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2020-03-05 at 2:33 AM UTC
Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace I got sprayed off with a hose in the front yard.
Nice. I have another story:
WifeDead and I are at bar with this loser dude from work who lied all the time. Anyways we get drunk and I head to the bathroom. I get a urinal and there's a full beer someone forgot on top of it. So drunkenly just swigged it. I go back out and tell WifeDead. He laughs and tells me he pissed in a cup and left there for some drunk idiot to drink. I started doing that at various bars over the years and called them WifeDead Bombs. Not the real name because I doubt he once his name out there.
Another time he made bomb. He tried to rig it to a clock so it would be a timed bomb. I had two old applebees microwaves in my car so I figured let's grab a girl and another dude and blow this shit up. I think he got the plans from a terrorist site for the clock. It was something like when the minute hand got to a certain point the wire on the minute hand would touch another wire and should explode.
So we hop in my Honda Accard and go out into the boonies of the beach. Just grassy and bushy hills. I hiked that industrial microwave probably a half mile and got it set up. I closed the doorand ran back up a very giant hill far away from the explosion but where we could still see it.
I set it for 5 minutes. Five minutes go by and nothing. I said we should wait atleast 15 more minutes just to be safe. We did and the other guy there said we should check it. I advised against it thinking once the door is open air might get in allowing the spark or something. I think he was trying to impress the chick and kept saying we should check it. I didn't want to leave an unexplosed pipe bomb on the beach in a microwave from where I worked with my finger prints all over it so I made him a deal. "You go check it and come back up here and I'll light the fuse.
He goes down there and me and this chick are watching. I tell her this is not a smart idea. She says everything will be fine. But because of Poasts hand I know that isn't true. I can tell she's nervous too. This was a big bomb. The guy throws the door open and jumps away as if that was going to save him if it went off. It didn't go off and he comes back up.
So now I have to light the fuse, I go down there and I'm scoping where I'm going to run to. There's a smallish hill that I can dive behind almost right next to it. Fuck it. I light the fuse, shut the door and do a roll atop and over the hill. I plug my ears.
It was loud as fuck. The thing disintegrated and there were no pieces left. That was the biggest bomb I've personally seen. People for miles around probably heard it and since we were close to the beach, the part where people go to frolic I bugged out. I ran up the hill as fast as I could and claimed that we need to leave. NOW. We got to my car and as we were driving off we could hear sirens coming towards us. I was getting sketched out but tried to play it cool. I don't think the other two people knew just how many felonies we caused.
I've faced a triple felony before and knew how stupid it was to do that. WifeDead was smart and let some other retard blow it up. He has a way of doing that. Like getting involved in a prank, coming up with more and more ideas as it grows then claiming he had nothing to with it. I love that dude and he banged Poasts mom.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-03-05 at 3:53 AM UTC
Originally posted by Poast landlord was pissed tearing through the house one day and caught 5 drunk people hiding out in the dark
Poast didn't really expand on this part. We were partying with a bunch of people and standing on the front porch smoking a joking. A shitty hatch back drives by that looks like the person renting us the house. I watch it make a u turn at the stop sign and I know it's him so I run and hide in the back yard.
When we were about to get the place, the main drunkard king was getting it from his dad. Shane. We got to see it and he told us, "This isn't a pipe dream. This can be reality." He used to be heavily into drugs and was with a super big fat girl that was dudes mom.
So I'm hiding in the back yard and Poast stays not realizing what I just saw. Shane comes in and starts yelling at everyone. There's a ton of soda chaser every where. The place is a mess and it's obvious we're just not maintaining the place.
So Poast, and I don't know how he does it, just his personality I guess, is trying to talk with him but has the projection of, 'It's not my fault dude.' This enrages Shane more. He claims that no one there is helping out and we're being used. The girl who pissed in our bathroom floor vent pipes up, "I help clean." Shane is reaching his breaking point and screams, "YOU DON'T DO SHIT!!!!!"
Poast thoroughly pisses him off by being a little prick because that's all he's ever known, while thinking he's trying to smooth things over. Then Shane is checking out the place and walks into the bathroom where like 5 people were hiding with the light off. They scatter and now Shane is beyond pissed off. More pissed than Poast at a thanksgiving at a party house.
Apparently, (This is all hear say. I only heard some of it because I was in the backyard.), Shane walked back to his car but on the way just started punching the side of the building screaming. I assume he pretended the building was Poasts face and his hands were a gun. Poast is really bad at trying to talk people down.
Good times. -
2020-03-06 at 7:21 AM UTCUngrateful troglodytes. Niggas truly is gay.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-03-06 at 7:24 AM UTCWhat Poast is trying to say is he is disappointed in your guys like of contributing to THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET!
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2020-03-06 at 7:35 AM UTCLet’s get out of here buddy. This’ll never be the longest thread ever. They just don’t believe anymore. They’ve all grown up. They don’t care about us.
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2020-03-07 at 6:04 AM UTC
Originally posted by Poast Let’s get out of here buddy. This’ll never be the longest thread ever. They just don’t believe anymore. They’ve all grown up. They don’t care about us.
