2017-03-19 at 4:29 PM UTC
in
top 3 favorite comedy movies
booty call with jamie fox is faf
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2017-03-19 at 4:23 PM UTC
in
Anyone Here Epileptic?
Only from too much tramadol
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2017-03-19 at 12:54 PM UTC
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roommate tried to rape me
fucking twinks. i bet the dude dint pay and now you're screaming like a little bitch. dint he like that little bitey thing you do?
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2017-03-19 at 12:45 AM UTC
in
roommate tried to rape me
my homosexual roommate got super wasted last night n tried to rape me! so in shock rn. Dis dude came home last night from the bar and kept making sexual advances towards me and I kept saying jus go to bed man, wtf are you even doing right now, i'm not gonna do anything to you. So all of a sudden I'm in the kitchen and he starts sticking his tongue out at me in a weird suggestive way and I'm like dude you need to stop right now or you're going to regret it. So he turns out the lights and comes towards me and grabs me, i threw him into the wall and he didn't stop so I grabbed him n slammed him into the ground. At this time my flat mates are like coming outta their rooms like wtf is going on out here, he gets up and comes at me again and I push him away and they all seperate us and so at this point I try to be a good guy and not call the cops but call security instead.
This fool starts telling them that I had sex with my gf while he was in the room and that I've been going through his IDs and that he thought I was his brother and that's why he was tryna fuck me. I was like ???? Bro! so they talk him into going to bed and as soon as he laid down he passed right the fuck out. Anyways apparently at the bar all night he was grabbing ppls dix and so that's why he left the bar. I could totally get him kicked out and probably even in trouble for sexual assault but I figure I'm gonna be a nice guy and just say he got too drunk cuz normally he doesn't do that shit.
Anyways this dude is straight nuts, like he calls me sticky fingers sometimes even tho I don't steal from people. His sox went missing one time so I'm pretty sure he thinks I've been stealin his sox..And I think he got that idea cuz one time at the grocery store I stole 4 red potatoes when I wuz goin thru the self check out
He also revealed last night that he was a prostitute in hollywood and that he smokes meth which explains why he's freaking out saying that I been lookin at his IDs and that when I whistle songs sometimes subconciously that I'm really just plotting against him. I'm just trying to be peaceful and chill in the mountains, ya know like what is this shit, I don't even know??? He gets pissed when I brush my teeth in front of him and we have a european style toilet and he puts an extra fucking roll of tp on the part that you need to lift to flush the toilet.
Any ideas?
Post last edited by felonious_monk at 2017-03-19T00:50:03.682300+00:00
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2017-03-18 at 6:56 PM UTC
in
Sophie is a pedophaggit
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yury_Vlasov"I'll add a k to my fake PI, that will still sound Russian. Yea, Vlaskov. That will work"
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2017-03-18 at 3:09 AM UTC
in
Lanny is a faggot
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2017-03-18 at 1:26 AM UTC
in
Kill whitey
Originally posted by Bill Krozby
Dieterman speaks teh truth
yeah i stand to gain nothing by lying about it so idk why it was even an accusation
whatever, i get ricer doesnt like me for his own personal reasons and thats fine but im not gonna bullshit about something so inconsequential
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2017-03-18 at 1:23 AM UTC
in
Kill whitey
Originally posted by RisiR
What a fucking loser.
Also obvious lie. You were only caught doing that once.
before they constructed the real hardcore wall. grandpa turned 80 in dec.
he was born in either '36 or '37. i believe he was 17 when he got here so wouldve been around 1953 when he tried to cross. says on wikipedia that the wall was constructed in '61 so maybe it was before they constructed the actual wall with all the towers and shit, im not sure. he was a ww2 baby and the 3 times crossing thing was what my dad told me and stuff like that gets gradually more exaggerated as it gets told. im not sure of the exact details and my grandpa doesnt really like talking about that kind of thing. i dont care enough to get the specifics. either way my moms side have german ancestry and my grandpa literally was born there
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2017-03-17 at 11:37 PM UTC
in
fuck the irish
st patricks day is by far the shittiest holiday of them all. it's just an excuse for the most obnoxious types of douchey white people with beer guts and gross ass red hair who get like half their wardrobe from spencers to go out and get wasted and feel somehow vindicated for living that shit lifestyle. and you know all those fat cunts have shamrock tattoos and fucking oakley sunglasses to try to somehow distract everyone from how fucking boring their soulless personalities are, and also how unattractive their girlfriends are, and how they all just smell like fucking beer and mcdonalds all the time.
and then these motherfuckers have the fucking GULL to wear some shirt with boondock saints quotes on it as if they think that movie is real life, and its their life, or some shit. yea fucking right, you're not fooling anyone with that shit. get the fuck out
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make him bring meth then just smoke it all and get super spun out and start acting crazy/obnoxious
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-SpectraL
coward
[the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
Originally posted by Darth Beaver
Nobody hates Totse, it does exist.
Learn to grammar, faggit.
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2017-03-16 at 4:13 PM UTC
in
Mmq post pix of Chootie
Post a selfie of you swinging from a noose
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Originally posted by Bill Krozby
i wanted a new phone, ive had that other one for a couple years now, and the camera was exposed there was a huge hole in it and it had virus's ect..
you know what's really funny right now?? literally about 5 minutes ago I got up and didn't realize my phone was on my lap...it hit the ground and is completely unresponsive. I literally just destroyed my phone
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2017-03-15 at 4:06 PM UTC
in
ELECTION DAY IN HOLLAND!
Its too late your country is Muslim Now
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2017-03-15 at 2:05 AM UTC
in
Work isn't working
AngryOnion
Big Wig
[the nightly self-effacing broadsheet]
FUCK WORK.
Find a woman who makes like 100,000 bucks a year.
Problem solved motherfucker.
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2017-03-14 at 9:16 AM UTC
in
The haha holocaust
I sent concentration camp footage to America's Funniest Home Videos
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2017-03-14 at 4:13 AM UTC
in
I don't use condoms
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also tripping every weekend so i was feeling creative i guess.
me and my ex went to the bookstore and i bought this book of hella illustrations of birds on the clearance aisle for like 10 bucks and then later i was fucked up and decided to cut it all up and glue it to this board
rate plz 1-10
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