My depression isnt natural but situational atm. The way I isolated myself is more complicated to break out of than is said, esp. with social anxiety, bad personality, mental problems. Every day im sober i sense that my brain is functioning slightly better. Im starting to worry that I might be becoming foreveralone, Im scared to end up like hikkimori-yume or mash. I also had some sort of physical priblem that makes me feel like shit all the time for no reason, which i suspect is something like chronic fatigue syndrome. My way of processing reality is all fucked from bundy spice abuse and i suspect i might have literal brain damage now. I just doubt Im ever going to be a normally functioning human and thats what makes me hate myself
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Originally posted by mmQ
Ok. I'm not familiar with it. I cant get into Canada what with their weird DUI law but if this hotel is what you say it is I guess I dont have to.
Let's do it. My body is ready.
Hes gonna pick your pants locks
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Even though my depression came back im glad im off Crouton. It causes mental retardation and i didnt listen to music for like an entire year when i was on it . It made me content with who i am and my living situation, but i realize now that it was just stagnating me in a state of never growing. Being able to experience sadness is a good thing, it feels bad but its necessary for retrospection and growth. Im grateful for the suffering, theres no other as powerful motivating force in human psychology to push a person to evolve. Realizing how fucked up i am (in the ways that arent cool) is the first step to progress
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Lots of pretty white gurls there too. I WILL get a girlfriend in the next 2 college years or ill kill myself by overdosing on lope again. Im going to join lots of school clubs just to increase my exposure to humans as much as possible. Things are looking up meyybe
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Brain damage is overrated af. I went to school to get something done today and cant help but feel i am severely dissociated from the human condition. Im relearning how to make eye contact with people, social anxiety makes it more stressful than it should be. I think im not inherently socially retarded (austinism) but can become a real person with friends as long as i put myself out there and prqctice social skills, instead of spending 2 years texting roshambo on the phone watching him go turbo junkie instead of making friends with classmTes which is what i have done in my first 2 years of college.
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