Fuck that. This is my house. these sappy fucks wish they had live and had stories. The people we're dealing with are the types of people destined to have a mid-life crisis. I'll tell them what's up.
One time I fucked Ho-Zillas elbow. Why you ask? Because WifeDead told me he did once. So the next day at work I'm trying to brag to him and he tells me, "No dude. I fucked a knee."
That night I went home and fucked her knee.
The boring degenerates on this site can't even top that lowly pathetic story. -
2020-03-07 at 8:16 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Fuck that. This is my house. these sappy fucks wish they had live and had stories. The people we're dealing with are the types of people destined to have a mid-life crisis. I'll tell them what's up.
One time I fucked Ho-Zillas elbow. Why you ask? Because WifeDead told me he did once. So the next day at work I'm trying to brag to him and he tells me, "No dude. I fucked a knee."
That night I went home and fucked her knee.
The boring degenerates on this site can't even top that lowly pathetic story.
Did she ask why you were fucking her knee? or elbow? -
2020-03-07 at 8:53 AM UTC
Originally posted by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country Did she ask why you were fucking her knee? or elbow?
She was a pill addicted ho I got pregnant than made her get an abortion.
Smartest thing I ever made did. It was brutal. Then I would got to work. She was living off of welfare. So she'd be taking pills while I'm busting my ass as a line cook and I'd come home and she talked to people and say she wants to keep it.
I'm fucking her the first time right? And she says we don't need a condom. I'm a fucking drugged out drunken idiot and we do. I ask her her what happens if she she gets pregnant as we continue to do this. We would agree that she would get an abortion. Once she got pregnant I said, "So we talked about this right?"
Her response? "people change and things change." Fuck me. I made her get an abortion because I knew she wasn't the one. I said stuff like, 'When I leave you I'm keeping the dressers I bought.'
I don't have those dressers anymore.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-03-07 at 10:56 AM UTC
Originally posted by Poast Let’s get out of here buddy. This’ll never be the longest thread ever. They just don’t believe anymore. They’ve all grown up. They don’t care about us.
sadly this is true.
we now care more about the virtues of eating and eating not meats.
do you have meat amd/or simulated meat stories to share ? -
2020-03-07 at 7:19 PM UTCI just had a dream where I shit my pants. Bad. I was walking to the bathroom and was instantly in the bathroom and locked the door. As I was checking out the damage someone came in because I was thinking to my self, what if someone walks in? In a dream it always happens. I jump into a stall that was the size of a large room and yell to the guy he can come in now. I'm pulling my pants down and my legs are covered. Then I notice when I press on my shoe water shit poors through the laces.
I liked yesterdays dream better. Where hot redhead from work said she liked to be fucked. Then I invited her over for dinner and a movie.
I don't lucid dream anymore as of three weeks ago which is weird. -
2020-03-07 at 7:24 PM UTC
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny do you have meat amd/or simulated meat stories to share ?
I remember an old program I was watching with my dad. This guy got a parasite in his stomach. The guy didn't give a fuck so he kept him around as a kind of a pet. Eventually it started hurting so he decided to get rid of it. The doctor told him to put a steak on top of the 'lil guy. Because without air it would have to eat through the steak and leave his stomach.
Some lonely guy probably left with no mortgage because of some cheating bitch wife just wanted a buddy. Turns out the parasite was inside him the whole time. -
2020-03-09 at 3:46 AM UTCNiggas is gay.
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2020-03-11 at 11:18 PM UTCY'all not contributing mother fuckers.
One time I got a trampoline for free. 12 feet across. The first time I set it up I decided to do it in the living room. Poast and I pushed all the furniture out of the way and got it set up.
If you're ever setting up a trampoline a tip is to work it back and forth. Not just start on one side and work around.
It was chaos and mayhem. Some random dude I had never seen before came looking for my roommate but he was gone and he gave me $4 so I'd have enough for a bottle early in the day.
The trampoline barely fit and we lived on the second story of an apartment building. Poast almost went through the window once. It was kinda a one person at a time thing. We found out if you bounced off your back you could do reverse push ups off the ceiling. Then I had the idea of doing that and seeing who could closest to the ceiling spread out with out touching it.We were working on that and nobody could really get it. So we started having people super bouncing us hoping for the best. Here's Poasts face eating ceiling with two people that helped propel him. It's horrible quality so I don't think he'll mind:
I invited over the weird kid that almost stabbed me and he was the only one that could land a flip in such a confined space but there was too many people for him so he left early. Eventually everyone got drunk and went home and I passed out on the tramp.
I woke up to a knock on the door to see a good buddys sister and someone WifeDead and Poast used to punk. They were at the bar and heard about the indoor trampoline. I showed them some tricks we had learned through the day but they were just sight seeing apparently because they didn't want to go on it.
The next day I was told it needs to be taken down immediatly and if it's ever set up again we would be evicted. I can only imagine what the downstair neighbors heard.
