2024-01-23 at 2:12 PM UTC
have an energy drink with a ton of caffeine and all the bullshit they says hydrates you or makes you alert and shit but doesnt actually do shit and maybe have 2 versions, one with some alcohol in it and one with no alcohol and call it GNAR CAN and the slogan can HAD A FEW TOO MANY? GNAR CAN WILL BRING U BACK TO LIFE
and then for the marketing campaign what were gonna do is make a fuckton of tiktok bots and make a gnarcan challenge for one and then were going to start a rumor that 2 teenagers died doing it and their parents were like WE DONT WANT U DRINKING THAT SHIT ITS FROM THE DEVIL and make a fake news story that the RIAA made us put a parental advisory MUST OBTAIN PARENTAL PERMISSION BEFORE DRINKING THIS SHIT on the can. this will start a huge craze and americas youth will switch from monster to gnarcan seemingly overnight.
next we start a rumor that someone actually was dying of a fentanyl overdose on the floor and their friend who was there using with them didnt have any actual narcan but there just happened to be a can of gnarcan lying there so they used it as a last resort and the proprietary blend of synthetic caffeine and 57 other supplements and chinese manufactured mystery stimulants was enough to keep their heart beating long enough for paramedics to arrive and resuscitate them. certainly this marketing campaign will result in at least a couple deaths but we'll be sure to write on the can NOT ACTUAL NARCAN DO NOT USE FOR SUSPECTED OPIOID OVERDOSE so that way we can technically obey both the government law and of course the natural law of natural selection while bringing in the big bucks and bitches always follow the big bucks.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2024-01-23 at 8:49 PM UTC
How much of my life savings do you want.
This thread is Gold. Made me laugh like a hyena.
