and we'd keef it, make hash, then turn the rest of the product into butter. So we took all the trichromes off the nappy dirt weed and didn't even turn it into butter. We just added it to brownie mix. Stems and all.
We ditch school and take a bus there. As we get closer we're getting more and more excited walking up the hill. We're walking along with a ton of other people which added to our excitement. I don't know about anyone else there but I'd never done anything like that or felt the vibe of gay hippie positivity.
We break into where the park was and it was just packed with people. People openly smoking, passing, drum circles, dumb commie bitches holed up in trees. This was more southern california and these stupid bitches were yelling from their perches, "Save the trees!" Fuck it I'm down. Time to sell some brownies. We sold a ton. Since it was full of stems and shitty dirt leaves you could see green just oozing out. This turned out to be a nice selling factor. Fucking retards.
So we're wandering around, smoking, selling, just really having a good time. Then 4:20 hits. I swear to god a huge cloud of smoke just started rising into the air. It was awesome. I also notice they're were a bunch of black gangsters there which I thought was funny. A place where the hippies and gangsters can relate and interact. Legitimate picture from that day:
After that there was a crowd of people in a circle. A large crowd. I pushed my to just behind the front so I could see and all I see is an old white man and a younger, bigger black man in the middle of the circle. The black is yelling, "Yeah! we'll fight! But we need a bottle!" He's circling around the inside of the ring repeating that yelling at everyone. Kinda close to me I see someone nudging their buddy and the guy passes over a bottle with a look on his face like, 'Man. I just wanted to watch a bum fight. I didn't want to pay for it.'
The two dudes both take giant swigs. Gulping from the bottle. Fights on. The black dude is punching the fuck out of whitey for all the systemic oppression this old bum has put him through. Whitey goes down. Crowd is going wild. Whitey gets back up and is just getting his ass kicked. There's a girl next to me with her hands over her mouth and a worried look saying, "That's my dad...." I think whitey got up again before the whole place started yelling, 'COPS!' and we decided that was a good time to leave.
We went back a couple more times in later years but the entire surrounding towns are such shitholes that it just turned ghetto and the cops were just shutting them down.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-04-14 at 7:54 PM UTCCasper you mother fucker. You can't just like and subscribe. Everyone has stories and I know you have one. Post it.
I was at a gay ass work christmas party with the old lady. Her work party. I didn't know anyone. I ended up sitting across some drunk dude. I asked him if he had any good stories. It took him 30 seconds of thinking before saying he didn't. I didn't want to call him out at my girls work party so I said nothing and figured he was a loser.
That guy was you wasn't it? If not, you're a caricature of him. -
2020-04-14 at 8:47 PM UTCHoly fuck boys. I was telling someone my dilemmas about a certain kitty. I thought it'd be funny to find a cat forum and post it. But if I posted everything I probably would've gotten inst-banned.
https://thecatsite.com/threads/so-i-recently-got-a-kitty-and-find-i-have-to-close-my-bathroom-door.412623/
The second part is about how I go to my room and close the door to jerk off because I think it's awkward to jerk off around a cat. The guy who gave me the cat says you get used to it eventually. I've only jerked off around the cat once when it was asleep. It was pretty weird to me. Maybe it was the excitement of being caught. The kitty sees me using the hand to scratch her neck tugging on my junk. I don't know.
But that's not the moral of this story. I got three responses in 10 minutes. You know what I'm thinking? A good old fashion forum war. The site is active and super nice. That'd be hilarious.
Let's do this guys. Don't make the longest thread on the internet be on thecatsite.com.
Registration is open. Make kinda docile threads at first to set a ground game and then allude to something obscure that could be taken the wrong way. If called out call them sickos and how could anyone interpret it that way.
Post your threads from that site in here and we can all post with each other. I already have 4 accounts. Trying to build up forum street cred on them by being civil. For now.
If you faggots aren't game then fuck it. I'll do it live. -
2020-04-14 at 8:50 PM UTCOMGPLZDNTCAT. I found a forum full of cat ladies. They're all so nice. This could be really, really, REALLY funny.
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2020-04-15 at 8 PM UTCYou guys are faggots. Don't want to entertain the lulz or excitement.
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2020-04-16 at 1:35 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Casper you mother fucker. You can't just like and subscribe. Everyone has stories and I know you have one. Post it.
I was at a gay ass work christmas party with the old lady. Her work party. I didn't know anyone. I ended up sitting across some drunk dude. I asked him if he had any good stories. It took him 30 seconds of thinking before saying he didn't. I didn't want to call him out at my girls work party so I said nothing and figured he was a loser.
That guy was you wasn't it? If not, you're a caricature of him.
None of my stories are good. Theyre all just me committing crimes or witnessing depressing shit. lol. I pretty much sold drugs and lived at my moms house for 8 of the last 13 years so not a whole lot of good shit. -
2020-04-16 at 1:43 AM UTC