Next time I set it up down stairs in the small yard we had. I had my baby killing marine coming over so I figured I'd go bounce on the tramp waiting. It's kinda moved closer to the building and as I'm about to walk down, I wonder what would happen if I just jumped. Young and dumb I threw my self from the stairs, over the railing and almost put my face into the gutter. I threw my hands out, barely bent the gutter and landed back on the tramp.
Since I learned you can get serious hieght using your legs while bouncing off your back I was doing that a lot. I was going bigger and bigger every day. Until I almost threw my face into the gutter again and then I kinda just stuck to flips.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-03-13 at 4:22 AM UTC
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN One time I fucked Ho-Zillas elbow. Why you ask? Because WifeDead told me he did once. So the next day at work I'm trying to brag to him and he tells me, "No dude. I fucked a knee."
That night I went home and fucked her knee.
Dude, it was a chick's ARMPIT that I fucked. You have her lube up the pit, then she lays on her side so that she's on top of her arm. Fucking a knee or elbow just sounds tedious for both parties.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-03-13 at 4:27 AM UTC
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead Dude, it was a chick's ARMPIT that I fucked. You have her lube up the pit, then she lays on her side so that she's on top of her arm. Fucking a knee or elbow just sounds tedious for both parties.
Knees have that cartilage that would probably make it uncomfortable
Elbows are often bony
Armpit is probably the best choice UNLESS she is fat. Then the fat probably makes the elbow the bestThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-03-14 at 1:58 AM UTC
Originally posted by My Wife Is Dead Dude, it was a chick's ARMPIT that I fucked. You have her lube up the pit, then she lays on her side so that she's on top of her arm. Fucking a knee or elbow just sounds tedious for both parties.
It was a long time ago. I just remember trying to brag to you, you told me that wasn't what you did and I went home and did it that night. -
2020-03-14 at 2 AM UTC
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2020-03-14 at 11:41 PM UTCY'all non bumping mother fuckers.
When I kinda was building a relationship with Ho-Zilla, it was me and two other dudes hanging out in her room. One dude I was super tight with and the other guy I kinda knew from around. At one point I told Ho-Zilla to kick the two dudes out. She asked why. I said, "Because I'm going to fuck you."
The dudes went across the hallway to another dudes room. Later, the guy I was tight told me, "That guy was just sitting there and said, 'That's my ex......'" I asked if the kid was bummed out or what. Apparently he was. I wish it was him doing that deed that day instead of me.
Later, after I had moved in with this girl, she was gone for a night. A co worker gave me a bunch of bath salts and told me it's best if you free base it. So I'm alone and decided fuck it. Got fukt up but didn't really realize it because I was fukt up. I tried to masterbate at like 2 in the morning and around 3 realized it just wasn't going to happen. So I'm on one and decide to clean the fuck out of her room. I found a bunch of break up letters from the dude who was bummed. Knowing what I know now it must've been brutal to have someone telling you they're going to fuck your girl right to your face and kick you out.
I got blasted on bath salts so bad that the next day I was still up and on one. I was trying to sell the rest for $10 to anyone that stopped by so I could buy a fifth, get wasted and sleep it off. The day after that Poast was asking if I'd do it again. I said I doubt it and he tells me, "That's good man. The look you had wasn't good and I don't want to see you like that." We grew up in a place where tweakers could just roam the streets with no fear of repercussion so I knew the exact look he was talking about. -
2020-03-15 at 3:52 AM UTCI don't think I've posted this one yet. The first time I met Poast:
I met WifeDead in junior high. I was a loser so I was hanging out with this half goth kid. 2nd period Spanish 1 class me and this other guy notice WifeDead kinda looks like some other kid we once knew. So we called him Dombak for a a while and thought it was funny.
Back when malls were a thing, I was at one. Might've been high school. Who gives a fuck. For the storys take let's say it's early elementary school. I see WifeDead and recognize him and he's with Poast. I had stolen a drink from the burger king and as I'm walking saying hi I put the drink on a coin operated vibrating chair.
The first words after I was talking to WifeDead from Poast were, "Did you just leave that there with no plans to pick it up? I love doing that." This began my first part into degeneracy.
I'm pretty sure it was the same day we went to where WifeDead had a room and those two are showing me all the bombs and mayhem they had planned and were planning. Poast finds a phonebook. "DUDE!!!!! I JUST FOUND A PHONE BOOK!!!!" I'm confused. Why would a phone book be so cool?
Turns out you can rip them in half and throw it into traffic to cause mayhem. Over the high way near us was a cliff right over it. I, a small young innocent child, watched them rip up the phone book and we went to the spot. Those fuckers just hucked it into traffic. I was a pussy and ran first.
That was my first taste in being a delinquent.
Don't even get me started on the time we almost killed a baby. -
2020-03-17 at 12:27 AM UTCPoast sent me the shitty t-rex, dolphin, shark tag I did on someones garage years ago.
When I took the fall and made you mother fuckers forget it happened, by the body of my work since then, I thought it would be funny to start a graffiti cleaning business and continue using the name we tagged everywhere. Sentry Graffiti Removal
